Legally Undead (2 page)

At moments like that, you realize that there are things you just don’t want to know. At the top of my list right then were
vampires are real
and
your boyfriend was just eaten by one
. Closely followed by
when in danger, you go for the heart
.
With a pointy stick
.

But all of those things were pretty quickly shoved down to the bottom of the list by what Nick had to say.

“The fact that he’s gone probably means that he was turned.”

My eyes widened. “Turned as in ‘turned into a vampire’?”

Nick nodded curtly.

Oh, ye gods. My beloved is now a blood-sucking fiend from hell. Go straight to agony, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

“Who
are
you guys?” My brain was cloudy and my mouth tasted sour, but the fact that four enormous, muscle-bound guys dressed all in black had just come bursting into my home and interrupted me in a killing frenzy wasn’t entirely lost on me. The lead guy, who looked disconcertingly like a bad cross between Stephen King and Sylvester Stallone, all heavy jaw and protruding brow ridge and muscular torso, was popping out orders while he talked to me.

“John, you check the perimeter.” He turned back to me. “Whose name is on the lease for this apartment?”

I dragged the back of my hand across my mouth. “No. You answer me first.”

“The rest of you, clean up in here.” He pointed out several places where blood had splattered across the couch. Suddenly, the Merry Men became the Merry Maids, pulling equipment out of black canvas bags and snapping together
a portable vacuum cleaner
, for chrissakes. It roared to life and the man wielding it dragged it across the deepest pool of blood, one that had been under the body, as the other two men zipped the dead vampire into a body bag. The vacuum cleaner made a wet sucking sound, and I felt my stomach heave again. Leader-guy turned back to me.

“If only your name is on the lease, we can probably keep lover-boy from coming back in. But if his name is on it, it’s his home and you need to leave.”

The news just got better and better, and my list of Things Not to Know got longer and longer. And anyway— “Lover-boy? No. Never mind. Just please. Tell me who you are. And what the hell just happened.”

It turned out that Nick and his guys did contract “clean-up work” for the same law firm that Greg worked for. They’d gotten a call from their contact at the firm and he’d told them that there was likely to be a vampire attack that night. He’d told them when and where and that the “incident” needed to be stopped, if possible, and covered up otherwise. No, they hadn’t been told to expect me. And no, Nick and his guys were not about to “cover up” my presence.

“Geez, lady. We’re not murderers. We’re not the bad guys here.” He paused. “But listen. I wouldn’t go around telling anybody about this, either. Not that anyone would believe you.”

And that’s really the problem, isn’t it? If you’ve just killed a vampire, there isn’t anyone you can talk to about it. Not even a therapist. You can’t very well say “My former fiancé is a walking, talking member of the undead.” Not if you want to stay out of mental institutions. And I was sure that I did want to stay out of the psych wards, even though I was equally certain that I needed massive doses of therapy.

That’s when I started to cry. Not ladylike sniffles, but great, huge, heaving, gulping, snorting sobs. Nick’s guys looked nervous and wandered off to the far corners of the apartment, studiously examining the floors and walls for any spots of blood they might have missed. Nick himself looked uncomfortable and patted me on the shoulder awkwardly. He tried to distract me.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Elle,” I said. “Elle Dupree.”

When the weeping storm had passed, he handed me a wad of toilet paper one of his minions brought from the bathroom. He also handed me a bottle of Benadryl allergy pills—from my own bathroom—and said, “Here. Take one of these. It’ll help you… um… sleep.” What he meant was “calm down,” but I swallowed the pill anyway. I wanted me to calm down, too.

Of course Greg’s name was on the lease—he was the one with the real job, after all—so Nick told me he would take me someplace safe.

“I have to take my cat,” I said, after Nick outlined his plan to me.

“Okay,” he said, and waited patiently while I gathered up my pet carrier and supplies, then coaxed Millie out from under the top corner of the bed where she was hiding. Then he helped me get her into the carrier and carried it himself.

We drove to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel and Nick checked me in. He stayed at the hotel just long enough to see me up to my room and tell me he’d be back in the morning. I still don’t know who paid for it, but now that I’ve spent more time around Nick, I suspect that he got Greg’s law firm to cover the costs. If I hadn’t been so miserable, I would have been overawed at the elegant surroundings. Or perhaps humiliated to be whisked up an elevator and out of sight. I’m sure I didn’t do much for the hotel’s image; my jeans and gray t-shirt had suspicious-looking brownish-red stains splattered across them and my face was streaked with tears and snot. I was also yawning hugely as the allergy pill took effect. As it was, I didn’t even register the horrified stares of the other hotel guests until much later, after I’d run a hot bath full of rich-smelling bubbles and climbed in. After a second’s thought, I pulled my clothes in after me and scrubbed at them furiously.

I don’t know how long I sat there with my head on my knees and my clothes floating around me. By the time I crawled out of the water, the bubbles had all but disappeared and the water was almost cold. I didn’t even dry off before I got into the king-size bed and pulled the Egyptian cotton sheets over me. I pulled a black and gold bolster pillow up to me and wrapped my arms around it. Millie, having thoroughly examined the room, jumped onto the bed and curled up on the pillow next to me. Sleepily, I thought,
Greg would love this
, but then my mind skittered away from that subject. Better never to think of Greg again.

But I dreamed of him that night, of the day he’d asked me to marry him. The dream started off just like the day had in reality. We were walking through Corona Park in Flushing Meadows, out in Queens, on a picnic Greg had planned. It was one of those beautiful warm autumn days we sometimes got in New York, bright and sunny and all too rare. We had eaten our lunch near the pavilion, staring up at the spaceship-like towers.

He had laughed and pulled me around the Unisphere, the giant metal globe in the park; the spray from the fountains surrounding it misted across my face.

“There,” he said, pointing at Europe. “I think that’s where we should go.” He grinned at me.

“What is that?” I asked. “France? Why France?”

Greg shrugged. “Or maybe Italy.”

I laughed and shoved at his shoulder. “Fine. Why Italy.”

“Because,” he fished in his pocket, then dropped to one knee. “I think we should go there on our honeymoon. I know I can’t give you the world right now, but someday I will. Elle Dupree, will you marry me?”

When it really happened, I gasped and reached down to kiss him and we had ended up in a laughing, sprawling heap while he put the ring on my finger.

In my dream, though, I couldn’t reach him. I held out my hand and his figure retreated while the sun faded out, and I was left circling the Unisphere, calling his name.

* * *

I woke up the next morning groping across the other side of the bed, wondering where Greg was. My engagement ring sparkled on my finger. I stared at it for a moment, then took it off and set it on the bedside table.

I managed to haul myself out of bed and stagger to the bathroom. One look in the mirror told me that although I was cleaner, I didn’t look any better than I had the night before. My chin-length blonde hair was plastered to one side of my head and stuck straight up on the other. My face was puffy. And my clothes were a sodden heap at the bottom of the bathtub; I hadn’t bothered to take them out the night before.

Luckily, the hotel provided those fluffy white bathrobes—I’m pretty sure most hotels that far out of my price range do, though of course I don’t know for certain because I hardly ever stay in them—so I wrapped one around me and sank down into the deep chair beside the bed, wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

When in doubt, eat.

I picked up the phone, dialed room service, and ordered everything I could think of: coffee, orange juice, pancakes, an omelet, bacon, toast.

I suppose that eating should have been the last thing on my mind. The love of my life had been gnawed on by a monster out of a horror movie, I was stuck in a fancy hotel with no dry clothes, and I had no idea how I was going to deal with the next few hours, much less even begin to ever have a normal life again.

But I was absolutely certain that I was alive. And that no matter what, I wanted to stay that way. For me, that translated to eating. Everything. Every last bit of it.

Nick showed up just as I was finishing the last bite of pancakes dripping with sugar-laden maple syrup poured from a tiny silver pitcher. I was still chewing when I opened the door. Standing in the open doorway, he peered past me at the jumble of dishes on the small table by the chair.

“Hungry?”

“Not anymore.” I gestured for him to come in. He handed me a small plastic grocery store bag. Inside were some of my clothes—a clean pair of jeans and a red t-shirt, a bra, underwear, socks.

“I thought you might like to have these.”

“You’ve been back to my apartment?”

“Yeah. When you’re ready, we can go back over there so you can pick up some stuff.”

I had been trying not to think about my life, the one waiting for me outside this lovely hotel room. I gathered up my clothes and moved into the bathroom to change.

Nick talked to me through the door. “You’re not from New York, are you?” he asked. “Somewhere down south, right?”

I finished zipping up the jeans and opened the bathroom door. “Louisiana,” I said. “Mandeville. Across the lake from New Orleans.”

“Ready?” he asked.

“Yeah. Do you think Greg’s going to come back to the apartment?”

“I think he already has.”

I picked up my ring from the bedside table and tucked it into my pocket before we left.

Greg had indeed been back—or at least, someone or some
thing
with a ragingly violent temper had been. The apartment was trashed. The couch was slashed, stuffing spilling out of the cushions. Books had been pulled out of the bookcases and lay ripped and scattered across the floor. Pieces of broken pottery from the cabinets crunched underfoot. Computer components lay on their sides, the covers ripped off and their electronic innards exposed. A framed picture of the two of us smiling and waving after Greg’s law school graduation rested beneath the coffee table. The glass had shattered and the picture was torn into two pieces.

“Greg didn’t do this,” I whispered.

Nick took my hand gently in his. “He did, Elle. I’m certain of it.”

“No. That’s not what I mean.” I pulled my hand away and sat down on the ripped-up couch cushion. “I mean that whatever did this isn’t Greg anymore.”

I picked up the photograph and shook the glass off the two halves, fitting them back together and pulling them apart again as I spoke.

“Greg’s dead, isn’t he?”

“Yes. Whatever he is now, he’s not the person you knew. That person is gone.”

I took a deep breath.
No more crying
, I vowed silently. “Okay, then. What’s next?”

Nick nodded—I assumed in approval. “Today you’re going to pack up everything that’s yours. We’ll find you a new place to live and get you moved in. Then you get on with your life.”

I focused on the only part I could deal with at that moment. “What kind of new place?”

“I’ve got Tony on it right now; he’ll find another apartment for you.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked.

“Because…” Nick paused and looked around at the debris in the living room. “Because no one should have to try to deal with this alone. And because my job is to clean up. Leaving you here could be… messy.”

Anything else he might have said was interrupted by one of the guys from the previous night—the biggest of the three—coming in through the front door carrying a stack of boxes folded flat.

“Thanks, John,” said Nick, taking the boxes and dropping them on the couch next to me. “Elle, you start sorting through this stuff and figuring out what to take. We’ll clean up as you go.”

So that’s what we did. I didn’t have class that day—I was supposed to spend Tuesdays and Thursdays in the library working on my dissertation proposal. Instead, I spent the day sorting through what remained of my apartment and my life. Nick and John, rolled in an enormous plastic garbage can and began tossing in everything that was obviously trash: broken dishes, torn books, lamps with the cords ripped out, cracked music CDs. I started in the bedroom. At least half of my clothes had been shredded, so I tossed them into a pile in the hall. What was left I folded into my one undamaged suitcase. I went through Greg’s closet, too, taking what I liked—I figured that even if Vampire-Greg wanted the clothes, he’d lost his claim to them by ruining mine. Then I decided that under the circumstances I didn’t need to justify taking them, even to myself. I took all my favorite soft t-shirts (the ones that Greg always complained about me wearing), two pairs of sweatpants, and a bathrobe to replace the one he’d wrecked. I took all my undestroyed books and DVDs and CDs and most of his, too. I packed up my jewelry, picking earrings out of the carpet. And at the last minute, I grabbed the ripped picture out of the living room and tossed it into a box, as well.

I’d left my purse behind the night before, too rattled to remember to take it. It was in the living room, undamaged. Just about everything in it, however, from my powder compact to my cell phone, had been smashed or ripped. I salvaged my surprisingly intact driver’s license and took the credit cards—
I guess I need to have Greg taken off them
, I thought.