Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) (7 page)

He sat me down at
the patio table and hurried inside. It was cold, but he had switched on the
outside heaters. Warm air blew all around me, making the atmosphere almost
cozy. He returned with a take-out bag from the Mexican restaurant we’d eaten at
on our first date. I laughed when he pulled out my food. It was the same thing
I’d ordered that night, and I was impressed that he remembered. Seth knew how
to make me feel important and loved.

We ate our meal and
made casual conversation. When we were finished, it was only eight and my
curfew wasn’t until eleven. I wondered what else he had planned for me.

He led me inside to
the living room and we sat down on the couch. He reached behind a pillow
producing a small box wrapped in pink paper with silver and pink ribbons tied
in a bow.

     “I got you a
present. I wanted you to know how much I love you and how happy I am that we’re
together.”

 I knew my smile
couldn’t have gotten any bigger. I tore off the paper and opened the box,
gasping when I saw what it contained. Inside was a silver necklace with a heart
pendant outlined in diamonds.

 “Oh Seth, this is
gorgeous but it’s too much.”

 “Nothing is ever
too much for you,” he said, lifting the necklace from the box. I scooped up my
hair and turned. He fastened the clasp at the back of my neck, letting his
fingers glide down my spine to my waist. Chill bumps erupted all over my body,
and I sucked in a deep breath as my heart took off in a gallop in my chest. I
turned around to face him and threw my arms around his neck. He held me close,
his lips finding mine again. As we pulled apart he murmured, “I love you so
much.”

 “I love you too,
Seth,” I replied shyly.

     My smile fell
as a sudden thought crossed my mind. He noticed the change. “What’s wrong?”

   I looked down at
my lap. “I didn’t get you a gift,” I admitted sadly.

 He lifted my chin. “Babe,
it’s okay. You don’t have to buy me anything. I’m sure there are other things
you could give me.”

     I smiled,
leaned over and gave him a chaste kiss. He chuckled and shook his head before
taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. “Let me show you around the house,”
he said, his eyes sparkling.

He proceeded to lead
me on a tour of his whole house, though it was more like a small mansion. I
knew his stepdad worked as a dentist, but I had no idea there was so much money
to be made in teeth. Seth’s family was obviously well off, but he’d never
mentioned it. I didn’t care one way or the other; it was none of my business.

He stopped at a door
at the end of the upstairs hallway. As he swung it open, I knew instantly this
was his room. Football memorabilia hung on the walls, and his jersey was framed
above his bed.

I whistled as I took
it all in. “Boy, you really do love football, huh?”

 He smiled and
shrugged his shoulders before moving to his bed, sprawling out across it. He looked
at me expectantly and patted the spot next to him.

     “Come lay down
beside me,” he said, his voice sounding low and in a tone I’d never heard him
use before.

     My feet felt
frozen to the floor as I twisted my hands in front of me. A smile slowly spread
across his face as he rose from the bed and stalked over to me. He freed my
hands from their tangle and laced his fingers through mine. His intense gaze
never wavered as he walked backwards, leading me to his bed.

 “See, that’s not so
bad, is it?” He said, as I laid down on his bed, turning to face him. My cheeks
flamed and he let out a small chuckle. “You. Are. So. Sweet.” He whispered, a
kiss peppered between each word.

His warm breath on
my face and the closeness of our bodies made my stomach churn a bit. I didn’t
feel very sweet at the moment. I felt nervous and a little afraid. The voice in
my head was screaming at me to get up and get out of there, but the message was
obviously not getting through to my arms and legs as I continued to lay there.
He stroked my face and ran his hand into my hair at the back of my neck. It
felt wonderful, but I knew I couldn’t let this go much further. He leaned in,
kissing me tenderly as his hand made its way down my neck to my shoulder and
across to my arm. His hand became bolder, but before I could swat it away, he
released my lips and asked softly, “Katie, do you really love me?”

 I cocked my head,
confused by his question. “What? Of course I do, Seth. Why would you ask me
that?”

     He took a deep
breath, letting it out slowly before he spoke, “I know you said you wanted to
remain a virgin but if you really loved me, you would want to share yourself
with me. I love you and want to show you how much.”

     It felt like
all the air had been sucked from my lungs as a cold chill ran down my spine. My
brain refused to find any words as I laid there, mouth agape, so he asked me
again, “Katie, do you love me or not?”

     As my brain
finally processed his question, I spoke from my heart. “I..I love you very
much. I have never felt this way about anyone, but I thought you understood
that I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex.”

     He cupped my
face, staring into my eyes. “I can’t wait anymore. I’m going crazy here. I need
to be with you that way. I have told you over and over that I love you. You are
who I want to be with forever. Please let me make love to you. Please give me
this part of you, and then I’ll know you love me as much as I love you.”

     A tear rolled
down my cheek, and I shook my head. “I do love you, but I can’t give you want
you want. I’m sorry.”

 He released my
face, and with a look of complete surrender simply said, “I understand.” He sat
up and added, “Come on, I better get you home.”

 With wide eyes and
a sick feeling in my gut, I sat up and clutched his arm tightly. “Wh-why are
you taking me home? My curfew is still two hours away,” I stammered, trying to
hold back the flood of tears threatening to break free.

 He pried my hand
from his arm before sliding off the bed and moving to the door. “I don’t want
you here, Katie. We’re over. You don’t love me enough, and I know that now.”

     I stood and
swayed, weak-kneed as the shock of his words took hold. My voice was barely a
whisper as I tried to clarify what he had said. “What? That’s it? I won’t have
sex with you, so now it’s over?”

He simply nodded his
head, his green eyes never leaving my face. His expression remained cool, as if
none of this mattered to him. I could no longer hold back the rush of emotion
as it swept over me, and I began to sob. He continued to stare at me, seemingly
unmoved by the outpouring of my heart.
What happened to the Seth that said
he loved me, and gave me a beautiful necklace only a short time ago?  
This
had been the best two months of my life. I couldn’t let Seth go. I loved him. The
conversation I’d had with JT flashed through my mind- he’d been right. Seth
wouldn’t stick around if I continued to make him wait. If I wanted to keep him,
I had to do whatever it took, but was it worth that?

     “Seth...” I
began but he stepped in front of me and reaching up with both hands, unclasped
my necklace. I gasped and stumbled back onto the bed. He held his hand out,
dropping the necklace to the floor with a thud, and I lost it. I sobbed harder
and wrapped myself into a ball, my knees against my chest.

 “Please don’t do
this. Don’t break my heart,” I choked out through my tears, my voice muffled by
my knees.

“Do you love me,
Katie?” I heard him ask for the third and what I knew would be the final time.

 I looked up into
his cold face and slowly nodded my head.

 “Then take off your
clothes,” he demanded.

 I closed my eyes
and thought of my promise to God that I was about to break. I knew this wasn’t
right, but I loved Seth and this was what he wanted. I slowly undressed, unable
to suppress the shake in my hands as he stood over me, watching my every move.
After I was stripped bare, I curled myself into a ball once again, my face
turned away from Seth. I couldn’t bear to look at him. The sobs had stopped but
silent tears continued to fall. He swept my hair over my shoulder and clasped
the necklace on me once again. The presence of it around my neck felt like a
disgrace to me now.

He kissed the top of
my head and whispered, “Look at me.” I turned to him, meeting his gaze. “I love
you. You don’t know how much this means to me.” I couldn’t speak. All I could
do was cry.

 That night, on our
two month anniversary, Seth showed me how much he loved me, and it was the
worst night of my life.

Seth had held my
hand the whole way home and told me how much he loved me, how special the night
was and how now, I was completely his. I had to swallow down the bile that had crept
up my throat. My head was spinning, and I was in pain. In my wildest dreams, I
never thought my first time would leave me feeling like this. I had always
imagined it would be a beautiful thing I shared with my husband on our wedding
night. I was tainted now. I ruined everything by giving into Seth but even
after everything he said and did, I still loved him. He owned my heart and now,
he owned my body too. He would use me anyway he wanted. This I was sure of. I
couldn’t lose him though- he was all I had.

 When he dropped me
off at home a few minutes before curfew, I was in panic mode. I quietly crept
into the house and was surprised to see that it was dark. My parents had not
waited up for me. I shook my head in disgust as I thought of the blind trust
they had in me. If they only knew their sweet, innocent daughter was gone and
was never coming back. I barely made it to my room before the tears started
again. I pushed my face into my pillow so they wouldn’t hear my sobs. I finally
got it under control and changed into my pajamas. I went to the bathroom and
washed my face. As I looked in the mirror, I knew I had to get it together. I
had to put a happy smile back on my face to fool my parents, Seth and maybe
even myself. I crawled under the covers feeling drained and worn down. I closed
my eyes, wanting to pray, but was afraid God wouldn’t hear my prayers now that
I had broken my promise to Him. I wasn’t worthy anymore, so instead, I went to
sleep with a broken heart and tattered soul.

Seth called me the
next day at five. I really didn’t want to speak to him. I didn’t know what to
say after what had happened the night before, but I answered the call. It was a
short conversation.

 “I’m coming to pick
you up at six. Be ready,” he ordered.

 “Uh, okay. Where
are we going?” I asked hesitantly.

“We’re going to hang
with some of my friends tonight.”

 “Seth, I really wanted
to stay home tonight.” I said and held my breath. The silence that followed was
deafening.

“Well, you’re going,
so I’ll see you at six,” he growled out before hanging up on me.

    
Why is he
mad at me? I’d given him what he wanted.
I felt a little uneasy but got
ready anyway. I went downstairs with a fake smile plastered on my face.

     “Mom, Seth will
be here in a few minutes. We’re going to hang out with his friends. I won’t be
out late,” I said, attempting to keep my voice steady and not betray my
illusion of happiness.

     “Okay, have a
good time,” she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

     I fought off
the urge to vomit. She trusted me and after what I’d done, I was disgusted with
myself.

Seth arrived right
at six and knocked on the door. He charmed my parents, as usual, and for the
first time, I saw it for what it really was- an act.

     He didn’t open
the jeep door for me as he usually did. He just got in on his side and stared
at me as I continued to stand by the door.

“Get in, Katie,” he
said, rolling his eyes.

I got in and put on
my seat belt. We headed down the road with the radio blaring. It was too loud,
so I reached over to turn it down. He swatted my hand away hard. “Don’t touch
my radio,” he barked.

 I pulled my
stinging hand back and stared at the side of his face. “What’s wrong? Are you
mad at me about something?”

 He reached over,
taking my still stinging hand, and rubbed his thumb over the redness. “No. I’m
not mad at you. I love you, but you need to grow up and drop this innocent act.
We both know you’re not innocent anymore.”

 I snatched my hand
away, shocked that he said that to me. I felt tears as they stung my eyes and
looked out the window so he wouldn’t see them fall.

 “Don’t cry, babe. I
just want you to be the person I know you can be, for me.”

What’s so wrong
with me? I like me, or I did anyway.

I dried my face, and
took a deep breath, preparing myself for a discussion he was not going to like.
“Seth, I feel really guilty about last night,” I whispered and held my breath
waiting for his reply.

“Katie, you have
nothing to feel guilty about. We love each other and that’s what two people do
when they are in love.”

“Just because we
love each other, doesn’t make it right and you know it,” I said, trying to keep
my voice calm since he was already upset with me.

He ran his hand
through his hair- his sign of frustration. “Look, I’ll give you a little while
to deal with these issues you’re having about sex but after that, I don’t want
to hear another word about it. You’ll have no more hesitations like last night.
You got it?”

“Yeah. I got it,” I replied,
swallowing hard. I knew there was no turning back now.

***

 We ended up at JT’s
house again, but it was only his date and us. I didn’t like the situation at
all. He started a movie, and we all sat on the couch. I chose the end so I
wouldn’t have to sit next to him.

I couldn’t pay
attention to the movie because I was so tense. Seth wrapped his arm around me,
pulled me close and tried to kiss me passionately. I didn’t want to kiss him
like that in front of other people. That was gross, especially with JT around
staring at me like I was a piece of meat. Seth exhaled a deep breath before
getting up to go to the bathroom. I was left alone with JT and his date. She’d
obviously been drinking or something, because she seemed drowsy. He scooted
closer to me and tucked my hair behind my ear. I cringed as his finger lingered
on my neck.
Of all the times for me to wear my hair down- it had to be
around him.

 “I love your hair
like this. It’s much prettier than in that boring ponytail you wear all the
time. Oh, by the way, how are you feeling? Seth told me about last night. I see
you took my advice after all,” he said, his usual smirk in place.

     “Stay away from
me, JT,” I demanded, looking at him in disgust.

 He chuckled and
twirled a piece of my hair before leaning down to sniff it. “I don’t think I
will,” he whispered.

What in the world
is wrong with this guy? That’s it! No more!
I made a decision and just needed to bide my time until Seth got
back from the bathroom. Then I’d tell him all about his best bud. I knew he
wouldn’t take it very well, and JT might get hurt but all I was worried about
was getting out of there.

 “Katie, what are
you doing?” Seth’s voice boomed behind me, making me jump.

 I turned to look at
him. “Fighting off your best friend. He sniffed my hair.” I said, my voice
rising with every word.

Seth’s face darkened
and his eyes narrowed as he turned his harsh gaze to JT. “Don’t look at me,
bro. It was her. She was hitting on me,” JT insisted, hands up in front of him.

 “You’re a liar! I
would never hit on you,” I yelled, leaning away from him.

     Seth reached
over the back of the couch and grabbed me by the hair. I screamed, my hands
flying to his wrist as he yanked me back against the couch, pulling my face
close to his.

 “Don’t ever talk to
my friend like that again. Do you understand?” he growled.

 I heard JT’s
laughter as I nodded as best I could with my hair pulled so tightly. He finally
released me, and I slumped into the corner of the couch and began to cry. He
came around, sat down beside me and pulled me against him. I tried to resist,
but he held me even tighter.

      “I’m sorry I
hurt you. I just get so mad when I think of another guy touching you. Please
forgive me.” I couldn’t answer him as my tears soaked his shirt.

He took me home
later that night and kissed me gently before I climbed out of the jeep. “I love
you,” he said, and looked at me expectantly.

 I tried to smile,
but my cheeks felt frozen in place. “I love you too,” I whispered but wasn’t
sure if I meant it. I didn’t know this new Seth at all.

***

     The next week things
got worse for me. Seth decided to inform me in front of all his friends that I
was getting fat. I knew that wasn’t true. My weight hadn’t changed, but it hurt
so much for him to embarrass me like that. I simply stared at him, mouth open,
as he chuckled along with his friends. I happened a glance over at JT; he
wasn’t laughing.

A few days later, I
caught Seth talking to a cheerleader at her locker when he was supposed to be meeting
me in the parking lot. They stood a little too close and he reached up,
brushing her hair off her shoulder in a way that told me they were more than
friends. I saw red and marched right up to him, grabbing his arm before I
thought better of it. “What are you doing?” I hissed.

 He glared at me and
pulled his arm from my hand. He turned his attention back to the cheerleader,
ignoring me. I was at a complete loss as to what to do, so after a minute of
listening to him brag about himself, I cleared my throat. He glared at me. “Are
you still here?”

 My eyes filled with
tears. I turned and fled to the parking lot, not wanting him to see that he’d
made me cry, yet again.

As I stood by his
jeep waiting for him, JT strolled over. He ran his fingers down my arm before I
could scoot away. “Poor girl, is Seth not what you thought he was?”

 I glared at him, before
looking away as if he wasn’t even there. He leaned in close to me, causing me
to get a whiff of his mint gum. My stomach churned at the sickly, sweet smell.

“Look, I like you. I
always have. Why don’t you give me a chance? I can make you forget all about
Seth.” His voice actually sounded sincere, but when I glanced at his face, I
saw the sneer.

“What is wrong with
you, JT? Why won’t you leave me alone?” I yelled, not caring who heard me.

He gave me a huge
grin that lit up his eyes. “Now that’s what I want to see. Get mad. Let me see
the real Katie.”

I turned away from
him, my whole body shaking. I took several deep breaths, trying to suppress
this unknown feeling. This was more than anger. This was rage, and it scared
me. I felt I could easily lash out at JT. Part of me wanted to just hit him,
scratch him, kick him, anything to cause him pain like he and Seth had caused
me, but amidst all these feelings swirling in my head, a realization dawned on
me. This was what JT wanted, what he’d been working towards all this time. I
had always kept my cool around him and managed, for the most part, not to show
him any emotion, and he couldn’t stand it. He wanted me to get all worked up,
get scared, angry or upset. Well, I had news for him, that one little outburst
was all he was getting out of me.

I turned back to him
but made sure my expression and voice were cool. “What do you want, JT?”

 He smiled wickedly.
“You’ll see,” he whispered.

 An involuntary shuddered
ran through my entire body. I closed my eyes to steady myself and when I opened
them, I spotted Seth coming towards us.

 “Hey, are you two
playing nice?” he asked as he put his arm around me and kissed the top of my
head.

 “We sure are,” JT
replied, glancing over at me. I swallowed and kept quiet. Something in his eyes
told me not to disagree.

 “Good. I like to
see my girl and my best bro getting along. You ready to go, babe?”

 I silently walked
over and got in the jeep. JT leaned over and spoke to Seth. I heard their
laughter and just wanted to go home.

 On the drive there,
I asked him about the girl he’d been talking to. “Oh, that’s a girl JT wanted
to know about, so he had me talk to her.”

 I crossed my arms
over my chest and raised my eyebrows. “Why can’t he talk to her himself?” I asked,
not believing a word he’d said.

 “Because he’s
seeing that other girl you met at his house, and she’d flip if she saw him
talking to another girl.” I didn’t argue. I simply turned my head and stared
out the window. “You believe me, don’t you?” he asked.

 I knew better than
to say no. “Yes, I believe you,” I lied.

I continued to watch
the world pass by through the window. I wondered how I’d gotten to this place,
so far from the girl I was only a short while ago. His voice in my ear broke my
inner musings. “Good. You know you can trust me, Katie.”

 Yeah right!
I’d stopped trusting him after our two month
anniversary.

***

     Between the
insults and heartbreak, the next few days ran together. I didn’t even recognize
myself in the mirror anymore. My parents knew something was up by the end of
the week and began to ask if I was okay. I kept assuring them I was just tired
or that I had too much homework. I didn’t want them to know that Seth was the
real reason. I kept hoping he’d snap out of it and go back to the sweet Seth he
once was.

I made the mistake
of talking to a guy that was in my American Lit class. I had a question about
an upcoming test, and he had the highest grade in the class. It was completely
innocent, but not knowing better, he reached out and touched my arm. I pulled
away as fast as I could, but it was too late. Seth had already seen it.

 When the guy walked
away, Seth pulled me into a classroom that had a few students in it. He got in
my face, accusing me of flirting and doing other things behind his back. I
pleaded with him to calm down, and tried to assure him that I would never do
any of those things, but it only made him angrier. Without warning, he shoved
me into a nearby table causing my back to hit the corner hard. It knocked the
wind out of me, and I crumpled to the floor gasping for air. I glanced up as
Hallie ran into the room.

“Get away from her,”
she screamed at Seth and crouched down next to me. He stared at us for a second
before stomping out of the room.

“Hey, let’s get you
to the bathroom,” she murmured, helping me to my feet.

 Once safely inside
the bathroom and away from prying eyes, she gently pulled my shirt up high on
my back. She gasped at what she saw. “Pull it all the way off,” she demanded.

 I slowly tugged my
shirt over my head as tears streamed down both of our faces. She shook her head
when she noticed another lighter bruise on my shoulder. It was from Seth
pushing me into a brick wall because I’d worn a shirt he thought was too tight.

 “Why didn’t you
tell me he was doing this? You have got to get away from him,” she said, as she
helped me put my shirt back on.

     “Please, Hallie,
don’t tell anyone. He’s not always like that. I just have to be more careful
about what I say and do.”