Lily of the Valley in May (13 page)

His voice caught. “Maybe…just glad we got you out.”

11

Joel held Faith's hand tightly as the RAF helicopter flew them to the large hospital in Cardiff. She was completely immobile and blood stained bandages swathed her eyes. She hadn't said a word since they got in the helicopter, so he had no idea if she were awake, sleeping or unconscious. Was this lack of sight temporary? Or was it permanent? She had a major head injury, so he hoped and prayed it was the former.

Far more worrying were the many marks he'd seen on her body as he and Alba had dug her out. It was obvious that the landslide or falling debris hadn't done the vast majority of them. The medics were worried about the amount of blood she'd lost. They found what could only be a knife wound the length of her arm, and it bled profusely.

Anger burned within him. How could anyone do that to someone else? More to the point, how could they do that to someone they claimed to love? For several minutes he wished Damien was dead. Guilt followed. He should never have left her.

Forgive me for leaving her. Forgive me also for being wishing Damien dead. I shouldn't, but I do.

At the hospital, the medical team rushed Faith straight into surgery. Joel stood still for a moment, and then followed the nurse into the treatment room. He gave both his and Faith's details and then sat on the edge of the bed as she checked him over.

“You're free to go,” she said as she finished sticking butterfly closures to the cut over his left eye he didn't even realize he had.

“Thanks. What about Faith?”

“She'll be in surgery for a while yet. You can wait in the relative's room until she's up on the ward.”

Joel stood and headed outside into the warm spring air to ring Elliott. The sun shone, birds sang and the scent of flowers filled the air. It all seemed so normal.

The phone answered almost immediately. “Hello.”

“El, it's me.”

“Joel, where are you? Caergele is all over the news.”

“I've got a few cuts, couple of stiches. Faith is—”

“You're still there?” Horror filled Elliott's voice.

Joel sank backwards onto the wall. “I left a message on the answerphone right after the landslide hit.”

“I didn't get it—we're staying at Dad's.”

Joel groaned. He'd forgotten that.

“I've had a headache and sore hand all morning…” Elliott's voice tailed off.

“That's where I got hurt. We… We didn't get out in time. Is Grace there?”

“Yeah, I'll put you on speaker.”

“Joel?” Grace whispered. “What's happened?”

“We got caught up in the landslide. Faith's hurt. She's in surgery. I'm sorry…”

“How badly is she hurt?”

“It's bad. Get El to drive you over here—we're in the hospital in Cardiff. I need to ring Rick. I'll see you when you get here. Tell you the rest then.” He hung up and redialed, not looking forward to this.

“DS Chadwick.”

“Rick, its Joel. I only have a few minutes. We got caught in the landslide in Caergele. Faith's in surgery in Cardiff. DC Blondell is missing.” He filled Rick in. “Grace and Elliott are on their way over here.”

“I'll get someone from the local force over to you now and be with you as soon as I can. I'll bring Mum and Dad with me.”

“Thanks.” Joel hung up and rubbed his head. The pain was starting to kick in now. Maybe he'd go take the nurse up on the offer of pain meds. But first there was one more call he had to make, but for this one he didn't need a phone. He headed to the hospital chapel and sat to pray.

~*~

Even if the machines hissing, beeping and people talking hadn't give it away, the smell would have. Clean, antiseptic and clinical. Faith knew she was in hospital. She lifted a hand and touched the mask over her mouth. Something sharp stuck in her left hand. Bandages swathed her eyes. She tried moving a little and cried out as pain shot through her.

“Faith, it's OK.” Grace's voice came from her right. “I'm here. El drove us over as soon as Joel rang. They're waiting outside; the ITU staff only let one person in at a time. Rick's driving down with Mum and Dad. They should be here soon. Do you remember what happened?”

“Damien found me. He tried to kill me.” Panic filled her and she tried to push up. Pain filled her. “Where is he? I have to get away. It's not safe here.”

“Lie still, sis.” Grace's hands rested on her shoulders, pushing her back down. “It's OK; everything's fine. He's alive and under police guard in another part of the hospital. You're under police guard, too. He can't hurt you anymore.”

“Is Joel OK?”

“I'll go and get him. He's really worried about you.” The chair creaked and light, tapping footsteps hurried away.

Heavy clomping footsteps crossed the room. The chair next to her bed creaked and taking a deep painful breath, Faith could make out the familiar scents of musk, spearmint and the leather, outdoorsy smell that was Joel. The man she loved without question and the man she could never have now that everything had changed in the blink of an eye.

“Hey, you're awake.” Joel's voice came from beside her.

“Think so.” Faith ran her tongue over her dry lips as Joel grabbed her hand and gripped it tightly. “How are you? Were you hurt at all?”

“A few scrapes,” Joel answered.

Faith pushed back into the pillows. “Thanks for getting me out.”

“You're welcome.”

More footsteps, this time they clicked on the tiled floor. “Hello, Faith. I'm Mr. Lorne. I'm the consultant ophthalmologist.”

“Aren't you a doctor?”

He chuckled. “All those years at med school and we surgeons drop the doctor from our titles as soon as we pass the MRCS exams. A proud tradition that goes back a couple of hundred years or so.”

“I didn't know that.”

Joel squeezed her hand. “I'll come back later. El's booked a hotel. He wants me to go shower and try to sleep for an hour or so.” His lips touched her forehead for a moment then his footsteps receded across the room.

Cold fingers took her wrist. Mr. Lorne's voice grated. He sounded tired. “How are you feeling?”

“It hurts.”

“On a scale of one to ten?”

“Seven.” Faith took a deep breath. “How bad are my eyes?”

“First you should know that the rest of your surgery went well. One of my colleagues stopped the internal bleeding and stitched up your cuts. Few days and you'll be right as rain. Now, as far as your eyes go. I removed the splinters of glass and wood embedded in them, but there was a lot of damage to both your optic nerves and retinas. I repaired them as best as I could. However, until your eyes have a chance to heal, I won't know if there will be any long term repercussions.”

She swallowed hard. “What kind of repercussions? What are the chances of me being blind? And don't give me the usual ‘we'll see' rubbish. I want the truth.”

“There is a forty percent chance of total vision loss. About a sixty percent chance of some loss but not all. You'll need to keep the bandages on for ten days. I'll be able to tell you more at your follow up appointment.”

Faith's face creased behind the bandages, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I see. Thank you for being honest.”

“I'll come and see you again tomorrow. If you need me sooner just ask one of the nurses.”

“Thank you.”

The footsteps moved away. Faith's stomach clenched and her heart sank. She was blind for at least a few days and possibly forever. Even more reason to end things with Joel before they went any further. He didn't need saddling with a cripple for a...

She broke off.

Tears soaked into the bandages covering her eyes. For the first time, she'd found someone she really loved and who loved her. The thought of losing him tore at her, even though she knew it was for the best.

Lord God, I hope you have a reason for this. Because right now, I can't see one—or anything else for that matter.

~*~

The next morning, Faith lay on the bed listening to the rain pounding against the window. It wasn't as monotonous as she'd always thought. It was quite tuneful. But she didn't want to just listen to it. She wanted to see it. To see the drops splashing into the puddles, to see them trickling down the window panes, racing each other.

She let out a long breath and felt the bed give as someone sat down next to her. Spearmint and musk. “Hello, Joel.”

“Hello, Faith,” came the decidedly male voice. His lips brushed against hers. “How are you feeling? What's happening with your eyes? What did the surgeon say?”

Faith took a deep breath. “It'll be a few days before he knows for certain. There's a forty percent chance of complete blindness.”

“And therefore a sixty percent chance you'll see again.”

Faith turned away and took a deep breath. “I may
never
see again. No more rainbows or sunsets or lightning storms.”

“It makes no difference to me, Faith. I won't feel any differently about you. I will always love you.”

“Yes, there is a difference.”

“What difference?” he asked. “Faith, darlin', I don't understand.”

She could almost imagine the frown on his face as he tried to work out what she meant. But she'd thought and prayed about this and could only come to one conclusion. Joel would be better off without her.

Tears burned her eyes, upping the pain level several notches. “I need time to get used to this,” she whispered. “Time to adjust. Time to work out if this is what God wants and, if it is, what I'm going to do now.”

“We can figure it out together.” His hand brushed over hers before he squeezed her hand.

The vice around her heart tightened. “I have to do this alone,” she said, her heart breaking.

His hand pulled back. There was silence for a long moment before the chair scrapped on the floor. “If that's what you want.” His emotion filled voice grated. “You know where I am.” His footsteps receded across the floor.

~*~

Faith curled onto her side. She was alone for less than a minute before Grace's scent washed over her. The chair by the bed creaked. That was seriously going to annoy her until she went home, unless she asked someone to oil it.

“What are you doing, Faith?” her sister asked. “Joel would move mountains for you and you've just asked him to leave?”

“I told him I needed time, but it won't work” she whispered. “Joel's had one rubbish wife, he doesn't need another one. He deserves so much more. I love him so much, Grace; enough to let him go and find someone else.”

“Let me get this straight. You love him, but you're not fighting for him?”

“Exactly. When I get out of here, I'd like to go back to yours. Help plan your wedding.”

Grace's arms went tightly around her and from the way her sister's body shook, it was evident she was crying. “The doctor will want to see you again here. So we've got the hotel room for a week or so. Then you can come home with me.”

12

Two weeks later…

Faith sat in the chair by the window of the hospital waiting room. Patches lay on the floor by her feet. The warmth of the sun blazed through the glass onto her hands. A TV talk show played to her left; three kids were arguing to her right and beside her, her parents chatted quietly. Ten days in the dark had sharpened and honed her other senses. She could smell the coffee and chips wafting across from the coffee bar—almost taste the sharpness of the vinegar and the bitterness of the coffee.

Patches had come into his own. The local guide dog center had given him a refresher course which he hadn't really needed, and a new harness. It was her that needed the training. It was strange being totally dependent on him and having to trust him all the time.

Not that Patches could choose her clothes for her. She just hoped she wasn't wearing clashing colors, although if it would make her mum laugh, she'd wear orange, pink and lime green all at the same time. She hadn't heard her mother do anything other than cry or pray. They too, were staying in the same hotel. Her dad had booked a room on the same floor as the room she shared with Grace.

Faith's thoughts turned to Joel. She missed him so much, but she knew she'd done the right thing in breaking things off before they had gotten more involved. So why did it hurt so much? He'd phoned several times, but she hadn't taken his calls and after a week, they'd stopped. Yet she still prayed for him daily, just as she had since they met.

She knew God was still there and loved her, she never doubted that at all. She didn't see what He was trying to teach her by taking away her sight. She prayed daily that He'd return it. Almost two weeks in the dark was enough. She wanted the light back again.

Finally her name was called. “Faith Chadwick.”

Terrified and overcome with nerves she didn't move. “I can't do this.”

Mum touched her hand. “Yes, you can. Come on. We do this, and then we can go home.”

Faith took Patches harness and walked across the waiting room into the doctor's office. She sat down and put her hands in her lap, twisting them together.

“Hey, Faith.” There was a smile in Mr. Lorne's voice. “How are you?”

“OK. I'm looking forward to getting rid of the bandages, so I can wash my hair properly.”

“I'm sure. Have you got any pain or discomfort?”

“Only a little when I'm tired.” She paused. “So this is it? I'll know in a few minutes.”

“If you mean whether you can see or not, yes. Ready?”

“Yeah.”
Ask and it shall be given unto you is what Your word says. Well, I'm asking. Please, Lord, let me be able to see.

She sat still as he started to undo the bandages. She wished Joel were here, but quashed the thought as tears pricked her eyes. Her heart pounded as the tape keeping the two eye pads in place moved.