If Not For You (41 page)

“It’s just dinner Tandy, get over it. Wouldn’t you like to hear what went on back in the States? I would,” Gage said, pulling me into the hall and closing the door.

“A few hours of your life won’t kill you.” He brushed my hair behind my ear sending a shiver up my spine.

“I want to know, but I’d rather be alone with you.” I tugged into his side and spread my fingers over his ass cheek.

“You’re making excuses not to confront him.” He lifted my chin with his thumb and index finger and kissed the tip of my nose, “stop.”

John was seated at the table and quickly stood when he saw us approach. He was dressed in a blue striped button down shirt with matching tie and jeans, dressy but casual, like Gage. The purple paisley dress I chose to wear clashed with the stripes as I was seated between the two.

A waitress took our drink order and handed us menus before she wandered off to the bar. “You look lovely tonight, honey,” John said, kissing his lips to the back of my hand.

I wanted to be distant. I wanted to scoot my chair closer to Gage but resisted the urge. “Thanks John,” I said, looking over at Gage who just happened to be scrutinizing me.

The silent discomfiture sat like a shadowy cloud over the table and I could feel the pressure of a headache starting, evidently a stress headache. Drinks arrived and I was quick to drain half my glass as Gage and John looked at me in disbelief. Gage cleared his throat and moved my glass out of reach. “Slow down, sweetheart.” I so badly wanted to tell him to eat shit and die, but settled back in my seat and glowered.

John felt the tension, he scratched his head and after taking a sip of his drink he broke the silence. “Tandy, I think we need to talk.”

“I’m going to excuse myself.” Gage stood. “I agree with John, you two need to talk.”

I clasped my hand on Gage’s arm and begged him with my eyes. “Don’t go,” I said. He unclasped my fingers and leaned in for a kiss. “Five minutes…give him five minutes.” I half-heartedly nodded my agreement as he walked away.

John moved closer and leaned on the table. “There’s a wedge between us.” He took my hand between his hands and his thumb played over the meaty pad between my thumb and index finger. “I understand if you’re angry with me.”

My eyes moved from the sight of our entwined hands to his heartbreaking pitiful eyes and the ice around my heart slightly cracked and a trickle of ice water ran down my cheek. John wiped it away and pulled me into a hug. “I love you honey, I swear to you I would have killed him before I let him hurt you. If I had only known what he was planning, please don’t be angry with me?”

John looked genuinely stressed as he struggled to convince me of his innocence and I was stubbornly blocking him out. The longer we sat in silence, the more I thought of the time we spent together. Moments sharing secrets and wishes, laughs and intimately detailed ideas and as I watched John now I realized how badly I wanted my friend back.

Tears streamed down my face and my arms wrapped tight around John’s neck. “I know it wasn’t you. I’m being stupid, I’m hurt and I want to hurt you because of Jack, that’s not fair. I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I love you too.”

“I swear I never knew.” John pulled back and handed me a napkin and slid over my drink. “When the police came into our room to search, I nearly died when they opened books and they were filled with jewelry and wads of rolled up cash. And then when they told me how many women he’d robbed and all the places,”

“How did he do all this and you never saw?” I asked, taking a sip of my Margarita. “You shared a room, a tiny little room.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Call me dim-witted but I had no reason to think he was up to no good. We didn’t spend a whole lot of time together. During author spots and book signings I was busy. He was always in the library, doing research or with a woman. When we were together he’d see a woman and before I knew it I was alone. I told you he’s a slut. Always was, even as a teenager he had his hand down a girls pants in record time.”

We ordered more drinks and told the waitress we would order food when Gage returned.

“Maybe
he
should’ve been the erotica author,” I said, as we laughed, the cloud over the table was breaking up and fanning out, letting in brightness and I was feeling much better.

“I have a lot of PR work ahead of me. It’s going to take a while to build up a trust with my fans again. Make amends and hopefully I can reverse the damage that Jack’s caused.”

I put my hand on his arm to show my support. “I never thought about that. Will this affect your sales?”

“Most definitely, but all will be revealed at the next signing,” he grimaced, patting my hand. He looked worried, this was his livelihood after all and my heart went out to him. He had been wronged, he would have to pay the price for his idiot brother’s actions. It was so unjust that he should be the one to suffer.

“What’s going to happen to Jack?” I asked, “aren’t you worried? You don’t want to be with him?” I asked, but understood better than most about keeping a distance from the ones that supposedly loved you, but hurt you more often than not.

He closed his eyes after taking a lingering swallow from his glass. “Jack’s going away for a long, long time, honey. Whether I’m in the States, on this cruise or the far corners of the earth, I can’t save him now. He doesn’t want my help anyway, he said he wanted me out of his life, never wanted to see me again.”

“I’m sure he’s just lashing out, give him time,” I said, but knew time had a way of making the wounds fester.

Giving me a smile he said, “Time, if we only had more time.” Truer words had never been spoken.

If indeed we all had a little more time,
I thought.

“I should text Gage,” I said, reaching for my purse, the conversation was only dampening our spirits more. Hell we were practically drowning here and I needed my man to dispel the mood. “We should eat. He’s been gone a long time.”

John took the phone from my hand and smiled. “You’re special to me, Tandy. I cherish our friendship.” He set the phone on the table. “I’d like to think that we can be friends long after the cruise. Tell me we’ll keep in touch?”

My brow furrowed, he had no idea what that meant. No idea that in reality he would probably never see my face again, but he was being sweet and hopeful and I liked it. “Of course we will,” I said, and held out a pinkie. “Friends for life.” His pinky wrapped mine and we laughed.

“Nice to see you two kissed and made up.” Gage kissed my cheek and sat. “I take it you had a nice talk?”

I looked from Gage to John and back. “We did. What have you been up to all this time, Mr. Carter?”

He put his index finger to his lips and made a
shhh
sound. “I’d like tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” he whispered, as I rolled my eyes.

The waitress came over when she saw Gage and she stood extra close to his side, leaning in as we placed our food orders. She winked at him and walked away with the menus and looked over her shoulder to see if he was paying attention. He let out a gasp when my elbow collided with his rib. “Down boy, remember who you came with.”

His lips caressed my ear as he whispered, “Only you, baby.” His tongue licked the rim of my ear. “Remember where we left off? Cause I remember very well.”

I turned to see his lustful eyes, the heat behind them melting me to the bone. I sure as hell remembered and smiled. I also remembered the newly shuffled deck and slid my hand to the bulge in his pants and squeezed gently but firmly.

Gage sat up a little straighter and grinned as he asked, “Will we order, I think I need an early night.” My hand caressed his growing arousal. “What’s on your agenda for this evening, John?” Gage squirmed as my caress turned to an agonizing grip.

“Actually,” John said, stopping as the waitress came over with our meals, leaving with yet another wink for Gage, who pretended not to notice. “I have a date.”

I took a fry and dipped it into Gage’s gravy. “A date, anyone we know?” I asked taking a bite.

John nervously nodded and met my eyes. “Philippe the cabin steward,” he proudly declared. I inhaled my fry and both Gage and John slapped at my back as I spluttered and coughed.

“Philippe, my Philippe?” I asked, in amazement. “You’re Gay?” I had absolutely no idea that John swung that way. He was so not a man I would ever consider gay, a man who wrote sex scenes between men and woman like he was an expert, like he had bedded more than his fair share of sex kittens. In fact he had admitted to it.

Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with anyone’s sexual preferences and I was proud to take a stand for gay rights, and even enjoyed reading gay erotica. But John was a flirt and openly flirted with me whenever he could and I liked it. Perhaps I was a wee bit jealous?

John laughed and wiped gravy from my chin with his napkin. “Bi-sexual, honey. I thought you knew.” I shook my head no and gulped down most of my drink. “I’m hoping if I play my cards right, he’ll be
my
Philippe,” he laughed.

I giggled and gave him a big hug. “I had no idea but I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks honey, my fingers are crossed.” John held up his crossed fingers to show me.

I crossed mine too. “He’s hot eh?” I said, wiggling my brow and we laughed when Gage cleared his throat to get our attention. “Even you have to admit, Gage, the guy is sizzling.” I smiled and Gage glared.

“We better eat so John isn’t late for his date,” Gage said, taking a huge bite of his steak sandwich in true he-man style.

We finished our meals, passed on dessert and coffee and parted company. John practically ran off to get ready for his big night and Gage hauled me off to walk in the moonlight.

The sky was clear and there were a million stars illuminated above us. I started to count them, wondering if there was a way to capture them all and save the night, to just still the world and cling on to this beautiful night forever. It was quiet on the sun deck, the sports court was closed as we circled behind it, out of sight. Gage pinned me face first to the wall.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his ambush. “You certainly have a thing for walls, Mr. Carter.”

He held my hands in his left hand above my head, while his right lifted the hemline of my dress and smoothed over my hip and into the lace of my panties. “I have a thing for your body against a wall, you’ll never know how sexy it is to see you pressed into it while you cum for me.”

My knees practically buckled at the idea. “Tell me more.” I panted. “Talk dirty to me, use that filthy mouth of yours to make me cum,” I implored.

Gage’s foot kicked at mine. “Spread wide for me,” he whispered and I widened my stance. “That’s it, sweetheart.” He cupped his hand over my sex selfishly grasping tight.

“Fuck your wet. I can smell your sweet scent,” he breathed, tugging violently at my panties until they tore away, I heard him laugh with an animalistic wildness.

I leaned my head back on his shoulder and moaned, “You’re a fucking animal.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet, baby.” His fingers parted my folds and slid into my wetness and he growled in my ear, “I’m going to make you cum so many times baby, you’re going to see stars.”

I giggled and turned my eyes to the sky. “I can already see them.” Gage looped my ear lobe into his mouth and sucked it before he gave it a wicked nip that sent a delicious pulse to my clit as Gage’s finger found it and gave it a flick.

He laughed a villainous laugh against my ear and I shivered. “Will I stop?” He stilled his finger from its invasion, pulled his hand away and pushed his cock to the crack of my ass.

“No! Don’t stop,” I whimpered, the sudden absence of his fondling forced my hips to seek out the sweet manipulation I knew so well.

His hand slapped against my ass cheek with a hot sting and I cried out. “Shhh baby, be nice and quiet and stand still,” he whispered harshly with a purr. Sliding his hand over my butt and up between my legs from behind, he pushed his fingers into my wet sex and groaned, “I love the feel of your hot wet cunt.”

At first I was a bit stunned by the word he used, but quickly got over it when he rubbed over my clit sending a tingle through me to the tips of my toes and back. Gage increased the pressure and speed of the tiny circles he was making and could feel how close I was getting as my sex gripped onto his fingers and squeezed.

The rhythm he had set slowed and I wanted to cry, so close to the edge. “Will I make you cum baby? Tell me.” He insisted.

“Make me cum. Please make me cum.” I murmured, between gasps for air. I so badly wanted to clasp onto his hand and force him to make me orgasm but I bit back the urge and begged. “Please, please, I need to cum.” I wasn’t beyond begging for what I needed. Like a heroin addict or an alcoholic beginning for one more drink, I wasn’t about to become shy when asking Gage to give it to me.

My hips thrashed uncontrollably against his hand. “Yeah that’s it girl, fuck my fingers and beg.” He pumped his fingers deep and fast while one lone digit rubbed my bud of nerve endings and I collided with violent spasms around him. He continued until I stilled and he spun me around to face him.

He sucked at each finger while I watched and then closed his lips over mine and licked at my tongue. The taste of me mixed with the taste of Gage and the smell of my juices had my mind in a honeyed miasma. When Gage dropped to his knees and spread open my folds with his thumbs and his tongue outlined my lips, so wet and swollen, I grasped onto his hair and tugged with a tender vengeance.

His lapping tongue and the heat from his rapid breaths on my overly sensitized flesh sent a pulsating wave of juices flowing as I exploded violently again and again. The wet sounds of Gage licking my molten juices made it all the more gratifying. “Sweetheart you taste so fucking good, like the sweetest candy from the heavens.”

Stars or no stars, I was done. I was sure that Gage had drained me of every ounce of cream and I imagined I would become arid like the Sahara desert if he made me cum again. I’d be used up before the night was through. “No more,” I cried.