Infinite Desire (35 page)

Before
it’s over Cane is sliding his cock deep inside of me, feverishly pumping in and
out. The walls of my vagina still pulsating, are squeezing his dick making him
groan out in pleasure. “You feel so fucking amazing…God I missed you.”

I’m
so consumed with pleasure I can’t even form a single word, all I can do is
moan, “Mhmm.” Digging my nails into his back hungry for another orgasm, I
rotate my hips meeting Cane’s thrusts. The water is starting to go cold, but I
don’t care.

Working
his mouth back up to mine, Cane kisses me, as he runs his fingers through my
water soaked hair. Fisting it in his hand he holds the back of my head, while
pressing his lips against mine with so much intensity. It’s as if we need each
other to breath. Without each other’s kisses, and touch we wouldn’t survive.

This
time we finish together, our screams bouncing and echoing throughout the
bathroom. It’s music to my ears, the sweetest most erotic sound caressing my
ears. Both coming down from an earth shattering orgasm, I turn off the cold,
leaving only the hot water, so that the shower is steaming as we finish washing
our bodies. After showering, we make our way into the bedroom. Only taking a
few seconds to dry our bodies off. I toss my hair into a bun on top of my head,
and join Cane in bed.

Tonight
will be our first night being able to finally sleep in each other’s arms again.
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since he left, and Cane has made it very
clear in the many letters he’ written me; that he’s not had a full night’s
sleep since he landed in Iraq. Leaning up on my elbow I stare into his gorgeous
baby blues. “I love you, I’m so happy you’re finally home.”

Reaching
up and caressing my cheek, Cane smiles up at me that his sexy panty melting
smile. “I love you more baby, I missed you more than you’ll ever know. Thinking
about this moment right now is the only thing that helped me get through this
year, being away from you.”

We
spent the rest of the night making love, going nice and slow taking our time to
savor each other.

***

October 19
^th
2005

Cane’s
has not even been home a full two months, and he’s already received new orders
to deploy. His Brigade will be heading back to Iraq next week, so he has to fly
to base to get ready. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I
just got him back, and now he’s leaving again. I hate that all these weeks he’s
been back I haven’t been able to spend every moment with him. I’ve had classes
and work four days a week. The only thing helping is he went back to work at
the bar; so we got to spend a few extra hours together, whenever our shifts
fell on the same day and time.

Tonight
is our last night together, he has to be at the airport by six am. We packed
all of his bags this morning so we can spend the evening together. He’s been at
his parents all afternoon hanging out with his dad, Matt and Dalton. They’re
all as heartbroken as I am that he’s leaving again so soon. Roxie stopped by earlier
to see how I was holding up, but couldn’t stay long because she had to work.
She got an internship at a one of the local news stations. She was so excited
when she heard she got it.

Throughout
the day Cane has sent me sweet text messages letting me know he was thinking of
me. I save every single message and voice mail. I swear I’m going tore-read and
listen to them a hundred times a day while he’s gone. Hearing his voice
instantly relaxes me. I am praying that this deployment will be just a few short
months, and then he can hurry back home.

Laying
on the couch, I flick through the channels but can’t find anything good to
watch. I finally settle on the lifetime channel. Some movie with Tori Spelling
is on. I love Tori so it’s good enough. After an hour into the movie I finally
get a text from Cane.

Cane:

Heading home now, see
you soon.

I
type in a quick reply telling him to hurry his hot ass home because I need a
cuddle buddy to watch lifetime with. I can’t help but giggle as I send it. Cane
cannot stand these movies, but suffers through them for me, seeing I suffer
through many hours of college basketball. Especially during March Madness.

Finally
thirty minutes later Cane strolls through the door. Tossing his keys on the
table beside the door, kicking off his Adidas sandals, he walks over and plops
down on the couch. I shift my body upwards, so I can lay my head on his chest.
We spend the next hour talking about everything I’ll do while he’s deployed. We
can’t set a date for our wedding, because we don’t know when he’ll be back
home. It sucks because if I would’ve known he was going to be deploying again
so soon after returning home. I would’ve planned our wedding during his first
deployment and gotten married as soon as he returned home.

Cane
trails his fingers up and down my arm, awakening goose bumps all over my heated
skin. He leans down planting a kiss on my forehead. “I’m going to miss the hell
outta you while I’m gone.”

Resting
my chin on his chest, I look up at him trying to hold back the tears. If the
dame gives, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop the waterfall of tears once they
start falling. “It will go by fast. We made it through you being gone a whole
year. Before we know it you’ll be home and we’ll finally become Mr. and Mrs.
Cane Allen.”

“Just
don’t hire any Duran Duran cover bands. I’ll never live down having a bad 80’s
cover band at my wedding.”

“Shit,
I guess I better call and cancel tomorrow.” I say laughing as I tickle a trail
from his belly button up to his chest. “How about we settle on a really good
D.J., then we can have a mix of everything we love.”

“Sounds
good to me. I love the sound of Mrs. Allen. It has a nice ring to it doesn’t
it?” Cane asks rolling onto his side. Sliding his fingers along my thigh and
working his way under his oversized t-shirt I’m wearing. “I think we’ve watched
enough lifetime movies for tonight. It’s about time I get your sweet little ass
into bed.”

Before
I can protest Cane is scooping me up in his arms and carrying me into the
bedroom. Placing me onto the bed. In no time we’re both naked, and tangled up
in the sheets.

***

Available Now

By: Mindy Larson

Chapter
One

Hadley

Today when
I woke up, my reality changed irrevocably. Life as I knew it was forever
altered. Powerful just to say the least.

Other than
the fact that I am not alive, things remain similar. The sun is out. Birds are
singing. Kids are laughing on their way to school. I look the same: blonde wavy
hair that hits just below my bra strap; icy gray eyes with the ability to stare
anyone into submission. I'm average height and weight. I'm twenty five years
old. Now for the things that most might find unusual. Things that most would be
alarmed by. But not me. I know better. Blood does not technically flow through
my body. Nor does my heart beat. I do not need oxygen to breathe or food and
water to sustain myself. For lack of a better explanation, I am for all intents
and purposes, dead.

No one else
knows, but they are all dead too. Choosing to ignore the signs and living an
easier existence is fine for most. It was fine for me too. Before. Before I
realized the truth. As soon as I knew the truth, it all vanished. My life as I
knew it was over. Leaving a black hole in my soul, an ache that would haunt me
into oblivion. My fiancé. My family. My job. All of it is inaccessible. That's
how it works. The only way it can. This is the part that I am not so crazy
about. I can see them. Feel them. Hear them. I can't communicate with them. I
know they are there. But they have no idea where I am. It's horrendous to be so
close and yet so very far away.

So, you're
probably wondering how did I die? Well, the better question might be: when did
I realize that I was never alive? Not in the traditional sense.

No one on
Earth is alive.

Think of
Earth as one enormous waiting room. On Earth, we can do all the things needed
to learn and grow for the next cycle of life. Life on Earth is a practice run.
A dress rehearsal. While we're on Earth we can play. Love. Find our talents.
Those who are smart, use them. It's a pity that not near enough of the
population do. Most waste their time on Earth gossiping, arguing, spending too
much money, worrying about anything and everything. We cause pain. To ourselves
and others. The opposite of living. Why? I don't know. What I do know is that
love, being happy, and feeling gratitude for everyone and everything is all its
really about. Why most get distracted with negativity and ugliness is beyond
me. Not that I was perfect during my rehearsal but I fought like hell to be
close. I always chose joy. I counted my blessings. I had everything. A job I
enjoyed. Money for the goods and services I needed. A family who loved and
cared for me. And the best part of my prior existence, I had Love; he was my
best friend. I was grateful for him. For my life. For all of it.  I was
rewarded with an abundance of worldly attributes. The truth.

Perhaps
that is why most chose not to believe in the reality. It’s less frightening
being in the dark about it. When I was a child, I was terrified of every unlit
hallway and corner. Forget about closets and under the beds. Hell no was I
going to go down to the basement after dark. I always imagined the worst case
scenarios. Robbers. Monsters. Ghosts. An intimidating gruesome boogeyman always
ready and waiting to pounce and steal me into the purple darkness. Luckily, a
blue light from the waxing moon provided enough of a glow in my bedroom and
prevented that from ever happening.

“Hadley,”
my mom would call. “Get that blanket off your head; you'll suffocate.”

With a
sigh, I would manage to pacify my mom by making an air hole just large enough
for my nose to be seen. Back then I was terrified of the things that went bump
in the night. Things that I couldn't see but somehow sense were there.

I didn't go
to my funeral. I didn't think I could bear the pain of seeing them all crying
out for me. When it was I that was crying for them. They were sad for the wrong
reasons. The only thing separating us is ignorance.

*

“You were
called 'Hadley'?” The only other person I have met so far in this realm, asks
me. A glint of a smile hints at the corner of his full lips.

“Yes.”
Looking down, I see that I am wearing my favorite pair of dark wash skinny
jeans, nude heels, and navy polka dotted top. As well as my signature cream
cardigan. I don't remember putting this outfit on.

“You can
choose another name.” Logan looks at me with his fierce green eyes and then
continues, “You know, if you want to be called something more,” he breaks eye
contact and looks off at some nearby Earth kids. They're picking flowers and
saying, 'he loves me, he loves me not.' Shaking his head, Logan says,
“Traditional.”

“Hadley is
fine. Can they sense us?” I point at the redheaded little girl. She is giggling
about something.

He shrugs.
“Sometimes. Sometimes not. Instead of
they
, we refer to them as
Unknowns.”

I nod, and
I finally understand what the chilling spine tingle I had sometimes felt truly
was.

I am now a
boogeyman. Mom would be so proud.
Way to face your fears, Hadley,
she'd
chide. Or so I imagine.

Logan takes
my hand and leads me down the sidewalk. “It’s best if you don't linger around
the ones you knew. It can be,” he pauses, searching for the right word,
“Painful, seeing them moving on without you, and as if you never mattered.”

I wonder if
Logan is speaking from experience. It’s more or less obvious, but I don't feel
comfortable enough to ask.

Logan
laughs and says, “They seem so clueless. I mean, we practically beg them to
figure it out. Why else would one have a bullet hole wound in their head unless
they were already dead?”

“Some have
bullet hole wounds?” If I appear shocked he pays me no mind.

“Oh, sure.
And puncture wounds, or scars where they were mutilated in accidents, or burned
by nasty chemicals. But don't worry; most never notice their prior battle
wounds.”

I cringe,
and not for the first time, I wish I was still an Unknown. Luckily, I didn't
find any outrageous scars or mutilations; I figured it out a different way.

Logan
snorts, hiding a laugh at my discomfort.

“How did
you figure it out?” I ask, wondering if Logan has a visible mark somewhere on
his flawless appearance. The man is chiseled. He wears his black formed fitted
T shirt and faded jeans very well. If I were to guess, I'd say he was about
five years or so older than me.

He catches
me eying his biceps and squints. It is almost a wink. “Sorry, can't tell you.
And don't you tell me how you did either.”

I sigh.
“But why?” I feel like we could bond over this.

“Don't get
all whiny and Earthly on me, kid. You're supposed to be above all that now.”
Logan leans down and says, “If we tell each other how,” his lip curls as he
continues, “The more we will want to tell the Unknowns. And that, darling, is
forbidden.”

“Why?”

“No one
will learn that way. You have to find out for yourself or you aren't deemed
worthy to be here. You must be enlightened.”

“Makes
sense. I guess.” Then I ask, “So what am I supposed to do now?”

“How about
I tell you what you can't do and everything else is fair game, okay?”

Against my
better judgment, I nod; I am craving information. Especially information they
don't require me to figure out alone.

“You can't
make contact with The Unknowns.”

“That's
it?”

Logan nods.
“That's it. But believe me its harder than you think not to.”

“What
happens if I do?” I immediately think of Dominic. My love.

Logan looks
me in the eye, reaching into me with his demanding gaze. He emphasizes each
word, “You don't even wanna know.” After a beat, Logan laughs sardonically.
Confusing me a little.

Pondering
his statement for a moment, I wonder,
I am already dead, what's the worst
that can happen to me now?

Logan
clears his throat and says, “Okay, so, Hadley.” The way he says my name- as if
he is spitting out glass- makes me turn away from him. My face flushes. I see
that the kids are no longer picking daisies. They have moved on to torturing
bugs, pulling the legs off of a daddy long leg, laughing at him as he tries to
crawl away. Logan flashes them an indignant look and shakes his head in
disapproval.

“You
listening?” Logan prods.

I nod.

“Okay, so
first things first. We’re all spirit guides here, we help the Unknowns. Come
with me and let’s find out what your assignment is.” Logan steps over and
around the bugs but through the kids, making the red head shiver. Seems sort of
backwards to me, avoiding bugs in favor of passing through children. But who am
I to judge?

“Assignment?
Like a job?”

“Yeah. But
we base your,
job
,” like my name, he says the word as if it tastes sour.
“On what you're talents are,” he snorts a laugh. Why he found it funny, I have
no idea. “We don't work just for the sake of working and getting money. We do
it for fulfillment. Because we like what we're doing.”

“Huh.
Sounds good.”

“Yeah, it’s
real nice,” he says with a lot of sarcasm.

I raise my
brows questioningly.

“Never
mind.” The way he has says this lets me know not to press him. What a tease!
Tempting me with his knowledge that is just out of my reach is something I feel
he enjoys.

Available
Now:

Kindle: 
http://amzn.to/1apcNAW

Paperback: 
http://amzn.to/1jzhjPh