If Not For You (5 page)

***

What the fuck!

I sat with my elbows on my knees, shaking my head. Not even twelve hours on this floating hotel and I was already wondering how I was going to handle the rest of the cruise with Tandy aboard. My mind was riddled with pangs of conscience, clearly warning me to keep my distance. Tandy had already seen me on the balcony and fucking hell, if we weren’t seated at the same dining table. We’d talked, she saw me in the theatre watching her. Damn it, I was trained for this, trained to blend in and here I stood out like a fucking sore thumb.

Why hadn’t I walked away, crossed the room and sat with someone else? Avoided the movie and waited outside? Why had I felt so compelled to talk to her? Tandy had an inexplicable pull, making resistance futile, she had already taken custody of my soul. As ridiculous as it sounded, even in my own mind, I wanted her, craved her. What a mess I’d made, Mr. Manning was going to string me up by the balls. I had to stop myself thinking about her.

Fuck she’s beautiful
, I thought, as I followed behind Tandy none the wiser, watching the slow sensual sway of her hips haunting me. She had the kind of back end that made a man wanted to grab on and sink his teeth in. If only the circumstances could be different.

I could feel my dick straining hard against my zipper, just thinking of her tongue licking her fork after each mouthful of cheesecake. That and the combination of being away from a woman’s touch for the last three years, was killing me. If I had to jack off one more time, I would surely go blind.

Connecting my laptop with the supplied Wi-Fi password I waited for it to start up. I had to sign in and tell the old man what was going on. When I finally got to my homepage I found an email waiting.

You haven’t checked in yet. I’m waiting!M

Sorry sir, it got late settling in. I saw her, Miss. Manning is fine. G

Yeah she was fine alright, so fine
, I was thinking when a ping told me I had received another email.

Just remember not to let her see you, keep a safe distance.

It was like the old man could sense something was wrong from the other side of the world. That I was fucking it up already and needed a swift kick up the ass to remind me I had a job to do.

Meals with Tandy I could manage, the rest of the time I would play invisible man. In fact I determined that I could take advantage of meals with her. At least then I could get the scoop on her day’s events, perhaps a hint as to her plans for the following day. It could be a good thing; I just wouldn’t share this with Mr. M.

Yes sir. G

I closed up the laptop and set it on the sofa before heading cautiously out onto the balcony and peeking around the divider. Tandy was nowhere in sight and the lights were off, she must be in bed. I noticed the sliding door was open, the breeze pulling the sheer curtains out into the night.

A vision in my mind of her laying naked beneath a single sheet, her hair spread out over her pillow, had me all kinds of worked up again. I sighed and headed to the bathroom deciding it would be worth the risk of blindness, jacking off to the memory of her gorgeous mouth.

Day 54

Australia

Breakfast on the balcony was all I thought it would be and then some. I ordered eggs benedict, coffee and orange juice from room service. I didn’t bother to get dressed, the morning sun was so perfect that I sat out in only my tank top and silk boy shorts, soaking up the sunshine and breathing in the salty air. I grabbed the ships newsletter, The Princess Patter, and lay on the lounge enjoying the sun while deciding what to do for the day, the list was endless.

We were going to be traveling the Australian coast for the next four days, until we reached Darwin, so I had plenty of time to get acquainted with the ship and all it offered. In the end I decided to grab my e-reader and find a book to enjoy. I wasn’t quite ready to give up this balcony just yet, nope I was enjoying my solitude. With only the hum from the ships engines, the sound of the ocean and my book, I was settled in for the day.

I was just getting to the good part, you know, the juicy sex scene? when I heard the distinct sound of my neighbor’s balcony door sliding open slowly, very slowly. With my dark tinted sunglasses on, I laid my reader against my chest and pretended to be asleep. I wasn’t sure if it would be the guy again or his cougar, if there was indeed a woman at all. I wanted to see, but didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to encourage them. That’s all I needed was a bothersome neighbor that wanted to spend the entire cruise gabbing.

It was sexy neighbor. He didn’t walk over to the rail; actually he barely came in to view at all, staying behind the translucent glass and steel partition. But I could make out from the outline that it was very much him. He gave me the impression he wanted to stay hidden, perhaps he was shy. From what I saw he was either standing with a towel wrapped around his hips or he was wearing a skirt. I held back a laugh. I pictured in my mind, his bare chest revealing a nice six pack and very pretty pecs. My mind wandered to his obliques, wondering if their chiseled definition would form a delicious “V” grazing his hips. I couldn’t see his face at all but I could tell he had shoulder length hair as the wind tousled it around.

My fantasy was cut short however in the blink of my eye he was gone, he had slipped back into the room but the door remained open. I could hear music playing quietly, Linkin Park, I liked them. I could definitely enjoy the tunes to go with my book. I decided to put some clothes on, just in case he or his cougar decided to come back out. I would have said fuck it, but I’m a lady after all, I needed to conduct myself with a certain amount of modesty. I changed into shorts and a tankini top, not too different from what I was wearing, but at least it wasn’t pj’s.

Being a little on the chunky side I normally avoid wearing shorts or anything above my knees in public. Don’t get me wrong I’m okay with how I look; I’m somewhat comfortable in my own skin, just a bit shy if you will. Most people ridicule those that don’t fit into the perfect category, whatever that is at the time. If you’re not one of those skinny bitches in the glamour magazines, you’re one of those fat bitches instead, and I’m okay with that. Doesn’t get me many dates, but I figure one day some guy’s going to come along and appreciate me for the hot sexy goddess that I am, and not one of those skinny awkward brainiacs at the law firm either, but one of those chiseled men you could sink your teeth into.

I glanced over to his balcony when I stepped out, okay I’ll admit it wasn’t a glance, I blatantly sought out that silhouette, and there he was. Laying on a lounge turned away from me. All I could see as I leaned out from the rail was a lightly hair dusted muscular leg and his sexy foot dangling over the rail, I like men’s feet, his toes were long, masculine and sexy.

I turned my attention back to my book, now that I was finished gawking at Mr. Sexy neighbor.

I must have been asleep for a while, the alarm from my e-reader was sounding, alerting me that it needed a charge. I sat up and stretched, wondering what time it was. I was definitely hungry, my stomach growled fiercely, not quite like a lion but more like a voracious wolf. I don’t make much sense when I’m hungry. It was time for room service. I ordered a burger and fries, nothing overly fancy.

It was one in the afternoon already, time to email the girls and tell them all about sexy next door neighbor, they’d enjoy him.

Hey! Having a great time so far! Miss you guys, not really, lol! Got a sexy guy next door to spy on and a honey at my dining table to eat up too! Lucky chick that I am, two hunks and it hasn’t even been 24 hours! Lol. Love you all! Tandy.

With no reply from the girls, the rest of the afternoon went by uneventful. I didn’t see my neighbor again, not that I was looking for him, but you know I was. I played on the computer, watched a little cruise info ad on the TV, read a bit more of my steamy romance novel and then got dressed for dinner.

Oddly I was the only one sitting at the dining table. The newlyweds must have had other plans I speculated. I was relieved really, I couldn’t say I’d miss them and their slobbering. And the hottie table companion? Well who knows, he may have changed his seating. Unfortunately it was banquet style tonight; I hated having to go get my own food, but what the hell. I joined the cue and grabbed a plate.

I skipped the salad, who the hell wanted salad on vacation? Vowing to take a vacation from salad I moved on to the Chicken Kiev and scalloped potatoes. At least I had some carrots, I wasn’t all together giving up veggies, and little baby corn on the cob, I loved them.

I was enjoying my meal, nearly finished when Mr. Dining Hottie sat across from me with his plate. He was dressed all in black tonight, black jacket and pants, black shirt and black tie, yummy! His blond hair was tied back and he smiled that sweet dimpled smile, the temperature in the room rose, it really did, at least five degrees, maybe ten.

“Hello, Tandy,” he said, in that tone, oh God that tone. Just the way he said my name had my panties on fire.

“Hi, Gage.” I managed to get out.

“How was your day, do anything exciting?” he asked, cutting into his prime rib and stabbing it with his fork before sliding a chunk between those gorgeous lips. I had to get a grip, seriously.

“Nothing too spectacular, I stayed in my room, read a book, took a nap, got some sun…nothing spectacular, you?” A vision of my neighbor’s sexy toes distracted me for a moment.

“Uh, took in a little sun, did a little rock climbing, had a swim.”

“Rock climbing?” I asked, quite intrigued, I always wanted to try that, but my chunky butt hanging off a wall wasn’t going to happen in this life time.

“They have great walls set up here. You should give it a try.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. This fat ass doesn’t climb walls. Spiderwoman I’m not,” I laughed and looked up to see Gage watching me. He wasn’t laughing, not even a smile, I guess he didn’t get my sense of humor.

“I’m going back tomorrow, you should come. I can show you how it’s done and you could give it a try,” he said, and I would have said yes in a heartbeat, had I been thirty pounds lighter. But there was no harm in tagging along and watching him shimmy up a wall.

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have a look.”

“Eight?” he asked, pushing aside his half eaten meal and leaning his elbows on the table’s edge.

“AM?” I burst out, an early riser, this guy had to be. “I’m not a morning person.” I said.

“Well if you change your mind you’ll find me there, on the Riviera deck, the sports center,” he said, as he pushed away from the table.

“You’re leaving already?” I sounded pathetically desperate. I wiped my mouth with my napkin to cover it up, hoping he hadn’t noticed the idiot in front of him. Why I really gave a shit was beyond me, he could come or he could go, so not my problem.

“I’ll be right back, don’t leave,” he said, sauntering off behind me. I couldn’t see where he went and as much as I wanted to turn and watch him, I didn’t dare.

A few moments later he came back and placed a slice of cheesecake in front of me and smiled. No blueberry slurry, thank god.

“I thought you’d like plain cheesecake this time. I could get you strawberry sauce if you like.”

“No. This is great, thanks. I’m not a big sauce lover, especially that blueberry goo last night.”

“I’m not a fan myself, I hate blueberries,” Gage replied, as I remembered his plate with the blueberry puddle off to the side, the same as mine.

“I hate blueberries too.”

“I know,” he said, clearly waiting for me to try my cheesecake first. I took a forkful of the scrumptious cake and let it melt on my tongue humming an
Mmm
sound, it was truly the best I’d ever had. I licked the creamy remains from my fork and caught Gage’s eyes following the trail of my tongue.
Such a man,
I thought.

We each enjoyed the cheesecake, a cup of coffee and some casual conversation about the weather and the size of the ship. How nice the crew was, and how the room was cleaned magically every time we left, even if it was just for a five minute jaunt to the beauty salon to buy moisturizer, it was spooky.

“Do you have plans for the night?” I asked, feeling a little bolder. Gage seemed nice, what was the harm in asking if he wanted to do something?

“No. No plans.” He said suddenly finding the cuff of his sleeve interesting and in need of adjusting. I got it, I wasn’t a fool. Gage was distracting himself so I wouldn’t ask, a move I saw a million times.

Wanting to save some of my dignity I got up, “Well I’m off, it was nice. Thanks for dessert. I might see you at breakfast, I might not. Have a good night Gage.” I was standing and halfway out the door by the time I completed my sentence. Gage didn’t have a chance in hell of answering me and if he did, I certainly never heard a word.

Heading straight for the casino for a few drinks and slots sounded just right about now. I sat at a machine, carefully picked I might add, the diamond graphics drew me in and with my cup of tokens I started. I inserted a token, pulled the arm, click, click, and click. Lose! I did this over and over until my cup was practically empty. I was having the time of my life and then I saw the Roulette table. That I had to try!

Although I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, I had purchased my chips and stood at the side of the table watching the other players. Placing their chips on numbers colored red or black and a few green ones with zeros, I was lost. A nice gentleman beside me gestured to the center of the table and grinned, I took a chip and placed it on red 7with his. The dealer, who looked like he was right out of ‘Casino Royale’ I loved James Bond, called out “no more bets” and spun a little white ball around the wheel with precise timing.

I lost it all, every cent, all three hundred dollars,
what
the hell
? I didn’t even come close or break even, but I laughed and had fun. I finished my fancy ‘Dirty Martini’ and left in search of some fresh air.