In Search of Grace (13 page)

             
They both
became
quiet as he served her and them himself.

             
“W
hat are you thinking about
,
r
abbit
?”

             
“Nothing
.
”

             
“Tell me
before those beautiful walls go back up.”

             
“I don’t have any walls.”

             
“
Really
? 
Prove it.  T
ell me where you grew up.  Are you from around here?”

             
“No, I grew up in
Maine
.
”

             
Now this piece of information did surprise him
,
and Seth leaned back in his seat
while taking
a sip of his wine. He felt the tiniest
bit
of change in the air.
  Watching her
from over the top of the
glass
as she savored her meal
, he realized that
he was entering the
edges of the
forbidden zone.  Here is whe
re he needed to tread lightly.

             
“Does your family still live there?”

             
“I do not have any family.
”

             
“
Everyone
has family
,
Alex
.
”

             
“
I was a ward of the state
.
”

             
“Ward of the state?  I don’t understand
.
”

             
“You’re a cop
,
and you don’t know what a ward of the state is?”

             
“
Of course
I know what that is, I am sorry, I just didn’t realize…
”

             
Alex dropped her fork
on
her plate, and quickly reached for her wine again, which had magically refilled
itself
at some point.
  She frowned.  If she was
not
careful, she was going to be very drunk soon.

             
“Were they kind?”

             
“Who?”

             
“Your foster parents?  Were they kind to you?” 

             
“Some.  Some were not
.
”

             
S
weet Jesus
,
he
thought
,
how many homes had she lived
in
?

             
“Tell me about it
, Alex.”

             
“I was young…and I don’t remember my parents that much.  The social worker told me when I was older
, after asking
a million times
,
that my mom
could not
handle a child – something about major depression.  My dad apparently did the best that he could but was a trucker and had a heart attack and died when I was five.”  Her voice trailed off
,
and Seth watched her expression as she stared at the candle flame, disappearing somewhere far away.

             
He wanted to reach out to her across the table and let her know that it was ok.

             
“Your past does not define who you are today
,
Alex.”

             
Deliberately i
gnoring his comment, she continued.

             
“
I moved
eight
times before I turned 18 – most of
the foster parents
did the best they could to care for me and
the
others, well, let’s just say that I knew what my position was in the
ir home
.”

             
Seth felt a spark of anger.  Her co
mment was stated matter of fact
, almost coldly.  She definitely had many layers
,
and he wanted to peel away every
one.

             
Voice
,
now icy
,
she looked him directly into his eyes
.
“
You are wrong
,
Seth
, t
he past does define wh
o you are to a certain extent; c
all a child stupid enough times, then they
start to
believe that they are stupid. Now,
can we change the subject, please
?
”
 

             
Deciding it
was
definitely
time to
switch
gears
he picked a
different subject, one
he knew she would like
.  “How did you meet Charles?” 
He was
instantly
rewarded
for the change of subject
when
a smile bloomed
across
her face. 

             
“We used to work together at the same company.
One day
I had gone to the
supply room
to get some more
ink for the copier
.  While I was struggling
to open the toner cartridge
, which I did
wrong,
I
turned to ask for help
,
and as I
did,
the plastic stopper broke
,
and ink went all over
one of my co-workers
.
Actually,
it went
a
ll
over
her
very crisp, white
Ralph Lauren shirt
. 
She was livid and proceeded to burst into a
tirade
.
Charles stepped in to save me from
the
verbal attack. 
When she left for the
day,
he
melted into
a fit of laughter.
  I loved him from that moment on.
”

             
Seth
laughed picturing the scenario she painted.
  He envied Charles’
s
relationship with her.

             
“From day one Charles loved me, just the way I was.”

             
Through
out
dinner,
the remaining conversation was kept
light and
easy
.
  As
the
evening
progressed
,
Alex could feel all of the tension ease. 

             
She was surprised to learn that he
came from a large family and that he was the eldest of
six
boys, and one girl.  Seth’s voice softened when he talked about his sister
,
and Alex sensed that they were
the
close
st of all the siblings
.
She felt a bit envious hearing of his childhood.  The
close-knit
family that, though not rich
by any means
,
was rich with love and comfort.  Something she never had.
Alex
loved
how his parents
were
supportive
and proud
but worried when he joined the Navy
.
He painted bright pictures of countries and the people he met
; each
place even more exciting and
lovely
than the place before.
She learned that one of his favorite places was the Japanese countryside. 

             
That was when
Seth told her of his plans for the backyard.  A complete
Japanese
inspired garden, with a bamboo fountain
,
small bridge
and several rock gardens
.  Her dismay at seeing the roses
torn up
faded, replaced
with joy
when she learned he had
already picked
new spots for
the
m to replant when the construction was complete.

             
The banter light between them
,
they worked
together
clearing t
he dinner dishes
.  S
everal times their hands
would briefly touch as they passed the dishes to each other.  At no time did Seth try to kiss her or make a move.
He was the perfect gentleman.

             
When the last dish was put away
,
Seth turned to Alex. 
“
Coffee?
”

             
Alex glanced at the clock and was
happy to see it was still early
.
Smiling at him in a way that made his heart skip a b
eat
, she nodded.

             
Unable to resist, he reached out for her hand and pulled her close to him.  There was no hesitation as she melted into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his waist
while resting her head on his chest
. He liked her like this
,
relaxed and at ease
.
The music was now playing soft jazz in the background;
with
his
hand,
he smoothed her hair loving the way it felt in his fingers. 
A
lex lifted her face
to look into his eyes.  Her heart skipped a beat k
nowing he was going to kiss her
and knowing she wanted him to.  She could feel the heat emanating from him.
Butterflies
returned to her stomach in anticipation
of what would follow.  Seth brushed his knuckles across her cheek
,
and then
slowly lowered his head toward her lips. 
She heard a phone ringing in the distance.  Seth stiffe
ned and swore under his breath
.  She watched him, confused and d
isoriented, as he left the room only to return with a cell phone pressed to his ear. 

             
“Where?  Yes, hang on
.
” Grabbing a pen and piece of paper from the cabinet, he quickly wrote something
down
.  “Yes, I will be there in 20 minutes.”

             
Hanging the phone up, he stared at the piece of paper.  Alex realized that he had forgotten about her.  “Seth?”

             
“
I am sorry
,
Alex,
I have to go to work.  Let me take you home.”  Trying to steel herself
from the disappointment and
hurt that washed over her, Alex turned to the door. 

             
“No, you go, I can walk myself home.”

             
“Alex
,
l
ook at me!”

             
“Seth, really I am ok…”

             
Seth grabbed her arm and steered her out the door.  “I said I would walk you home.”

             
When the
y
reached her back
door,
he took the keys from her hands and efficiently unlocked the door
,
and without giving her a chance to speak
,
pushed her
inside
. 

 
“
I will call you
later
–
goodnight
,
r
abbi
t
.  Don’t forget to lock
up after I leave.
”  Then walked quickly back to his house
without looking back
.