It's Complicated (3 page)

4

     
The plane ride home
was solemn at best. I kept trying to figure out what I was going to tell Darrin
when he picked me up from the airport. I took my time walking to the exit
trying to hold on to every second that I had before confession time. I was
hoping that the look of suspicion wouldn’t be a dead giveaway. I’d have to just
suck it up and deal with it. As I was walking out of the door, I noticed Kyle’s
car parked in the front. Darrin had sent him to pick me up because he got tied
up at work. If I knew how, I would’ve hit a backflip right then and there. I
couldn’t hold it in so I told Kyle everything that happened from the time I got
there to the time I left.

“Damn, baby girl”, he responded in amazement, “He did you like
that”?

“So, with everything I just said that’s all you took from it”,
I snapped.

“I’m just saying man. Dude ain’t playing wit you. My man Jake.
Then he got your name tatted on him. Yeah, in his mind you belong to him”.

“But, I’m engaged Kyle”.

“But, that didn’t stop you from giving up your lil goodies,
Kamerai”.

“That’s not the point. I’ve never been able to tell him no. I
don’t know what it is. I’m Superman and he’s my kryptonite. This is crazy. I
need to find a rock and hide. I gotta tell Dee”.

“No hell you don’t gotta tell Dee. See that’s where y’all
women get it twisted. We don’t wanna know all that. You tell that man you slept
with your ex, if he don’t beat your ass first; which I’ll kill him if he tried
it, you can forget about a wedding, hell, you can forget about a relationship
period. Don’t tell him nothing besides you had a good trip and you got the
deal. For real Kam, I don’t wanna have to hurt that man for doing something to
you. Just let it go”.

     
Even though I knew
it was wrong, I decided to take my brother’s advice and let it go. I loved
Darrin and I wanted to marry him. Yes, I loved Jake too but that was in the
past. I was content with my new life and I wasn’t going to let Jake or anyone
else ruin that. When Darrin got home that evening I did exactly what Kyle said;
lied straight through my teeth. It was so bad that I got nauseous. I told
Darrin that it must have been from the plane ride and that I needed some rest.
I laid in his chest as he stroked my hair and right before he dozed off he
said, “I’ll go to war for you girl”. It kind of stunned me because I’d never
heard him talk like that before, but it was kind of sexy.

     
It was so hard for
me to keep the truth from Darrin. I’d never lied to him about anything. There
was one thing that I was sure of, though, and that was the need to stay as far
away from Jake as possible. I even thought about changing my phone number but
then I’d have to think of a lie to tell Darrin about why I needed to change it.

     
I went to the
office the next morning all geared up to tell dad about what happened, but,
when I walked through the doors there was a lot of commotion going on. I made
my way to my office and there was my dad, his secretary and a bunch of other
people clapping and drinking champagne. There was a huge cake sitting in the
middle of my conference table that read ‘Way to Go Kam’. My dad stepped out of
the crowd with the biggest Kool-Aid smile on his face that I had ever seen.

“I’m so proud of you baby”, he said as he grabbed ahold of me
and squeezing me tight.

“Well, thank you, dad”, I replied confused, “what have I done
to make you so proud”?

“What have you done? You single handedly signed the biggest
deal that this firm has ever seen. The direct deposit hit this morning. You
just put us on another level, Kam. I may be able to retire off of this one”.

     
I had absolutely no
idea of what was going on, I just smiled and mingled with the people like
everything was okay. Jake and I never discussed business because we couldn’t
get past our personal issues so how I signed this big deal was a mystery to me.
Something was not right and I didn’t have the energy to deal with it because I
was too weighed down with what happened in that hotel room in New York. I
finally cleared everyone out of my office so that I could try and get some work
done. Try, being the operative word. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t get
focused. I sat at my desk in the corner office on the eighth floor starring out
of the window wishing I could turn back the hands of time. All that kept
playing in my mind was Jake’s soft caramel skin pressed up against mine.
Remembering every single stroke; every touch; the way his tongue caressed my
body. This was a mess and as much as I wanted it to, it wasn’t just gonna
disappear into thin air.

     
I didn’t know what
to do. I couldn’t call him. I definitely couldn’t see him again because one
look into those eyes would have pinned against the way somewhere. Absolutely
out of the question. I tried to wish it away, I tried to pray it away, I even
tried to drink it away, and after all of that, it was still there. But why
would Jake still send the money? It just didn’t make sense to me. Honestly
nothing has made sense to me since leaving that hotel room in New York. The
more I thought about it the worse I felt.

     
Just when I was
about to slam my head on the desk and end it all, Darrin showed up at the
door.
 
He said that he wanted to check on
me because I wasn’t feeling well the night before. It was hurting me so bad to
have to lie to him. But, what else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t bear the
thought of telling him what happened with me and Jake. It would crush him.
Darrin is such a sweetheart, and while I was out being a whore he was home,
being faithful and loyal just like the man he is. I couldn’t take it. Maybe I
could embellish the truth a little, that wouldn’t be so bad would it?
 
I mean, what if I told him everything except
that we actually had sex? What if I said we just kissed? Or, what if I just
kept my mouth shut and left well enough alone.

     
He took me to Wintzell’s
Oyster House in downtown Mobile for lunch. We talked, mainly about wedding
stuff. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what
happened.
 
I did feel better after
spending time with him though. My headache from the stress of the morning was
finally gone. See, that’s what Darrin did for me. He was my friend, my stress
reliever, my lover, my confidant. He was all those things and he was such a
sweetheart. To try to patch things up with Jake now was too much of a gamble.
It was pointless. I knew what I had and I was not about to put that on the line
for a possibility.

     
Darrin and I
stopped by his cousin, Lance’s truck shop on the way to the house. Darrin was
part owner, though he didn’t spend much time there. He considered himself a
silent partner because all he did was invest money, he didn’t really do any
work there; unless it had to do with some money. I was sitting in the car
waiting for Darrin to come out when I received a text from Jake. I dropped my
head and took a deep breath. ‘I’ll be in town tomorrow and I want to see you’,
it read. Of course I didn’t respond. There was no way I was gonna to meet up
with him after everything that happened. Not to mention I had already
established the fact that I lose all self-control when I’m around him. Going
anywhere near him was simply out of the question. Darrin gave me a strange look
when he got in the car. He said I looked different; whatever that means.

     
The evening drew to
a close and Darrin and I settled in for the night. One thing that we both
enjoyed was music. Darrin turned on
Pandora
and we laid in bed, in silence, enjoying the serenity of the atmosphere. I laid
on his arms caressing his sun kissed skin as the sound of
Lauryn Hill’s Sweetest Thing
echoed in the background. I loved
Darrin and I never wanted to be a part from him. In his arms was exactly where
I wanted to be; forever. I planted kisses on his chest as he massaged my back.
Darrin made love to me that night like he had never done before. It was almost
like he was marking his territory. Like he wanted me to know that I belonged to
him and he made it clear that he was not going anywhere; and I didn’t want him
to. I kept asking myself, how long I thought that I could keep up this charade?
How long before Darrin got suspicious; if he wasn’t already? This was just too
much pressure for anyone to have to deal with and for what.
 

5

     
The next day was
much better. I decided that if I could keep my distance from Jacob then I would
be just fine. So much for wishful thinking. As I was leaving my house heading
to work Kyle texted to let me know that my ‘boo’ was in town and that he wanted
to see me. I made it good and clear that I did not want to see him, and even
had a few choice words for Kyle to relay back. I stopped by
Starbucks
for breakfast before going to
the office.
Starbucks
always made me
feel better. When I arrived at the office I began to get that feeling that I
get when some bull is about to go down. Still I was determined to have a great
day.

     
As I reached for
the door to my office, my secretary, Ashton, tells me that she’s already seated
my appointment in my office. Knowing damn well I didn’t have any appointments,
I knew exactly what it was. Some bull. I walked in the office and sure enough,
there was Jake standing to the far side, curtains drawn, looking out of the
window, with his hands in his pockets. I sat my breakfast on my desk being that
I had lost my appetite. I walked over to the window, put my hands in my pockets
and looked down towards the street.

“This is a pretty good view”, he said looking straight ahead.

“Yeah, I like it”, I responded mimicking his posture.

“Starbucks huh”?

“Yeah, I don’t go by there often ‘cause I’m trying to save my
coins for my wedding next month”.

“So, you gotta pay for your own wedding”?

“We’re a team”.

“Team”?

“Cut the crap, Jake. Why are you here”?

“You”, he said looking in my direction, “I want you. I told
you until you say I do, you’re a free agent. I don’t know why it’s so hard for
you to see that we belong together”.

“Because we don’t Jake, and I’m not a free agent. I’m happy. I
love Darrin. I want to be with Darrin. I’m going to marry Darrin. What we had
is in the past. Yes, we had some wonderful times together and yes I love you,
but I’m in love with Darrin”.

“You’re in love with Darrin but you made love to me the other
night”.

“What we made was lust not love. And yes it was wrong. I was
wrong. We were wrong. That doesn’t negate the fact that I belong to someone
else”.

“So, I’m just supposed to forget what happened? Forget the
fact that the part of me that has been missing all this time is now back.
Forget the one person that I’ve ever truly loved. Forget the fact that when our
bodies touch we make magic. I’m just supposed to forget everything and let it
be over just like that”.

     
He placed his hand
around my waist to pull me close to him. I knew that if I looked into his eyes
it was over. I backed away from him and walked over to my desk.

“I can’t do this with you Jake and I really am sorry. I know
what it’s like to be betrayed and hurt and lied to and I’m just not willing to
do that to Darrin. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s been nothing but loyal to me
this whole time and he deserves my loyalty. But wait, sidebar, why did you wire
all that money to my dad? We never even signed any paperwork”.

“Kammie, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be with you.
Plus, y’all do a good job. I was gonna sign whether you came to meet with me or
not. I’m glad that you did though”, he smirked.

“Jake look, I love you, I do. I will always love you, but,
you’re gonna have to respect the fact that I’m with Darrin and this is not
gonna work. Period. Thanks for stopping by. It was good seeing you. Bye”.

“Just like that”?

“Just like that”.

“At least let me take you to dinner”

“I don’t know. I’ll call you later”

“Naw, Kam. You not gonna do me like that. It’s just dinner. I
promise I won’t try anything. I’ll even pay”.

“You were gonna do that anyway”, I said smiling, “Ain’t
nothin’ changed. Let’s do
Bone Fish
.
No, you can’t pick me up. I’ll meet you there at eight”.

     
I regretted
agreeing to go to dinner with him, but I was willing to do whatever I had to do
for him to leave me alone. Sometimes, you can have all the good intentions in
the world and still get the crappy end of the stick. I had to come up with
something to tell Darrin so that I could go to dinner with Jake, who he only
knew to be a childhood friend and nothing else. I had been keeping too much
away from Darrin so I decided to just tell him the truth. I told him that Jake
was in town on a business trip and he wanted to take me to dinner. Yeah, it
wasn’t the whole truth, but, close enough. I seemed to have left out the part
about me being the business that Jake was attending to. Darrin was cool with
the dinner thing so as I promised, I met Jake at
Bone Fish Grill
at eight.

     
Jake was a very
punctual person so it didn’t surprise me when I saw him standing at the door as
I pulled up. I laughed at myself for letting him sucker me into having dinner
with him. Still, he promised not to do anything so it was worth a try. Plus, I
like food and good company and I was pleased to have both. Jake was a real
gentleman that night. He didn’t make any sexual references, or talk about us
being in a relationship. He was being really casual, which caused me to be
suspicious because, I knew him better than he knew himself and I knew that he
was up to something. I didn’t want any confusion with Darrin and I so I ended
the night early. We said our goodbyes and I made him promise to respect my
union and just be a friend. He agreed, which again was way too easy for Jake,
but, I took it as he gave it to me and went on about my way.

     
Darrin’s car was
not in the garage when I got home so I figured that he was out with his cousin.
I called him three times and he didn’t answer. I texted and again no response.
I started to get worried because Darrin always answers my calls, or texts back
to say why he can’t answer. I started to get that feeling when some bull is
about to go down, but, I made myself shake it off because I didn’t want to fear
the worse. I picked up the phone to call Kyle and just as I did Jake was
calling.
“I know you told me to keep my distance and I promise I will, but, I couldn’t
let the night end without telling you thank you for being my friend and I love
you”. He didn’t even let me respond. He just hung up. Which was weird, but I
couldn’t let it bother me because I had to find Darrin.

     
I called Kyle; no
answer. It was too late to call his parents so I called Lance instead. He said
that he was at the shop earlier that day but he hadn’t seen him since. I
started to call Lance’s brother Rico, but, Darrin didn’t really hang around him
because he’s usually in some type of trouble.

     
I figured I was
overreacting so I took a shower to calm my nerves. As I was getting out of the
shower my phone rang. It was a nurse from the hospital telling me that my
husband had been in a terrible accident and that I needed to get there soon. I
didn’t realize that I wasn’t dressed until I reached to open the garage door. I
ran upstairs, threw on some old sweat pants and a t-shirt, and ran out the
door. I called Kyle again and he still didn’t answer. I prayed that he and
Darrin weren’t together. I couldn’t deal with the thought that two of the most
important men in my world were hurt.

     
When I arrived at
the hospital, the nurse on duty told me that he was in the operating room and I
couldn’t see him yet. I asked her how many people were in the car and she
looked puzzled. She told me that the doctor would be out to speak with me
shortly and that I should have a seat in the waiting room. I’ve seen too many
hospital shows to know that whenever someone says the doctor will be out to
speak with you, it’s never a good situation. She was acting strange and I was
confused because no one was giving me any answers. The more questions I asked
the stranger they acted. Finally, a detective came over to talk to me. I told
him that I had gotten a call from someone stating that my husband had been in a
terrible accident and that I needed to come quickly.

     
He sat me down and
in the calmest way that he could, explained to me the events that allegedly
took place. He said that my husband was driving north on I-65 when a black Ford
F-350 with a New York license plate rear ended him. According to witnesses, the
driver of the truck got out and started shooting at his car. They said they
heard at least ten shots being fired. He asked if I knew of anyone who would
want to harm him or of any altercations of which he may have been involved. He continued
to talk, but, I heard nothing. I saw nothing. All of a sudden the room was
pitch black and I could hardly breathe. When I regained consciousness I was
lying in a bed with an ice pack on my forehead. The nurse said that I had
fainted. I asked her if she had any news about my husband’s condition and she
said that they were still working on him. I refused to leave his life in the
hands of fate so I did the only thing I knew how to do in times like these; I
prayed.

     
And that’s how I
got in this chapel. I was on my knees crying and talking to God begging him to
let Darrin live because he didn’t deserve to die. As I’m praying I feel someone
beside me but I’m too caught up to see who it is. Then, I feel this hand on my
back. I wipe my tears, look to my right and there he is, on his knees, with
tears in his eyes. I’d never seen him like this before. His eyes are bloodshot
red; his heart is beating out of his chest.

“Darrin”, I yell, “But, they said the doctors were still
working on you”

He put his arms around me and hugged me tight.

“Naw, not me”, he replied, “Ya man”.