Journey of the Heart (17 page)

When Cait and Henry went out later for their ride, she was thrilled to see that Sky was no longer tied to the fence, but out in the far corner of the front pasture. That meant he had let Gabe get close enough to untie him and lead him to the gate.

Cait and her parents hadn’t said anything at the breakfast table, so Henry had no idea what had happened. She didn’t have to tell him, of course. But something in her made her want to. Henry would understand. Henry loved her, so he would not blame her like Gabe Hart did.

It was their last ride together before he left and Cait had brought a small picnic. Halfway out, they stopped at a small circle of trees and spread an old blanket on the ground. “I hate to leave you tomorrow, Cait,” said Henry, putting his arm around her and pulling her close.

“I’ll hate to see you go, Henry.”

“But I’ll be back soon,” he promised, dropping a kiss on her forehead, “and then you and I and Sky will be on our way back to Pennsylvania.”

“Maybe not Sky, Henry,” she whispered.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be riding him by the time I come back, Cait.”

Cait pulled herself out of the circle of his arm. “I tried to ride him this morning, Henry.”

“You did! Good for you.”

“I wanted to show off for you, Henry. I even imagined I might be riding him now,” she added with a bitter little laugh. “Instead, he’ll probably not let me near him again. And even if he did, Gabe Hart probably wouldn’t.”

“Why, whatever happened, Cait?”

“He was terrified as soon as I went near his back and he threw me.”

“So that is where this bruise came from,” said Henry, brushing her cheek with his finger. “You didn’t walk into the door in the dark. You are not hurt anywhere else, are you?” Henry asked anxiously.

“I’m just a little stiff. But I am so ashamed of myself.”

“Now, now, Cait,” said Henry comfortingly, putting his arm around her again. “You did nothing so wrong. He is your horse, after all, and you thought he was ready to ride. You mustn’t upset yourself too much over this.”

Cait had thought this was what she wanted to hear: Henry seeing her side and lifting the blame from her shoulders. Henry telling her that what she had done was not really that bad.

Henry lowered his lips to hers and brushed against them. As her mouth opened under his, his kiss became more urgent. This was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? Henry’s understanding and comfort and Henry’s desire sparking hers? Except that she felt nothing.

Instead of kissing her, he should be…what? Yelling at her the way Gabe Hart had done? Was that what she wanted? She didn’t know, but it seemed that his making excuses for her made her
realize
that he didn’t understand just what it was she had put at risk.

She let him kiss her. She opened her mouth under his and admitted his questing tongue. The kiss was more passionate than any he’d given her so far, and ironically, right now it didn’t matter.

Just as he didn’t seem to understand how much she had hurt Sky, he couldn’t seem to tell that she wasn’t really responding to his kiss, only going through the motions. He finally pulled away, and stood up, saying, “We really had better be going, Cait, or I’ll forget my resolve to be slow and careful with you.”

As they rode back, Cait chattered without stopping, wondering where on earth the words were coming from. It was as if she was trying to fill the sudden emptiness she felt between them.

Just before they reached the ranch, Henry pulled his horse up and turned to her. “I’m glad you seem to be feeling better about this morning, Cait. You have nothing to blame yourself for, and when I come back for you, if we can’t bring Sky back with us, then we will find a horse for you in Pennsylvania. It will be my wedding present for you,” he added.

She gave him a grateful smile. He was being so good to her. Offering what he thought would comfort her. So why did she feel so far away from him? she wondered, as they made their way back to the ranch.

* * * *

Gabe had never felt such anger in his life as when he’d stepped around the barn and seen Caitlin Burke swinging her leg over Sky’s back. And he had never felt such fear as when he saw her lying still in the dirt. Fear had replaced his anger and it had seemed an eternity until he saw her catch that first breath. And then the anger flooded back in reaction.

He’d never spoken like that to anyone in his life. He felt his face growing red whenever he thought of how he’d yelled at her. How hard he’d been on her. It was because he’d come to care so much for Night Sky, he told himself. Because he’d worked so patiently to gain the horse’s trust and she’d threatened it all in one moment of stupidity.

But it wasn’t just that, he realized, as the scene replayed again and again as he went about his work for the rest of the day. When he would see the horse plunge his hooves into the ground, all the anger would rise. But when he saw Cait lying motionless, all the fear came back and he realized that his feelings for her ran deep. He
cared
about her, even though she annoyed the hell out of him and had driven him into a fury that morning.

Of course he cared about her, he would tell himself. She was Michael and Elizabeth’s daughter and he cared about them. He felt affection for the whole family, that was all it was. He was scared because he knew what it would have meant to them to lose their daughter. He couldn’t care about her in any other way: she was engaged to be married. She’d be leaving to go back east in a month’s time. He almost had himself convinced, until she walked into the barn that night before supper.

Cait knew she had to see Gabe Hart again that day. It didn’t matter to her whether he was still furious or whether he didn’t want to listen to what she had to say. She had to let him know that she was aware of the seriousness of what she had done, that she appreciated all he had accomplished with Sky, and that she’d never go near her horse again if that was what it took to heal the terror that haunted him. So she had slipped out of the house while Henry was packing and her mother was preparing dinner.

Gabe was pitching clean hay into Snowflake’s stall when she entered the bam. He didn’t turn around when she came in and she couldn’t tell if he was ignoring her or just hadn’t heard her.

“Mr. Hart.”

Gabe turned to face her. There was nothing in his eyes to encourage her. He just stood there, leaning on the pitchfork, his face wiped clear of all expression.

“I was wondering if I could speak with you for a few minutes, Mr. Hart?” she asked, her voice strained and nervous.

“I don’t see why not,” he said.

He clearly didn’t want to, thought Cait, since his voice was as devoid of feeling as his face. But she was his boss’s daughter, so he’d listen, even if he didn’t care about her or her need to talk.

Cait clasped her hands in front of her. “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about this morning, Mr. Hart.”

He just stood there, giving her no help at all.

“I…it is not like me to push a horse like that, I don’t expect you to believe that, of course,” she added with a rueful smile. “I really don’t know why I did it…. I thought Sky was ready. I wanted to ride him before Henry left…and…I think,” she continued slowly, her eyes lowered, “I think I was still jealous of you. I wanted to show everyone that Sky was
my
horse. I am so sorry, Mr. Hart. I will do anything you think will set things right; even not go near him at all if you think that would help.”

Cait had lifted her eyes and looked right into his as she made her plea for forgiveness and Gabe’s heart melted at the anguish he saw there. She really cared what he thought of her, he realized with wonder. And she really cared about her horse, for she was willing to give him up if it was better for Sky, no matter how painful it was for her.

He turned to set the pitchfork down and heard her little gasp of pain. She thought he was turning away from her in anger, ignoring her apology, he realized and without thinking, he turned back and reached out to her. “No, no, it is all right, Miss Cait,” he whispered soothingly as he pulled her into his arms. Or maybe she just walked right into them. He didn’t know, but he held her tenderly as she sobbed against his chest.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know….”

“I don’t know if you can ever forgive me?”

Without thinking, he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “Of course, I forgive you.”

“I promise I’ll stay away from him, if you think that’s right….”

Gabe gently released her and stepped back a little. Sweet Jesus, he had better watch himself, he realized. He wanted to kiss her tears away, to touch his lips to that sweet mouth to stop her crying.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, darlin’,” he said without thinking. “Though I doubt he’ll let you do too much with him for a while anyway.”

“Then you think he will eventually?” she asked, her eyes full of such hope and hurt that Gabe wanted to pull her into his arms again.

He hooked his thumbs into his belt to keep from reaching out to her. “He let me take the halter off. He even let me rub some salve onto his cheeks. He wouldn’t let me go near his back, though,” Gabe admitted. “It will take a little time before he is back to where he was.”

He could see that she was about to give him another agonized apology. “Now, Miss Cait, what’s done is done. No use crying or tormenting yourself. Everyone misjudges a horse at one time or another. I know I have rushed one or two in my time.”

“I just wish I could explain it better, even to myself,” she said with a watery little smile.

“There’s some things you just can’t put to rest with words.” Gabe paused. “I guess I know that because I’m not real good with words myself. Not like my ma or my sister Sarah Ellen. Now they would go on talking forever trying to make sense of something,” he added with a grin.

“Sometimes words are the only way to make sense of things, don’t you think?”

“Maybe. And those are the times I’d rather be working a horse. I just can’t explain myself in words, the way women can,” he said with a little tinge of bitterness.

His tone made Cait wonder if he was speaking of a woman other than his mother or sister. She thought probably he was and was surprised at the stab of jealousy she felt for a moment.

“I’m glad of that, if it means you can’t say what a little fool I acted or how angry you are with me.”

“Was. I
was
angry this morning. But I was worried too,” he added.

“I know, Sky could really have hurt himself because I tied him.”

It was probably just as well she didn’t realize what he’d meant. She didn’t imagine he was worried about her safety. That he’d been terrified that he’d lost her. Which was ridiculous, when she wasn’t his to lose.

“Thank you, Mr. Hart,” she said shyly, putting out her hand.

He took it and squeezed it gently. “Your ma and pa call me Gabe, Miss Cait.”

“Thank you, Gabe.” She withdrew her hand slowly and then said nervously, “I’d better get back to the house. I’m sure supper is almost ready and Ma’s cooked a special one.”

“That’s right, it is Mr. Beecham’s last night, isn’t it?” Gabe observed coolly.

“Yes, he leaves early in the morning with Jake. But he’ll be back in a month’s time….” Cait stopped.

“To take you back east with him.”

“Yes,” she said with a quick smile. “Good evening, Gabe. And thank you again.”

“Good evening, Miss Cait.”

* * * *

Jake and Henry left right after breakfast the next morning. After a tearful good-bye, Cait set herself to do some of the mending that had piled up in her mother’s basket.

“Are ye sure ye don’t want to ride with us, Cait?” Michael asked.

“No, Da, you and Ma go ahead. You two haven’t had any time alone for a while,” she added with a teasing smile.

“She’s right, ye know, Elizabeth,” said Michael as they rode down the road. “Since Cait got home, the only time I have ye to myself is in bed. And while that is always lovely,
a ghra,
I miss you during the day.”

They cantered across the sage-covered plain and then climbed one of the small ridges that bordered the valley, stopping at one of their favorite spots, which was shaded by an old twisted juniper.

They dismounted and Elizabeth sat with her back against Michael’s chest and looked over the valley. “So, what do you think of our daughter’s choice, Michael?” she asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“He seems a fine young man, but…” Michael sighed.

Elizabeth laughed. “But what?”

“But I hate the thought of her leaving us, and to go so far away. I know she must, because she loves him. And us maybe not even gettin’ to the wedding if it is at Christmastime.”

“You are right about Henry, Michael. He is a fine young man. I just don’t think he is the man for Cait, however, and I only hope she finds out before she marries him.”

“You are serious, Elizabeth, aren’t you?” said Michael with concern in his voice.

“I am. I may be wrong, but I think that although she has a lot of affection and admiration for Henry, it does not add up to love, the kind of love I would have her base her marriage on.”

“And what of Henry?”

“Oh, I am sure he loves her. But from some things she has said, I think she is a little disappointed in his physical demonstration of his affection. I talked to her a little about my marriage to Thomas. It may be that I am wrong, Michael, for Henry might just be more reserved, especially at her parents’ house.”

“I hope you are wrong,
a ghra.
And I hope you are right,” he said, laughing, “because then she won’t want to be leavin’ us.”

* * * *

Cait had finished mending the hem of her mother’s petticoat and replaced the buttons on two of Elizabeth’s shirtwaists when she pulled an unfamiliar shirt out of the basket. It was an old blue denim, worn so soft that one of the cuffs was pulling away from the sleeve. As she turned it inside out, she realized that it was twin to the torn shirt Gabe Hart had used with Sky. It would be just like her mother to notice it and offer to mend it for him.