Lasting Damage (7 page)

“I told you that I have to leave.” Her jaw was clenched tight and
the words came out harsh and ragged, as if she’d been chewing glass and was
desperate to spit some of the shard out before they cut her mouth.

“Okay.” Harper held her hands up and stepped back. “I wasn’t
trying to be an asshole.”

“What were you trying to be?” She raised an eyebrow and cocked her
head to the side as if she were waiting for Harper to say the wrong thing.

“I’ve been on tour for a year and then I was in the recording
studio,” Harper paused to find the words she needed to convince Jane to sit
down and talk things over. “Being here has been the only break I’ve had.”

“That’s not going to work on me,” she sighed. “You should know I’m
immune to that, lonely rockstar bullshit.”

“Can you please stop for a second so we can talk?”

Jane looked away, her eyes narrowing as she seemed to focus in on
something. “How much longer are you going to be here?”

“I’m not sure,” Harper answered. “I’ve still got a few more tracks
to mix and then I’ve got to do the remixes and I’ve got-”

“That’s not answering my question.” Jane interrupted. “I asked for
a specific date so I know when it’s going to be safe to come back over here.”

“You don’t have to stay away just because of me? I’m the one who
should leave.”

“No, Riley needs the exposure that this will bring him, and you’ve
got studio time booked but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t come back into the
club.”

“Okay,” Harper stared down at her shoes.

“You know what really sucks?” Jane paused as she slipped her hand
around the door knob and gave it a turn.

“What’s that?” Harper asked, her heart felt like it was being
squeezed.

“When I saw you standing outside Sammi’s I was really excited,”
she said with a sad smile. “You looked so fucking adorable with your messy hair
and your glasses. You looked sweet and lost and I have such a soft spot for
girls who look sweet and lost and I was thinking that it was sort of awesome to
look at someone and feel that happy.”

“Jane,” Harper tightened her grip on the back of the chair and
tried to think of something to say that didn’t make her sound like a bigger
jerk than she really was but she came up empty. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t
tell you about this.”

“It’s been my experience that most people aren’t sorry about the shitty
things they do until they get caught.” She looked at her from the other side of
the door and shook her head before walking away.

6.

Jane pressed the
phone to
her ear and waited for her brother to pick up.  She’d driven Lily and Alice
back to the apartment, depositing them in the living room without incident but
she was having a difficult time keeping her shit together. She needed Riley to
clear up a few things before she decided to forget Harper ever existed.

Riley
picked up on the seventh ring. “Jane? What’s going on?”

“Who’s
in the recording studio?” she asked before she had the chance to change her
mind.

He
paused for a long moment before dodging her question with one of his own. “Did
you go in there?”  

“Just
tell me what her name is,” she ordered.

“You
already know who she is,” Riley answered with a deep sigh.

“Yes,
I do.” Jane closed her eyes so tight it made her eyes ache. “But I want you to
tell me her name.”

“Technically
her name is Harper Merrick.”

“Technically?”
Jane opened her eyes and stared at the wall of books she’d collected over the
years and reminded herself to stay calm. There’d be time for crazy-making later
on. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“She
records under the name Tin Bird.”

 “That’s
a funny stage name for one person.” Jane sat down on the edge of her bed. “Is
it because her mother named her after Harper Lee? Is it a reference to the
book?”

“What
do you want me to say, Jane?”

“Nothing,
just keep your mouth shut and don’t tell her I called you.” She replied before
killing the conversation

*****

By the time Jane calmed down enough to leave her room Lily was putting
the finishing touches on a freshly rolled joint, pinching it between her thumb and
forefinger, and tightening the ends to fine points. She gave it a final
inspection before holding it up to Alice for her nod of approval.

On
any other day she might find the unspoken exchange heartwarming but not today.
Today had turned bitter and nasty, and as much as she wanted to forget the
whole thing ever happened, she knew letting it go was going to be difficult.

“Alice?”
She asked as she plopped down on the couch.

“Yes?”

Jane
took a breath and asked one of the questions she didn’t like having to ask. “What
do you do when you think someone wants to be near you because of Mom or Dad?”

Alice
tilted her head and stared into space for a second before shrugging her
shoulders. “I pretend everyone likes me, and get on with my life.”

Jane
ran a hand over the ragged edge of her shorts and decided that particular line
of questioning needed to wait until Chloe got home since she was the one who
spend the most time trying to avoid star-fuckers. “Does Tin Bird mean anything
to you?”

“Of
course.” Alice nodded.  “They did the opening song for that freaky movie Dad
did the score for last summer. He’s used them a few times.”

“Is
it a ‘they’ or a ‘she’?” Jane asked.

“A
‘she’ when she’s doing remixes for other artists and a “they” when she’s
performing with her band.” Alice told her. “They do awesome electronic house
music, but the good dream pop stuff and not that sped up bullshit. It’s not
like Scooter or anything”

“That’s
who was in the studio,” said Jane. “I saw her when I was getting your phone.”

“You’re
kidding.” Alice let out a high pitched squeal as she picked up her bag setting
it down in her lap. “You should’ve come out to get me so I could meet her. Dad
says she’s a hot shit.”

 “Tin
Bird’s real name is Harper Merrick.” Jane stared at Lily whose eyes went wide
with realization.

“You
are fucking kidding me.” Lily gasped.

“No,”
Jane answered. “I’m not.”

Alice
watched the two of them as they exchanged looks across the coffee table before
asking, “Why do I get the feeling I’m missing something?”

“Because
you are,” Lily put the joint to her lips and lit the far end, inhaling until it
glowed dark orange. “Jane and Harper had a date this afternoon. It was very
long brunch date.”

“You’re
shitting me?” Alice leaned forward, her eyes brightening with the news. “You’re
shitting me, right?”

“I
do not shit about these kinds of things,” Lily announced as she passed the
joint across the table to Alice. “This girl’s totally into her.”

“She’s
a liar.” Jane announced. “She never told me about working with Riley.”

“Weren’t
you the one who coined the phrase ‘creative truth telling’?” Lily reminded her
with a sideways glance as Alice handed the joint to Jane.

“That’s
different,” she replied before taking a hit.

“How
is your lying different than her lying?” Alice asked.

“I
have to go see Sammi tomorrow.” She exhaled the smoke from her strained lungs
before they started to ache. “Either one of you want to come with me?”

“Oh!”
Alice raised her hand and started waving it around like a maniacal marionette. “Me!
I wanna go see Sammi!”

“How
about you, chief?” Jane handed the joint back to Lily.

“I’ve
got to so see my mom tomorrow but I appreciate your attempt to distract me.”
Lily nodded. “It was a good defensive maneuver on your part.”

“I
wasn’t trying to distract you,”

“And
there you go,” Lily coughed. “You open your mouth and out comes another lie.”

“Can
you stop being a twatwaffle for one second?” Jane pressed her fingers to her
temples and counted the beating of her pulse as it raced.  

“Why?”
Lily draped an arm over the edge of the couch and rolled her eyes in dramatic
fashion.

“Because,
you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really?”
Lily scoffed. “I have no idea why you do the things you do?”

“Whoa,
bitch fight in process.” Alice announced before taking a long drag off the joint
and offering it to Jane.

“I’m
good,” she said, waving it away. “Which one of you has something that will
knock me out for a few hours?”

“It’s
probably just as well that you’re ending things with her,” Alice grabbed a
large bottle of pills from her purse and tossed it at her. “That chick is used
to dating hot models and actresses. You’re kind of a downgrade.”

Jane
turned the bottle over in her hand. She was stuck between saying something
equally as mean to Alice and taking the high road. She decided it was best if
she stuck to the familiar ground in between. “I am aware of my physical
shortcomings. You don't have to point them out every time you breeze into
town.”

“And
speaking of breezing into town,” Lily began. “Why are you here?”

“That’s
between me and my therapist.” Alice answered with a curt shake of her filthy
head.

“I
see you and your therapist haven’t been working on your hygiene problems.” Jane
popped the top off the bottle, shook three codeine tablets out into her hand
and hesitated. She wasn’t the biggest fan of this particular drug, she always
regretted taking it since it never did much more than make her skin feel hot
and give her weird dreams of furry animals all night long. “Do you have any
valium?”

“How
many do you need?” Alice asked and started pawing through her purse again.

“How
many can you spare?” Jane leaned back and closed her eyes. There wasn’t one
good reason she should be this upset. She’d had a few flirtatious moments and a
brunch date. People did it every day and survived.

“Why
don’t you just open the pharmacy so we can all have a look?” Lily asked as she
stubbed out the joint and tossed it into the small metal box on the coffee
table where she kept her discarded roaches.

“Okay.”
Alice laughed, flipped the bag upside down and let the contents spill out all
over the coffee table. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”

“Score!”
Lily laughed as she started picking up bottles and placing them on the coffee
table in a tidy row. “I love it when Bad Alice comes to town. You’re stocked
better than the local Walgreens.”

“Jesus,
how much doctor shopping you doing?” Jane peered down the table and tried to
work up some enthusiasm for glorious stash but it was a wasted effort. She was
too emotionally conflicted to appreciate Alice’s hoard.

“Less
than Rush Limbaugh.” Alice she picked up a bottle, read the label, and
carefully placed it back in line.

“Just
promise me you won't get cornered by the cop in a hotel room with seven  hookers
and a forged prescription for Viagra.” Lily chuckled. “I’ll bail you out but
I’m not dealing with your mother.”

“I
make no promises.”Alice held up a small bottle filled with wafer thin pills and
shook it. “And who knows? Maybe if I get arrested Jane will finally get to meet
Rachel Maddow and profess her undying love.”

“You're
gonna be the death of me, you know that?” Jane replied.

Alice
wrapped her hand around another bottle and grinned. “You're not the first
person to tell me that,” she sighed dramatically and she tossed the bottle into
Jane’s lap. “There you go.”

“Thanks.”
Jane popped the top and shook two pills out into her hand.

“Got
a nasty headache?”

“Working
on it.” Jane lied. It seemed easier than admitting how fragile she felt at the
moment. “Why don't you use the shower?”

“Is
it me?”

“If
you’re talking about the smell, then the answer is most definitely ‘yes’?” Lily
announced as she snatched her own bottle.

“I
meant the headache.” Alice placed her hands on both cheeks and brought her
elbows to her knees. “I seem to have that effect on people.”

“It’s
the smell, Alice. You really need to clean up.” Jane picked up a bottle and
inspected the label for a second. “And how did you get a prescription for
Xanax?”

“My
shrink told my doctor about my anxiety attacks.” She shrugged.

“Ambien?”
Jane picked up another bottle and shook is. “Since when have you had problems
falling asleep?”

She
took the bottle out of Jane’s hands and stared at it with a sad look on her
face. “I'm a very complicated person.”

“You're
not taking them all at the same time are you?” Lily asked carefully. “You’ve
got a schedule for the stuff you have to take every day, right?”

“I'm
not stupid.” Alice rolled her eyes. “I'm careful. I know what I'm doing.”

“Famous
last words.” Lily muttered.

Alice
opened her mouth to say something but stopped when she realized both women were
staring at her. 

“Alice?”
Jane said her sister’s name with as much weight as she could muster. “You need
to be careful.”

“I
am,” she said as she looked from one set of eyes to the other. “I won’t get in
over my head.”

Jane
tossed the pills into her mouth and swallowed them down without water. It was a
trick she’d mastered by the time she turned thirteen that never failed to
impress all the wrong people. She wanted to say something to Alice about how
you never really realized you were in over your head until you were already
drowning but she knew she’d just come off sounding like a hypocrite since she’d
been trying to come up for air for as long as she could remember.