JOURNEY INTO THE REALM: The Spell Master (Journey into the Realm Series) (29 page)

Oh boy,
I thought to myself.

“He’s not good enough for you,” he added.

“And you are?” I whispered, though I wished I hadn’t.

He smiled slightly and shrugged his shoulders. “More so than he is.” He paused, and this time his expression was sober with no traces of humor. “Ramsey, all this time I’ve been waiting for you to see me for who I truly am – more than the best friend.
Yours
. In every possible way, I want to be yours. I can’t imagine Stellan would ever say the same.”

I didn’t know whether it was the shock of his words or just how right he sounded at that moment, but I started leaning in toward him. I couldn’t help it. My heart pounded, my blood hot in my veins. I felt my breath quicken.

He was leaning in as well. We were barely an inch apart. He was so close to me that I felt faint. The fire between us was unnerving. His hand touched my cheek, brushing away a tear. I wanted this, wanted him, but I didn’t. I didn’t want this to happen, but I couldn’t stop myself.

Our foreheads touched, our lips only inches apart. Feelings I had never felt before rushed to the surface, emotions I had never felt with Stellan.

We were both breathing heavily. My hands were shaking, and Nathan took them in his. It was weird, but they stopped shaking at his touch. Instead, they now felt warm, safe…
right
. I felt as if they had been searching for this all along, and had finally found their place.
In his hands.

I shivered; this time it wasn’t because I was scared but because of how close we were to each other. How easy it would be for our lips to meet. Time seemed to slow, or even stop, as our eyes locked. My lips parted. So did his.

We both knew this was wrong. Even though he was under a spell, Nathan still knew I was with Stellan. But right now it seemed as though nothing else mattered but what we felt in this room. He and I both wanted the same thing – each other.

The heat intensified. My emotions were spinning out of control. The euphoria was maddening. Out of pure instinct, I pulled away and leaned against the wall, unable to find enough air to breathe. The more I pulled away, the stronger the raw ache inside of me became, causing me more pain than the lack of oxygen in the room.

Then I realized the source of my pain. It dawned on me with a shocking certainty.

I hadn’t wanted to pull away from Nathan. I needed him closer in order to feel safe. I needed his touch, his feel. I needed him now more than I ever had.

I reached out to him and grabbed a fistful of his shirt.

“I need…closer…,” I said, like I couldn’t put the intensity of my feelings into words.

His didn’t resist, didn’t even hesitate. He leaned over until he was almost on top of me. His hands gripped my waist, and my own wrapped around his neck, gaining the contact I so desperately desired. He shivered at my touch, and I drowned in feelings I couldn’t begin to name, let alone describe.

He closed the distance between us so our bodies were touching almost everywhere, pressed together tightly, our clothes the only barrier remaining. He touched his forehead to mine, our breaths mingling as we both fought and acted on our desires, and the scene was more intimate than any kiss could ever be.

I had never felt so alive and so grounded at the same time, a mixture of emotions I didn’t think existed until now.

And then suddenly I remembered. I remembered Stellan, remembered that he was fighting the enemy at this very moment. That he was risking his life to protect me and the future of all elves. I remembered my promise to him, my promise that I would wait for him. I remembered that I loved him.

Finally I found the control I was searching for. It took all the willpower I had to utter the word.

“Stop,” I cried, but I felt as if my heart were shattering.

My desperate command was meant for both the spell and Nathan.

But mostly for myself.

After I ended the spell, I told Nathan to leave. I guess part of the magic prevented him from remembering what truth he told, because he assumed I was tired and left without any mention of our almost-kiss. His ignorance to the situation wasn’t fair. He could go on living without the knowledge of what had occurred between us; I couldn’t.

I knew Nathan didn’t want me with Stellan. He wished I was with him. And during those moments…I had wished for the same. The sharp images of his eyes so close to mine, his hands stopping mine from shaking, my fingers against his skin, his forehead pressed tightly against mine…were imprinted into my mind, into my heart.

Now, with a clear head, I realized how foolish that sounded. I was with Stellan. I cared about Stellan. I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt Nathan either.

I spent the next day without any elfin contact. After promising not to steal anything, I helped the dragons sort through their jewelry piles. When elves swore an oath, they couldn’t back down. They had to keep their promise. It was some weird part of elf magic. Unfortunately for the dragons, they didn’t understand that the fairy part of me pretty much canceled out the effects of the oath. I figured that out as soon as I swore the oath. I didn’t feel any ties to my promise. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I stole back my silver cross necklace before they could notice. That was all I took because I didn’t really need the others. When they left to hunt, I stuffed it into my trunk for safekeeping.

It took hours to sort through all the piles of jewels. At around two, I ate lunch. Later on, during a time of boredom and solitude after finishing with the dragons, I laid down on my bed – there was nothing else better to do at the moment – and found myself thinking again about my situation with Nathan. Even though
he
would have no idea why I felt so awkward,
I would
, and I didn’t know what I would say to him.

A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts. Getting up, I ran my fingers through my hair to look semi-presentable and hurried to get the door. When I opened it, I was surprised to find a familiar face I hadn’t seen in quite some time.

It was Aditi, a shape-shifting hawk from Tarlore, and one of Queen Taryn’s high guards. She was usually the messenger who brought me letters from Brielle. But the Princess had just returned to Tarlore, so I figured that wasn’t the reason the dark-haired elfen was here.

“Aditi, wow, I never would have guessed. Come on in,” I offered.

Aditi nodded briefly, showing off some of her professional attitude, and stepped into the house.

“Tea?” I asked.

She shook her head slightly. “No thanks. Tea makes me quite tired, and I have to make it back to Tarlore by evening.”

I nodded. “What’s up?”

“I have a letter for you. It’s from Zora.” Aditi fished a small note out of her pocket and handed it to me.

“Oh, right. I totally forgot that I was expecting her letter. Thanks, Aditi.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied.

“So how is everyone at the palace?” I asked.

“Queen Taryn is as busy as ever. Entertaining, ruling, you know, those sorts of things. Zora and Addison are having a great time helping to prepare for the Winter Solstice. Things are actually quite peaceful at the moment.”

“That’s good. I’m glad Brielle will have a nice homecoming.”

“Yes, she will,” Aditi replied, though she had a slight faraway look in her eyes, as if she were thinking of something else as we spoke.

“Something wrong?” I asked, noticing the strange look.

Aditi’s eyes widened a little and then she shook her head. “No, everything’s fine. But I do have to go now. I’ll give Zora your regards.”

I saw her begin to shape-shift. “Wait!”

“Yes?” she asked, returning back to normal at once.

“What if I need to write her back?” I wondered.

“You won’t have to,” Aditi said gravely.

Then before I could say any more, she shape-shifted and flew out of my home and out of my sight.

I was left dumbfounded as to why she would say such a thing. Why wouldn’t I want to write Zora back?

I decided the only way to figure out what Aditi was talking about was to read the letter. I sat down at the dining table and unfolded the letter, which was actually just a folded piece of paper without an envelope. Zora’s last letter had been more formal. I wondered why the sudden change.

Orchard

That was all the note contained. Just the one word. What did it mean? Was I supposed to go to the orchard? But why? I knew right away that Zora hadn’t sent this letter; it wasn’t even her own handwriting.

Before I could delve any deeper into the note’s meaning, Ellie walked through the door with Aimee and Janie following closely behind. I had forgotten that we were all getting ready for the graduation party together. I quickly put the note in my pants pocket so no one would notice. If the note was some sort of omen from someone, or had something to do with my secret, I would have to think about it later.

Instead, we helped each other prepare for the evening. It was fun, just us girls making ourselves beautiful. We dressed, combed our hair, and put on comfortable, yet still attractive, pairs of shoes.

I wore a sparkling golden dress that I had purchased in Aubrey a few days earlier. Strapless and cut off in jagged triangles at my knees, the shimmering fabric reminded me of my mother. Every move I made changed the way the material sparkled. For the first time since discovering my secret, I felt more like a Golden fairy than an elfen. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

I paired my dress with light brown sandals and a pair of golden earrings the dragons hadn’t stolen yet to match the fabric. I had never felt so radiant, so comfortable in my own skin.

Once we were all ready, we left the house and took our time strolling to Aubrey. We had decided against horses so our dresses wouldn’t get dirty.

It took us nearly an hour to reach the school on foot. By the time we arrived, all we wanted to do was sit down. Our school had other plans, though. We were to line up and receive “diplomas,” which were actually small golden pedestals with a statue at the top representing each student’s ability. My power was represented by two outstretched hands.

When the “diploma” part ended, everyone was welcome to walk around the school as they pleased. Food and drinks were served outdoors, and the dance had already begun in the self-defense room.

Aimee found me soon after the ceremony and led me downstairs, where Ellie and Janie were waiting for us. Elf musicians were playing medieval fiddles, harps, and a large grand piano. After learning a few traditional dances in Tarlore, I felt confident as I danced with my friends, clapping and twirling to the rhythm of the music. I felt the stress of my secret wash away. I hadn’t seen Nathan yet, and for a while I was glad. I didn’t want to deal with any awkwardness tonight. But a huge part of me missed him, as always, when he wasn’t around.

After numerous songs, I decided to go outside for a drink. My friends offered to come with me, but I could tell they were having fun and wanted to stay, so I declined their generous offer. As I descended the stairs leading from the school’s entrance, the fresh air cooled my face and the breeze felt heavenly against the rest of my skin. I walked to a tent that was serving fresh grape juice and took a small glass, taking a sip and waiting to cool down. That was when I spotted him. He must have noticed me too, because he began to walk toward me a moment later.

I held my breath and prayed that I would be comfortable around him again, prayed that things would go smoothly.

“Dance with me?” he asked.

It was like pure déjà vu. My memory flashed back to my welcome-home party, when I had known him only as the Stranger, when he had first asked me to dance with him. I wanted to say yes, just as I had the last time, but I couldn’t after what happened yesterday.

“I – I can’t,” I said, turning away.

Leaving him speechless by the tent, I took cover under a large willow tree away from the party. Sitting down, I tried to fight memories of his silver-slashed eyes, the feel of his hands, how his voice sounded when he told me he wanted to be mine. But mostly I just tried to breathe without breaking down.

I knew he would come for me, and when he did, I wasn’t surprised. I looked up and tried to smile. I knew he didn’t buy my fake happiness. He knew me better than that.

“Ramsey, what’s going on?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, Nathan. I…I just couldn’t dance with you,” I admitted.

“Why not?” he wondered. He sounded disappointed, and I hated that every time I had to reject him, I was simultaneously breaking his heart.

I took a moment to breathe in the cool breeze, finding peace in the hum of the wind against the willow vines, trying to get my bearings. “It’s…uncomfortable for me to say.”

“Why?” he pushed further.

“I…”

“Is this about yesterday? When you did the truth spell and then made me leave?” he wondered.

“Yes,” I told him.

“Did I do something wrong? What did I say?” he asked, keeping his voice low. “Whatever it was, I didn’t mean for it to hurt you.”

I sighed. He had no idea what this was about, and he was already apologizing. I dreaded the moment when I had to confess everything that had occurred between us, but it couldn’t wait. “Sit down,” I told him.

He nodded and sat beside me underneath the willow tree, careful not to intrude on my personal space, always so conscious of my feelings. “Tell me,” he urged.

I took a deep breath, hesitating as long as I could without making it too obvious. “I asked you if you wished I wasn’t
with
Stellan,” I said.

“Oh,” he said, at first only looking at me blankly. Then he began to understand. “
Oh
.”

“See what I mean?” I asked.

“Yes.” But he said nothing else.

I knew it probably wasn’t the best idea to push the issue, but I was too curious to change the subject. “There was more, Nathan. You said you wanted to be with me. And for a moment…”

“You wanted it too?” he guessed.

I blushed. This was the most embarrassing conversation we had ever had. I hated it. I hated feeling awkward around someone I had felt completely at ease with until now.

I averted his gaze. “
Yes
.”

“And now?”

“I…I don’t know, Nathan,” I admitted, tears brimming over my eyes. “The water fairy from the other night could have killed me, along with the earth fairy and the fire fairy before that. My life is at stake. I can’t focus on my feelings and personal issues. I have to keep fighting.”

“But what about the other issue at stake?” he asked, standing.

“Like what?” I wondered helplessly, rising to meet his eyes.

He took my hands, and I put up my wall as quickly as possible. “Me,” he whispered. “I’m at stake.”

The desperation in his voice drew me in. I wanted so badly to reassure him, but I couldn’t. He was right. Stellan’s return would interfere with whatever Nathan and I shared. That alone should make me feel relieved, but the sour taste in my mouth wasn’t gratitude – it was more like bitter disappointment.

"I can't do this," I told him breathlessly, putting distance between us as I stepped away. The longer I stood with him the greater my feelings became. I needed space. I needed to get Nathan out of my head. "I can't care about you this much."

"But you do," he insisted. "I know you do."

"I
can't,
" I repeated, clenching my fists. "I told Stellan I loved him. I can't just forget that."

"You can't forget these last few months either," he argued.

"I know." I closed my eyes and tried to control my building frustration. "But that's all I know. I can't forget what I have with Stellan and I can't ignore what I have with you."

Nathan sighed irritably. "You're torn. Fine. Stop running away from the situation and do something about it."

I released a shaky breath. "Tell me what you want me to do. You want me to stop running? I have. I'm standing still, right in front of you.” I moved closer to him and looked boldly into his eyes. “So tell me how to choose Stellan after knowing you. Tell me how to choose you when I still love him."

“I never asked you to choose,” he said simply.

I looked down at my hands, imagining Stellan taking hold of one and Nathan’s fingers entwined with the other. They both
pulled,
and I couldn’t prevent being torn in two. “I know you didn’t. But I feel like I have to,” I said in a small voice.

I didn’t want to lose Stellan, but I didn’t want to lose Nathan either. It was incredibly selfish and immature of me to keep them both hanging in the balance, especially since Stellan knew nothing about my situation with Nathan. But I just couldn’t find a way to make up my mind. I always called those girls in teen novels idiots for not knowing which guy was the right match for them, but now, in their shoes, I understood the magnitude of the choice I would have to make.

“I have to go,” I muttered hurriedly. “I need time to think before Stellan arrives.”

“Ramsey, don’t leave,” Nathan pleaded.

But I was determined. I couldn’t stay here after what I had just confessed to Nathan.

I only took two steps before a shift in the wind made me pause. The scent of burning wafted around me. Feeling uneasy, I turned to look at the willow vines swaying in the breeze and my eyes found the source. A powerful scream escaped my throat, echoing throughout the school grounds. And the horrible sight of her lying behind the tree nearly brought me to my knees.

Janie was dead.

Severe burn marks covered her body, some blackened and others torn and bloody, like the gash in her neck. Her face was strikingly pale compared to her ruined body, untouched and beautiful in the moonlight. I swayed and Nathan reached out to steady me. My stomach churning, I tried to keep the bile from rising in my throat. Nathan turned me away from the scene even as I fought to move closer to observe her mutilated body.

“Oh my God, Janie,” he whispered, barely able to comprehend the scene.

“She’s dead,” I cried, shock flowing through my veins like ice. “How…I just saw her…she was just…oh, God….”

By now, many of the elves at the party had heard my scream and were running toward us. Gasps and murmurs rose from the crowd as they gathered around Janie’s body. I could barely stay conscious; my eyes just couldn’t tear themselves away from her body. Nathan continued to hold me up so I wouldn’t collapse. Even in this bleak situation, I was grateful for his support.

A few teachers, including Lord Asher, told students to back up so they could observe the scene. Nathan and I remained motionless, so shocked we were unable to move.

“Is she dead?” a teacher asked.

Lord Asher bent down to check Janie’s pulse. I knew that he wouldn’t find one. “Yes,” he said, shaking his head despairingly. “She’s dead.”

Moans and cries came from the students, who hadn’t followed the teachers’ requests to stay away. I couldn’t utter a word. I was completely numb, knowing one of my friends had died. Had been murdered.

During the few seconds it took for them to pull her body from behind the tree, I remembered every moment we shared. Elfin history with Ellie. Our times in ability class. Laughing at Reid’s squinting face as he tried to control his power; Reid, who had held Janie’s hand during All Hallow’s Eve. What would he do without her?

She was always so quiet. I hadn’t thought much of her shyness, but now I just wanted to hear her kind voice. She would never make another sound.

I turned away from the crowd, trying to fight the rising sickness creeping up inside of me. I cupped my hands over my mouth in an attempt to battle the raging nausea. The stench of smoke and burning hung in the air, and I had a strong sense of foreboding that I would never forget this horrific moment and every gut-wrenching feeling attached to it.

“Nathan, take her away from here,” Lord Asher instructed, noticing my distress.

Nathan nodded and slowly led me away from the massacre. We went to another tree nearby so I could sit down and collect myself. The tension between us had dissipated with the discovery of Janie, replaced with shock and grief.

“Nathan, how and why did this happen?” I asked, searching for some form of explanation, some form of guidance.

“Did you see the burn marks?” he asked grimly.

My voice caught in my throat. “Yes,” I stammered.

“Then you should know who has done this.”

“Element fairies.” I groaned. “It’s all my fault….” I buried my face in my hands in an effort to control my sobbing.

“No,” Nathan said quickly, laying a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t think like that. You didn’t kill her.”

“But they killed her because of me,” I moaned. “If it weren’t for me, she would still be alive.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do,” I said through an endless stream of hot tears. “They killed her because she was
my
friend. They’re playing some kind of sick game with me.…”

“We can’t think about that anymore. We have to move on,” he said. “We have to stay focused.”

“What? She just died!”

Nathan squeezed my hands in an attempt to hold my attention. “Ramsey, the Element fairies just made a statement. They are done with playing little tricks on you. You’ve escaped every small attempt, and now they are thinking big. Janie’s death is only the beginning.”

“I know…but…”

“I understand this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too. Janie was our friend…it won’t be the same without her. But I won’t let you blame yourself for any of this. I have to keep you safe.” He said this with such a fierce determination that I wanted to believe he could protect me from the Element fairies. I desperately wanted to trust that his protection would be enough. But, for the first time since meeting him, I doubted his words.

“What if they kill you too? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself,” I told him.

He shook his head. “That won’t happen. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that,” I retorted.

“No, but I’ll do my best,” he assured me.

I nodded, taking a deep breath and trying hard to prevent any further weeping. Nathan was right. I had to keep myself together. If we were both to survive this, we had to remain alert.