Incendiary (The Premonition Series (Volume 4)) (64 page)

“Wh
y is it your fault?” I ask
, sniffling. “You got shanghaied to Paradise.”

Tau straightens and returns
to his seat. “All of this wouldn’t have happened if Alfred had been taken out in the beginning. We wouldn’t be sitting in the defunct castle of the Gancanagh if I had.”

A
grim line twists
his lips as h
e watches
me sadly.
I
try
to pull myself together as I
pick
up the bre
adbasket, taking a roll and plac
ing it on my plate before extending it to him.
“You kn
ow what Russell would say to us
right
now?” I ask
, waiting for him to take the bread from me.

“I haven’t a
ny idea,” my father replies
, accept
ing the basket from me.

Breaking open my
roll, I explain
, “He’d say we
’re stupid.”

Setting a r
oll on the small plate, he asks
, “Would he?”

“Yes,” I
nod
,
nibbling my roll
.
It takes
me a while before I can
swallow past the lump in my throat. But then, us
ing Russe
ll’s accent, I say
, “He’d sa
y,
‘You’
re
stupid a
nd
arrogant if you think that you’
r
e
capable of doin’ any of this without the help of Heaven. This
was meant—
I can feel it and you
can either cry ‘bout it or you
can man up
.
’
”

“He would say that?” Tau asks
, following my lead and taking a bite of his roll.

“Uh
huh,” I reply
.

“Should we kill him?” Tau asks, and smiles
when
I laugh
.

Taking a
sip of my juice, my throat eases
a little
. “Not just yet. I like having him around.”
I chew
my roll for a w
hile, thinking, and then I ask
, “So, you didn’t know us before
—
Russ and me?”

“No,” Tau rep
lies. “I met you the human way—
when you were born.”

“
Really!” I ask
, my eyes widening.

“Really,” he smiles
.
“
It was determined that you would feel more like my da
ughter if we never met in Paradise
. I believe t
he hope was that I would bond with
you if I felt
that
you were created as
my child.”

“Did it work?”
I ask
him.

“Am I here?” he counters
.

“Oh,” I smile
as a light feeling within me mak
e
s my cheeks b
lush warmly.

“
Cole knew you, and of course Xavier knew everything there was to know about you. He used to tell us
stories of your past lifetimes—
your adventures, escapades. Hearing some of them, there can be no doubt why you were chosen for this.”

The fact that Xav
ier has always been with me begi
n
s
to sink in. “Can I
ask you something?” I inquire
.

“Yes,” he grins
, highlighting the fact that I’ve been asking him lots of thing
s
.

I blush
before I ask
, “If a guardian angel has always been with a
particular
soul, does that mean that he would know m
ore about that soul than even her
soul mate?”

“Possibly, he would be witness to much more than the sou
l mate,” he replies
. “Then there is the fact
that they could remain together in Paradise until the soul reunited with its mate
.”

“Is that common?” I ask
.

“It’s not,”
he responds slowly. His reply seems to imply something that I do
n’t want to pursue at the moment.

“What about Russell’s guard
ian angel? Where is he?” I ask
.

“
Russell
has had many, a different one for different lifetimes on Earth
. It'
s uncommon to have only one guardian angel
over such a lifespan
,” he replies
.

“How uncommon?”
I ask, not being able to stop myself.

“
I’
ve never heard of another pair like you and Xavier
. Nor is it common for a Seraph to guard a soul
,”
Tau states.
I cringe inwardly at thi
s little nugget of information.

“Why wasn’t Russell
given anothe
r guardian angel
for this life
?” I ask, irritated that he did
n’t have any protection from Heaven while growing up.

“
Not every sou
l has a guardian. Mostly, they’
re reserved for
soul
s
doing specific work,”
Tau says.

“
They
are?”
I ask, uncomfortable,
since I apparently have always had a guardian angel who now thinks he owns me.

“
Virtues aid most souls when necessary.
It was thought that
a guardian angel for Russell
would draw attention to him—
attention that we didn’t want. He was much safer born with the masses, camouflaged within the human race. He was born first, you’ll recall. That was done on purpose,” T
au says
.
“He was human, he would not attract attention.”

“Not
like a half-angel would,” I say
.

“Not like
a half-angel would,” Tau agrees
.

“Yes, but when he went to school to meet me, why no
t
give hi
m some protection then?” I ask
.

“I believe you know the answer to that,” he replie
s
.

Dinner arrives and I smile
polite
ly
and nod at Aldo who explains
to me wh
at he has
prepared for me. I do
n’t
hear what he says
, but instead
I’m
thinking about Tau’s last comment. Russell hadn’t been given protection because he wasn’t supposed to stay here
on E
arth
. I had changed the plan
, but
maybe
the plan h
ad already changed. Tau had to leave
and that was not his plan
. Freddie was able to get to me
, again, not Tau’
s plan
.
Maybe
Heaven has its
own agenda and it seems to be a secret known only to them.

I manage
to smi
le and thank Aldo before he leaves
the room again.
We eat
in silence fo
r a little while until Tau asks
, “What was
it like?” When my eyebrow lifts, he adds
, “Fin
ding out that you were an angel—
evolving?”

“I…wow,” I stammer
,
not knowing what to say,
“t
hat’s a…hard question to answer.
”

“I’m sorry.
I sh
ouldn’t have asked you,” he says
with a frown
. “How is your meal?”

“
No, it’s okay. Um…c
lose your eyes,
” I murmur, and wait
pat
iently for him to do it. “Maybe…maybe
it’s
a little
like b
eing alone on a moving train
for the first time. The excitement and wonder at the new experience slowly gives way to
the creeping feeling that
something isn’t quite right.
You check your ticket again and
see t
hat you may have made a mistake—i
t’s not the
train you intended to be on
. At first, you try
to deny it
. Y
ou watch the scenery slipping past and try
to
find a familiar landmark, and for a while, you take solace in denial.”

“But soon, the
terrifyingly
unfamiliarity of the terrain outside the window causes you to panic. Crushing fear that you can’t ignore makes you rush around, looking for a way off
it
. But, it’s moving so fast that you know there is no getting off until it stops somewhere. So, you creep back to your seat and try not to attract attention to yourself, because the strangers on the train have taken on
a
weird, plastic
appearance
. Any camaraderie that you may have shared
with them before is gone since
you’re
no longer one of them:
you’re a trespasser meant to be on a different train.”

“The knowledge begins to
weigh on you
as you slide farther and farther from where you wanted to go.
You try to reign in your
fear and
convince yourself that maybe this new destination will be better than the one
you had
planned for yourself.”

“Then
,
somewhere along the way you discover
that all your baggage is wrong
, too, and you find that
you
’re ill-
equipped to survive
the trip you’re on,” I whisper as my voice falters. M
y eyes br
ighten
with tears again. “That’s a tough one…
” I pause when Tau’s eyes open and connect
with mine
.

I take
a deep breath,
choking back my
tears and
say
, “
But then…then you notice that the stranger sitting next to you isn’t like
any of
the other passengers…that even though you sat in his seat, he’s going to try to help you sort out the tangle you’re in.
And
,
because this stranger is so perfect
, you begin to relax a little and forget that
you’re on
the wrong tr
ain at all
.
”

“Reed is the stra
nger in this scenario,” Tau says
, not at all like a question.

“Yes,” I reply
.

“What about Xavier?” he asks
.

“What about him?
”
I reply
with a sinking feeling.

“H
e’s not going away,” Tau replies
. “He loves you.”

“I hardly know him
,” I say
uncomfortably.
“
He’
s not really the person I knew in high school, is he?
”

“What happens when your soul awa
kens and that changes?
What happens when you
do
remember him?
” he asks
me.

“I don’t know—
maybe
it will never happen,” I reply
.

“I forget just h
ow young you are, Evie,” he frowns
. “There will be an alignment of your heart, your soul, and your mind, and then…you may feel differently.”

“You think so?” I ask as irritation enters
my tone. “Because Russell has been trying to get me to remember all of o
ur past lives, but I can’t. I do, however,
feel the connection that I have with him. My
soul recognizes his. Why
don’t
I
feel
anything remotely like that for Xavier?”

“I don’t know why the passionate substance of your soul d
oesn’t recognize him,” Tau says
with a renewed calm. “But,
because of your mission,
the very stars have had to hide their fire from you. Does it
not
,
then
,
stand to reason that it’
s just well hidden?” he asks
.