Knot Gneiss (13 page)

“There are doubtless plenty in Hell, though,” Wenda said.

“I really wouldn’t know.”

“Still, it wouldn’t hurt to learn some, if you are to associate with Beauregard.”

“Oh! I hadn’t thought of that.”

The next tree extended small branches that hooked on their skirts and tried to lift them. They both had to jump back to avoid exposure. “Naughty Pine,” Wenda said, smiling ruefully. “In the past I would have accented that differently.”

“Knotty!” Angela exclaimed.

“Yes. Fortunately you don’t need to worry, because it can’t expose your panties.”

“But I want to be able to worry! I need to get substance.”

Oops. “I apologize. I forgot.”

“No need. But I hope I can become a woman of substance soon.”

They were interrupted by the toot of a horn. The rowbot was arriving.

This was a boat made all of metal, with arms that transformed into paddles. It was large enough to accommodate them all. Smoke drifted from its stack; it was indeed a wood-burning robot, with a pile of wood to consume. Robots had once been adversaries to the living creatures of Xanth, but now had been tamed and adapted to many purposes.

Wenda walked out along the pier and approached it, presenting her transfers. A bell sounded, and a gangplank extended to the pier. It seemed their tickets had been accepted.

They boarded. “We are going to the Gap Chasm,” Wenda told it. A bell answered her. That seemed to be the language of this craft.

When they were all aboard, the paddles descended to the water and stroked it vigorously. The craft moved out, forging through the water of the big lake. Puffs of smoke rose from its stack and floated up into the sky, where they mingled companionably with the clouds.

They saw the the green snouts of the chobees pacing them, but then Jumper assumed the form of an ogre, smiling, and the reptiles quickly departed. Evidently the chobees had brushed with ogres in the past, and learned respect by getting pulped into green paste. Ogres were not known for subtlety.

Later, as they were on the verge of the Kiss Mee River as it flowed into the lake, there was a storm that did not look like an ordinary tempest. This one made a howling sound, and let down a huge whirling tube that sucked up water. Then it came toward them and shot out a jet of water that splashed across the deck.

“It’s a waterspout!” Ida said. “It is trying to wash us off the deck or capsize our boat so that we will fall prey to the hungry chobees.”

“It is playing a mean game of Drench Mee,” Meryl said.

“I can punch it,” Jumper said, remaining in ogre form.

“You’d get sucked in and blown away,” Ida said. “Waterspouts are dangerous.”

Indeed, it looked dangerous, as it loomed closer, ready to spout again.

“Maybe I can help,” Angela said. She spread her wings and flew toward it.

“Don’t risk it!” Wenda cried, too late.

The angel flew right to the whirling spout. It spied her, and shot a fierce jet at her. But the water passed right through the angel without affecting her.

Wenda was surprised. “How did it miss her?”

“She has no substance,” Ida reminded her. “It can’t touch her.”

“Oh. Yes.”

Immune to the jets, Angela flew right up to the spinning dark column. She put her sweet face forward and kissed it.

The spout was plainly surprised. Its tight column loosened. Then it lost control and flew apart, splatting them with flying water.

Angela, unaffected, flew back to the boat and landed neatly on the deck.

“What did you do?” Wenda asked, amazed. “A mere kiss by an insubstantial woman shouldn’t have dented it.”

“Yes it did,” Angela said. “I could touch it, while it couldn’t touch me. Sometimes mean-spirited things don’t know how to handle affection. My kiss freaked it out.”

“And the Kiss Mee River is certainly the place for a good kiss,” Meryl said. “It must have had more power here.”

So it seemed. Wenda realized the angel could indeed help their Quest, just by being what she was: a nice girl without substance.

They paddled on up the Kiss Mee River. No more waterspouts threatened them.

They ate the sea biscuits stored on the boat, watching the scenery forge by as the rowbot paddled ceaselessly. Angela didn’t eat; she needed to develop substance before she could eat, ironically.

The sun was hot, and Wenda got thirsty, so she did what was natural in the forest: she cupped her hands and dipped out river water to drink. Meryl joined her.

“Don’t do that!” Ida cried. “The water will—” But as often happened, she was too late.

Wenda sipped the water, and suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to kiss. She kissed Meryl, who was similarly overcome. Then the two of them got up and went after the others. Wenda kissed Hilarion while Meryl kissed Jumper, who had reverted to manform. Then they switched partners. Then they kissed Angela and Ida. Angela cooperated by actively kissing, because that made the illusion of her face just solid enough. Otherwise they would have fallen through her head. Finally, kissed out, they relaxed.

“—make you want to kiss indiscriminately,” Ida finished. “The Kiss Mee is a very friendly river.”

So it seemed.

“Still, if you girls are really thirsty …” Hilarion said, not at all averse to further kissing.

Ida threw a biscuit at him. “Neither of them is your betrothee,” she reminded him sternly.

Dusk came, and the boat forged on. They spread mats on the deck and settled down for the night. Wenda had an idea, and dipped out a cup of river water, setting it beside her.

And Charming was there. Wenda hastily picked up her cup and gulped the water. Then she started kissing him so avidly that he was amazed. “You really miss me!” he said, pleased.

“I really do,” she agreed around kisses.

Her ardor had effect. He was asleep in six minutes instead of seven. That wasn’t quite what she had had in mind. Ah, well. It had been a wild six minutes.

In the morning the boat drew to a halt. They had come to the end of the river. Beyond it was the Gap Chasm.

“I believe we have completed our trollway trip,” Ida said. “Hereafter, we must travel by foot and wing inside the Gap.”

“Isn’t the Gap dangerous?” Meryl asked.

“Not to us,” Ida said. “I have a friend.”

They did not question that. They would surely find out soon enough.

They stepped off the boat. “Thank you, Rowbot,” Angela said, and gave its prow a hug. It almost seemed to Wenda that the boat blushed. The touch of an angel was special.

6

K
NOT

They stood at the brink of the Gap Chasm. The land fell away in a virtual cliff, dropping into the shadowed depths so that they could not see the bottom. A young cloud floated serenely at ground level, which was cloud-height from the depths.

“This may seem like a foolish question,” Hilarion said, “but how can those of us who can’t fly safely descend?”

“There are paths down,” Ida said. “I am familiar with them. There is one near here.” She led the way to the east, and soon they came to a footpath that led up to the brink. And stopped. There was no angling ledge down the side.

“I fear this path has been terminated,” Hilarion said.

“This may require some mental adjustment,” Ida said. “Follow me.” She stepped over the brink.

The others stared. Then Meryl leaped into the air, thinking to fly down and try to catch Ida as she fell. And paused, astonished.

Ida was not falling. She was standing on the cliff, her body at right angles to the ground. “It’s magic,” she explained. “The path provides its own orientation. Simply turn the corner and walk.” She demonstrated by walking a few steps down inside the chasm.

Now Wenda remembered. The Princesses Dawn and Eve had shown how they handled the Gap Chasm, with Dawn crossing on the invisible bridge and Eve taking the low route, the path down into the void. Wenda had crossed in the bridge; Jumper had accompanied Eve into the depths.

“I will try it,” Jumper said. “In my natural state, so I can post a safety line. That is what I did before.” He became the large spider, dabbed a spot of web on the exposed rock, and clambered over. And paused much as Meryl had. “It works. It feels exactly like level ground.”

Wenda trusted her friend, knowing he would catch her if she fell. He was explaining it as if it were new to him, reassuring her. She walked to the brink and stepped over. And turned the corner as if stepping over a ridge. Now she was standing horizontally. “I would not have believed this before trying it,” she said, once again feeling slightly off because she had not said “wood knot.”

After that Hilarion stepped over. “Remarkable,” he said as he joined their orientation.

Meryl, still hovering, exchanged a generous glance with Angela. Actually it was more like a glance and a half. Then she flew to the Gap path and put her tail down. She stood aligned with the others, carefully balanced. Then Angela rounded the corner, not trying to fly. They were all on the path.

Meryl and Angela, having made their little demonstration of solidarity, lifted off the path and hovered nearby. Flying was really easier for them, for different reasons. Wenda saw Hilarion glance at them, perhaps hoping to see something interesting, but there was only a piece of tail as Meryl reoriented to the main chasm rather than the path, and of course there was nothing at all to be seen under Angela’s widely spreading skirt. Wenda suppressed a private smirk of amusement. Hilarion was all right, but he was a man. That was his problem. He simply had to look.

They marched on down, following Ida. The princess was certainly proving to be helpful, with her knowledge of the most feasible route. It seemed like coincidence that they had encountered Angela on the trollway, but Wenda suspected that they had been magically guided. She also suspected that the angel needed them more than they needed her, but she was glad to help. Angela faced a horrible extinction if she did not succeed in her quest.

In time they reached the level bottom of the chasm. The path made a smart right-angle turn, and they resumed vertical orientation. The base was much like regular terrain, with bushes and a few trees dotting gentle hills. There were pie plants and pillow plants, so they would be able to eat and rest. It was actually rather pleasant.

Then they heard an odd puffing sound, interspersed by groud-shaking whomps. “That would be the Gap Dragon,” Jumper said. “I believe he will remember me. You are on good terms, Ida?”

“Excellent terms,” Ida agreed. “My sister Ivy tamed him decades ago, and now he accepts me as well as her.”

“A dragon?” Hilarion asked, drawing his sword.

“No, please, no!” Ida said. “There is no need for that, and the dragon would simply steam you from well beyond sword range. Put it away.”

He sheathed his sword, but did not look much reassured.

The green dragon whomped into sight. He had six legs, stubby little wings, and a huge hot head from which jets of steam puffed. He was a steamer, rather than a smoker or a fire-breather. Wenda knew that steam was quite enough to cook a person. He whomped because his legs weren’t long enough for effective running, so he made snakelike curves up and down, moving forward section by section. It looked inefficient, but Wenda knew it wasn’t; the Gap Dragon could catch what he chose to, in the chasm.

Ida went out to meet the dragon. She hugged the hot head without getting steamed. They did seem to be friends.

Then she introduced the others to the dragon. “Jumper Spider, whom you know from last year; he is now the Prince of Spiders, and married to the Demoness Eris. Wenda Woodwife, who is now the wife of Prince Charming. Prince Hilarion, on a Quest to find his betrothee. Meryl Mermaid, looking for she’s not sure what. And Angela Angel, who needs to become a woman of substance.”

The dragon nodded, accepting them.

“And this is Stanley Steamer, the Gap Dragon,” Ida said, completing the introduction.

“We are glad to meet you in peace,” Hilarion said, just a shade too politely.

The dragon puffed out a harmless cloud of steam in acknowledgment. Wenda knew that it could readily have been extremely harmful, had they encountered the dragon as opponents.

“We have an important mission here,” Ida continued. “I would appreciate it if you made sure that no one interferes with us while we are in the chasm.”

The dragon nodded again, puffing out a cloud of steam. Wenda realized that they would be quite safe in the chasm.

Now they oriented on the Knot, using Wenda’s awareness of it. They followed the chasm west, then found a smaller split to the north, and followed that. But night, closing early in the depths, caught up with them before they reached the Knot, so they camped, harvesting pies and milk pods for dinner.

Angela was restless. “The approach of evening reminds me. Something happened last night that I don’t understand. I was gazing at the stars, when they seemed to jump about seven minutes forward in their arcs. Was I imagining it?”

Wenda smiled. “You were not. You are not the only woman who ever showed her boyfriend her panties. Jumper and I had conjugal visits lasting that long. The rest of the party was put in stasis so as not to be disturbed. You were observant, noting the seeming jump of the stars.”

“Well, I’m a Heavenly creature. I notice celestial events.” She smiled sadly. “I envy you your visits.”

That gave Wenda an idea. “Jumper, do you think Eris would be willing to arrange—”

“I believe she would,” he agreed.

They said no more. But as they settled down to sleep under the stars, and Charming and Eris appeared, Wenda heard Angela’s surprised voice. “Beauregard! However did you manage to escape your chores in H*ll?”

“I am a small-d demon,” he replied. “Eris is a big-D Demoness. She can freeze Hell over, if she chooses, and maybe H*aven too. And she did. They won’t notice the seven minutes I am gone.”

“But why—?”

“It seems your friend Jumper sent her a telepathic message. Something about conjugal visits. She likes to please him.”

“But we’re not married!”

“Not yet,” he said. “Don’t tell.”

Then he must have done something naughty, because Angela squealed with guilty pleasure and ceased talking. She might lack substance in Xanth, but evidently could relate to the demon with no physical difficulty.