In Name Only (22 page)

A sudden puff of wind from the river made Jill shiver uncontrollably. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? Did he, did he love her very much?"

"Enough."

Jill shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"He clearly loved you more," Simon told her. He put his hand out and touched her bare shoulder. "You're cold, aren't you?"

"No."

He took his jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders. "My poor darling. I think you'll always say no when you mean to say yes, isn't that it?"

The vague citrus scent of the jacket, mixed with the warmth of his body heat was almost too much to bear. He seized her hand and brought it up to his lips. "Why did you run away like that? I asked you to wait for me."

"You could have found me if you wanted to." There was no resentment in her answer, though. She felt she was moments away from declaring her love for him. Her independence was assured, and so was her love. She could give it freely without asking for payment in kind.

He was speaking quietly, his dark-eyed gaze never leaving her face. "I rushed out to Santarem airport, but a sudden squall drove me back. The jeep landed on the side of the road in a ditch, with me pinned under it."

Tears started to her eyes. "Oh, Simon, no. Were you hurt?" She reached out for him. "Tell me. I'll never forgive myself."

He laughed and brought her close. "Nothing happened. As a matter of fact, the jeep made a splendid umbrella. The trouble was, when I finally returned to Las Flores, you were gone."

Her words were smothered against his chest, as his arms held her tight. "I never knew. I never realized. I guess I thought you were invincible, that nothing could ever happen to you."

He drew her away and held her at arm's length. "You really believed I wouldn't try to find you?"

"I thought you wouldn't even attempt it."

"Is that why you left a trail a mile wide?"

She smiled. "Did I?"

"No steamships left Manaus that day. I checked to see if you had bought or rented a car. No beautiful young women caught a flight out anywhere, and I discounted you taking a bus. Once I was satisfied you were still in Manaus, I knew it would be easy enough to find you."

"The bank."

"Of course. The manager was informed on Sunday to take good care of you."

"But you didn't come for me."

"I didn't come for you."

He pulled her close and held her, his lips against her hair.

"And if you hadn't seen me tonight?" she asked.

"It was Angela who saw you. If the concert hadn't begun just then, I would have rushed up and dragged you from the hall."

"And you sent her away?"

Simon shook his head. "She wanted me to go to you. She's been wanting me to go to you all along."

"But you wouldn't." Jill caught her breath, afraid of his reasons.

"I've known everything about you. Where you've been, what you've done."

"I'm going to keep on doing it," she told him.

"Even with a husband, home, family?"

She put her arms about his neck and gazed tenderly into his eyes. "There'll be time for everything."

"And you're not sorry you left Chicago and that, that fellow?"

"Oh Simon," she whispered, barely able to speak. "How can you ask?"

"You were in jeans and that funny little cowboy shirt when I first saw you. You looked so young, so vulnerable. I wondered how I could offer you such a cold and dispassionate marriage."

"Yet you did, and treated me cruelly for it, too," she told him in a forgiving voice. He drew her close, but did not respond. "What is it?" she asked, a little frightened. "What's wrong?"

When he spoke, his voice was low, almost ruminating, as though he were unable to frame a proper reply. "You said in Chicago that you didn't love me, you could never love me. I thought the remark amusing, foolishly romantic. I held you and kissed you and told you that romance was nonsense. Yet something happened even then, even as my lips were against yours. I wanted you. I wanted you at once."

"But why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"Tell you?" He smiled. "Tell Dan Carteret's niece right then and there, within ten minutes of meeting her, that I found her lips delectable?" He pressed his lips against hers for a moment. "And still do."

Jill could not smile, however, not even at the compliment. All that time lost, she thought, all the pain—and they had loved one another. "Some little sign would have been enough," she told him ruefully.

"I preferred my little test. I realize now how foolish I was. I told you my offer was one no woman could resist. An offer of money. I've gone over that scene a hundred times since. You didn't resist. I wanted you to resist. At the same moment I wanted to make love to you, to have you fall in love with me. Suddenly the money your uncle and I worked so hard to make seemed to stand between us. I resented it. I resented your wanting it, even if it were yours. I knew then that you would marry me to protect your inheritance, and I couldn't bear it. I think I almost hated you for that."

Jill shook her head solemnly and put her hand to his lips. "The money was the last of all the reasons why I married you."

He kissed her hand, then held it tightly with his own. "I understand that now. I've seen you use what you have for good purpose. I've seen you live unpretentiously and even frugally and you've taught me something about the value of money."

"Some day I'll give you all the reasons for marrying you the way I did."

"Love at first sight one of them?" he asked.

Jill smiled. "At the top of the list. When I gave you the wedding ring, I thought you'd understand. But then it seemed you were angry over my boldness." She glanced at his hand. The ring was still on his finger.

"I never received a gift more willingly," Simon told her.

"Yet you said nothing, not a word."

"It was your tears after the wedding. I thought you were upset over the way your fate was sealed."

"I never felt more alone than at that moment," Jill murmured. How long ago it all seemed.

Simon gathered her into his arms. "I'm your husband, your lover, your friend," he whispered into her ear. "We'll be an awful crowd. I don't think you'll ever be lonely again."