Let's Call the Whole Thing Off (22 page)

He laughed and tipped my chin up with his finger.

‘Nah, it’s not terrifying at all, it’s life-enhancing. Sometimes you just need to embrace the fear and go with it.’

I held open my arms wide and tipped my head back to face the sky.

‘You reckon? That’s all right for you to say. You must be used to taking risks in your line of business. I’m not like that. I think I’m generally pretty cautious by nature.’

The funny thing was it had only just occurred to me, standing next to Dave having had the wind literally knocked out of me, just how safe my life had been. I’d grown up with my parents in a small friendly village, gone to school, then to university, moved in with Sophie, had a succession of safe but undemanding jobs and was all set up to marry the man of my dreams. I hadn’t done anything remotely challenging or testing. I hadn’t travelled the world on my gap year. I hadn’t helped the starving in Africa. I hadn’t bungee-jumped or white-water rafted or any of those things. I hadn’t even been on a motorbike until today.

‘A bit of caution isn’t a bad thing. But no one should live their life in fear. It only holds you back. Stops you from being the person you’re destined to be.’

‘Is that what you tell those kids you’re mentoring?’

‘Yes, but they’re all too eager to take their chances. They just need the encouragement and opportunity to do it. But I would tell them that. That you shouldn’t always play it safe. Sometimes you have to follow your instincts and chase your dreams.’

‘Yes,’ I said dreamily, seduced by the rugged landscape in front of me and by the words of the rugged man standing next to me. Maybe now was the time to start living dangerously.

‘Come on,’ he said, ‘let’s get you back to the hotel. You’ve got a date with that bloke of yours, haven’t you? Make sure you give him a proper hard time, won’t you?’

‘Oh, I will. Don’t you worry about that.’

The trip back was even more thrilling. I’m sure Dave deliberately went faster, leaning the bike closer into the bends, my grasp on his body becoming tighter with each corner that he took. My heart was in my mouth the entire journey, fear and excitement making for a heady mix in every fibre of my body.

When I climbed off the bike at the other end and pulled off my helmet I knew I looked a complete and utter mess. My hair was flattened against my head and my skin, I suspected, was a fetching pink colour, but I didn’t care. I felt more alive than I had in months.

Dave took the helmet from me and held a hand up to my cheek.

‘I meant what I said, Percy. It’s been an absolute pleasure getting to know you. I’m sorry you’re going through all this crap at the moment and I really hope you get things sorted.’ He kissed me on the lips, one of those light fleeting kisses that promises so much and delivers so little. He pulled away to look at me again. ‘And remember if you’re at a loose end in London, give me a call.’

My emotions were all over the place. Now I was gripped with sadness that I might never see him again.

‘Can I ask you a question?’ I asked.

‘Sure.’

‘You know that first night that we met, you asked if you could kiss me?’

He nodded, his eyes flickering with intent.

‘Well, did you want to ask me that again?’

He smiled a smile that made his eyes shine with desire and did funny things to my insides. My legs were already weak from straddling the bike, now they felt as though they might give way beneath me.

‘Well, I’m not sure that’s entirely appropriate, you being a nearly married woman and all that.’ His voice was playful and teasing. He put the helmets away in the bike’s top box and looked up and down the street as though he might be considering my request.

‘Perce, can I kiss you?’ His voice was low, his breath blowing on my face.

‘Please.’ I said in a breathless whisper. If he wanted me to beg, I just might.

He narrowed his eyes in a look that gave me my answer. His hand felt my face again and stroked the curve of my jawline. A trickle of desire ran down my neck and along my collarbone before spreading rampantly through my body. He pulled me in to his chest, his lips pressing against mine. I flung my arms around his neck, clinging on as tightly as I’d done when I’d been on the bike, that same instinct for never ever wanting to let go, a powerful surge through my body.

His hands ran through my hair and his tongue parted my lips gently, his salty deliciousness as exciting and thrilling as our bike ride. With every move the leather of his jacket creaked beneath my touch. Everything about him was wildly different and dangerous, but I wasn’t thinking of Alexander, it was impossible to think of him as that. To me he would always be Dave, the normal lovely guy I met at the seaside.

‘Anna.’

His kisses grew ever more intense and passionate and I was totally lost to the moment, oblivious to everything going on around us.

‘Anna!’

I could hear my name being repeated over and over, my body responding with yes, yes, yes, all the way. Until I became vaguely aware that it wasn’t actually Dave calling my name. For some inexplicable reason we’d attracted an audience.

‘Anna! That is you, isn’t it?’ The voice was ever more impatient, demanding and stomach-churningly familiar now.

I pulled Dave to me even closer, hoping he wouldn’t notice the untimely interruption. Unfortunately he did and prised his lips away from mine. His arm stayed round my shoulder as we turned around.

‘Oh hello, Ed,’ I said, finally finding my voice, not feeling remotely embarrassed only slightly disappointed.

Dave squeezed my hand in his and gave me a rueful look.

‘I’ve got to get going. You take care.’ He turned to look at Ed, his mouth parted to say something, but then he clearly thought better of it. The look on his face, though, said lots, all of it bad, and I looked to Ed and gave him an equally damning look.

I think he knew exactly where we stood on the whole episode.

Chapter Fifteen

‘Okay, I know why you did that. I hurt you. I couldn’t have hurt you more if I tried and this is your way of getting back at me. I understand that.’

Ed was sitting opposite me at a table for two in Olivier’s, the hotel’s bistro. This was my last port of call on the grand tour of the hotel’s bars and eateries, and this one was just as lovely as all the other places, although my award for favourite would definitely go to the champagne bar. Definitely, I thought with a sigh, looking around the bistro, my work here was done and I could probably go home now. I wondered if Neil ever worked in here or if his duties were confined to the restaurant. It would have been nice to see a friendly face.

My taste for champagne, though, had left the building along with Dave. I wasn’t sure I could face any more alcohol. Now I just wanted food. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and I needed proper sustenance for what I knew was going to be the most draining and excruciating conversation of the day.

I couldn’t stop staring at Ed. There was something different about him that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. His brown hair was neatly cut as always and his features were just as I would picture them to be, but the overall effect didn’t quite match the image of the man I had inside my head.

‘Sorry, what did you say?’

Ed let slip an exasperated sigh.

‘I was saying that I understand why you did it. That whole undignified show outside the hotel. It was for my benefit, wasn’t it? I cheated on you and you thought you’d get back at me by doing the same thing.’ He shook his head, his gaze travelling around the room. ‘Alexander Fischer, though ... I have to give it to you, you certainly did it with style.’

I felt my skin bristle from his tone. Ed always did have a tendency towards pomposity.

‘For your information, Dave is purely a friend. That’s all. I haven’t cheated with him, as you put it. He’s going back to London today and I was just saying goodbye.’

‘Don’t give me that! He had his tongue down your throat. And why the fuck do you insist on calling him Dave?’

‘Please don’t use that sort of language here,’ I hissed, kicking him in the shin beneath the table. I was secretly amazed. Ed very rarely swore. In fact, I struggled to remember a time when he’d used that word before. He was quite proper in some things. Old-fashioned, even. I’d quite liked that about him.

‘And the Dave thing,’ I said with a sigh. ‘It’s a long story.’ And not one I had any inclination to be sharing with him at the moment.

I was relieved when the waiter arrived with our starters; we’d both opted for the forest mushrooms on brioche and I was able to take out my frustration on the plate of food in front of me. It was delicious. It must have been all the champagne and sea air that had made me absolutely ravenous, but I finished off mine in a matter of minutes, thinking wistfully of Dave riding off into the sunset. Ed, I noticed, on the other hand, had barely touched his. He was pushing the mushrooms around his plate with his fork, looking miserable.

Still, I was determined not to allow him to do a Sophie on me and make out that I was somehow the one to blame in all of this.

‘What you have to remember, Ed, is that I wouldn’t have even been here in the first place if I hadn’t found out about you and Sophie. You have no right to accuse me of all sorts of things after what you did to me.’

‘I know.’ He pushed his plate away, the food barely touched. I considered asking if he wouldn’t mind me finishing it off, but I knew we had a main course coming and it didn’t really seem appropriate in the circumstances. ‘And I’m so sorry, really I am.’ His eyes looked at me imploringly as he reached over and grabbed my hand. I looked down at his as if I was seeing it for the first time. ‘I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if only you’ll give me the chance, Annie.’

‘Why did you do it, Ed? I don’t understand. Have you always fancied her, was that it? It makes me sick to think of all those years we had together and you were secretly lusting after my best friend all the time. If you wanted her instead of me you should have just left me to be with her. We were supposed to be getting married,’ I said, as if he needed reminding of that fact.

‘I know. And I still want us to get married more than anything else in this world. And no, I haven’t always fancied Sophie. I barely even noticed she was there most of the time, if I’m being honest. You’re much more attractive than she is. Lovelier in every way. It’s you I love. You’re my soul mate. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking.’

Ed had never been one for emotional outpourings so to hear him call me his soul mate was surprising and poignant. Although I wasn’t entirely certain he meant it. In fact, I knew he couldn’t mean it. They were just words he was spouting. You don’t betray your soul mate.

I’d always been the one who’d pushed our relationship forwards and thinking about it now it had sometimes felt like an uphill struggle. Maybe I’d pushed too hard. Perhaps if I hadn’t tried so hard we’d have come grinding to a halt a long time ago.

‘Don’t you? You’re clearly weren’t thinking about me, that’s for sure. I’m sorry, Ed, but it’s over.’ For the first time since all this had happened I felt as though I knew what I wanted. ‘How can we ever get over this? I’d never be able to trust you again.’

‘No!’ He slammed his hand down on the table, attracting the curious glances of the other diners. He slunk down in his seat again, offering me a whispered apology for his outburst. ‘Please, don’t say that. We can get over this. I promise you.’

‘I don’t think I can. You’ve spoilt everything. All I can see is you and Sophie together.’

Ed bit on his lip and offered his head back to the ceiling.

‘I’m not blaming Sophie. I know I’m as much to blame as she is – probably more so because I was the one in a relationship – but I’m telling the truth when I say she was the one who came on to me. I was weak. I suppose I was flattered. There she was offering me …’ I turned my gaze away not wanting to hear him say the words. ‘Well, offering me everything on a plate and I took it. I should have walked away. I’m sorry, Annie, I made the biggest mistake of my life.’

Thankfully at that moment the main courses arrived and, despite my earlier resolution to give up on the booze for the day, I ordered a glass of Chablis. In any other circumstances this would have been a lovely occasion, sharing a romantic dinner with the man I was about to marry, but now it was something to be endured rather than enjoyed, something to be simply got through.

‘All those plans we had for our future – we can still have those. Think of the amazing day we could have on Saturday. I’ve not stopped thinking how you might look in your dress. Beautiful, I know, but I’ve been anticipating that first moment when I see you on our wedding day, knowing that you’ll be my wife by the end of it. All our friends and families are coming, just think how disappointed they’ll be if it doesn’t go ahead. What will your mum say?’

My stomach plummeted at the thought.

‘Think of the honeymoon,’ he went on, ‘the new house we’ll be moving into, how we might decorate it, what we’ll plant in the garden, the friends we’ll have over to dinner. The children we’ll have one day. Think about the rest of our lives, Annie.’

‘Hugo and Madeline?’ I said, with half a smile.

‘Yes!’ Ed’s face lit up. ‘If you want!’

They were the names I’d chosen for our children a long time ago, but Ed had declared them pretentious and poncy. Now, it didn’t give me any satisfaction to hear that he’d finally come round to my way of thinking.

I smiled. It was hard, though, not to get caught up in Ed’s enthusiasm. Would it be as simple as that? It was everything I’d ever wanted, what we both wanted, and it sounded as though I could still have if I really wanted to. I could almost reach it with my fingertips if only I could forget about everything that had happened.

‘What about Sophie?’ I asked.

‘What about her?’ he answered tersely. ‘I’ve told her in no uncertain terms that it’s over. Not that we had anything really going on in the first. It was just a couple of times, I promise. I think she thought I might leave you to be with her, but that was never going to happen. I know it’s a thing blokes say, but it never meant anything to me. Really! It was just a physical thing. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I can’t change that, but I am really really sorry.’