Intentions - SF9 (18 page)

"Maybe you're really good," Ryan chuckled lazily.

"Well, yeah, I am, but still…" She snuggled closer, letting Ryan's soothing touch reach the back of her head.

"It'll be okay, Mia," Ryan said, already half-asleep. "Just be patient."

Where the heck is she? Jamie wondered lazily when she woke just an hour later. The bathroom was empty and Ryan's book bag was still lying next to her desk, so she obviously had not left for her trip to Los Angeles. A quick trip downstairs didn't shed any light on her whereabouts either, and she was about to give up when she saw Mia's door open. Poking her head inside she saw her partner lying crosswise on the bed, with Mia curled up against her side, her curly brown hair tumbling across Ryan's chest.

She shook her head, rolling her eyes as she walked over to wake the slumbering pair.
I've got to start getting up earlier,
she thought.
There' s obviously a lot happening around here between midnight and six a.m.!

Ryan was more than a little groggy, but she tried her best to focus while she packed for the trip to Los Angeles. They had discussed the trip several times, and each time Jamie tried to find a way that she could accompany Ryan.

The issue was raised one final time as Ryan zipped up her gym bag. "I really want to go to L.A.," Jamie insisted. "I want to meet Bryant, Ryan. It won't kill me to miss class."

"That's not what you said the last time we talked about this. You've had to miss so much for golf already, and you have to miss next week, too."

"I know," she muttered as she flopped down on the bed. "Does he ever come to San Francisco?"

"Mmm, he hasn't been back in a while," Ryan said. "After Michael died he stayed in the city for about a year, but then he moved back to L.A. He said he just couldn't stand to watch his friends die one by one."

"Your Aunt Maeve talks about him so fondly," Jamie mused. "He sounds like a really special guy."

"He is," Ryan agreed. "I want you to meet him at some point, because he's on my short list of sperm donors."

Now Jamie sat up and gave her full attention. "I didn't know that! I didn't know you even had a list!"

"Oh, sure," she said easily. "I've been thinking about my list for years now. Now that we're together it's kind of moot, but Bryant would be an excellent father."

"Moot? Why is your list moot because we're together?"

"Well, because we'll make our decisions together. Over time we'll come up with a list that appeals to both of us."

"Okay," Jamie said slowly. "But I really want to meet this fellow, Ryan. If he's good enough to be on your list, I can't imagine I won't like him. How do you think he'd feel about it?"

"Hard to say, but I don't think he wants to move back here. I've always thought that I wanted the donor to be involved with the baby, so his distance would be a problem."

"Do you still feel that you want the donor to be involved, Babe?"

"Mmm…I'm not sure, Jamie. No matter how we do it, there are ramifications for the child. It's a very, very big decision."

"One that we have a lot of time to consider," Jamie reminded her. "I am very disappointed that I won't be able to meet Bryant, though. You must really care for him."

"He's a very cool guy, Jamie. Michael loved him totally, and he didn't give his heart away to just anyone." She smiled over at Jamie as she admitted wryly, "His body was another story."

Jamie blushed as she recalled, "His diary told me all I needed to know, Ryan. Don't remind me!" She looked at Ryan with a puzzled, concerned look and asked, "What about AIDS, Honey? Is Bryant…okay?"

"Yeah, he is," Ryan said. "He must have a hell of an immune system, or maybe they didn't have high-risk sex, but he's HIV-negative."

Jamie blinked and said, "I'm glad."

"Me too. It would have killed Aunt Maeve to lose him, too." She shook her head to dispel the morose thought and said, "I know you want to come on the trip, but at least it's only two nights. We'll have Sunday afternoon together." Once she said it she realized that didn't sound like much time at all.

"Oh shit! I forgot I had to leave for Portland on Sunday! Can't you come home on Saturday night?" She was nearly pleading, and Ryan found her whining tone to be totally cute, especially since she didn't hear it very often.

"We never know how late our game will go, so it's a lot safer to make the reservation for the morning. Besides, it would be so late that it wouldn't be worth it."

"It's not worth it to sleep with me?" Jamie asked, just a little hurt.

"It's worth anything to sleep with you, Love. That's not how I meant it," Ryan insisted

"How did you mean it?" she asked, obviously unwilling to let this one go.

"Umm, hey! Look at that big spider on the wall!"

Jamie's head flew around to find the dreaded arachnid. "Hey," she complained as she slowly turned around, "you're just messing with my mind, aren't you?"

"Me? Never," Ryan promised, jumping onto the bed face first and squeezing her partner into a firm hug. "I love sleeping with you more than anything," Ryan vowed. "I just don't want to put more pressure on myself this weekend. These are really big games for us, Baby, and I'm trying to relax as much as possible. If I have to worry about getting out of L.A. on time for the last plane, it will just be one more thing on my mind."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to add to your burden."

"You're never a burden. You make everything easier." She had to be at the gym in 20 minutes, but every time she tried to get up, Jamie pulled her back down. She had her entire body wrapped around Ryan's back and thought she was doing a pretty good job of holding her captive until Ryan said, "You've got to let me go, Hon. I can't be late."

"No!" she pouted. "I'm keeping you."

"Actually it's the other way around," Ryan said as she easily scooted to the end of the bed and stood up, with Jamie hanging off her back like a horizontal chimp.

"Put me down," she cried, tightening her hold to stop herself from falling to the ground.

"I thought you wanted to keep me." Ryan sat down and let her partner release her grip.

"Sometimes it's absolutely infuriating to have such a strong girlfriend," Jamie pouted. "I can never win a fight."

"You win every one that doesn't involve brute strength," Ryan teased as she slapped her butt rather hard.

"Ooh, you are a brute," she muttered, rubbing her stinging seat. "But I kinda liked that," she added with a leer.

Ryan just rolled her eyes and hefted her bag onto her shoulder. She was dressed in her navy blue Cal warm-up suit and high-top basketball shoes and, from Jamie's perspective, looked good enough to eat. "I guess I'm driving myself?"

"I'm taking you, silly. Are we ready?"

"Well, one of us is stark naked," Ryan said pointedly.

"Yikes! Give me two minutes," she begged as she threw on her golf clothes.

Once the athletes were settled into the amazingly small coach-class seats, Jordan leaned her chair back the full three inches and sighed heavily. "Well, I think I managed to scare Mia off last night," she said, a weary, defeated tone to her voice.

"Odd," Ryan mused. "I wonder why she went out of her way this morning to tell me that she really likes you? She must be trying to mess with my mind," she said, narrowing her eyes in thought.

Jordan gave her a wary glance and asked, "Did she really say that?"

"Look, I don't normally repeat things that people tell me, but I don't think Mia would mind in this instance. Yes, she said that she really likes you."

"What else?" the blonde asked, looking at Ryan with the beginnings of a bright smile.

"Hey, I'm not the scribe here. It wasn't a big deal. Just a comment."

Jordan shook her head, a little grin poking out even though she was trying to stop it. "She must be a glutton for punishment. I don't think I'd have the patience to hang in there with me."

"Will you stop cutting yourself down?" Ryan asked, amazed that her friend was so insecure about this topic. "Why do you think you're such a loser?"

"I don't," she said a little defensively as a frown settled onto her face. "Well, not about most things. I just feel so out of my element about sex. It's like I missed my window of opportunity, you know? Everybody else started having sex in high school, and they were all probably kinda weirded out about it then. You didn't stick out so much if you were inept, you know?"

Ryan chuckled deep in her throat. "I can't tell you how many times I got the dreaded tap on the shoulder. That 'don't botherI'm never going to come, so you can stop now' tap." She shivered in memory as she added, "It's something everybody goes through, Jordan."

"But I'm going through it at 21, Ryan! God, I acted like such a loser last night! Mia touched my breast, and I honestly almost passed out. If I was a guy, I would have come in my pants!"

"I've done that," Ryan said, trying to get Jordan to lighten up on the self-criticism. "On MUNI," she added, entirely serious.

Jordan slapped her on the leg and gave her a smile. "You don't have to try to make me feel better. I know the only way to get over my anxiety is to just jump in and do it. I'm just worried that Mia isn't the right one."

"Why? I would think she'd be the perfect one. She has lots of experience, she's very playful and fun loving, she's amazingly easygoing, and she doesn't seem to be very clingy. Sounds perfect to me."

"I uh…I guess I worry because she seems so gentle and understanding. I…I don't want to hurt her, Ryan. Volleyball is my focus, and I have to stay on that path."

"Has she given you any indication that she wants a commitment from you?" Ryan asked.

"No, no, of course not," Jordan said dismissively. "We haven't even really had a date, Ryan. We just kiss."

"What's your agenda, Jordan? I mean, you've done without for 21 years. Why start trying to get close to someone now?"

"It wasn't planned, Ryan. I don't think I would have even gone to the White Horse that night with her if I had known she was into women. I've gone out of my way to avoid the temptation-you know?"

"Yeah, I do know," Ryan said, having heard a similar story from several of her friends through the years.

"I just feel like I'm on a train and I don't know how to get off. I really like Mia, and I really want to be close to her, but I'm as scared as I am turned on!"

"Is it worth it to you, Jordan? If you go farther, I can guarantee that you will feel even more out of control than you do now. I mean, it's possible that you'll fall in love with her, you know."

The blonde dropped her head back against her seat, letting out a deep breath. "I don't feel like I have a choice. I think I let the genie out of the bottle, Ryan. I don't think I can get it back in." Jordan stared at the ceiling for a few minutes and finally said, "I feel like I'm at the top of a steep hill, and that I've started to descend. I'm gathering speed, Ryan, and I think I have to just let it roll."

Ryan patted her thigh, thinking,
I hope you don't crash, pal. Landings can be awfully rough.

Jamie ran home after her morning classes hoping to find Mia at home. Her friend was sitting in her room watching cartoons and eating a big bowl of Froot Loops when Jamie knocked on the door. "Do you ever go to class?" Jamie asked in amazement.

"Yeah, when absolutely necessary. Why, what would you rather I do this afternoon?"

"How do you know I want you to do something?"

"You've just got the look. It's hard to describe, but you've got it now."

"How would you like to have a date with a hot woman tonight?" Jamie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Hmm, let's see. How often do I turn down a hot date? Umm…I'd say never!" Her face grew pensive as she shook her head briskly and said, "Not this time, though. I uh…I think I'll stick with Jordan and see how that plays out. Who am I turning down, anyway?"

Jamie smiled enigmatically and said, "Jordan."

"But she's in L.A. with tall, dark, and never home," she protested.

"I know. But if the hot dates won't come to us…"

"Cool! I'd love to go. But I'm almost overdrawn…"

"My treat," Jamie declared. "An all-expenses-paid weekend for the volleyball groupies."

"You have the best damned ideas, girlfriend."

Mia had a late afternoon class that she had to attend, so they couldn't leave until five. Breaking every speed law, they made it to the airport just in time for the seven o'clock flight. They carried their bags aboard and breathed a sigh of relief as the massive doors closed right behind them. "Oooh, first class," Mia purred, sliding into the roomy leather seat.

"Coach was sold out," Jamie conceded. "Not that you're not worth first class treatment in any case."

They finally took off just as the game was scheduled to begin. "Are you sure I'm not going to scare poor Jordan to death?" Mia asked. "She hasn't even bought me a cup of coffee, and here I am trailing after her like a stalker."

"Nah…you're with me," Jamie assured her. "It wouldn't be any fun to do this alone, Mia. I think Jordan will understand."

"Boy, she's quite the little mystery," Mia sighed. "I can't for the life of me figure out what's got her so freaked about sex. Do you think she was molested or something?"

"I have no idea," Jamie said. "But speaking as someone who was also freaked out, I can assure you that you don't have to be sexually traumatized to have issues."

"No, but it helps," Mia mused. "She just acts so frightened, James. You didn't see the look in her eyes."

"Have you asked her, Mia?"

"No. She's really close-mouthed about her sexual experiences. I guess that leads me to think that something happened to her, too. I guess I have to ask her."

"Yeah, you should know, especially if you're going to go forward with this. You don't want to do anything that freaks her out even worse."

Mia sighed and gave Jamie a small smile. "I feel really protective of her," she said softly. "I want to make sure she doesn't get hurt…you know?"

"Sure I know," Jamie agreed. "I feel that way about Ryan. It hurts me when she's hurt."

Mia chuckled softly. "I'm not that bad, James. I just feel protective of her…it's weird," she said. "I've never felt like that about anyone."

"Not anyone?"

"Huh-uh. I was usually with guys who wanted to protect me, you know?"

"What about women? You've been with a few."

"Yeah, but except for Melissa in high school, they were all pretty experienced women who picked me up. There wasn't a whole lot of nurturing going on there, James," she chuckled.

"How does it feel to be in this role, Mia? Is it weird?"

The curly-haired woman gave Jamie a shy smile and said, "I kinda love it."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know. It just makes me feel tender and sweet towards her. It doesn't just feel like sex, James…it feels like…I don't know…like more than sex."

"More than sex can feel nice, Mia. I have more than sex with Ryan."

She had a dreamy, faraway look in her eyes, and Mia patted her softly on the leg. "I'd love to have what you and Ryan have some day, James. You set a nice goal to aspire to."

"The sex part isn't bad either, Mia," Jamie said with a chuckle.

"From what I can hear from my room, you two are doing aaaaaall right!" she agreed, grinning impishly.

The flight was short, only 50 minutes, and they touched down right at 8:30. Jamie had called ahead to reserve a car, and they trotted over to the black-suited man who held aloft the cardboard sign that read 'Evans.' Jamie ran up to the driver and said, "We're the Evans party."

"U.C.L.A?" he inquired, looking at his dispatch sheet.

"Yep. We need to get there on the double."

"Follow me," he said agreeably. Friday night traffic was slow, as usual, but the driver did his very best to get them there as quickly as possible. Luckily he knew where Pauley Pavilion was, and as he pulled up to the circular drive right behind the auditorium, Jamie hopped out to see if the game was still in progress. She ran up to the door and asked the attendant, "Volleyball match still going?"

"Yes. It's the fifth game."

She ran back down the stairs and signaled Mia to hop out. After giving the driver a very generous tip, they grabbed their bags and ran back up the stairs to the gate. Since the match was almost over, the gentleman at the door allowed them to enter without tickets. Jamie flopped down on the bench as Mia said, "I'm going for nachos. Want anything?"

"Jeez, Mia, let me catch my breath!" She looked up at the scoreboard and saw that the fifth game was knotted at ten, but her rumbling tummy got her attention and she handed her friend a $20 as she said, "Hold the jalapeños."

By the time Mia returned, Cal was up 14-13 and Jordan was set to serve. Mia had not yet attended an entire game, but she got so excited when she saw the blonde woman standing at the service line that she yelled out "Go Jordan!" at near ear-piercing volume. The entire team looked up into the stands, and both Ryan and Jordan's mouths dropped open when they saw their appreciative audience. Jamie, of course, was blushing to the roots of her hair, but she quickly got over her embarrassment when Jordan got down to business and aced her serve for the win.

Mia hopped up and screamed again and as the players congratulated each other, Ryan made eye contact one more time, her little wink punctuated by a sweet blown kiss that got Jamie an elbow in the ribs. "Ohh, she loves you," Mia teased.

"Eat your nachos," Jamie chided as she grinned and blew one right back.

The team was streaming out of the locker room much sooner than Jamie thought possible. When Ryan and Jordan came out it was obvious why. "You didn't take showers?"

"Uh-uh," Ryan said as she gave her love a fond kiss. "We wanted to see our groupies!"

Mia was standing next to Jordan, looking a little unsettled as the tall woman fussed with her gym bag. She was finally set, and she gave Mia a wide smile saying, "It was a very nice surprise to see you in the stands. I think it helped me concentrate."

Mia beamed up at her, maintaining a respectful distance. "Maybe I'll be your good-luck charm."

"Do you have a car?" Ryan asked.

"Uhh, no." She held up her carry-on as she added, "We took a limo, but I let him go. That was stupid, wasn't it?"

"We can take the bus with the team if you want to go to the hotel," Ryan suggested.

"Well, I don't think this is the easiest place to get a cab, so I guess we'll have to."

They hopped on the bus and greeted all of the other players. No one knew Mia, but that didn't stop her from saying, "Good game," to everyone that looked in her direction.

The bus eventually turned onto the 405 freeway and Jamie looked up to ask, "Where are we going, anyway?"

"Down to USC. Our hotel is within walking distance of campus."

"But there's nothing to do down there," Jamie complained.

Ryan cocked her head and asked, "Why do you think they put us there?"

"Ooh…good point. Coach is pretty smart, isn't he?" Jamie asked.

When they pulled up to the Radisson on Figueroa, the student manager hopped off and went to the front desk to sign them in. Jamie got in line behind her and asked the clerk for two rooms, trying to secure one for Mia if Jordan didn't want to sleep with her.

"Sorry, Ma'am, we're booked solid."

"You are?" she gaped, never having considered that possibility.

"Yes, Ma'am. There's a big convention in town and everything is sold out. You'll have to go out to the West Side to find a room-if there are any."

Walking over to her companions she said, "I think I screwed up again. They don't have any more rooms."

"We can get a cab and go to another hotel," Ryan offered.

"He says everything around here is booked. Big convention in town."

"Let me call my dad," Jordan offered. "He's got a lot of space. We'd have to rent a car, but we could probably do that here."

"It won't kill us to sleep together," Ryan suggested. "I'm sure we'll have two queen beds. I just want a snack and sleep anyway."

"Mmm…I think it would be nice if we could have separate rooms," Mia said, shooting a look at Jordan, who appeared to be very uncomfortable.

The tall woman gave her a grateful glance and took Jamie's proffered cell phone. She had to pull her organizer out of her bag to find the number, which Ryan found odd, but she found what she was looking for and dialed.

Picking up after a few rings, Jorgen Ericsson answered, "Hello?"

"Hi, Dad, it's Jordan."

"Well, hello, Jordan, how are things?"

"Good. Look, Dad, we're in town for the game, and we need a place to crash. Could you put us up?"

"Game?" he asked. "The UCLA/USC games aren't this weekend, are they?"

"Yeah, Dad. We beat UCLA tonight."

"Damn! I wanted to come to that game. Why didn't you remind me, Jordan? I specifically told you…"

She cleared her throat and said, "I did, Dad. I left a message with your secretary a month ago, and I called to remind her last week. She said she'd put it on your calendar."

It was obvious that he was checking his calendar at that moment as she heard pages flipping and his muted mumbling. "I swear that she didn't…oh…well, I guess I blew this one, didn't I?"

"It's okay, Dad," she responded, trying not to sound disappointed.

"No, I feel terrible, Jordan.
I swore I would get to one of your games, and here I just couldn't get it done."

"You could come to the 'SC game tomorrow," she suggested with a timidly hopeful expression. Ryan's heart nearly broke when she saw the look on her friend's face, then heard her say, "No, don't worry about it. It's not a problem, Dad. You saw me play a few times in high school. It's the same game." Ryan couldn't bear to hear any more, so she went over to some chairs in the lobby and pulled Jamie with her.

"Well, Jordan," her father said, "I'm happy to have you come by tomorrow. Candy and I are leaving for Europe in the morning, so you can have the place to yourselves. How's that?"

Her heart fell to her feet, but she bit her lip and accepted. "That's fine, Dad. Can you leave a key under the mat?"

"Oh, no need. I have a new security system. Just key in Candy's birthday."

"Um, I don't know Candy's birthday, Dad."

"It's 11-15-78. Make sure you mark that down, Honey."

"I will, Dad. Thanks for the use of your house."

"Anytime, dear. That's what fathers are for," he said, pleased that he could accommodate his daughter.

Jordan gave Mia a sad smile as she offered, "That was the easy one. Now I'll try my mother."

"No, Jordan. You really don't have to," she insisted. "We can just stay here."

"No, it's okay, Mia. It can't hurt to ask. She's got a five-bedroom house."

Now Mia couldn't bear to watch. Jordan had just revealed more about her family than Mia could stand to think about, and she didn't have the heart to listen to this conversation. She gave her a gentle hug and trotted over to join her friends on the chairs. "God! Remind me to call my parents when I get home and thank them for caring about me!"

Ryan shook her head slowly and asked, "Who's she calling now?"

"Her mom. Her dad said we could come tomorrow, but not tonight."

They all watched her out of the corners of their eyes. Jordan looked very pained, but she didn't say much, merely nodding and occasionally rolling her eyes. Letting out an exasperated sigh, she finally came over to the group and flopped down in a chair, still listening. Occasionally she would say "uh-huh," but that was all until she said, "I know how hard it is to live on so little, Mom. Yes, I understand that he lives a very nice life, but…"

She closed her eyes and nodded for another few minutes, and when she could get another word in she said, "I've got to go, Mom. I'm on a cell phone and minutes are expensive." She nodded again and said, "It's okay, Mom. It's really not important that you come to the game tomorrow. I'll see you the next time I'm down here. No, really, I wouldn't want you to miss your aromatherapy appointment. I'm sure they're very hard to get." After another long silence she said, "I've really got to go." Then, "Umm, I'm not sure. I think I have to stay in Berkeley for Thanksgiving. We have a game the next day." Another pause, then, "Yeah, probably Christmas too. Yeah, this is my last year. Yeah. Time does go fast." She pursed her lips tightly together and blinked slowly as she said, "I love you too, Mom. Bye."

Clicking the off button she handed the phone back to Jamie with a terse, "No go."

Mia stood and twitched her head towards an empty area of the lobby. "Can I talk to you, Jordan?" she asked.

The tall woman got to her feet and followed Mia to a pair of chairs. Sitting down, Mia looked over at her friend and felt her heart ache when she saw the sadness that had settled in her blue eyes. She looked at her with compassion and asked, "What would you like to do? I would never have come if I knew that we'd be forced into sharing a room, Jordan. I know you're not ready to sleep together yet, and if you're uncomfortable we'll get on the phone and find a room, even if we have to go to Orange County!"

"I'm exhausted, Mia," she admitted softly. "I'm just not up to the stress of running all over town trying to find a place. We'd have to rent a car, and Coach would probably not be real happy about us getting stuck somewhere. If you don't mind sleeping with me, I'd rather just stay here."