Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) (26 page)

"I don't have one, bro," she said, sitting back. "I love you both. I want you both happy. I obviously don't want to see either of you hurt, but it doesn't necessarily need to end up that way."

"Experience says it will."

"Bull shit," she huffed. "You blame yourself for everything, Ryder. You aren't as poisonous as you think you are. Get over yourself. You don't have the power to fuck every single thing up," she said before she got up and stomped off to her room.
 

I crawled into bed and slid the work uniform off Kallie. She woke briefly to help me get it off and curled up next me. I pulled her into me and placed a soft kiss to the top of her head. She nuzzled herself closer and sighed. I fell asleep with my body wrapped up in hers.
 

Kallie

"How much do I owe you?" I asked, leaning across the counter in the back office of the garage. My voice sounded cheery, hiding what I really felt.

"Here," Ryder said, sliding the yellow receipt to me. I glanced at the number and handed him my bank card. At the last second, I pulled it out of his reach. "What?" he asked.
 

"Maybe I should use cash," I wondered out loud. "So it doesn't show up on my statements and they see it."

"Who? Your parents?" he asked, staring at me like I was crazy.

"Yeah," I admitted. "Oh, forget it. They won't look once I'm home."

Ryder looked away quickly and took the card to swipe it. "You've been running all over town using this. They would know by now."

"That's true," I realized, a little offended. My family could have easily found me. So, they either didn't care to look, or did look and didn't care to do anything about it. "What's this?" I asked suddenly to sidetrack myself.
 

Ryder looked up at the metal ring I was holding. "It's a hose clamp."

"Can I have it?"

His eyes softened when he looked at me. "If you want it. It's dirty. It's just garbage."

"It's a bracelet now," I announced, slipping it over my wrist. The dirty and oiled metal contrasted with the shiny white gold of my charm bracelet. "I always wanted to design jewelry. Instead, we just order the biggest designers and sell what everyone else is selling."

"Why don't you just design jewelry then?" he asked me, leaning forward with interest.
 

He spun the piece of trashed metal around my wrist, his fingers gently grazing the skin. His dark hair fell into his eyes and I brushed it away before I could stop myself. He looked shocked by my gesture, but didn't pull away.

Our relationship for the past few days could be described as nothing short of a confusing tango. It was hot and then cold, this way and then that way. Neither of us spoke of what we were doing or what was going on. I was going to have my car back in the morning and I didn't even have his phone number. I didn’t even know what I would do if I did have his number.

He told me I could stay. It was a choice I had to make.

I looked back up at him and remembered he asked me a question. "I don't know. I just always planned to run the company, nothing more."

"What? You can't change your mind?" he asked, amused. It was obvious that Ryder thought it was absurd I made my plans and would stick to them, even if I didn't want to. The more I thought of it that way, the more I agreed.
 

"I can try," I said to myself. "Never tried it before."

"You are absolutely ridiculous, you know that?" Ryder said, looking at me with a soft expression.
 

"How so?"

"I just never met anyone like you before." He leaned over the counter and kissed my lips gently. I stared back at him wide-eyed. I didn't expect the public display of affection. He looked around, seemed to notice where we were, and straightened up.
 

"Well, I should get going," I said awkwardly.
 

"Let me take you," he insisted.
 

He hit a few buttons on the computer and yelled his goodbye to the rest of the guys in the shop. He helped me up into his truck and we were back at the apartment minutes later. I took two steps in the door before Ryder grabbed my hand and spun me around to face him.

His mouth was on mine and my legs almost gave out from the surprise and the sudden rush of feelings he always caused in me. His hand gripped the back of my neck as he walked us backwards into the living room. His tongue caressed mine and I felt the rumble deep in his chest. When the back of my knees hit the couch, he leaned me back over the arm.
 

"I've been waiting for this all fucking day," he moaned.

I was too tense to speak or respond. We moved frantically with impatience and need. I pulled him closer to me and we sank deeper onto the couch. He slipped my flats off and tickled the bottoms of my feet before trailing up my legs. When his fingers touched between my legs, I whined, begging him to give me what I needed.

He grabbed my thighs and lifted me up, carrying me to his bedroom. I bounced on the bed when he tossed me on the mattress. He tore off his shirt and pants in one swift movement before he crawled over me, glaring at me from above. I watched with a hungry gaze while he slid a condom on, wasting no time. He lifted my skirt up and wedged himself between my knees. I pushed my hips up to meet his and he bit down on his lip.

"What will you do when I give you your keys tomorrow?"

"What?" I panted. How could he ask a question like that right now?

"What will you do?"

"I don't know," I admitted, impatiently and pushing harder into him.
 

He grabbed my wrists, put them over my head, and held them down with one hand. I squirmed to break free and he pushed himself down on me to keep me still. He was so close to entering me that I froze and prayed he would. I needed him. I needed the connection and the release. I desperately wanted the feelings only Ryder could give.

"You know what you want, Kallie," he said in a low and harsh voice.
 

I stared up into his dark eyes. "No, I don't." Yes, I did.

"No?" he teased, pushing into me the slightest bit. "You sure about that? I think you're scared."

"You," I gasped. "I want you."

He pushed into me hard, and I cried out with the intensity and force as he filled me. He licked and bit at my neck then up to my earlobe. "Just right now?"

"I want more," I moaned as the sensations built up deep inside me. I did know what I wanted, I just didn't know if it was right or why I wanted it as bad as I did.
 

Ryder looked down and into my eyes, unmoving. Our chests heaved and a thin layer of sweat already coated our skin. "Please, tell me what you want."

I nodded and hoped he could see how I meant it. "I don't want to go home. I don't want to leave you," I whispered.
 

His lips covered mine in a long kiss. I felt like he would suck all the pain and hurt out of my heart if he could. His moves turned slow and deliberate. He wasn't rushing anymore and took his time teasing me and bringing me to the edge, only to pull back and make me wait. When I thought my body and heart would give out, he stopped moving.

He ran his hand through my tangled hair and held the back of my head. He moved his other hand to cover the tattoo gently. He stared into my eyes as he slowly started moving again. His eyes never left mine, and I never looked away. I saw nothing but him until my head fell back and I cried out his name.
 

"You look like you're in good mood," Tiffany teased as I walked into the diner in the morning.
 

"Well, I am. Is that a crime?" I asked as I put my stuff in the back room and clocked in for my shift.
 

"Not at all, baby girl," she said, leaning up against the doorway. "You just always look so locked away in your little head."

"Because I usually I am," I joked as I strolled out to the dinning room full of customers, who I now recognized as the regulars.

The early morning went by as expected. My usual costumers came and went. I served breakfast and coffee, and made small talk with the locals. Now, I could easily balance a tray with four to five loaded plates to the tables without wobbling. I was easily falling into place at this small town diner.
 

The crew accepted me as part of their small, mismatched family. I smiled as Tiffany complained about her teens at home. I laughed at George and his cheesy jokes. I stood out back with Cindy on her breaks while she smoked. I realized now, at what could be the end of my waitressing career, that I had finally been accepted somewhere. Not as the Kallie I projected to those around me, but as the Kallie that was sick of pretending and hiding. The Kallie that just realized she let her guard down, and yet these people still accepted and loved her for who she was. As broken and confused as she was.
 

I cleaned up after the breakfast rush and filled ketchup bottles while I debated what the next few days would hold. I wanted to stay. A huge part of me felt anchored here. My chest didn't feel as crushed, my head not so foggy, and my heart a little lighter. The only thing that kept me from hiding away here forever was my guilt and fear.

Every time I realize that Ryder made me feel a way I never felt before, I felt like I'm cheating. I felt like I was disgracing the memory of Carter and what we had together. I wanted to be true to him. I wanted to think I was someone that was worthy of the love he gave me. I couldn't deny that what I was feeling now was special and something new.
 

I often laid awake at nights, next to Ryder while he slept, and wondered when was it okay to let go. When was it acceptable to move on and find something new to fill the hole in my heart I had? What would people think, and did I even care about other's opinion anymore?
 

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't avoid my parents forever. They were my parents and gave me everything I ever wanted and needed out of life. It was my own fault for being so pliable that I let them mold me and govern me. And as inexperienced and naive as I was, I wasn't completely stupid either.
 

The words and actions from Ryder did little to keep the fear and guilt away. His words came in moments of passion and lust, when our brains were the least functioning parts of our bodies. Even though he said I could stay, I couldn't see myself moving into their apartment and entering a life of domestic bliss with someone I barely knew. Especially someone that was known for his allergy to commitment and attachment.
 

The bustle of the lunch rush pulled me out of my thoughts and I shook my head to clear my mind. I headed back to the tables and waited on the customers. The summer was at it’s height and I struggled to keep the glasses full of ice and lemonade. My feet started to ache, but I knew it was nearing the end of my shift.
 

I approached my last table of one. I sighed and knew once I got this customer out of here, I could clock out and get out of this hideous polyester uniform.
 

"What can I get you this afternoon, sir?" I asked as I placed a tall glass of water on the table and wiped the condensation off of my hands on my skirt.
 

"The BLT good?" he asked me.

He looked up from his menu and my heart jumped and lodged in my throat. Crystal blue eyes stared up into mine, widening with recognition. His blonde hair was longer than the last time I had seen him and he looked like he’d skipped a few days of shaving. My heart ached with the familiarity and resemblance in his face.
 

He had the same dimples and freckles as his little brother had, although his smile was gone, along with the dimples. His face wasn't as innocent and young as Carter's, but just as inviting and trusting. With him sitting in front of me, Carter's face appeared and burned into my vision. His image so clear in my memory.

"Josh," I said in barely a whisper. My knees grew weak and I faltered slightly. Josh jumped from his seat and guided me by the elbow to the seat in front of him.

"Kallie, what are you doing here? Everyone has been worried sick about you," he said as he slid his glass of water over to me.

I took it with shaking hands. Carter's brother was here, in my own little world, and brought with him the baggage of home and everything that came with it. Feelings, thoughts, and fears that I spent all summer avoiding and running from.

"I work here," I said lamely, knowing this answered nothing.

"I see that," he countered. "But why here? Your mother said she didn't know where you were and hasn't been able to get ahold of you."

"I told them I was at Georgetown," I admitted. "What are you doing here?"
 

"I needed closure," he said, giving me a burning look, as if he knew he wasn't the only one. I just nodded in agreement. "You didn't need to disappear for that," he said, anger clearly laced in his voice.
 

"I know. My car broke down, and then," I paused, unsure how to explain why I was still here, car problems or not. "I just couldn't go back."

Josh reached across the table and held my hand that was still wrapped around the glass.

"Everything okay?" I looked up to see Cindy with her hands on her hips, glaring down at Josh.

"Yes," I assured her. "An old friend."

"Did you want to order?" she snipped at him. I was shocked to see her hostility towards him and concern for me. Cindy gave the impression she didn't care about anybody or what they thought.

"Just another water, please," he said politely.
 

Cindy stormed off, looking back at me for reassurance. I nodded so she reluctantly went to retrieve the water and returned to place it in front of Josh.
 

"Did you see it?" he finally asked me when she sulked away. The pain and pity in his eyes made me feel right at home, and not in the good way.
 

"Yes," I nodded.