Jewel of Persia (58 page)

She could hold tight to the pain to protect herself from more. But who, then, would show Xerxes the Lord? And Esther—Esther’s heart was too precious to stay closed, but how could Kasia urge her to open it, if she kept her own locked tight?

She must let herself love. Not for the sake of her own happiness—that would hardly be worth the risk—but for their sakes.

She drew in a long, soothing breath, and felt Jehovah’s peace bloom inside her. “The heart of a king is a strange, wonderful thing, Esther. There are so many expectations and demands he must balance. And because he is a man of passion, there are many times when he reacts before he thinks. I will make no excuses for that—more than once, he has hurt those he loves because of his temper. But his love . . .” She let her eyes slide shut and shook her head. “There is nothing in the world like his love.”

She opened her eyes and saw tears in Esther’s. “I do not want to love him, Kasia. He is yours, first of all, and my heart has endured enough.”

“I want you to.” She wrapped an arm around the curve of her friend’s shoulder. “It will not be like it was with Zech—you can only have one first love—but you do not want to close off your heart for the rest of your life. Perhaps you could survive, but you would not really live.”

Esther turned her face into Kasia’s shoulder. “He will not care for me. I am not you.”

“Perfect.” She chuckled and rubbed a hand over Esther’s arm. “He could not handle another of me. What you are, sweet sister, is a woman of depth and solidity. A woman who can stand firm and peaceful through whatever chaos is tossed at you—and there will be plenty in the palace.”

“You are a better woman than I. I could not possibly want another to love the man I do, I could not want him to love her.”

Was that what she wanted? Her dearest friend to sigh over Xerxes, to send her secret smiles his way? Did she want her husband to desire Esther above any other? Above
her
?

The peace wavered. How could the Lord expect her to love again, only to watch it be rent in two? And yet she wanted Esther to be happy, to pass a life that was more than an echo. She wanted her to find her place—which would never be secure without Xerxes’ regard.

Sweet, steady Esther who did not realize her own worth. He would love her. How could he not? And perhaps she could temper him. He needed that, needed someone who, rather than jesting him from fury to passion, could soothe the savage edges of his soul.

But where would that leave her? The best friend of the queen, the once-favorite of the king. She would still have a night with him now and then. They would still laugh together. She would still have Zillah, and perhaps another child or two down the road.

If that was her lot, it would have to be enough. Even if it was never quite enough.

She would do it. She would love them both—and in so doing, she would prepare their hearts for each other. It would hurt, but she would savor this year, the time with each of them before they met. And then she would accept whatever Jehovah gave her.

“Mistress, Hegai returns.”

She nodded to Theron, and gave Esther one last hug. “We will talk again soon. Only one other girl has requested a second meeting with me, and I have but two more new ones.”

Esther grinned. “I shall endeavor to be as backwards as possible, so that I have an excuse to need your tutelage.”

Chuckling, Kasia drew away. “Only necessary for a while, after which we can let it be known we have become friends.”

Esther nodded, then composed herself just before the door opened. Hegai stepped in with a smile. “Did my two favorites have a good visit?”

“Excellent,” Kasia replied.

“I look forward to meeting with her again.” Esther gave her a warm smile and stood. “I am honored by your attention, lady.”

“Come, Esther, you are due for your next session in myrrh.” Hegai winked at Kasia. “I am to tell you the king is in his palace, if you are inclined to see him yet.”

For the first time in weeks, her heart leapt at the thought. She hurried back to her own room to eat and feed Zillah, put her down for the evening. Then rushed toward the king’s palace. She had not the time to waste on anger and uncertainty. Better to give that pain over to Jehovah and ask him to pour new life into their marriage. Life enough to pulse even after his attention went mostly elsewhere.

She found him at a table, studying his scrolls with a frown. “Put it anywhere, Zethar. I am not hungry yet.”

Her lips tugged up. “You know, when you call for one of your wives, it is rude to be unprepared for her.”

“Kasia.” The scroll fell to the table as he vaulted from his seat. Pleasure lit his eyes, though it was underscored with caution. “I did not think you would come.”

She took a single step toward him. “Life is too short to waste it on unforgiveness.”

The caution gave way to joy. And teasing. “But I have only had a week to prove my steadfast devotion.”

She pressed her lips down on the grin and took another step. “Was it a long, torturous week?”

Xerxes sidled toward her. “The longest, most torturous in history. Made the longer and more torturous because it came after two months without you.”

She sped across the room and threw herself into his arms. He held her close, then closer, and buried his face in her hair. “You have really forgiven me?”

“I will not lie, Xerxes. Things will never be the same. But that does not mean they cannot be different, even better.” She pressed her lips to his neck and breathed in the scent of him, incense and myrrh. “I could have given up my love for you—but what, then, would be the point to life?”

He left a trail of kisses along her jaw, ending on her lips in one both sweet and fiery. “Whatever made you realize that, I am grateful.”

She felt a nudge within her spirit and dragged in a fortifying breath. “It was one of the new brides. Esther. She has known much sorrow in her life—but as I encouraged her to open her heart to you, I realized I must do the same.”

“I have never met her, and already I am in her debt.”

“You will like her. I think she and I will be great friends.”

His lips moved along the other side of her jaw. “Mmm. Good. You have arranged a nurse for Zillah tonight?”

“Yes, though if I stay all night, I will get very uncomfortable.”

His hands slid down her back, anchored on her hips. “Then when you must go, I shall go with you. You are mine tonight, my love.” He pulled away enough to grin. “Though I suppose I shall share you with our princess.”

“Very generous of you.” She tugged his head down so she could kiss him again. Soon enough she would have to share him too—but not tonight.

~*~

Kasia spotted them before any servant found her in the gardens to tell her they were there. They moved with trepidation, uncertainty screaming from the curl of their shoulders and the way they gripped each other’s hands.

Hers shook. They had come. Abba and Ima had come. Zech stood behind them, satisfaction tugging up his mouth. Her joy was too consuming to leave room for satisfaction.

Kasia handed Zillah to Xerxes and took off at a run. “Abba! Ima!”

Her mother moved first, leaping away from husband and son to meet her halfway. When their arms closed around each other, Kasia finally felt as though she had come home. “Oh Ima, how I missed you.”

“Kasia, my baby.” Ima squeezed her tighter—her tears dripped onto Kasia’s shoulder. “You have never left my thoughts.”

“Nor you, mine. Especially lately, now that I am an ima too.”

“Your next time I will be here.”

“Yes, next time.” She buried her head into the crook of Ima’s neck and smiled.

“Daughter.”

She pulled back and turned toward Abba. He had stopped a few steps away. His face bore a few more lines, his hair a few more grays than she remembered. But it was still Abba. The stubborn jaw, the strong build. Regret and longing colored his brown eyes.

Instead of flying, she moved to him with slow, measured steps. He held out his arms as his jaw quivered. Caught up in his embrace a moment later, such contentment rushed through her that it took her a moment to notice Xerxes had joined them. He greeted Ima as if she were his own mother, jested with Zechariah.

“I have missed you, my daughter,” Abba murmured into her hair. “I hope you know that each piece of furniture we made for you, we crafted with love as much as hammer and chisel.”

“I know, Abba.” But it did not escape her notice that none of her other siblings had come along.

She may be Abba’s daughter once again, but still he would not let her be a sister. In spite of all that had changed, some things had not.

Forty-Four

One year later, in the seventh year of the reign of Xerxes

Xerxes laughed as Zillah wobbled on her chubby legs and then plopped onto Chinara’s lap. The elder of his daughters grinned and tickled the baby, who squealed with delight. Was there anything better than a stolen hour with his two favorite girls?

Their mothers swayed into view, and Kasia cast him a warm smile.

Perhaps there was one thing better. “Are you two back already?”

Jasmine chuckled and held out a hand to Chinara. “Afraid so. My parents will be joining us for the meal. Come, Chinara.”

The seven-year-old made no objections. Perhaps because she knew her grandparents always arrived with presents.

“Goodnight, Father.” She pranced over to give him a kiss and a squeeze, then dashed to her mother.

“Goodnight, Chinara. Goodnight, Jasmine.”

Kasia bade them farewell too and scooped up Zillah. Pressing a kiss to the girl’s cheek, she came to settle beside Xerxes on his couch. “And you are still dining with us?”

“I am.” When Zillah wiggled back down to the floor, he slid an arm around Kasia and pulled her to his side. “And then I shall hide myself away here for the night so that I might not have to deal with anymore of this Greek business.”

She smiled but shook her head. “You certainly will not. Another of your potential queens will come to you tonight, as you know very well.”

Xerxes groaned and let his head fall onto the back of the couch. “I have surely already dealt with twenty of them.”

“You have met ten.”

Ten of the most ambitious young women he had ever beheld. They were beautiful, they were well trained. But Hegai and Kasia could not give them the proper spirit. “I am not in the mood. I shall tell Hegai—”

She gave him a playful punch. “You will not. Tonight is Esther’s turn.”

“Ah. Your friend.”

“My friend. You will like her, Xerxes. Not only is she more beautiful than the others, she is sweet and loving, obedient yet strong. She will be perfect.”

“Well, if you want me to be fair to her, you had better improve my mood.” He wiggled his brows and dug a finger into her side to make her squeal.

She obliged, jerked away, even jumped up so he could chase her. He tackled her onto her bed with a laugh and pulled the giggling Zillah into the heap as well. Yes, this was what he needed. A reminder that life continued after Mardonius’s army returned defeated from Europe. He held wife and daughter close and took a moment to savor the simplicity of life with them.

The longer he ruled, the more lands he owned, the smaller the world he cared about. He cared no longer about Europe, about satrapies or provinces. His family was enough. Yet still he must rule and rule well. He must secure a legacy for that family.

Haman understood, though he was the only one. The only one who would quietly take care of the business of the empire that Xerxes did not want to be bothered with. The only one who encouraged him to slip away now and then for a rejuvenating hour with Kasia and Zillah.

He enjoyed his hour with them now, the simple food Kasia ordered, the babe’s attempts to wrap her little tongue around “Father.” Kasia laughed and encouraged her to say “Abba” instead, but he must put his foot down somewhere. “Try as you might to make me one, lovely Kasia, I am not a Jewish man. I cannot answer to a Jewish name.”

She grinned and whispered, “Say ‘Abba’” into Zillah’s ear again.

Xerxed chuckled and stood. “I shall have a talk with yours next time he visits to ask him where he went wrong in teaching you obedience.”

“He will be as clueless on the subject as you.” Kasia stood, Zillah on her hip, and tilted her face up for a kiss. “For which you ought to be grateful. Had I obeyed my father, we never would have met.”

“A world I cannot imagine. Well, I suppose I must go receive this friend of yours. Though if you have changed your mind and want me to stay with you instead . . .”

She gave him a little push toward the door. “You are ever determined to make the other women resent me, staying with me when you have promised them time.”

“It makes them respect you. And let it be noted that you are literally pushing me into another woman’s arms.”

She laughed and wrapped her free arm around his waist. Rested her mouth against his shoulder. “I love you.”