If You Dare (21 page)

She couldn't laugh when he did. Couldn't work the sound up over the huge ball in her throat.

"No. I'm not any of those things." She stopped and tried to figure out how to say what needed saying.

"The person I've pretended to be this last week doesn't exist. I made her up for this vacation. You really don't know me at all."

He didn't understand what she was saying. She could tell by the confused smile on his face. The expectant look.

Oh hell. Just get it over with.

"The reason I know so much about your sister, Joe, is she's just like me. Well, almost. I'm as small town as it gets. I have a garden. I have a cat. I drink cheap beer. I actually judge chili cookoffs.
 

"These pajamas," she waved her hand down her body, "I wear them all the time. Before this week, I'd never heard a man say the words I want to watch you come. I'd certainly never told a man I wasn't wearing any panties. I honestly wondered if multiple orgasms weren't some guy's idea of a big joke."

She was getting through to him.

"This was my big summer fantasy. And you fulfilled it and then some. I'll never forget this. And I've changed because of it. But I still love my house, my cat and my garden. And I'm going home in two days."

Well, she'd certainly left him speechless.
 

Joe couldn't believe it. But then again he could. The little incongruities in her suddenly made sense.
 

He'd been right to feel used for sex.

Well hell. He didn't know whether to be pissed off or relieved.
 

"I guess this means you're not moving to Vegas, hm?"

She nodded her head, looking every bit the same as she had moments before, but different too.

It was the different that scared him.

"You know, you didn't have to do the whole pretend thing, Cordelia. Chances are we would've ended up in bed eventually anyway."

Cordelia winced at his words, but he didn't really care. He'd been quite the fool. Talking to her, getting to know her. No wonder she never wanted to talk. Damn!

"So when were you planning on telling me all this, Cordelia?"

She shrugged and he couldn't believe it. "Ah, never. Well, that's great. That's just damn great. So I was supposed to be some key to your fantasy week, that's it."

God, when he said it like that, it sounded so sordid. But what could she possibly say? Cordelia nodded. "Pretty much."

He looked as hurt as angry and Cordelia felt like the worst kind of jerk.

"I never planned on..."

He interrupted. "On me caring. On me having anything on my mind other than sex. Thanks. That's just great, Cordelia."

"That's not fair, Joe. You can't tell me you wanted anything more than sex last week."

He didn't look like he was bothering to listen. God that infuriated her. Everyone always ignored her. "Don't tell me you've never had sex for the sake of sex, Joe. Don't you dare."

"It's not the same and you know it."

"Why? Why isn't it the same? I came here for a week. And it's not like I pretended I wanted anything more than sex."

"You sure as hell didn't." He stalked around the room looking angrier by the second. "But you could've told me the truth. Especially once I talked to you about Taylor. Hell, who knows, I could've made this even better for you if I'd known the truth."

If she tried to explain would he listen? Did it matter?

God she didn't want him to hate her. She didn't want it to end like this. She had to try.

"You have no idea what it's like to be ignored. What it's like for people to constantly talk about how nice you are. Nice." She laughed with bitterness. "I hate that word sometimes."

She leaned against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. "But I've always been nice. I've always followed the rules. I've always done my best to make my parents proud. Someone had to, and Irene doesn't even understand the definition of good girl."

She opened her eyes again and looked back across the room at him. Even if he didn't listen she was going to say this. "When Irene sent me that red dress and a plane ticket along with an invitation to come out here, I felt instant freedom.
 

"I didn't plan on necessarily having an affair, but I wanted people to look at me and see something other than the boring English teacher. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to escape me. To live a true fantasy.

"And then I saw you at the airport and you know the rest of the story. If I'd told you the truth, you wouldn't have looked at me the same way. You would've seen a nice, good girl. I didn't want you to look at me and see nice."

"Well, you certainly succeeded at that."

At least he wasn't stomping around the room anymore. But he wasn't sitting either. And he still didn't look happy to be in the same room with her.

"For what it's worth I'll never forget this time. I’ll never forget you."

That's just great. She'd never forget him. She'd come out here for a good time and he'd sure as hell given her one.

"I can't believe you honestly think people look at you and think nice and that’s it. You could wear a brown paper bag and still be sexy."

"That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, Joe."

"I wasn't trying to be nice." Joe sat in a chair as far away from her as he could get and still be in the same room. "I'm saying you could've told me the truth and the results would still be the same."

She laughed at that. “Right. I’m sure you would’ve been all about a sexy holiday with the small town English teacher.”

“Sex isn’t about the packaging, Cordelia, it’s about the chemistry, and we had that right off the bat.”

“But if I’d been wearing my normal clothes, my normal makeup, who knows if the chemistry would’ve been there.”

“I know.” How could she even doubt it? “You’re sitting there in those ridiculous pajamas, across the room, with me madder than hell at you, and the chemistry is definitely still here.”

She didn’t have much to say to that, and he was glad he’d caught her off guard. Even if he didn’t know what the hell he was doing.

“Tell me you don’t feel it still.”

She shook her head.

“Let me tell you what I see right now. I see a woman who responds to my voice, to my touch, almost immediately. I see a woman who makes me hard with a smile. I sure as hell don’t see nice.”

God, how could he be so damn mad and still want her this much?
 

“If I saw you as nice I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. I wouldn’t be thinking what the hell, the lady wanted a fantasy and this is the last night, why keep talking now?” He stopped and let his words sink in.

“I wouldn’t be remembering the way you looked that first night in the bathtub when you looked in my eyes and touched yourself when I told you to. I wouldn’t be thinking about the way your eyes turn a brighter green when you’re close to coming. Hell, Cordelia, you’re all confused about how I might see you if I knew the truth.”

He was right. She was confused.
 

Cordelia didn’t know what had happened or how or why. She just knew he’d gone from angry to something else entirely and she wasn’t sure she liked this something else.

Her body responded to his voice just as always, but her mind shouted out warning signals all the while.

“I know the truth now, Cordelia. I know the truth and I still want you. And I think you want me. You do, don’t you?”

His words were barely above a whisper. She ignored the flashing red lights in her mind and nodded her head. “Yes.”

Her voice sounded gravelly, different.

“I know you do. I know the truth, and I still know that underneath that pajama shirt your nipples are hard as rocks just from wanting me. They are aren’t they?”

She nodded again and he smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Still he continued his seduction with words.

“Let me see.”

He’d seen her before, more times than she could count, but this was different. This wasn’t the fantasy. With trembling hands she lifted the shirt over her head and listened as his breath caught.

She was sitting right under an air conditioning vent and the cold air swirled around her skin, making her nipples even harder, but she refused to cover them.
 

“You’re beautiful. Exquisite, really.”

She sat back against the couch and waited—excited, wondering, letting him look his fill.

“I know the truth and I still see an incredibly sexy woman sitting across from me. I know that right this minute you’re wondering what I’ll say next, what I’ll do. You’re thinking about that night in the bathtub aren’t you? About how good it felt?”

She wasn’t, but his words put her right there, in the warm water, surrounded by candles.

“Maybe you hadn’t heard the words before this week, but even though I know the truth, I’m going to say it again, Cordelia. I want to watch you come.”

He stopped talking, let the words wash over her.

“I know that right this minute, you’re wishing I’d come over there, sit beside you and make this easy. But I’m not going to do that because you’re confused, and I need to help clear up that confusion.”

She wasn’t confused at all. She knew she wanted him on the couch with her right this second.

“See you’re thinking that you have to play pretend to fantasize, to have incredible sex. To lose yourself. And I’m thinking that’s all wrong. I’m thinking that right now you’re feeling pretty good even though there’s no more pretense. Am I right?”

She wanted to tell him this was only possible because of before, because of who he’d thought she was. But she didn’t want him to stop. Didn’t want this moment to end, so she nodded.

“Do you know your nipples turn colors when you’re turned on?”

She shook her head.

“They do. I want you to open your eyes and look at them Cordelia. Watch as I talk.”

She did, and she was shocked at the jolt of longing that hit her at the sight.

“Imagine my lips touching you right now. Imagine the way my warm breath would soothe you, cover you. You feel that, don’t you?”

Oh god. She did feel it. Everywhere.

 
“Imagine how my hands would feel on your skin. Now look at me.”

She was completely under his spell. She looked over to the chair where he sat and focused on his mouth.

“I know the truth, and you know I know it.”

She nodded.
 

“Take off your pants and toss them over here.”

She slid them off and kicked them across the room to where he sat. What would he say next?

“You wish I’d come over and kiss that freckle right below your belly button, don’t you? That one that makes you erupt in my arms, makes you ask me to do all sorts of things to you?”

Yes. She absolutely wanted that. She nodded her head and he laughed. “Hmm. Maybe later. Right now I want you to sit there and just listen. Can you do that?”

Did she have a choice? Cordelia shook her head.

“Good. What I want to do is come over there and make love until you scream my name. But I don’t think you’re ready for that yet.”

Yes she was. She absolutely was.

“If I didn’t know the truth, maybe we could do that. But I do. So instead we’re going to talk.”

She watched as he wrapped her pajamas around his hands. “Imagine my hands on your feet, sliding slowly up your legs and over your knees.”

She closed her eyes and did just that, losing herself in his voice.

“Imagine the way my fingertips feel as they brush over your thighs, as they just barely touch your wet folds. You like that don’t you?”

“Yes.” Her word was like a hot coal sizzling in the cool air.
 

“Show me, Cordelia. Show me where you want me to touch you.”

Oh lord. She couldn’t. Not now. She opened her eyes, and his hot gaze burned her to the very core.

She started to shake her head, but he stopped her. “Yes you can. Show me.”

Cordelia felt her hand brush up her leg, felt her thighs part, watched his face as he watched her, and then her fingers made contact and she gasped.

“That feels good, doesn’t it? Don’t stop.”

As if she could. She nodded and bit her lip at his whispered command.
 

“I know the truth Cordelia. And I know that right this minute you’re seconds away from coming. Aren’t you?”

She nodded and gasped. Oh man, oh man, oh man.

And then he stood and threw her pajama pants across the room before walking to kneel in front of her.

Stopping her he took her hands in his. “I know the truth. You’re an incredibly sexy woman who enjoys her body. It doesn’t matter where you live or what you look like. Don’t forget that when you leave.”

She really wished he’d quit talking, wished he’d…

“Tell me what you want, Cordelia.”

A few hours ago she could have said the words a million different ways. Why was it a problem now?

She looked down into his eyes. God she was so close. If he hadn’t stopped her…

“Tell me.”

Oh lord. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the couch as she whispered the truest, most impossible words she’d spoken all day. “I want you, Joe, please. I want you.”

Joe couldn’t remember the last time he’d made love on a couch. But he knew it hadn’t been anything like tonight.

He pulled a now sleeping Cordelia closer and tried not to think about the fact that she was leaving. That she’d spent so much time pretending to be someone she wasn’t. That she hadn’t trusted him enough with the truth.
 

A lie of omission. That’s what his daddy had called it, and he’d always said they were just as bad as any other lie. True enough.
 

But the trust issue was a hundred times worse than the lie.

Once he’d gotten over his initial fury at her, once the same old lust had kicked in, he’d planned on making her beg for him.

In the end he’d practically fallen over himself to get to her first.

Damn.

Who would’ve thought she was faking the whole sexy outlook on life? She’d certainly fooled him.
 

But then, she’d fooled herself more.