Jaylin's World (18 page)

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Authors: Brenda Hampton

BOOK: Jaylin's World
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NOKEA
My life was very slowly but surely falling back into place. Without Jaylin being a part of it, I would never be whole again. I couldn't deny that simple truth, but everything going forward was what I wanted. This was how it had to be. I accepted that, and started making preparations for my future, as well as for my kids.
I didn't want to sit around all day doing nothing, so I'd finally gotten a job as a marketing director for a worldwide company that sold computer games. I was only required to work four days a week, so that gave me Fridays, if Jaylin allowed it, and definitely Saturdays and Sundays to spend with my kids. The biggest adjustment for me was being without my children on a daily basis. I was always so happy to see them, and they sat around telling me some of the funniest stories ever. Some of the stories were crushing too, like when LJ told me Jaylin got emotional at the kitchen table one day. “Mama, his eyes were almost fire red, and when I asked why, he got up from the table and left.”
I guessed we'd been going through the same thing, as I'd had my setback days as well. And paying close attention to the song that he'd asked me to by KEM ... oh, my God, it broke me down even more. I could feel Jaylin saying those exact words to me. The nights he came to my condo unexpectedly, pouring his heart out to me from the other side of the door, it made things even more difficult. I always looked at him through the peephole, taking in every word that he'd said. Sometimes I would sit low on the ground, my back against the door, but my emotions running high. At other times, I just walked away and couldn't bear to listen. I always wanted to open the door and tell him how sorry I was for all of this. There were times that I wanted to go home and throw my arms around him. I wanted to tell him how much I still loved him and tell him that I had forgiven him. Something inside wouldn't let me do it, and I didn't even have the strength to speak to him or see him face-to-face. Some days I regretted my divorce, and then there were other days that I felt at peace. I wasn't thinking about what woman he was with or what he was doing. I was doing my best to focus on Nokea.
 
 
After work on Thursday, my boss, Ralph Hoffenberg, invited me to dinner. It was strictly pertaining to business, and I had come up with some new marketing ideas to help with sales. As we sat at the small wooden table for two, I flipped through my folders, explaining ideas to make more money. The restaurant was filled to capacity and many voices echoed in the room. Waiters and waitresses were swiftly moving around, making sure everyone in the packed restaurant got served. Mr. Hoffenberg rarely blinked an eye as I spoke and he seemed impressed with my ideas. A huge smile was planted on his face and he kept combing his salt-and-pepper hair back with his fingers, nodding his head. He reminded me of Frick, Jaylin's lawyer, but without the arrogance. Even so, my mind was on how I, too, could make more money.
“Nokea, you are awesome,” he said, looking down at the plans in front of him. “Where have you been hiding? I am so lucky that I found you.”
I smiled, sipping from my iced water with lemon. I felt good about the marketing plan I'd put together. “I'm glad you're pleased. I hope we can start implementing some of these marketing tasks soon.”
Mr. Hoffenberg assured me that we would; then he looked at his watch. We were almost two hours into dinner. “We'd better get going. I don't want to tie up your whole evening, Nokea. I'm sure you have other plans.”
I smiled, putting the folders into my briefcase. “No, no plans, but
Pretty Woman
comes on tonight. Seen it at least a million times, but don't want to miss it again.”
Mr. Hoffenberg laughed. “You sound like my wife. She loves that movie too.” He paused; then he touched my hand. “I—I don't mean to pry, Nokea, but you mentioned your divorce. I know it was tough on you. Are you dating again? If so, I have a wonderful friend whom I'd like for you to meet. He's single, makes very good money and is genuinely a nice guy. He's a workaholic, but a woman like you would be a perfect fit for him. Do you mind if I invite him to the office to introduce the two of you?”
I had run to another man before during my troubled times, and I wasn't about to do it again. In no way was I healed yet, and dating this soon would be one big mistake. “Thank you, Mr. Hoffenberg, but I'm going to pass right now. Check back with me in a year or so, okay?”
We both laughed. After he paid the waiter, we walked out together.
“Come to my car with me,” he said. “I want to show you something.”
I followed beside Mr. Hoffenberg, and he opened the car door to his silver Mercedes so I could get in. He got in on the driver's side and gave me a business card.
“Here, take this. I know what you said, but you're too nice and beautiful to be alone. The friend I mentioned is my son and I can't think of a better woman I would want to see him with.”
I took the card from Mr. Hoffenberg's hand. “Thank you so much for the compliment, but I'm just not ready to date right now. I'll keep his card, just in case I change my mind.”
Mr. Hoffenberg nodded and I leaned over to give him a hug, just for being so thoughtful and caring. No sooner had I released my arms from around him, there was a hard tap on the window, which startled both of us. When I snapped my head to the side, I saw Jaylin standing there. I wasn't sure if he was going to embarrass me again or not, so I hurried to say good-bye to Mr. Hoffenberg.
“I'll see you on Monday, Mr. Hoffenberg. That's my ex-husband. I guess he wants to talk about something.”
Mr. Hoffenberg had a concerned look on his face. When I opened the door to get out of his car, he advised me to be careful. Jaylin had stepped several feet away from Mr. Hoffenberg's car and my boss drove off.
Dressed in my fuchsia sleeveless stretch dress, which hugged my curves, I walked up to Jaylin to see what he wanted. He peeled his shades away from his eyes, standing with his arms folded in front of him. He was dressed in black cargo shorts and a white Nike shirt and cap. I assumed he had come from working out.
I stood in front of him, noticing the wrinkled lines on his forehead that showed concerns. “What's going on, Jaylin?”
He looked at his watch. “Nearly a two-hour dinner, huh? Who was that joker you were with? Please don't tell me you're already dating again, especially a white man with wrinkles on his face and the looks of alcohol seeping through his pores. I'm letting you know now that I'm not having it. You opening up your legs to another man will in no way work for me. If you want sex,” he said, removing his cap and pulling his shirt over his head, “you get sex from me. We can do this shit right here, if you want. So bend the fuck over and let me get at it.” He started to unzip his shorts, showing his maroon jockey briefs underneath. I wanted to see how far he would go with this. When he dropped his bottoms to his ankles, I stood in disbelief with my eyes widened. I couldn't even trip off of the people who were slowly driving by, covering their mouths, or the ones who took their time walking into the restaurant.
Jaylin held out his hands. “Come on, baby, don't stand there speechless. Are you anxious, hot and bothered... what? Pussy been getting an itch, or are you just in the mood to fuck anybody? I hope like hell your taste hasn't resorted to old-ass white men with money. If it has, what a muthafucking disappointment.”
I shook my head, putting my briefcase in front of his dick to hide it. “Being with a man of Mr. Hoffenberg's stature would be quite a step-up from dealing with black men, like you, who don't know how to get their shit together. But I'm not going to stand here and argue with you about my preferences and dating. I have a life to go live, and I'm letting you know that your days of controlling what happens with us are over.” I lowered the briefcase and looked down at what used to excite me. “In addition to that, I'm in no mood to bend over. And even if I was, you'd be disappointed, because the sight of you doesn't wet my insides like it used to. Sorry. Now, unless you have something else important to talk to me about, I'm going home.”
Jaylin stood for a moment, staring at me with a slight smirk on his face. Damn those addictive eyes! They were eating away at my soul. I turned around, ready to walk away.
“Nokea,” he said, halting my steps.
I turned to face him, with a little snap in my voice. “What?”
“I just wanted to say that I love you, and you're a damn liar. Enjoy your evening and stop being so bitter. It doesn't suit you, and I apologize if I made you this way.”
So angry with him for bringing us to this point, I darted my finger at him. “If you love me, get your shit together. Don't do it for me, rather do it for yourself. Becoming a stalker doesn't suit you, and neither does becoming an alcoholic or a stripper. Get it together. After all, your life is what you still do control.”
I walked away, heading to my car so I could go home to a chilled glass of wine and watch
Pretty Woman
, as planned.
 
 
The weeks were going by quickly. During my last weekend with him, LJ hit me with something I wasn't prepared for. He had been spending a lot of time with his brother and sister, and he wanted to know if they could come over with him and Jaylene. “Please, Mommie,” he begged, showing off praying hands. “We're always over here on the weekend, and we don't get a chance to see them. Can they come over here too? Daddy told me to ask you if it would be okay. I told him I would.”
His request hurt like hell inside, but I realized that I couldn't deny LJ and Jaylene an opportunity to grow up with their brother and sister. They did nothing to be put in a situation like this, so I had to suck it up and deal with it. For me, it was just the right thing to do, but I also understood that many women in this type of situation would have some concerns. For the weekend, I made plans for us to go to the beach and have dinner on Saturday at the kids' favorite restaurant. Then on Sunday, I was going to take them to Sunday School with me. I told LJ to make sure Mackenzie and Justin brought their swimsuits. Hopefully, they would.
While I was in my room putting on my bikini, I saw the light on my cell phone blinking. I had an idea who the message was from. To no surprise, it was Jaylin. “Day one ninety-four, and you're still giving me the silent treatment. I heard the kids are coming your way today, and I hope you-all have fun. Thank you for accepting my children, and I know this may not be easy for you to do. That's why I love... You know what I'm about to say. Thank you for just being you. Call me so we can talk, whenever you're ready. Oh, by the way ... did I tell you I love you?”
I closed the phone, thinking about Jaylin's messages. He was never one to give up on what he wanted, so I expected those calls to continue. The ones he'd left right after our divorce were very difficult for me to listen to, and I'd gotten to the point where I had to delete them. Slowly but surely, his messages were more pleasurable to listen to. Still, I couldn't understand why, after all this time, I couldn't bring myself to sit down and have a civil conversation with him. Any encounter would result in us harping on the past, blaming each other or possibly arguing. Right now, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. No one knew how difficult this was for me. When you loved someone as much as I had loved Jaylin, it was even harder.
The doorbell rang, and I knew it was Nanny B. She agreed to bring the kids over, and had even offered to stay with us. I'd already told her we'd be fine. I opened the door with my bikini on and a flowered wrap around my waist. LJ and Jaylene were all over me; they looked so adorable in their swimming gear and glasses. Nanny B held Justin in her arms. He had on swimming trunks and a pair of glasses; a beach hat covered his head. Almost immediately Mackenzie wrapped her arms around me. She had gotten so tall, and she looked just like Scorpio.
“Hi, Nokea,” she said. “Do you remember me?”
I hugged her back. “Of course, I remember you. You don't think I forgot about you, do you?”
She shook her head; then she took Jaylene's hand. They ran off into the bedroom, because Jaylene wanted to show Mackenzie her
other
bedroom. Nanny B continued to hold Justin, and LJ was tugging at his feet, asking Nanny B to put him down.
“I will,” she said. “I need to talk to your mother for a minute. Go get Justin some Kleenex, his nose is running.”
LJ ran off, and Nanny B asked if I was going to be okay.
“I'll be fine. These kids have nothing to do with it, and I intend for us to have fun. Tiffanie is supposed to meet us at the beach too. She's been driving me nuts with this wedding, and I'm sure we'll be spending a lot of time discussing that.”
“I know you will. She is so excited! She asked if I would make the cake for them. I've been trying to decide what I can come up with. When you get a chance, I want you to look at some of the designs for me.”
I told Nanny B that I would. She put Justin down when LJ came back into the room. He wiped Justin's nose with a tissue. Nanny B squeezed my hand and told me that either Shane or she would be back late Sunday night to get them.

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