I Heart Me (27 page)

Endnote

Because You're Worth It

‘What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny compared with what lies within us.'

R
ALPH
W
ALDO
E
MERSON

You may have heard the famous L'Oréal slogan ‘Because you're worth it.' Those are not empty words. You
are
worth it. You are worthy of love, health, happiness, wealth and all the joys that life has to offer. That's a fact!

So don't be afraid to live your life on your own terms. It's your life. Not someone else's.

Step up! Own your worth. Take responsibility for your life from this moment on. Be a leader in your own life. That's my invitation to you.

Don't make excuses. Don't apologize for being yourself. Don't wait for the world to come to you. Step up and out into the world as yourself. Let the birds sing your name.

Don't be afraid to stretch yourself. Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.

Live, laugh, love and play! Connect with people. Show them kindness. Be authentic. And always remember to be kind to yourself.

Live your life as you want to live it. It's the only one you have. See how you get on. You've nothing to prove. Who cares if you fall flat on your face? Just get up and have another go.

You don't need to convince anyone of your worth. You're worthy because you are. Your life is worthwhile because it is. The fundamental truth is that you
are
enough. You've never been
not
enough and there will never be a time when you're anything other than
enough
. That is also a fact!

I once saw a poster with the words, ‘I am beautiful because…' Do you know the correct ending to that? ‘I
am
.'

It's also the beginning!

Afterword

My beloved dog, Oscar, passed away on Wednesday 12 November 2014, aged 2 years and 2 months.

Despite the pain of losing him, I feel deeply blessed for having had him in my life, even for such a short time. Oscar changed me.

I learned to be a parent. He knew me as ‘Daddy' and Elizabeth as ‘Mummy'.

He arrived in our lives as an 8-week-old puppy around the time I started work on this book, and he passed away around the time I finished it.

Until Oscar came into our lives, I hadn't really stepped up into owning my worth or actually feeling like an adult. I've spoken in the book about how all adults behave like children at times, but deep down I really felt like I hadn't grown up yet, even at the age of 42. Truth be told, I was scared to step up and be an adult. And part of that is parenthood.

Oscar's presence thrust it upon me. Reluctant at first, I found I took to the role very well. It's by far the best ‘job' I've ever had.
In the past I had played small a lot, mostly because I was afraid, and because, deep down, I didn't ever feel that I was enough. But because of Oscar, I learned to be an adult instead of hiding. It was a huge self-love thing for me.

Oscar played a massive part in my growth in self-love. I can wholeheartedly say that I would never have been able to write this book without him having been in my life. I believe he came to me to help me, perhaps to save me from myself so that I could move forwards in my life.

Oscar was so loving and playful. I laughed every single day in the 2 years he spent with us. It was impossible to feel unhappy when Oscar was around. He would quickly lift your spirits, taking you out of what you considered to be ever so important. I smile, now, as I think about how he would tell me it was playtime by making a little, almost human, whining noise and sticking his wet nose in my eye socket, or by touching his paw against my face.

Through Oscar I have learned self-love in a way that I didn't know existed. I have learned so much about love in general.

The most powerful demonstration of love I have ever witnessed was when we were going to the vet for Oscar to finally go to sleep. He had a particularly aggressive form of cancer and there was little that we or the vets were able to do to save him. Even after having a leg amputated, the cancer spread into his lungs about three months later. He had contracted kennel cough and the combination was just too much for him.

Despite the deep, all-consuming, gut-wrenching pain of knowing we were about to lose our boy, Elizabeth insisted that we be happy for Oscar. If he sees us sad or afraid it would unsettle him. She wanted his last moments with us to be happy ones. And so they were!

Despite the pain, Elizabeth wasn't concerned for herself. She loved Oscar so much she wanted him to be happy. The experience taught me what real love is about. It taught me about the love in being a parent. It burst me right open, shattering all barriers I had erected between myself and a deeper experience of love.

After he passed, I realized that Oscar had opened my heart so very wide. I had what can only be described as a simmering affection for everyone. I hadn't noticed it before, but once Oscar passed I could feel it almost all the time.

He also gave me the gift of knowing I was worthy of love. He loved me so very much that it was impossible to not accept it.

These are just some of the ways that Oscar's short life changed me. I will forever be grateful for having had the privilege of being his Daddy and I will always cherish the memories of the many, many happy times we shared.

If you want to read a little more about what happened, Elizabeth has dedicated a Facebook page that follows Oscar's last few months. Visit
facebook.com/doginterrupted

Notes and References

1
. B. Grayson and M. I. Stein, ‘Attracting assault',
Journal of Communication
1981, Winter, 31(1), 68–75

1
. V. Walkerdine, unpublished study, Department of Psychology, Goldsmiths College, University of London, 1995, cited in Oliver James,
They F*** You Up
:
How to Survive Family Life
, Bloomsbury, 2002

2
. S. S. Luthar and B. E. Becker, ‘Privileged but pressured? A study of affluent youth',
Child Development
2002, 73, 1,593–610

3
. Ibid.

4
.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yhz3kmXFWrw
or simply search ‘Oscar Labrador' on YouTube. Video title: ‘Oscar, our Labrador puppy, scared to cross the threshold for his first walk.'

1
. Dr Cliff Kuhn is a doctor who advocates laughter therapy to improve a person's happiness.

2
. C. L. Kleinke, T. R. Peterson and T. R. Rutledge, ‘Effects of self-generated facial expressions on mood',
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
1998, 74(1), 272–9

3
. P. Eckman, ‘An argument for basic emotions',
Cognition and Emotion
1992, 6(3/4), 169–200

4
. D. R. Carney, A. J. C. Cuddy and A. J. Yap, ‘Power posing: brief nonverbal displays affect neuroendocrine levels and risk tolerance',
Psychological Science
2010, 21(10), 1,363–8

5
. Ibid.

6
. Ibid.

7
. Ibid.

8
. S. Nair, M. Sagar, J. Sollers, N. Consedine and E. Broadbent, ‘Do slumped and upright postures affect stress responses? A randomized trial',
Health Psychology
2014, Sep 15

1
. For a summary review, see U. Debamot, M. Sperduti, F. Di Rienzo and A. Guillot, ‘Experts' bodies, experts' minds: how physical and mental training shapes the brain',
Frontiers in Human Neuroscience
2014, 8, article 280, 1–17

2
. A. Pascual-Leone, D. Nguyet, L. G. Cohen, J. P. BrasilNeto, A. Cammarota and M. Hallet, ‘Modulation of muscle responses evoked by transcranial magnetic stimulation during the acquisition of new fine motor skills',
Journal of Neurophysiology
1995, 74(3), 1,037–45, cited in David R. Hamilton, PhD,
How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body
, Hay House, 2008

1
. J. H. Fowler and N. A. Christakis, ‘Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network: longitudinal analysis over 20 years in the Framingham Heart Study',
British Medical Journal
2008, 337, a2,338, 1–9

1
. A. Furnham and N. Greaves, ‘Gender and locus of control correlates of body image dissatisfaction',
European Journal of Personality
1994, 8, 183–2000

2
. V. Cardi, R. Di Matteo, P. Gilbert and J. Treasure, ‘Rank perception and self-evaluation in eating disorders',
International Journal of Eating Disorders
2014, 47(5), 543–52

3
.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8JFcim1nkQ
or simply search ‘Yah! Celebs' eye view' on YouTube.

4
. H. G. Pope, K. A. Phillips and R. Olivardia,
The Adonis Complex: The Secret Crisis of Male Body Obsession
, Free Press, 2000

5
. T. Moore, ‘HIV fears over increase in steroid injections',
Sky News
, 9 April 2014