L.A. Woman (10 page)

“You’re a temp, aren’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?” she asked, then felt like biting her tongue.

He laughed. “Well, the suit is sort of a giveaway.” His eyes studied her in a friendly but predatory way. “Looks good, though. If you don’t mind my saying.”

“Um, thanks.” There it was again. Guilt pang!

“So…think you’ll be busy later?”

Oh, my God. Cute guy asking her out. Guilt with a capital
G!

“Um…what did you have in mind?” she heard herself ask. Stay calm. “I may be busy,” she hedged. There. She was playing hard to get. Feeling guilty had nothing to do with it. Martika would probably even agree with that.

“Well, I can wait.” His eyes were warm, almost hungry, even though his tone was casual as the rest of the office. “I’m sure you can help me with my particular problem, but I don’t want to rush you.”

She frowned. His particular problem? Ick! “Well, I certainly don’t like to be rushed,” she said emphatically. “I like to take my time with these sorts of things.”

“I see.” He quirked an eyebrow at her. “It’s good to see you’re so conscientious.”

She felt like a spinster or something, but her lips still drew together primly. “Better that you know now. Up-front, I mean.”

He shrugged. “Besides, my folders aren’t going to go anywhere.”

Suddenly, Sarah felt like she’d walked into a foreign film without subtitles. “Your…folders?”

“Yes. I need a whole mess of labels made. My filing system’s a mess, and since you’re doing so much work here, I figured you could help me with it.”

Aha. Not what was she doing later socially…just when would she be done with the project.

“Oh. Well…I’m…I’ll be sure to do it as soon as possible.”

“Like I said,” he explained, obvious amusement in his eyes. “No rush.”

He walked away, leaving Sarah to blush unnoticed, her face was practically buried in the file drawer.

On the plus side, she didn’t feel guilty anymore. She just felt stupid. A minor step up.

“I cut out of work early so I could watch this. This is my friend, Pink. She’s got an absolutely
fabulous
eye for clothes.”

Pink smiled demurely and removed her dark glasses. She was wearing a magenta car coat over a black body suit that would have done justice to Emma Peel. She wore black half-boots. The most striking thing about her, however, was her hair—a soft, baby-girl-pink pageboy that curled gently around her face. Her eyes were an icy gray-blue by comparison.

“I was named Pink before the singer was,” she said, holding her hand out. “Had the hair color, first, too.”

Sarah, who hadn’t even realized there
was
a singer called Pink, politely shook hands. “Nice to meet you.”

Pink then did the quick fashion-circle tour, just as Joey had. Sarah felt awkward, just as she had then.

Pink glanced over at Martika. “This is the one with the asshole ex, right?”

Sarah protested. “It’s a long story…”

“Yes,” Martika said unequivocally, frowning at Sarah.

“Got it,” Pink said, jotting a few notes. “So. Basic clothing type recommendations, keeping in mind guy-hunting component. So what I’m going to do is ask you a few questions, keep in mind your coloring and body frame, and then show you what I think you should be wearing.” She gave Sarah a quick, almost clinical once-over. “Great tits, by the way,” she said off the cuff.

Sarah blushed scarlet. Now Martika laughed.

“I’m bi, I guess I’m as good a judge as any. So let’s talk colors,” Pink said, leaving Sarah to wonder if she’d really heard the first sentence correctly. “What colors do you usually wear? What colors are you
drawn
to?”

“I, um…” Sarah began, still hung up on the last statement, and surprised by the fact that Pink had produced a clipboard from her black patent leather bag and was quickly jotting down notes on some sort of form. “I like pastels.”

Martika shook her head, but Pink nodded. “Good. A jumping off point, at least. Any sort of pastels?”

Sarah glanced at her room. “Blues, greens, lavenders.”

Pink saw the direction of her gaze, and stood up. “Mind if I go in your room?” she said, and walked in. Sarah followed her. Pink opened the curtains and glanced around. “Ah. Monet water-lilies kind of colors. Got it.”

Sarah nodded.

“So you’re a romantic-type,” Pink said, jotting a quick note. She looked her over. “We can work with it as a starting point, anyway. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m sort of between jobs at the moment,” Sarah said, feeling embarrassed again.

Pink sighed. “Let me rephrase. How do you see yourself in a job? What sort of work do you
like
doing? What are you
good
at?”

Sarah paused, no longer embarrassed. Rather, she was in
trigued. No one had ever asked her a question like that. Usually it was more, “What are you planning to do with your life
now?
”

“Hmm. What I’m like at work. What I like.” She sat down for a second. “I handle crises, and I get people through them. I’m good at putting out fires and making people feel comfortable.” She thought about it a second, then laughed. “I guess that means I should be wearing a fireman’s hat and an apron.”

“Not that kind of party, but it’s a start,” Pink said, all business. “Question 2: sex.” She shot Sarah an inquisitive stare, expectant.

“Sex?” Sarah said weakly.

“You know. What sort of person are you trying to attract? What are you comfortable with? What do you like?” She saw Sarah’s look of dismay, and chuckled. She turned to Martika. “You know, Taylor’s right. She’s absolutely Japanimation adorable.”

“I know,” Martika said, with that proud tone of voice. “With the right clothes, the right places…”

“I feel it,” Pink said with a nod. “Well, Sarah?”

“Um…I like sex. I guess.”

Pink and Martika looked at her, then looked at each other, then looked back at her.

“Houston, we have a problem.” Pink started jotting notes down furiously, while Martika just stared at her.

“What?” Sarah stared back at them defensively. “What’d I say?”

“Honey, if you really liked sex…” Martika shook her head. “Suddenly, all that Eddie Bauer makes sense.”

Sarah was torn between feeling insulted and feeling confused.

“Not a problem, not a problem. She just hasn’t hit her groove, as it were,” Pink said, in a clinical tone. “No biggie. Let’s approach this from a different angle. What actors make you hot?”

Sarah blinked. She was definitely leaning more toward confused, now. “Um…”

Pink huffed impatiently. “Leonardo di Caprio? Russell Crowe?”

“Russell Crowe,” Sarah said quickly, and felt a slight blush for no good reason.

Pink noticed the blush, and smiled. “Ah.
Now
we’re getting somewhere. Are we talking Russell Crowe in
Gladiator,
or Russell Crowe in
Virtuosity?
” At Martika’s curious look, she clarified, “You know. Younger, thinner.”

“Gladiator,”
Sarah said, thinking about it, then smiled to herself. “And
L.A. Confidential.
”

“Totally,” Martika said approvingly.

“Okay. And did you see him working with Kim Bassinger? Or that red-haired chick from
Gladiator?
”

“No,” Sarah said, then was surprised at the quickness of her response. “I mean, I was glad he got together with them since he was the hero and all, but I don’t really see him with those sorts of people.”

“So who
do
you think he’d be perfectly cast with?” Pink probed.

Sarah thought about it. This was fun. Weird, but fun. She was glad they weren’t talking about clothes anymore. “I don’t know. I think I’d like to see him with…hmm. Not Gwyneth Paltrow…”

“God, I should hope not,” Martika input, but Pink silenced her.

“Let her struggle it out,” Pink reprimanded gently.

“Not Sandra Bullock…not Jenna Elfman…not Meg Ryan…”

“Thank you, God.”

“Martika!” Pink said sharply.

“Sorry.”

Sarah continued as if no interruption had occurred. “Didn’t he used to date Nicole Kidman?” she asked, suddenly. “You know, that’s perfect. Nicole Kidman.”

“
Days of Thunder
Nicole Kidman, or
Eyes Wide Shut
Nicole Kidman?”

Sarah smiled. “
Practical Magic
Nicole Kidman.”

“I see. The girl is good with her movies—has she met Kit?” Pink smiled, as if seeing Sarah in different clothes already. “I think I know what sort of style would suit. Stand up again.”

Pink produced one of those cloth tape-measure thingies, and took down all of Sarah’s measurements.

“Now, let’s talk budget…”

“Um, I don’t know how far I want to go with this until I get an idea of what sort of style you have in mind,” Sarah said, not caring that Martika was shaking her head at her. “Martika, I am not blowing all my money on new clothes. It’s just not happening.”

Pink looked at Martika, her eyes sharp with predatory interest. “How much money is she not spending, say?”

Martika grinned. “Somewhere in the neighborhood of five grand.”

Pink looked at her. “I could definitely get her a good foundation…fill it out a little more with chintzy stuff, but a good solid foundation is always worth the money.”

Martika did a little strut, showing off her own bloodred silk suit. “Tell me about it.”

“Five thousand dollars?”
Sarah almost stamped her foot. “I am not going to spend that much money! I don’t even have a permanent job yet!”

Pink looked at Martika. “Hmm. She doesn’t seem as into this as reported.”

“She will be,” Martika assured Pink. She pulled Sarah into the kitchen under the pretense of getting Pink a glass of water. “What’s the matter with you? It’s not like you’d have to spend it all at one time. And you’ve got credit cards, haven’t you?”

“I’m
not
spending five thousand dollars on clothes!”

“It wouldn’t just be clothes,” Pink called from the living room. “From what I’ve seen, accessories and makeup definitely need to be added to the list.”

Sarah groaned, covering her face.

“Listen, Pink is here as a personal favor to me,” Martika
said, her tone slightly sharp. “You said you wanted to change. Is that true, or is that just bullshit?”

“It’s just…too much. Too
fast,
” Sarah countered. “I’ll do a few things, but no big grand leaps, okay?”

Martika growled in frustration, then the two of them returned to the living room.

“I think I’ll start with looking over what you have in mind, and then see how much I can afford,” Sarah said diplomatically.

“She’s being a pussy,” Martika said, ruining Sarah’s effort at tact.

Pink nodded, giving Sarah a quick, thoughtful nod. “This is new, I understand. It can be traumatic and not everyone can make the plunge all at once.”
Like Martika and I can,
Sarah imagined her adding. “Tell you what—why don’t we get you one outfit, and some new makeup, and then you can decide if it’s a worthwhile investment?”

Sarah looked at Martika, who was glaring at her. “Okay,” Sarah said, then quickly added, “but I’d like to put a—” she did some mental calculations “—two-hundred-dollar cap on it.”

Pink looked at Martika, who rolled her eyes. “Hmm. In that case, let’s just start with makeup. Next Saturday okay? Perfect.”

Sarah was about to protest
—two hundred dollars for makeup?
But Martika’s glare silenced her.

Pink stood up, and Sarah was shocked to be air-kissed by the Mary-Kay-haired stylist. “Don’t you worry, chica, we are going to make you look, as Taylor would say,
imminently fuckable.
” She smiled and put her sunglasses back on.
“Ciao.”

After Martika shut the door, she turned on Sarah. “What was that all about? I thought you said you were over him!”

Sarah blinked. “Who, Benjamin? I am over him! What does that have to do with anything?”

“If you’re over him,” Martika said, folding her arms across her chest, “what’s the big deal about changing your look?”

“Five thousand dollars is a huge deal, Martika. Or would you rather I not pay the rent?”

Martika clucked her tongue impatiently. “You’ll make the
rent, Sarah. You’ve got credit cards that you could at least
start
with. This isn’t about money.”

Sarah sighed. “Maybe I’m just not ready. This is all too fast!”

Martika’s eyebrow went up with a look of frustration. “Life’s faster here, farmgirl. You might want to think about that.”

Sarah stuck her tongue out at Martika’s back as Martika retreated to her room.

“I saw that,” Martika said, turning with a wicked grin. “Martika knows all and sees all. And believe me, someday you’ll thank me.”

Sarah took a deep breath. She’d been here almost a month, and she could honestly say she was hardly impressing
anyone,
much less making progress toward her short-term goal of getting hired. She needed to—how did they put it? Expand her Sphere of Influence or something?

At any rate, she really needed to get her butt in gear. This job had plenty of potential, if she’d just show a little initiative.

Potential for paper cuts, sure,
Sarah heard Martika drawl in her head.

Sarah shut her eyes. Okay, she needed
not
to be hearing Martika’s voice in her head, giving her advice.

Come to think of it, she really didn’t need to be hearing
any
voices in her head.

“Sarah? Are you all right?”

Sarah looked up. It was Janice, looking at her with a mixture of kindness and apprehension. She wasn’t quite sure how long she’d been sitting there, listening to the Martika-voice.

This wasn’t looking like a good day to get any of her goals accomplished.

No, no, that’s not the right attitude! Stay focused and positive!

Great. Now Judith’s voice had popped up into her head. It was like dueling shoulder angels, with Judith in a prim white suit holding a gold organizer instead of a harp, versus Martika, in a red vinyl dress, replete with pitchfork and grin.