Knight (An Impossible Novel) (6 page)

“I promise I won’t,” I said fervently.  “I’ll do better.  I’ll be good.”

His brow furrowed as he studied me carefully, as though he was considering what to do with me.  Although I believed that he wouldn’t hurt me for my transgression, I still feared he would rebuke me.  And I didn’t know how to earn his forgiveness if he didn’t want me sexually.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized desperately, using my words to express myself as he had instructed me to do.  I could follow his rules.  I could.  I stared at him imploringly, willing him to believe that.

He touched his fingers to my cheek in an effort to calm me.  “It’s okay, girl,” he reassured me.  “I’m not angry with you.”

“Thank you,” I whispered gratefully.

Thank you for forgiving me, Master.

There was a knock at the door.  Susan didn’t wait for Master’s permission to enter.

“Good morning, Agent James,” she said cordially.  “And goodbye.”  She glanced at our intertwined fingers.  “I promise you Jane’s hand won’t fall off if you release it.  It will still be firmly attached to her wrist when you return.”

Master frowned at her.  “You’re here awfully early,” he remarked.

Susan shrugged.  “I came in early.  You’re not the only one who wants to see Jane get better, you know.  And I was concerned you might have ignored my stipulations and kept the other nurses out of the room during the night.”

“I wouldn’t do that.  As many people have pointed out, I don’t have a medical degree,” he said coolly.

Susan nodded curtly.  “You’re getting more and more sensible all the time,” she said with approval.  “If you’re ready to admit that you’re an FBI agent and not a doctor, then might I suggest you go back to your own job and allow me to do mine?”

I clutched Master’s hand more tightly.  I didn’t want him to leave me.  My heart twisted as I took in his regretful expression.

“As much as I hate to admit it, she’s right,” he told me.  “I promised Clayton I would help him track down your family.  Don’t worry,” he reassured me.  “I’ll come back as soon as my shift is over.”  He turned his attention back to Susan.  “How late will you be here?”

“I’m here for twelve hours.  I’m supposed to get off at six.”

Master nodded.  “I’ll be here at five-thirty.”

Susan sighed heavily.  “I don’t suppose I could persuade you to sleep at your own home tonight, could I?  Jane needs some room to breathe.”

“No, you couldn’t,” Master replied unequivocally.

Susan threw up her hands in exasperated defeat. 
“Fine.  I’ll see you at five-thirty.”

Master’s expression softened.  “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Susan blinked hard, taken aback.  “I’ll stay with Jane today,” she promised, all signs of bossy disapproval gone.  She placed a tentative hand on Master’s arm.  “I might not approve of your interference, but it’s obvious that you have a big heart under all that machismo crap.  I’ve seen law enforcement agents bring in addicts more times than I can count, and they leave as soon as they possibly can.  It’s nice to see that you’re so invested in helping Jane.  And so long as you allow me to treat her, I’ll allow you to stay.”

Master gave her a lopsided smile.  “I would stay whether you allowed it or not.  But I appreciate it.”

He turned to me, his expression gentle and somewhat reluctant.  “I have to go now, sweetheart.”

I fought back the urge to protest, to beg him to stay.  He had ordered me to express myself freely, but I knew that didn’t extend to open defiance.

“It’s okay,” he said soothingly, sensing my distress.  “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

I swallowed back my panic at the prospect of being without him.  I had no option but to agree.  Besides, he had appointed Susan to look after me, so I had to trust his judgment.  I forced myself to nod, communicating my acceptance of his wishes.

“That’s a good girl,” he said gently before squeezing my hand one last time.  The apprehension that gripped me at the prospect of his absence was burned away by the warm glow that pulsed to life in my chest in response to his tender praise.

He nodded once at Susan before leaving me.  I wanted to cry out at the loss of his reassuring hold on my hand.  His touch had been my anchor since I had awoken to my new life, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through the day without it.  But he had promised to come back.  I had to trust him.  I would be good.

“Are you sure Agent James isn’t making you uncomfortable, Jane?”  Susan was frowning slightly, disapproval etched in her soft features.  “I understand if you’re scared to tell him you don’t want him to touch you.  I’ll keep him out if he’s bothering you.”

“No,” I said firmly.  “I’m not scared of him.”

I’m only scared of him leaving me.

But I didn’t dare say that aloud.  It was Master’s will that I remain in Susan’s care until he returned, and I wasn’t going to protest.

Susan still appeared slightly uncomfortable.  “Well, if you’re happy with the caveman being here, then I’ll look the other way.  I really do appreciate that he cares so deeply about helping you recover, but he
is
acting inappropriately.”

I said nothing, and after a moment, Susan’s easy smile returned.  “How about we get you some breakfast?”  She asked brightly.  “We need to get your calorie count up.”

I nodded my assent.  Master had ordered me to eat without waiting for his permission, so I would comply with Susan’s wishes.

But my compliance was soon tested.  After breakfast, Susan tried to convince me to defy one of Master’s orders.  Even though he wasn’t there to witness my transgression, I didn’t want to break another one of his rules.  He had been so disappointed in me when I had slipped up and called him “Master.”  I only ever wanted him to be perfectly happy with me.  I had promised I would be good, and I fully intended to keep that promise.

Susan had brought me into the bathroom so I could use the toilet and take a shower.  I was so weak that I couldn’t walk the short distance to the bathroom without her assistance, and she insisted that I sit down while taking a shower.

But once I was seated, she began tugging on the laces that held the back of my hospital gown closed.  I quickly twisted away from her.

“You don’t have permission to remove your clothes.”

“Don’t,” I said desperately.

Susan placed her hands on my shoulders, trying to steady me.  “It’s okay, Jane.  I just need to take your gown off so you can get clean.”

“No!”  I protested sharply.  “I can’t do that.”

Susan’s soft brown eyes gazed into my own.  “I’m not going to hurt you, Jane.  You can trust me.”

“I do,” I assured her, my voice rough with my rising panic.  I had to make her understand.  “But I can’t take off my clothes.  He told me I wasn’t allowed to.”

“That man isn’t going to hurt you anymore, Jane,” she assured me firmly.  “You don’t have to do anything he told you to do.”

She thought I was talking about that Bastard.  “No.  Not him.  He wouldn’t let me wear clothes.”

I wasn’t sure how to explain myself.  I couldn’t refer to Master as “Smith” or “Agent James.”  He hadn’t given me permission to call him by his name.  But I wasn’t allowed to call him “Master” either.  Tears began to form at the corners of my eyes as my frustration and fear overwhelmed me.

Susan’s brows drew together in puzzlement.

“Please,” I begged raggedly.  “I know he left me with you, but I’m not supposed to take off my clothes.”

Understanding dawned in Susan’s eyes, and she scowled as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket along with a business card.  Glancing at the card, she punched in the number and held the phone to her ear.

“Agent James,” she said coldly into the receiver.  “Could you please explain to me why Jane thinks she can’t take off her clothes?”

I could hear Master’s deep voice rumbling on the other end of the line, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.  After a moment, Susan pulled the phone from her ear and held it out between us.

“You’re on speakerphone,” Susan informed Master, her voice a bit louder than was strictly necessary.

“Hi, sweetheart.”
  Just the sound of his voice made most of the tension leave my muscles.  Master would tell me what to do.  And he would know I had been good.  I hadn’t allowed Susan to persuade me to break his rule.

“Hi,” I answered softly.

“I need you to do what Susan says.”

My stomach clenched.  Had I done something wrong?  I had thought my obedience would please him, but apparently I was supposed to obey Susan in his absence.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized tremulously.  I had already disappointed him once today.  What would he do to me now that I had failed him twice in the space of a few hours?

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he reassured me.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.  But I need you to mind Susan when I’m not there.  Can you do that for me?”

“Yes,” I said fervently, clinging to the promise of his forgiveness like a lifeline.

Susan was scowling at the phone.  “Thank you for your help, Agent James.  But you and I will talk about this before I leave tonight.”  There was no trace of her usually sweet demeanor in her narrowed eyes.

But I was too jubilant to allow her anger to bother me.  Master knew I hadn’t broken his rule, and now he had given me a new order to follow.

Obey Susan until I return.

The prospect of getting through the day without him was suddenly far less terrifying.

Chapter 5

I caught snippets of Master and Susan’s heated conversation as their harshly whispered words drifted in through my open doorway.  Master wouldn’t consent to retreating further than the hallway to speak privately with Susan, so I was able to puzzle out some of what they were saying.

“Totally inappropriate… Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you give her permission to do everything… No different than that man -”

“Don’t you dare compare me to him,” Master barked before lowering his voice back to a murmur.  “…don’t understand…”

“Then explain it so I can understand,” Susan hissed.

I picked out the words “structure” and “rules” in the midst of Master’s low rumbling.

“Is everything okay here?”  Clayton’s voice cut through their hushed conversation.

“Yes,” Susan said slowly, her voice returning to a more normal volume.  “I think so.”  All of the fire had left her tone.  Whatever Master had told her must have placated her.

“What are you doing here, Vaughn?”  Master asked.

“We need to ask Jane some more questions.  You know that,” Clayton replied calmly.

“That can wait until tomorrow.”  Master’s voice was firm.

Clayton sighed.  “We’re going nowhere fast with her case.  Without more to go on, we can’t get any closer to locating her family or tracking down the Bastard who abused her.  Do you really want to waste one more day before we find him?  The longer we wait, the colder his trail gets.”

“Fine.”
  Master sounded resigned.

Susan poked her head through the door so she could address me.  “I’ll be back first thing in the morning, Jane,” she assured me.

“Okay.  Thank you.”  I truly was grateful that she had resolved whatever had made her angry with Master.  I liked Susan, and Master trusted her to take care of me.  I felt safe with her.

Then Master stepped into my room, and I forgot all about Susan.  I had never really noticed how he moved before; he had spent most of his time with me sitting at my bedside.  Although his body was imposing, he moved with the smooth, controlled grace of a predator.  His eyes looked tired, but he had shaved since I had last seen him.  It seemed he had a perpetual five o’clock shadow, but it only made him even more appealing, giving him a rough edge that belied
the orderliness of his neatly tailored suit.  And although he had straightened his appearance for work, his dark, wavy hair still fell haphazardly to curl just beneath his jawline.

Beneath his civilized veneer, there was
a wildness to him that I relished.  It was that ferocity that made me feel so safe with him.  He would never turn it against me, but no one would dare to touch me while this powerful man claimed ownership of me.

“Hi, sweetheart.”
  He beamed at me, and the sight of his dimple elicited a reciprocal smile from me.  The upward tug of the muscles around my mouth was still only a vaguely familiar sensation.

Clayton followed Master into my room. 
“Hey, Jane.”  He was smiling at me too.

Everyone was so kind to me here.  I never wanted to leave this place.

Master settled into the chair beside my bed again and covered my hand with his.  I didn’t realize just how keenly I had missed his presence there.  Tension I didn’t even know I had been holding in my muscles finally eased, and I felt safer than I had in hours.

Obeying Susan had been easy once Master had ordered me to do so, and we had followed a regimented schedule all day.  I had eaten several small meals and even walked around for a short time to begin building up my strength.  She explained that I would repeat the processes daily until I was healthy. 

I couldn’t contemplate what might come after they deemed me healthy.  The prospect of more change terrified me.  All I wanted was for Master to tell me what to do.  Before he had taken me for himself, I had been imprisoned in the dark for most of the time.  Back then, I didn’t have to think about anything other than waiting for my ma – that Bastard, I corrected myself – to come and use me.

Now Master had burdened me with too many freedoms all at once.  I would have been overwhelmed by them without his constant guidance.  All of my senses were assailed by sights, sounds, and smells that were disturbingly familiar to me.  I had forgotten about the world outside my dungeon, and now my recollections of such things threatened to call forth the woman I had once been.

She
was the one who remembered these things, but I couldn’t allow myself to remember
her
.  If she existed, then the abused slave also existed.  I couldn’t face either of them.  I had to stay in the present, had to focus on pleasing my new Master so I could remain in my new reality.  I couldn’t look back.

“I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you a few questions, Jane.”  Clayton’s expression was slightly reluctant, regretful, even.

My gut clenched.  I had gathered from their hushed conversation in the hallway that they wanted to question me about that Bastard.  I didn’t want to think about him.  But Clayton hadn’t asked whether or not I wanted to answer his questions; he had simply told me he would ask me.

Master squeezed my hand.  “It’s alright, sweetheart.  I’ll be right here with you.”

I swallowed hard and nodded.  Master wanted me to comply with Clayton’s wishes.  Even though it wasn’t an order, I couldn’t refuse.

“We want to track down the man who hurt you, Jane,” Clayton said, his tone calm and even.  “I know you can’t remember his name, but we can’t find him without more to go on.  Can you tell us where he lives?  Is he here in New York or did you travel to come to Decadence?”

I bit my lip.  I didn’t know the answer to his first question.  The Bastard had kept me in the dark, blindfolding me before he took me from my prison.  And I had been so desperate for my fix that I hadn’t been able to focus on anything else.  I had no concept of how much time had passed between leaving my dungeon and arriving at Decadence.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.  “I’m sorry.”

Clayton’s brow furrowed.  “Did you meet up with him at the club that night?  Where do you live?”

“Here.”  This was my new home.

“Where
did
you live, Jane?”  Clayton’s voice was cajoling, but the question penetrated my new sense of safety like dozens of needles pricking at my brain.  I didn’t want to remember.  I had resolved to bury the woman who had existed in that dungeon.  I couldn’t be her any longer.  A fine tremor ran through me as the scent of damp concrete and coppery blood filled my nostrils.

“Answer him, girl,” Master spoke softly, but it was an order.

“In the dark.  I lived in the dark.”

Clayton shot a worried glance at Master.  “I know your addiction must make it difficult to recall, but I need for you to try to remember where you were before you came to Decadence.”

Where was I before I had felt the sting of the needle for the first time?

My mind shied away from it.  That was before I had been broken.  There was nothing before the darkness.

But they wanted more from me.  My answer didn’t please them.

“Can you describe your home to me?”  Clayton pressed.

Home.

That word meant little to me.  It was laughably incongruous with the dank misery in which I had existed.  But I had nothing else to give Clayton.

“It was cold,” I whispered reluctantly, allowing the memory of that place to brush at the edges of my mind.  “I think it was underground.  It was always dark unless he was there.”

The fury rolling off of Master was so powerful that I couldn’t bear to look at him.  Clayton’s expression was carefully neutral, but his knuckles were white where his clenched fist rested on his knee.  I was trying my best to give them what they wanted, but it still wasn’t enough.

Answer him. 
Master had ordered me to answer Clayton’s questions.

I willed myself to fully return to the dungeon.
Behind my closed eyelids, the image of my prison bloomed to life.  I shuddered as it solidified around me, and I was once again immersed in the horror of that place.

“The walls and floor were concrete.  There was a cage. 
A cross.  Chains.”

Whips.
  Bruises.  Tears.  Blood.

I touched my fingers to my neck where I felt the phantom weight of my iron collar.

“Pain.”

So much pain.

My lungs burned as I struggled to draw breath through my constricted windpipe.

Large hands cupped my cheeks, their warmth pushing back the cold that had seeped into my veins.

“Open your eyes, girl.”

I did as ordered, and I found silver eyes staring down at me rather than muddy green ones.

“Stay here with me,” Master commanded.  “Breathe.”

I complied, drawing air into my oxygen-starved lungs.

“How long were you there?” Clayton’s voice drifted down to me.

I shook my head slightly.  I didn’t know.  Time meant nothing to me.  There was no time.  There was only the pain.  And that never ended.

“That’s enough, Vaughn,” Master said sharply.

“We need to know more, James,” Clayton replied firmly.  “It’s August 26, 2013,” he informed me.  “When did you first go to that place?”

I had been there forever, for my entire existence. 
She
had arrived there.  She had a life before that place.

She awoke in a cage.  She wanted to escape.  He beat her.  He raped her.

“He took her there.  She tried to get out.  He wouldn’t let her go.  He hurt her.”

A sob ripped its way up my throat.  I couldn’t remember her.  I couldn’t.

Master’s arms wrapped around me, their strength enfolding me, sheltering me.  I buried my face against his chest, and my fingers twined into the fabric of his shirt as I clutched at him.

“Master,” I whispered desperately, voicing his title aloud to reassure myself that he was real.  I belonged to him now, and I would never be forced to go back to that place.

This time he didn’t admonish me for saying the word.

“It’s okay, little one.  He can’t hurt you anymore.  You’re safe with me.”  His deep voice rumbled over my skin like a soothing balm.

“James.”  Clayton’s sharply spoken word was imbued with warning.

“Get out, Vaughn,” Master growled.

“You can’t let her call you ‘Master.’”  Heat colored Clayton’s usually calm tone.  “She doesn’t understand what that means.  Not in the same way you understand it.”

“I know that,” Master snapped.  “But she needs this.”

I clung to Master more tightly.  I couldn’t allow Clayton to convince him to leave me.  I peeked up at Master’s friend, staring into his blue eyes imploringly.

“Please.  I’m sorry I said ‘Master.’  I know it’s against the rules.  I promise I’ll do better.  I’ll be good.”

The light in Clayton’s eyes was deeply sad and more than a little horrified.  “Okay,” he conceded.  “It’s okay, Jane.  No one is going to punish you.  But you can’t call Smith ‘Master.’  You’re not a slave.”

My mind couldn’t comprehend his firm declaration.  If I wasn’t a slave, then I didn’t know what I was.  I didn’t know how to exist as anything else.  The concept of no longer belonging to Master terrified me.  I brushed Clayton’s words from my conscious mind.

He glanced over at Master.  “I suppose you’re going to stay here again tonight.”

“Yes,” Master replied roughly.  “And don’t you dare try to tell me not to.”

Clayton shook his head.  “No.  I wouldn’t do that.  I think it’s actually a good thing that you’re staying.”

Master’s arms tightened around me.  I turned my face into his chest, inhaling his comforting scent.  It was warm and rich with a hint of a sharp edge, like a smooth whisk
ey that burns deliciously as it slides down your throat.

“I’ll see you in the morning, then, Smith,” Clayton said, weariness roughening his voice.

“Definitely,” Master growled.  “We’re going to catch the Bastard.  I thought he had taken advantage of her, but he fucking abducted her, Clayton.”

“I know.  We’ll bring in the guys from NYPD Missing Persons.”

“I won’t turn down the extra manpower, but this is our collar, Clayton.  We’re going to be the ones who bring him in.  I won’t let the NYPD treat him gently.”

“Agreed,” Clayton said firmly.  His chair scraped against the floor as he stood to leave.  I didn’t watch him as he walked away; I kept my face firmly pressed agains
t Master’s chest.

“Clayton,” Master called after his friend.  “Thanks.”

I breathed Master’s scent in greedily as Clayton’s footsteps retreated, allowing him to claim all of my senses.  No matter what Clayton said, I belonged to Master.  And I wasn’t ever going to let anyone take me from him.

Over the next four days, Master guided me through the challenges of my new life.  My schedule was carefully regimented, and Master’s orders for compliance with Susan’s wishes made tackling the unfamiliar less terrifying. 

The greatest difficulties came from the requests of the FBI agents who came to see me.  A strange woman came to take my fingerprints.  I would have been frightened of her touch if Master hadn’t assured me that my compliance would please him.