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Authors: Unknown
"Where do you think?" She was laughing at him.
"In the hat, of course."
"Yes. Yes, I know, but it's a felt one, madam, and it'll make holes in it, all over. Is it the back or the front? It's the back, isn't it?"
Then he turned to the maid, who was approaching across the hall and said, "Oh, Mary, go and ask Cook if she would please let us have some tea, and a cake or two."
The girl laughed at his request for cakes, dipped her knee to Anna, then turned about. And Walters, coming back into the hall, pointed to the case he was carrying and said, "I'll put it in the sitting-room, sir."
As Timothy led Anna into the sitting-room she said to Walters, "Are you glad to be home?" and he answered, "Oh, yes, miss, though I must say I enjoyed our trip to London."
"He would have had me there till Christmas and after." Timothy was now thumbing towards his valet.
"Talk about night-life. Oh, I have so much to tell you. Come and sit down, dear." He pressed her into the upholstered chair to the side of the fire; then pulling up a foot-stool, he sat down and, taking her hand and looking into her face, he said, "Oh dear me; you ... you still look pale. But is it any wonder! Do you know something?"
"No; tell me."
"I think it was simply a miracle that you survived, with you in that weak condition and having to cope
with that dreadful plague, and not only with one but two. I know your father was there, but men are not of much use in cases like that unless they're doctors, and then they only do the talking. But here and there during that time, I saw for myself what had to be done for those poor souls, and I've wondered at the bravery of many people, but mostly of yourself. "
"There was no bravery attached to my efforts, Tim, just necessity."
"Did ... did you ever think you would catch it?"
"Yes. Yes, every day."
"That makes your efforts the more praiseworthy. Oh! my dear. My dear.
When I used to look at you over those railings my heart ached for you.
They are saying in the papers now it was only a light epidemic. As if any epidemic could be light! I suppose they mean in comparison with the do they had in 1853, when I was rather young. "
She laid her head back into the wing of the chair and let out a long slow breath and looked at him for some seconds before she said, "Tell me what you did in London."
"Oh, I shall have to write a book about all we did in London. With regard to books though, my business could have been seen to in two days well, two and a bit. I could have been back here over a week ago, but Walters took me to a theatre, and afterwards recommended another, and another. And we did the galleries. He's a very intelligent fellow, is Walters. I'm very lucky to have him. And what is even better, he is of a kindly disposition. And I knew that if at any time I had been in need of his ministrations he would have coped admirably. But do you know, Anna? Time and again, when I was going round the galleries and such, I thought of you and how I'd have loved you to be there. You must go to London some time. Or, come to London; I will take you to London. Yes, yes, I will."
He shook her hand up and down now as if she had refused his invitation.
Arid she laughed at him and said, "All right, all right.
Yes, I will go to London with you, sir, any time, any time. "
"You're laughing at me."
"Yes. Yes, I am, and it's so good to laugh at you and with you. I haven't laughed for a long time ... I ... I have missed you."
He stared into her face before he said, "You really have, Anna?"
"Yes. Yes, very much. Oh, very much of late. Have you ever thought, Tim, how changeable human nature is? Do you think a character can change, really change?"
His voice was slow and thoughtful as he gave his opinion: "Not fundamentally," he said.
"You see, there are ingredients of good and bad, and the middling, in all of us and it depends on circumstances which bits, as it were, come out on top and dominate. Yes, it's all to do with circumstance. If life went smoothly for each of us I think our characters would remain the same: I mean the predominant facets in our characters would remain the same. But then we are often hit by circumstance. There's that word again, circumstance. To give an example. You've had your share of Penella, haven't
you? " When she didn't answer he said, " I suppose you heard that she caught the cholera. Well, it's a great wonder she didn't die. She was very ill, and so ill that I really thought she was dying and everyone else in the hospital thought so, too. This prompted me to go and see Simon. Well, what transpired between us wasn't pleasant, and not for the first time, either. Anyway, I told him it was his duty at least to go and see her. Well, by the time he went, she had taken a slight turn for the better. And I don't know what transpired between them, either, but I know when I next saw her she was a different creature from the one I had known, and who had held me in very poor esteem. She hadn't been able to bear sickness of any kind. Well, there she was, thrown in at the deep end, so to speak, and she had undoubtedly been terrified by what had befallen her. But the only way I can put it is, the experience must have acted on her like a cleansing balm, because she said to me, "Do you think he will ever forgive me?" You know, Anna, her attitude in everything she did was because she was still in love with him, and always had been. And I know at bottom he was still in love with her, while being deeply hurt and mad at her, and at his brother at the deception they had played on him. Anyway, I wasn't surprised that, when she was able to be removed, he took her home: but I must say my sister certainly wasn't pleased, nor were any of them in the house. And she was aware of this. Oh, yes, she said as much to me when I saw her just before I went away. She even mentioned you. "
"Really?"
"Yes; and, my dear, don't say it like that.
"That girl," she said, "must hate my very name." Of course, you cannot imagine her saying it.
And I couldn't have done either at one time, but I heard her say it.
And she added, "I've been insane, Tim, haven't I?" Then her next words to me told me that she thought more deeply than I had imagined, for she said, "Love is a facet of insanity, you know, Tim. I am still insane with it, but I'm harmless now. Cholera is a potent drug." Quietly though not subdued Anna asked now, "Will they remain together?"
"Yes. Yes, I think so. After visiting her out of a form of duty only, the first time, I think his next visits were out of pity. And, you know, that is another facet of love. Pity is akin to love, it breeds it ... Ah! here's Mary and Walters with the tea. And look! a cream sponge cake with preserved cherries on the top. Oh Mary, tell Cook that I love her, will you?"
"Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'll do that." The girl grinned widely, bobbed and went out. Walters had wheeled the trolley up to the end of the couch and, looking at Anna, he said, "Will I leave you to officiate, miss?"
"Yes; thank you."
When the door had closed on them Timothy laughed, saying, "Will I leave you to officiate. He's nothing if not correct, is Walters.
Anyway, would you kindly pour out, madam? "
She poured out the tea; then handed him the thin, rolled bread and butter, followed by the dainty cucumber sandwiches, and lastly she cut into the
sponge cake and he, leaning towards her in order to take it, said,
"It's fatal to tell anyone, especially a cook, that you are fond of a speciality of hers. When she first made me a sponge cake I praised it to the skies because it was lovely, but when there's company, high, low, or middling, or she's out to tempt me from my work which, I understand from Walters, she says makes me dour, I'm presented with a cream sponge, and it puts weight on one. Still, it keeps her happy.
You know, I learned from my mother years ago that the essence of a happy household starts at the oven in the kitchen. I think she was right. "
"Yes, I think so too."
The tea over, he pushed the trolley away and was about to resume his seat on the footstool at her side when she said, "Wouldn't you be more comfortable on the couch?"
"Yes. Yes, I would," he said, looking towards it, 'if you would join me there. "
She sat at one end of the couch, her back in the corner, and when he sat down next to her he took her hand, but made no remark for some time; he just stared into the fire until, seeming to bestir himself out of a reverie, he said, "It's odd, you know, the dreams one conjures up by looking into the flames. I see pictures there, but the print, so to speak, is in my mind." And after a pause he added, "You always have nice fires up at the cottage."
She did not answer, and presently he turned and looked at her, saying,
"Well, don't you?" which did stir her to say, "As you've just remarked, the prints are in your mind. Fires are only nice when the prints are nice, and the prints are only nice when people are in accord, otherwise flames can arouse anger."
"Oh! Anna." He twisted round and, looking into her face, said, "What is it? You're unhappy. Well, I know you have been for some time, but this is different. What's happened?"
"The simple answer, Tim, would be to say I've been left out in the cold and I don't like it. But it's more than that, it's a great unrest and it's been in me for a long time. I've been hurt of late, Tim, taken for granted."
When her head drooped and she couldn't go on, he said, "Tell me. We're friends, close friends; you can tell me anything."
She now looked into his kindly eyes, and so she began, hesitantly at first, to tell him how she had felt over the last two years. She even mentioned the fact that she had thought she might be in love with Simon but had found she wasn't. Then she came to Jimmy, and his views on the family which had surprised her, and how he had been intending to make his escape by going to sea, and how he had almost begged her to get away. He seemed to understand their parents more than any of them did, she told him; and her voice broke when she spoke of his dying words.
Then she talked of her father and of how he had changed towards her since the death of Ben, that he seemed to hold her, in a way, responsible for it because of her association with the Manor House.
What she next told him she had to tell only in part, that her mother had been left some money, a
considerable sum, and at this he raised his eyebrows and he, too, said, "Really?"
Yes, in the region of three thousand pounds, she said; and that this had come about some time before. But they had never offered her a farthing. And when she came to the night when her father had made his will, he put in, "Oh! Anna, Anna. I want to say how I like your father. I've admired him for his mental ability, but his shortsightedness with regard to you is unforgiveable. But your mother, what was her attitude?"
She then related her mother's words when she thought she was going to die, of the promise she wanted from her and which would have tied her to the house and her father until he, too, went. But then she came to Cherry's predicament and, looking at him now, she could not keep the hurt from her voice as she said. They welcomed it, Tim. They welcomed it because it would mean starting another family in the house. And only today my mother said that she couldn't understand the change that had come about in me of late, but when the baby came I would feel better. You see, I am to be the handmaid, the baby-minder, while Cherry keeps on her work. She and Bobby will, of course, live in the house, and as there are only two bedrooms on the ground floor they will occupy the one that is mine and I shall be relegated to one of the boys' beds in the roof. This all sounds as if I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm not, I'm just stating facts. And one after another, the facts, of late, have been thrown at me. The latest is that my father is welcoming Oswald's engagement to the daughter of the Pie and Peas Shop owner, and who is five years older than he is, but he is welcoming this too because he is hoping for more children, as he said, to visit at week-ends. He can see the house coming alive again, and him instructing, teaching . teaching. Oh, I know what's in his mind. And what's more, my brothers are going to be offered partnerships. So everybody is settled and accounted for except me.
Well, Tim, I'm escaping. "
"What do you mean, dear?"
"I have decided to leave."
"Oh! my dear. Have ... have you talked this over with Miss Netherton?"
"No; Miss Netherton wants me to go and stay with her so she can fatten me up, et cetera. But I have other ideas."
He turned from her and leaned forward and, placing his elbows on his knees, he joined his hands together, and when he again seemed to be in a reverie, she said, "Don't you want to know what I'm going to do?"
"Oh yes, my dear, of course." He had turned to her again.
"Is it about entering a college? Miss Netherton and I discussed this some time ago."
"No; it's nothing to do with that."
"No?"
"No. I don't want to enter any college. I don't want to be taught any more except through my own reading and discussions with ... She did not finish the sentence but shook her head. Then drawing herself to the edge of the couch, she pulled herself upwards and walked towards the tea trolley and there she arranged the dirty cups and saucers, moving them about as if on a chess board, while he sat in silence watching her. But when the cups and saucers began to rattle he got to his feet and walked over to her and said, "What is it, Anna?
You can tell me. "
At this she gave the trolley a push that would have sent it half-way across the room had he not grabbed it and steadied it; then taking her hand, he drew her onto the rug in front of the fire, and now they were facing each other as she said, "I've ... I've got a proposition to put to you."
"Yes? Yes, well go ahead and put it."
"Well She hesitated, then said, " First of all, I must tell you one thing and I'm very, very sure of this, and have been for a long time, whether you have known it or not, and it's got nothing to do with friendship . I love you. "