In the Company of Ogres (32 page)
“Defend yourself!”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“Defend yourself, Ned!”
He scrambled to his feet. “What?”
She swung the blade in a blur. His cheek stung. A trickle of blood leaked from a shallow cut. Before he could protest, she kicked him in the knee and then swept his legs out from under him so that he was back on the ground. She raised her sword to drive it through his heart.
“Wait! Wait! Wait!” He curled into a ball, holding out one hand in surrender. “What are you doing?”
She lowered her weapon. “I am an Amazon warrior, Ned. And there are certain rules I must follow. My code allows me to take a lover only if he can best me in a fight. Only then can he prove himself worthy of me.”
“But I can’t fight you.”
“Apparently.” She helped him to stand. “No man is my equal. But that is why you’re perfect for me. You’re immortal. No matter how many times I slay you, you can always try again. Eventually you should win. With a great deal of luck.” She raised her sword again. “Now then, defend yourself!”
“Wait, you don’t—”
She kicked him in the gut. He fell to his knees, huffing for breath, unable to explain anything.
“Better luck next time, Ned.”
Disappointment etched Regina’s face as she swung the blade to split open his skull. Steel clanged against steel. Ned’s head remained whole.
Miriam stood between Regina and Ned. She’d parried the deathblow, and now the two women stood across from each other, swords in tightened fists.
The siren nodded to Ned. “Commander.” Her large, black eyes narrowed to the tiniest slits and focused on Regina. “Archmajor.”
Now every soldier in the courtyard had forgotten their training and their drinking. They crowded around, leering, grinning. Mock meows and hisses rose from the audience.
“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing, Archmajor?” asked Miriam through gritted teeth.
“Stay out of this, Miriam,” replied Regina coldly. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“You were about to kill our commanding officer. I think that concerns everyone here.”
Ned felt he should say something, but he wasn’t sure what to say. As commander, he still tried. “It’s okay. This is all just a misunderstanding.”
Regina glared at him. “I beg your pardon, Ned, but this situation was plain and simple until Miriam stepped in. I offered you my flesh, and you agreed to fight me for it.”
Miriam lowered her sword and frowned at him over her shoulder. “Is that true, Ned?”
Guilt inexplicably fell upon him, although he was positive he hadn’t done anything wrong. But the disappointment in Miriam’s eyes had that effect on him.
“No ... I mean, sort of. I agreed to the sex, but I didn’t know I had to fight her.”
“What did you think?” said Regina. “That an Amazon would surrender herself to any man who asked?”
“I didn’t ask. You asked me.”
“Semantics.” Regina snorted. “Anyway, ignorance is no excuse. Now that you’ve expressed an interest in engaging me in carnal relations, you must fight me. It’s the only honorable course of action.” She raised her weapon and took a step forward. “Move aside, Miriam.”
Ned held out the speaking staff, hoping some leftover spark of magic might transform the fearsome Amazon into a bunny or woodchuck or bear or dragon. Something less dangerous so he might stand a chance—or more dangerous so he wouldn’t be so embarrassed being killed.
He didn’t understand why nobody was helping him. He was their commander. Someone should’ve stood in his defense, but the soldiers merely hooted and laughed at his plight. Only Frank, standing at the front of the crowd, was silent. All the color drained from his red face, leaving it a pale pinkish shade. The ogre looked sad and angry at the same time, although Ned couldn’t imagine what wrong he’d done to Frank.
“This is insubordination!” Ned shouted above the ruckus.
Regina stopped. “Actually it’s not. As long as an Amazon slays a fellow soldier, regardless of rank, according to the customs and policies of her culture, it is allowed according to the Cultural Acceptance Policy of the Legion.
“And according to Brute’s Legion’s official Code of Conduct, a violent act is only considered an act of willful insubordination when it subjects the target to irreparable harm. It’s like cutting off the arm of a troll. Unpleasant, yes, but since it’ll grow back, the most you usually get is a written reprimand. And since you’re immortal, killing you isn’t much worse than that.”
“But I’m not immortal,” said Ned.
The crowd fell silent. His secret was out—although it was only a little bit of the secret.
“Is this true?” asked Miriam.
He scanned the crowd. He glimpsed nothing but bloodlust in the faces. Except for Frank, pale and rigid and frowning.
“Why do you think I’ve been hiding in my office these last few days? Because every time I step outside, I die, and I can’t die again.”
The audience grumbled among themselves, and from the snatches of conversation Ned caught, not many believed him. And those who did, still didn’t care.
“It doesn’t make any difference,” said Regina. “You’ve stated your intention. Now you must live up to it.”
Ned considered running, but all around was a thick wall of soldiers. They might part for him. They might not. Either way he wouldn’t make it very far before Regina caught and killed him.
“If I die again,” he said, “I’ll destroy the universe.”
A hush fell on the courtyard. Soon guffaws filled the air. Copper Citadel rumbled with laughter. Only Ned, Regina, Miriam, and Frank remained silent.
“Really, Ned.” Regina rolled her eyes. “Now defend yourself, and let’s get this over with.”
This was going to be a stupid way to die. He’d died many times, and at least half had been stupid deaths. But this was also a stupid way to herald the end of the universe, and that bothered him greatly.
If he was going to perish (and he could see no way around it) he could at least put up a fight. He raised the speaking staff and hoped for a lightning bolt. It didn’t come.
Miriam interposed herself between Regina and Ned. “No. If you want him, you’ll have to take him.” She scraped a line in the cobblestones with her sword. “From me.”
“You have no right,” said Regina.
“I have every right. According to Amazon law he’s unclaimed, and if I want him too that means you have to beat me to take him.”
“How do you know that?”
“It’s my job to know.”
“You can only fight for him if he agrees to be yours.”
Miriam asked, “Ned, will you—”
“Yes!” shouted Ned.
“Very well. I question the wisdom of facing me in personal combat, Miriam, and I doubt you’re worthy of the honor of dying by my blade. But if that’s the way you want it ...” Regina swung a few practice strokes.
Miriam smiled coldly. “Are you going to fight or talk all day?”
The audience hooted and hollered as the ladies warily circled each other. The muscular Amazon was a head taller than Miriam, if one ignored the siren’s fins. Regina was a skilled combatant. Ned had seen enough to know that, but he hadn’t seen Miriam touch a sword up to now. But she was his only hope. His and the entire universe’s.
Regina lunged forward. Miriam parried the blow. Regina swung at Miriam’s throat. Miriam knocked aside the strike and sliced at Regina’s legs. The Amazon jumped back just in time, only to have her opponent rush in and stab for her gut. Regina blocked the sword, but wasn’t ready for the foot that stomped on her toes. She stifled a yelp, only to be elbowed in the face and flounder backward.
Blood oozed from Regina’s nose. She growled. Miriam winked, a wry grin across her thick lips. The audience murmured approval and surprise.
Regina wiped her nose. “That’s a cheap shot.”
Miriam chuckled. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was a fight. Not a fencing match.”
The soldiers howled with delight.
Enraged, Regina charged. A whirlwind of steel, she slashed at Miriam. The siren beat back each furious blow. A hole in Regina’s assault allowed Miriam to take the offense. Her strikes were batted aside with strength and finesse. And so it went, back and forth, for a frantic minute. Ned couldn’t keep track of the action. It was just so much metal clashing against metal, angry roars from Regina, eerie concentrated silence from Miriam. They circled and whirled, advanced and retreated. Finally an upward sword thrust nearly disemboweled Regina who leapt out of the way, but not before her blade sliced off the very tip of Miriam’s fin.
The women sucked in short, rapid breaths, neither wishing to appear weak.
“Where did you learn to fight like that?” asked Regina.
“Just something I’ve always had a knack for.” Miriam tossed her sword into the air. It twirled three rotations before she caught it in her other hand. “Did I mention I’m ambidextrous?”
“So am I.” Regina plucked a long knife from a sheath on her belt. “Shall we continue, or do you wish to concede now?”
Miriam curtsied, drawing her own knife. “I’d sooner see you dead, ma’am.”
The warriors fell upon each other once more. This time though, there was a more cautious approach to their conflict as each took careful measure of her opponent, waiting for the right opportunity. It was still a rapid exchange, graceful in its skill and ugly in its rage. It led the combatants across the compound until the two women stood before the pub.
By now the audience had grown to include just about every soldier in Ogre Company. The soldiers in back couldn’t see much of the action, but Ned had a front-row seat. Whenever a good blow was struck, whether by Regina or Miriam, the crowd cheered.
So far neither had landed a solid strike, though both were covered with nicks, scrapes, and bruises. Ned was getting tired of just watching them. Their breath was ragged. Sweat covered Regina. Sirens didn’t sweat, but the sails atop Miriam’s head, which she used to cool down, were fully extended. They were tiring, but neither was ready to surrender.
“Hundred gold on Miriam,” said Martin.
“I’ll take that bet, Brother,” replied Lewis.
Ned really should’ve done something. He liked Regina. He liked Miriam. There had to be a way of ending this before someone died, and it was his job as commander to find a way. He still wasn’t used to giving orders, but it was worth a try.
Before he could order the women to stand down, Miriam and Regina, locked in a combative embrace, fell through the pub window with a crash. Soldiers rushed after them as quickly as the slim doorway allowed. The pub couldn’t hold all the soldiers, and the rest crowded around the windows eagerly. The clatter of battle continued inside.
Only Ned and Frank remained aside, not interested in fighting the crowd to get a better view.
“Destroy the universe, huh?” asked Frank.
“Yeah. It’s complicated.”
To Ned’s surprise, the ogre didn’t appear skeptical. “Why did you come out of your office then?”
“Got bored,” said Ned plainly. “Guess I should’ve just sent out for a checkerboard.”
“Guess so,” agreed Frank.
The soldiers at the pub’s second window, the unbroken one, parted suddenly as Regina and Miriam hurtled through it. They rolled around on the ground in broken glass with their hands around each other’s throats.
“This is getting ugly,” said Frank. “Somebody should stop it.”
“Somebody should,” agreed Ned, fully intending to step up to his position of authority. But Frank brushed him aside and strode to the swearing, bloodstained ladies. He seized each by one arm and pulled them apart.
“That’s enough.”
Unable to reach each other, the ladies turned their aggression on the ogre between them. They bit and clawed at him without much effect until Frank hoisted them in the air and shook them until their skulls rattled.
“I said that’s enough!”
The women stopped their wriggling and muttered and snarled instead.
“Now I’m going to set you down,” said Frank, “and you are both going to behave like civilized officers. Or so help me, I’ll break some bones in each of you. I won’t specify which because I haven’t made up my mind yet.”
He set them down. Miriam and Regina still grumbled, but neither made any advance on her rival. It was plain to see that they were both exhausted, and Frank’s threat had been the final smidge of motivation to give them pause. Ned wished he could be that assertive, but it didn’t seem to be in his nature. He wasn’t too hard on himself since Frank had all the motivational talents that came from being a very large ogre. And even a very large ogre was taking a chance standing between these two enraged warriors.
“She started it,” said Regina with a huff.
“Oh, shut up, ma’am,” replied Miriam.
“You shut up.”
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