If Not For You (16 page)

The room was a bit warm and I knew my face was red, I could feel it. John was still scribbling away while I looked around the room. He took a deep dramatic breath and smiled. Started gathering up his things and put them in his briefcase.

“That’s it for today, you were very helpful.”

“Glad I could be of service.”

He looked at me with that sideways glance of his and I knew something was coming, “want a bit of friendly advice, honey?” He asked, and I braced myself.

“I don’t know, do I?”

“Here it comes, take it if you will…Your description reminds me of a certain
friend
of yours. Spend some time getting to know this Gage guy. I’m pretty sure from what I can see that he’s hot for you. You’re just in denial so get over it, you only live once.”

“I’ll take your advice into consideration,” I agreed, in my legal-eagle jargon. With an I-might-but-probably-won’t answer and playing it safe, all non-committal.

“Got time for a bite Miss Blow-it-out-your-ass-old-man?” He joked.

“That’s not what I said, smart ass,” I slapped his hand, “no thanks I’m tired, early night I think.”

“Okay, do you need me to walk you to your room?”

“No. I’ll talk to you later,” I said, and I could still hear John Laughing as I headed out in the direction of the elevator and walked over to the railing instead.

The Promenade deck was busy, it seemed to always be active with shows and entertainment. It was a nice night, just getting dusk. I stopped to watch the sun disappearing over the horizon. It was magical, the way the sun seemed to melt into the dark icy water, you almost expected to hear the hissing sound as it extinguished.

A hand on the small of my back made me jump from my skin. “You jerk! You scared the shit out of me!” My hand flew back and my knuckles slapped lightly on his chest.

“What are you doing wondering around alone?” Gage chastised, putting his arm over my shoulders as he caught the last of the sunset with me.

“We’re done, I was going back to my room, wanted to watch the sun setting. It’s pretty.”

“Yep.”

“Where were you, I didn’t see you.”

“That’s the whole idea, sweetheart. You’re not supposed to see me. I can see you, hear you, but go unnoticed. Like a ninja,” he joked, making a karate type swat through the air and I laughed out loud as he tousled me around.

“Stop! You’re such an ass.”

“And you’re beautiful when you laugh.” he said turning me to face him.

“I’m hungry,” I proclaimed, when it was starting to get all serious and John’s
friendly advice
played on my mind.

“Me too,” he smirked like he was about to take a bite out of me and I pulled away.

“You know what I want? French fries.”

“We can do that.” He took my hand in his and we strolled along like lovers under the moonlit sky. Only we weren’t lovers and the moon was hidden under a heavy sheet of black looming clouds.

“I think we’re in for a storm, that sky doesn’t look any too happy.” I put my head back and looked up.

“I think you may be right.” I said.

The first flash of lightening had people rushing to get inside and when the thunder gave an almighty crash any remaining souls made a hasty retreat. An announcement came over the loud speakers, warning of an approaching storm and suggested taking shelter indoors. I laughed as the sky closed in quickly above us in wild untamed swirls. Obviously someone had been asleep at the wheel and missed the advancing black barricade as it loomed ferociously toward the ship.

“I love storms.” I said watching the sky waiting to catch a sight of a fork or flash illuminating the distance.

“We better get inside before the rain comes.” Gage started pulled me along, I pulled back and stood still gazing upward.

“Not yet okay?” I pleaded, and wrapped myself around his arm.

“Okay,” he agreed, watching my face, excited like a child with not the slightest bit of fear what so ever.

“You amaze me,” Gage whispered, as the sky rumbled to life, his declaration going unnoticed.

A fork streaked across the sky. Being on the water seemed to make it appear that much closer and then a roll of thunder vibrated under our feet and I smiled, “Amazing isn’t it?”

“Yes you are. You really get off on this don’t you?” Gage said, watching me, watch the sky.

“It’s volatile nature at its best. Mother Nature giving Father Earth a swift kick in the ass. If you count between the lightning strikes and the next clap of thunder, you can tell how close the storm is.”

Another bolt brightened the sky and I counted. “One, two,” And then the thunder boomed.

“See, two miles away.” I turned to see Gage smiling at me, “What? You think I’m crazy.”

“Not at all, I’m just getting off on you, getting off on this.” He nodded to the sky and a flash of lightning lit in his eyes.

Large drops of water splashed on our faces ruining the quiet moment, the promise of perhaps a romantic kiss, a caress, an embrace. The sky opened with fury, the rain came down in a torrential down pour and we were soaked to the bone before we made it to the exit.

We burst through the door laughing and Gage gently wiped water droplets from my face, “You better get into something dry before you get pneumonia.”

He left me at my room promising to return and I prayed he would. I remembered the conversation with John and thought about how Gage fit my fantasy man. Yes he was tall with long blond hair, alpha-male from what I could tell, had a domineering personality. But he also had a sweetness lying below the surface that I had never planned on for my fantasy man. He had the basic structure, it was just a matter of pulling back the layers to reveal what was hiding under it all.

I threw on a white tank and hot pink pajama bottoms and towel dried my hair by the time Gage came back. He brought a bottle of wine and a large order of fries and I smiled because he remembered, even after I had long forgotten my hunger.

“Our fries madam,” he said, handing them off. He walked over to the balcony door and slid the sheers back, then moved the sofa in front and dimmed the lights.

“Well? Get over here and enjoy the show while it lasts,” he directed me to sit and poured us two glasses of wine. We shared the fries and watched the lightning show in silence for a long while.

“Do you think John really is mixed up in all this mess with Jack?” I asked, out of the blue.

“I’m not sure, don’t think so. He’s got a squeaky clean record, the guys practically a saint. Not so much as a parking ticket.”

“Hope not. I really like him.” I said. Gage turned his head, an intent glare fixed on me.

“You have feelings for him?” he asked, his voice despondent. If I wasn’t mistaken I would think that Mr. Carter was a wee bit on the jealous side. It was probably just the suspicious coming out of him. I almost wanted him to be.

“I like him, but not like that.” He was a good friend, someone I enjoyed talking with, someone I could imagine being friends with long after the cruise, if my future allowed.

There was no attraction beyond friendship, definitely no sexual desire where John was concerned, even though I had hoped for more when we met. He was a good looking guy with a great sense of humor, worldly and a rich naughty novelist who was probably a mad man in the sack.

I watched as Gage considered what I said. “I heard you talking,” he said, and I froze when I recalled our tête-à-tête and the secrets I imparted.

“You did?” I swallowed back the lump in my throat and looked away, taking a few sips of my wine, hoping to god he wasn’t able to see the color of my face.

“Very enlightening conversation I must say.”

I could feel the smile on his face, the atmosphere in the room had changed, charged with static electricity. The room lit up from the lightning outside and a rumbling of thunder in the distance sounded mere seconds after. “I think the storms over us.” I said and stared out the door.

“I think it may be in this room.” I turned to look at him and the smile on his face looked sinister in the darkness. As he said, “You, sweetheart, have a stormy imagination. I have to say I enjoyed what I heard.”

Rain pelted against the glass door with another flash and rumble and I moved to stand. Gage’s hand locked around my wrist and kept me in place.

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” he whispered.

“I’m not embarrassed.” I was struggling to maintain my composure and get away. I
was
embarrassed. I wasn’t when I divulged my secrets to John, but I didn’t want him the way I wanted Gage.

Holy shit! Gage heard it all, all of my twisted, kinky dreams. The things I told roared much louder than the thunder outside in my head and my heart boomed in my chest painfully. Surely my face was glowing in the darkness. What the hell must he think of me, the demented little virgin?

“Yes you are. If not, you wouldn’t be trying to escape,” he grinned, immorally.

“I’m not trying to escape,” I laughed it off. I
was
wishing to reverse time and take back all the secrets revealed. Take back the conversation I had and the fact that Gage heard.

“We all have fantasies, sweetheart, dreams, wants, desires. Few like you can say it. Some can only show it.”

He pulled me to him, holding me against his chest. His warm palm slid under my t-shirt, his hand burning into the flesh between my shoulder blades and covered my lips with his. My eyes closed, my lips melted with his, a light flashed behind my eyelids and then he pushed me back.

“I apologize. I got carried away in the moment.” My lips tingled as we both stood.

Faking a smile I spoke, “it’s okay, storms do strange things to people.” I fobbed it off like it never happened. Gage moved the sofa back and I turned the lights up.

The moment had passed. The storm raged on outside the sliding doors, while calmness settled in the room. Gage refilled my glass and handed it to me, the tough exterior was back, but his eyes told a different story. Perhaps there was hope that I would get the opportunity to see another layer peel back soon.

“I should go soon. We have to be up early if we’re still on for Singapore,” Gage said, swigging back the last mouthful of his wine and placing the glass on the table.

“How early should I be up? I need to set my alarm,” I said.

“Let me be your alarm. I’ll call you,” he said.

With a smile I took a pen from the coffee table and opened his palm, writing my number just the way he had with me a few days ago.

He smiled and headed to the door, gave me a quick peck on the cheek and was gone, faster than the lightning that flashed brightly in the room.

I jumped into bed and lay there listening to the thunder, watching the lightning flash and counting in my head.

Day 45

Singapore

Our day in Singapore was fabulous. It started far too early when Gage woke me at six thirty, I wanted to cry, but forced my ass out of bed anyway.

The very first thing we did was make our way to the city’s observation wheel. We saw it from the ship and decided that would be our starting point. I had never seen anything like it, it was huge and towered against the shoreline of Marina Bay. There were cars with dining rooms and cars that offered shopping and souvenirs. We chose a simple thirty minute ride with fifteen other people, certainly not a romantic spot if that was what you were looking for. It was so high we could see the entire city and although it made me feel light headed and dizzy it was spectacular.

Next we joined this crazy duck tour on the Captain Explorer DUKW amphibious vehicle. I was reluctant at first when the guide told us it went from land to water and back again. I wasn’t too keen on ending up in the Singapore River swimming for my life. But Gage said he’d hold my hand the whole time and keep me safe, I got suckered into his stupidity and said yes.

I think we were on the thing for close to an hour. We saw popular landmarks; like the waterfront Esplanade, some kind of theatre, the Parliament building, Supreme Court and the War Memorial, they were pretty but boring as hell, and then we splashed into the waters of Marina Bay, which was the best part. There was audio commentary offered but I didn’t bother, even though Gage seemed fascinated, listening intently. I just enjoyed the view of this exotic city and watching Gage. There was a statue that looked half lion half fish called Merlion that I kind of liked. Gage bought me a charm of Merlion at the tours end.

We did this night time tour of Chinatown before heading back to the ship with take out. I’d never forget this place as long as I lived. Paper lanterns strung through the streets and red and gold dragons gave Chinatown a mysterious glow, so exotic and bizarre. It was scary, like scenes playing out in movies with bad guys wheeling pistols, crime bosses doing drug deals and stool pigeons being wiped out by the hired help. Me, and my wild imagination were having a blast.

The guide on the air conditioned bus talked about
ah ku,
this I found out meant prostitutes. She explained their history, that they were pretty and fresh from Canton and high on opium. Headed to gas-lit brothels, apparently there were many brothels in Chinatown and so close together ‘like the teeth of a comb’ she said. With the brothels, opium and gambling dens, it was known as sin city. The guide called it 'Bu Ye Tian' - The Place of Nightless Days. It was fascinating and I found we barely spoke a word the entire trip.

My head rested on Gage’s shoulder on the taxi ride back to the ship, I was so exhausted and my feet ached partly because of the walking for miles and the fact that I was stupid and wore new shoes. I could tell by the throbbing I had blisters on my heels and my calves were screaming.

“My feet are killing me, how are yours?” I asked.

“Mine are fine. Wore my old faithful’s, unlike someone we know.” Gage shrugged his shoulder making my head bob about.

“You’re an ass,” I said, sitting as we pulled up to the gangway entrance.

Gage jumped from the taxi and ran around and opened the door. Handing me the takeout bag he crouched on the ground with his back to me.