Illusions Complete Series (19 page)

I started to feel that I was living in a dream. This story could not have happened. My Ryan could not have suffered like this.

She went on. “There was one lady in particular who attended these parties. She pretended not to be interested in Ryan. She was the only one, mind you. Everybody was into Ryan – every man and every woman there wanted to be with him. But she held back. She went to Ryan one night, and asked him if he would like to come home with her. Of course, Ryan said yes. He would’ve done anything to get out of there.” She shook her head “He was only 14 at this time. He’d been attending these parties, on a regular basis, for over a year, at the time that she came to him to ask him to come home with her.”

I stared at my hand, still gripping the latest martini. It was shaking uncontrollably. I put my thumb to my mouth and bit the nail hard.

She looked at me. “Well, you can imagine what happened. Benjamin willingly let Ryan go and stay with her, for as long as Ryan liked.” She looked devastated. “Ryan thought that he was out of the hell hole. That he had finally found somebody who would take care of him, and not let bad things happen to him.” She shook her head. “This woman was 34, 20 years older than Ryan. And, of course, she sexually abused him, every night. She probably thought that she’d died and gone to heaven, having his beautiful young man living with her, having sex with her every night.”

I was perplexed. “Why would Ryan have sex with her?”

“Well, as he told me, it was better than having to go back to his father’s house and be forced to attend the sex parties. So, he obliged her. He just didn’t want to return to Benjamin’s house.”

“I don’t understand. Why’d Benjamin let Ryan go to this woman’s house?”

“This woman had a major account with Benjamin’s company. A major account. If she pulled her account, it would have meant a loss of millions to Benjamin’s company. So, he just let her have Ryan, so he could keep her happy.”

Now I was feeling like I was going to throw up.

“That was where I came in. I was friends with Ryan before he moved in with Rochelle, the lady who took him in. I was also friends with Nick. Ryan didn’t tell me what was going on, but I strongly suspected it. So, I begged Nick to let Ryan come and stay with him and his family. My own family was in turmoil – my mother and father were divorcing at the time, and my sister was 15 and pregnant. If my family wasn't so messed up at that time, I would’ve taken him in. So Nick sneaked Ryan out of the house one weekend when Rochelle was gone – I think she was playing golf somewhere – and Ryan went to live with Nick and his family.”

She smiled. “I wish I could’ve seen the look on Rochelle’s face when she got home and Ryan was nowhere to be found. That would have been priceless!”

She continued. “Rochelle ended up pulling her account, she was so angry that Ryan had left. And Benjamin was also very angry with Ryan, but he didn’t know where Ryan had gone to live. He hired a private investigator to follow Ryan home from school, and he soon found out where he was. However, Nick had told his mother and father what was going on at Ryan’s home, and they helped Ryan get a restraining order against his dad.”

She smiled. “Nick’s father was an attorney, and a good one at that. He wanted Ryan to go to the authorities, but Ryan was afraid to do that. Anyhow, Benjamin was also afraid that Ryan would rat him out, now that Ryan had support from others. See, Benjamin controlled Ryan, because he isolated him from others. He didn’t allow Ryan to get support outside the home. Benjamin made a mistake allowing Ryan to go with Rochelle, because he lost control over him.”

Benjamin wasn’t so smart after all, I thought.

Alexis continued. “Anyhow, Ryan stood up to Benjamin, and threatened to turn him in. Benjamin wept, stating that he was sorry for all that he did. Ryan ended up not talking to the authorities about his dad. His father reinforced his silence by giving Ryan the de Kooning and the Cezanne.”

“I’ve never seen the Cezanne.”

“Ryan lent it to an art museum in Paris.”

Mystery resolved.

“So, it had a kind of a good ending. Nick’s father helped Ryan get into Harvard, and Ryan stayed there at Nick’s house throughout his high school years. Ryan literally became like a second son to Nick’s father, and Nick literally became like a brother to him.” She sighed. “So, of course, they were best friends at Harvard, and they lived together all four years there. Ryan was doing drugs the whole time at Harvard, and Nick is, and was, as clean as a whistle. Nick wanted no part of Ryan’s drug habit.”

She now looked ashamed. “I, of course, did want a part of the drug habit. I feel so shameful about it now, but we were like Sid and Nancy back in the day.” She smiled after seeing my face. “Well, an Ivy League School Sid and Nancy, but you get the idea.”

I nodded my head, understanding her gist. There were Sids and Nancys everywhere, apparently, not just on skid row.

“So, you see, Nick means a lot to Ryan,” she said. “An awful lot.”

“But I don’t understand why they can’t just be friends.”

“Well, the other is something that cements their bond. It brings them closer together. I know, I didn’t really understand it so much, either. I did come between them a few times, though, if you know what I mean.”

“Ryan and Nick are into that?”

“Sure. I mean, I was Ryan’s girlfriend, and Nick definitely likes women, too, so he really didn’t mind my joining in the fun.” She smiled, apparently at the memory. “Good times.”

“What’s Nick like?”

“He’s light, where Ryan is dark. Sandy blonde hair, green eyes. He’s Irish, too, like Ryan - his last name is O’Hara.”

“Is he as handsome as Ryan?”

“Well, nobody is as handsome as Ryan. Ryan could stop traffic on a busy highway. But, Nick holds his own. He’s very handsome in his own right.”

“He seems like a nice guy, too.”

“He’s a very nice guy. But he doesn’t take shit from nobody. He does not suffer fools gladly. I think that Ryan was able to break away from Benjamin mainly because Nick let Benjamin have it. Ryan was afraid to tell the authorities, but Nick wasn’t. If Ryan would’ve given the word, Benjamin would be in prison right now, instead of living off his family’s billions for the rest of his life.”

“So, Ryan stopped Nick from going to the authorities?”

“Oh, yes. Nick wanted Benjamin to fry for what he did. But Benjamin was still dad to Ryan, the only biological father that Ryan ever had. Of course, Nick’s father became Ryan’s surrogate father, so at least Ryan had some kind of benevolent father figure.”

I was shocked, too shocked to say anything but “Wow.”

“Yeah. Anyhow, as I was saying, Ryan is the nicest guy that I’ve ever known. He really is as thoughtful as he seems. After all he has gone through in his life, he should be hardened and mean. But he really isn’t.”

She shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. “I blew it with him. Of course, I know that he told you about Paul, but Paul was not the first. I was cheating on him from the start, really. I don’t know why I was doing that, except that I was suffering from bi-polar disorder, and didn’t know about that disease – I hadn’t been diagnosed at that time. I didn’t know that one of the signs of bi-polar was that you could become very sexually promiscuous.”

She looked at me. I tried not to look judgmental. “Of course, that probably sounds like an excuse, but I couldn’t help myself. I mean, as you probably know, Ryan’s libido is pretty healthy. He gave me all the sex that I wanted or needed. But I just needed even more. It was a high for me.”

She sighed, heavily. “Anyhow, I blew it. I tried to make amends. Believe me, I tried. But Ryan just couldn’t trust me anymore, so it was over. We had a tough time after we broke up for good and got divorced. I hated him, and treated him terribly. We had vicious words for one another. I was irrational, and I blamed him for the breakup. I justified my affairs. I told myself that Ryan drove me to these affairs, somehow. But, of course, he didn’t. None of it was his fault.”

I looked at her, remembering the threatening conversation that she had on the phone with Ryan not six months ago, that morning when I stayed over at his house. What changed? How had they become friends again?

As if Alexis read my mind, she said “Ryan and I have managed to get past the animosity. He helped me get stabilized on the right medication. He went to my doctor’s appointments with me, and stayed with me for the first week that I got the new medication, to make sure that I was taking it the way that I should. And I have to admit, it’s helped. Ryan would’ve been there for me, all along. I just had to stop fighting him and ask for his help. Which I finally did.”

I smiled. This was sweet. She was sweet. I kind of saw that in her all along, but now I understood that she really was a good person. She was just sick, herself.

She looked at me. “This is where you come in.”
Okay…
  “Listen, I blew things with Ryan, completely. He doesn’t want anything to do with me, except be friends with me. I know that now, and I’ve accepted it. But you….” She looked a little rattled, shaking her head rapidly. “He’s crazy about you. I mean, crazy about you.”

Still? Even after he kicked me out?

“I don’t understand. Why does he like me so much?”

“He doesn’t like you. He’s in love with you. He told me that he felt like he had been struck by lightning at the moment he met you.”

I blushed. “Why?”

She shook her head. “No offense, but I’m trying to figure that out myself. But, all that I know is that Ryan is completely in love with you. He told me that he fell in love at first sight. So, I guess it does happen, after all.”

I thought about him singing to me softly “I loved you the first time I saw you, and I always will love you, Marie.”

“I don’t exactly treat him well.”

“No, you really don’t,” Alexis said, honestly. “I mean, I understand why. Here’s this guy, this drop-dead gorgeous guy, and he’s crazy about you, and he has been from the first. I can understand why you don’t trust it.”

She went on. “But please, listen to me. I’d give anything to be in your shoes. To have him love me again. But that isn’t going to happen. I really just want him to be happy, now. I shit on him, repeatedly, and I can’t take that back. But what I can do is to get you back together with him. That’ll be my way of making amends for all that I have done.”

My heart went out to her. She really did seem sincere. I sighed. “So, I should go to his house and try to talk to him?”

“Number one, that’s your house too.” I looked at her, perplexed. “I know, I know, it seemed like he threw you out, but he was hoping that would be temporary.”

“He hasn’t even tried to call me. I’ve been at my mom’s house for almost a month now.” I was incredulous.

“Well, he doesn’t want to pressure you. And also, he’s been going through an awful lot lately, processing all of what happened to him, so he’s kinda in a dark place. I hope that you can understand this. He isolates himself when he gets depressed. But he’s starting to come out of it, so he wants to be around people again. Specifically, you.”

“That’s great. But I’m  not at all sure that I want to be around him. He threw me out. I didn’t want to leave, I just wanted some kind of space, yet he threw me out. Threw all my clothes out of the window. Why would I want to be with a guy like that?”

She shrugged. “I can’t answer that question. I just can tell you that you probably should give him another chance. He’s been through hell and back. And, for whatever reason, he’s deeply in love with you. I know that it doesn’t seem that way right now, but he is. He needs somebody in his corner right now, and that somebody should be you. I know that it’s not an excuse, that he has such a dark past, and he will never be an easy guy to deal with, but, trust me, if you give him a chance, you won’t be sorry. He’s a really good guy.”

“What about Nick and the whole bisexual thing?”

“Be open-minded about it. He won’t pursue it if it bothers you. But it could also be fun. Being in the middle of two hot guys – there are worse things I could think of. Just sayin’.”

“I don’t know Alexis. I’ve never been involved with such things. I mean, I have a past, too. I got around in college. A lot. But I’ve never met a guy who is into other guys. I don’t even know how that works.”

“Trust me, you’ve met lots of guys who like other guys. Whether or not they will admit to it is a different story.”

“I suppose so.” Truth be told, I wanted Ryan back, desperately. I was in love with him, as much as he apparently was with me, and it was so lonely without him. But I was afraid of his dark side, afraid of his bisexual side and still afraid that I was far beneath his league. None of which I would admit to Alexis just now.

So I simply said “ok. I’ll return to Ryan, if that’s what he really wants.”

“Trust me, that is what he really wants.”

So, Alexis and I chatted some more over drinks and lunch. I found that she was really a wonderful woman when she was sober and not manic. And from what she was telling me, she had a rough life herself. There was an immense sadness in her eyes. She had gone through a lot as well, I could tell. She necessarily didn’t tell me what made her so sad. She could tell Ryan’s horror story, but she had a story to tell, as well, and it was apparently difficult for her to go there. So, I didn’t push.

But she was like Ryan. Both of them gorgeous, both of them wealthy, both of them popular. They were the beautiful people that I never thought I would have the chance to ever get to know. The golden girl and boy who I watched from afar, wishing that I could be one of them. Yet, knowing what I knew about Ryan and suspected about Alexis, I realized something. I wouldn’t want to trade places with them for any amount of money. On the surface, they had it all. Underneath, they were both sad and weighted down by demons.

They were both beautiful illusions.

Chapter Twenty-One

              I got to my car after having several drinks with Alexis and, eventually, lunch turned into dinner. I was feeling kinda like I shouldn’t drive. So, spontaneously, I called Ryan. Maybe he could come and pick me up.