Lily White Lies (2 page)

“What have the two of you gone and done?”

“It’s moral and it’ll be a lot of fun.”  Charlotte reassured.

“It’s legal,” Cory added, “well… in most states anyway.”  They shared a laugh.

“Maybe, but knowing you two, it’ll have me in divorce court before the ink on the marriage license dries.”

“And... that would be a bad thing?”  Charlotte prodded.

Our eyes locked for a brief moment, but our friendship and the love I felt for her kept me from making too much of her last statement.  She had never tried to hide her enmity toward Brian and if nothing else, I respected her honesty.  I often thought unconscious jealousies and the lack of a stable relationship in her own life led her to pick apart and belittle others happiness.  Yet, it seemed impossible to be angry with her when I was much busier feeling sorry for her.  I quickly changed the subject to something less tense as I spotted our waiter headed in our direction.

“
Excitable
—four o’clock!”

Cory and Charlotte turned in unison to see who had my attention. 

When we were in college, we had revised the expression, able-bodied men to mean men-who-were-
able
.  ‘Dates-gone bad’ were what we called
regrettable
.  A man who left no lasting impression was
forgettable
.  If he were someone we couldn’t keep our hands off, he was
touchable
.  It was the one-to-ten scale with more flair.  And although it seemed a little silly at this point in our lives, it was a language all our own and it could still coax a smile out of the darkest mood.

“
Excitable
?  Meg, your eyes are so closed.  He’s like—totally
screwable
!”  Cory sighed and sank back in her chair.

Looking at her, I wondered if I appeared as starry eyed and desperate when he came by the table earlier.

Once at the table, he directed his attention toward the women sitting across from me, in their smitten daze.

“Can I interest you ladies in something to drink while you look over… the menu?”

I watched as a flirtatious smile formed on Cory’s lips.  Interest was probably the wrong choice of words when it came to Cory and men.  On a typical day, she would have no qualms telling him exactly what would interest her.

The silence that fell over the table was becoming uncomfortable, when I finally said, “Don’t mind them.  They’re in heat!”

Charlotte shot me an annoyed side-glance, while Cory’s smile broadened.  She didn’t bat an eye at the same things that would embarrass most women.  Charlotte’s expression softened as she wiggled a finger between herself and Cory, trying to speak.

“We’ll have… coffee...  yes—coffees.  Two.  Please.”  With her best attempt at a flirtatious smile, she added, “Thank you.”

His glance circled the table, giving each of us a playful smile. 

Did he know his eyes were like magnets, drawing us in and holding us captive?  God, I could only pray that I didn’t look as pathetic as Cory and Charlotte, who were shamelessly staring at the man who stood less than a foot away. 

I waited to speak until he was barely out of earshot. 

“You two are pitiful!”

Charlotte’s mouth hung in an unladylike fashion, until she blurted, “You’re getting married Meg, you’re not dead!  Tell me you didn’t notice the body on that man.”

“What would it say about the state of my relationship with Brian if I were out here ogling every man with…”  I gave him another once over...  “tight black pants, sun-streaked hair, blue eyes and more muscle than Popeye on a spinach binge?”

Charlotte looked to Cory, and laughed. “Nope, she didn’t notice.”

Cory seemed to be staring straight through him.  “Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be Olive Oyl right about now.”

As we broke out in laughter, I stole another look at the handsome man who had towered over us a few moments earlier.  I turned my head quickly when his eyes locked on mine, causing more laughter from my friends and shades of embarrassment to cross my cheeks.  Although we all looked and joked, the difference between us was that Charlotte and I were only joking.  Cory, on the other hand, would have trotted off with the guy, asking his name only as an afterthought.  Secretly, part of me wished I could be more like her, and that was a fact I should have seen for the red flag it was.

I mindlessly thumbed through my magazine while we ate breakfast.  I stopped circling dresses when I reached thirty something and needed help narrowing them down.

Frustrated, I said, “It’s too bad I can’t mix and match parts I like from each dress.”

Still focused on our waiter, Cory said, “It’s too bad I can’t mix and match parts I like from each man.”

We each laughed, and Charlotte noted, “We could talk about frogs and grass clippings and you would still find a way to bring it back to men.”

“Rumor has it Prince Charming was once a frog.”  Cory said quite matter-of-factly.

Charlotte motioned for our waiter, and joked, “We better get her out of here before she attaches herself to his leg.”

“Yeah, Gram wants me to take her to the nursing home today and Brian sprung a dinner party on me, so I have a lot to squeeze in.

When our waiter held out the check, Cory nearly knocked her chair over in an attempt to grab it from him.

“I’ve got it!”  She handed her card to him with a wink.  “You make sure you add twenty percent for yourself, handsome.”

We picked up our belongings and pushed the heavy chairs across the stone.  Charlotte turned to Cory and said, “We’ll get a cab while you wait for your receipt.”

“I’ll be sure to thank you later!”  Cory smoothed her blonde hair back as she waved us off.

As we made our way to the corner, Charlotte look became one of concern. “Have you heard from the bank yet?”

I hailed a cab. 

“I talked to Mr. Anderson a couple of days ago.  He gave me the good news, bad news routine.”

“Will he give you the money?”

I shrugged.  “The good news is he’ll give me the loan.  The bad news is he either wants collateral, which I don’t have, or he wants Brian to co-sign.”

Charlotte waved at the next cab to go by. 

“So much for the fight against discrimination.  I think the women’s movement has come to a standstill.  If Brian wanted the money, you can bet no one at the bank would ask
you
to co-sign.”  She glanced back to see if Cory had finished. “Why don’t you let him?  I mean, you’ll be married soon, it’s not like you’re using him with the intention of blowing him off.”

“That’s not an option.  He has his career and I want to do this on my own.”  I lowered my head and my tone.  “Besides, Brian…”  I let my words trail off.  Finishing that sentence would give Charlotte ammunition to wage another verbal war against Brian.  Although her head was turned slightly away from me, I could see the
you’re-not-fooling-me
look in her profile.  She slowly turned to face me and I cringed. 
Here it comes
, I thought.

“Let me guess, Meg.  Brian doesn’t like the idea.  You won’t ask him to sign because you know he’s going to persuade you to toss the idea—right?”

Almost embarrassed, I replied, “It’s not like that. Exactly.  It’s just that he thinks my working will make him look like a failure as an attorney.  None of the other partners’ wives work.  He said that once we’re married, I should focus on charity work and dinner parties.”

Stepping into the street, Charlotte hailed yet another cab.  Irritated by the driver’s dismissal of her, she snapped, “How many decisions do you get to make?  Hell, how many do you get to take part in, Meg?  You’ve wanted your own bakery since I’ve known you.  Now, Brian tells you that’s not what you’re supposed to want and you’re just going to throw it all away.  Meg, what’s happening to you?”

I opened my mouth several times without speaking.  I didn’t know how to make my friend believe something I hadn’t even convinced myself of, yet.

“Brian makes good money; he doesn’t see the need for me to work.  He just wants to make things easier on me.”

“No Meg!  He wants to mold you.  He wants to dominate you.  He’s supposed to share your dreams, not tell you what to dream.  Next thing you know he’ll be telling you how to wear your hair and dictating who your friends should be.”  Annoyance flashed through her blue-gray eyes, as she spat, “Don’t the cabdrivers in this God forsaken city have any decency?”

I thought back to the remark Brian had made last night about my hair.  Without even knowing it, Charlotte had struck a nerve.

There was an awkward silence.

“I’m sorry, Meg.  I shouldn’t have said that, but I see what he’s doing to you, even if you don’t.”  She hesitated.  “I don’t want to see you resent
your
choices down the road.”

I caught the emphasis on the word ‘your’ and guessed that her advice came from her own past mistakes.  I raised an arm and gave her shoulders a squeeze.

“I know you mean well.”  I hesitated, debating my next few words.  “I know Brian loves me, but, sometimes… well, that feeling gets lost among all the other feelings that go with being in a relationship.  Does that make any sense?”

Nodding empathetically, she replied, “Perfect sense.”

Cory joined us as a cab finally obliged Charlotte’s hailing.  By her downcast expression, I assumed she hadn’t any luck with the waiter.

As the cab door slammed behind us, Charlotte teased, “What happened?  Didn’t he ask for anything more than your signature on the bill?”

“As a matter of fact, he did.  He asked for a name
and
a number.”  Her tone was of mock sarcasm.

“Shouldn’t you be a little happier about it?”  I asked curiously.

She flipped her hair back in an exaggerated manner.  “I would be if he had asked for
mine
.”

Thoroughly confused, Charlotte asked the question we were both wondering. “Whose did he ask for?”

Cory pointed an accusing finger at me and said, “He wanted yours.”

Charlotte laughed aloud, as I choked out our destination. “Baldwin’s on Forty-Second, please.”

Two

...She was superstitious beyond reason and in her eyes; things were what they were, and only the imprudent tempted fate.  She believed the wise lived in caution while the fool hearted lived in the moment...

We had been at Miz Blaine’s Bridal shop for close to three hours.  I had shimmied in and out of more than a dozen dresses and was no closer to deciding on one than I was when I had walked in.  One made me look like two of me, one flattened my barely B-cups and one was made with so much satin and lace, I swear, it weighed more than I did. 

Helen, my overly eager clerk, said she had one she thought I might like and went to retrieve it.  At this point, I had nothing to lose.  It could turn out to be the ugliest dress in the world and I’d be no worse off than what I was right now.  Ordering the cake and the flowers had gone rather smoothly and I should have known I would have to pay for the ease of those tasks somewhere along the way.

Cory’s attention span was about as long as a short city block and by this point, she had already switched her interest from silk and lace to the assortment of construction workers gathered across the street, offering commentary such as, ‘nice package’ or ‘would you look at the arms on him,’ as she waited for me to model another gown. 

Charlotte had spent the last hour fielding phone calls from her son, Bobby, who wanted to know when she would be picking him up.  He usually spent Saturday’s with Kevin and seemed to enjoy his time there, but she could always tell when boredom set in by the frequency of his calls and the urgency in his voice.

“Here we go, dear!” 

As Helen requested my attention, I noticed she was tapping a foot anxiously.  I had stopped waiting in the dressing room between each new gown after the first eight or nine and now sat on a couch in the middle of the lobby, wearing no more than my white bra and panties.  I thought the chance of any man walking through the front door was slim, assuming all men hated this sort of thing as much as Brian did. 

I obediently followed her to the cubicle where I would try on yet another dress.

“This one is definitely you.  From the minute you walked in to the shop, I could see you in this gown.  Of course, I wouldn’t have brought it out had you found one you liked among your choices, but somehow I knew you wouldn’t.  I’m pretty good at judging this type of thing after all these years.”

After twelve or so gowns and three hours of standing around, I was no more in the mood for Helen’s chatter than I was for sex with Brian.  Funny, I thought.  It was more than eight hours before I would turn in for the night and the thought of sex was already darkening my mood. 

She unbuttoned what seemed like hundreds of tiny, pearl buttons sewn to the back of the dress, and held it out when she was through.