Hurt Me So Good (16 page)

“It’s not Victor I mind. I told you, I loved him. I was devastated when I realized I couldn’t be the kind of woman he needed. It’s his crop that’s a problem. But I’m going to have the same problem if it’s Mal’s flail or Patrick’s whip, or a paddle, a belt, a cane… I can
not
handle pain. Not at all.”

“I know,” Shiloh mumbled, suddenly near tears herself. She could handle the pain, needed the pain, and was on the verge of helping Victor get over his hang-ups too, only now everything was falling apart. She’d gotten closer than ever to him, only to feel like she was falling out an airplane. “I thought just a little would be okay. Just enough for the challenge.”

“It would look fake and forced,” Kimberly said, relaxing back into the gentle demeanor Shiloh was more familiar with. “Just the thought of a blow, even a warm-up, makes me sick to my stomach. I’m sorry, but I learned a long time ago what my limits are. Pain is not a threshold I can play with.”

“I understand.” Shiloh stared across the street at the park, trying to make her brain function. Did she really have to have this challenge? Could she come up with something else at the last minute? But why bother, if Victor would be forced to fire her for breaking her confidentiality agreement?

A couple walked hand-in-hand in the park, laughing. Another family played Frisbee. She’d almost begun letting herself imagine a future like that with Victor.

“Shiloh? Are you okay?”

The marks on her back burned faintly, a reminder of what he’d done just hours ago. She’d hoped it would be a beginning, not an ending.

Her eyes burned, hot and dry.

Kimberly laced her arm with hers and led the way into a shop. Numbly, Shiloh went with her, fighting back the tears. “Sit. I’ll be right back.”

The dark, rich smell of coffee filled the air. Grateful, Shiloh sank into a chair in the corner. In a few minutes, Kimberly handed her a latte. Wrapping her hands around the hot cup, Shiloh breathed in and decided that the world could go to hell in a hand basket, as long as she had a cup of coffee along the way.

Kimberly sipped her drink. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m afraid Victor might fire me.”

Elegant, classy Kimberly snorted, an indelicate sound that made Shiloh smile at least a little. “After what I saw today, honey, Victor won’t let you out of his sight. I’m surprised you managed to escape VCONN without the Master chasing after you with his crop.”

Despite the joke, she shivered. Her body responded to the idea, more than willing to be run down by the Master and dragged back to his lair.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Kimberly reached over and squeezed her hand. “Is it something about the show?” Shiloh nodded, fighting back tears. “Oh, no, and here I am threatening to walk out on you! Is it something you can talk about with me?”

“I did something stupid and someone found out. Now they’re trying to blackmail me into throwing the show even more than we already rigged it.”

Kimberly narrowed her gaze. “Does this someone have red hair? That bastard. I never liked him. You know the best way to deal with blackmail, right?”

“Sure.” Shiloh drained the rest of her coffee. Maybe the caffeine buzz would help her face the Master’s fury. “Tell the one person I really don’t want to tell.”

“He loves you.”

Startled, she thumped down her cup harder than she intended. “You don’t know that.”

“Not officially, maybe, but he does care for you, Shiloh. I’ve known him a long time, and it’s obvious.”

She really didn’t want to think about exactly how well this other woman
knew
him. Certainly in the biblical sense, which made her grip the cup harder and contemplate bashing her over the head.

“It’s as obvious to me that you are falling in love with him too.”

“I’m that transparent?”

“Well, the screaming and moaning from the locked dressing room kind of clued me in.”

Great, now her cheeks picked that moment to flood with color.

Laughing, Kimberly hugged her. “Oh, honey, sorry, I couldn’t resist. So what are you going to do?”

“March straight back to VCONN and ask to speak to him. That’s where I was headed before the same little prick who’s threatening me said you were walking off the show.”

Kimberly’s amusement faded and her hands trembled enough that the cup clattered on the table. “I’m really sorry, Shiloh. I just can’t do it.”

“I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t think things through better beforehand.” Shiloh hugged her back and then stood. “Thanks for the coffee. I think I have the courage to face the Master in his lair now.”

“Anytime. Are you going to be okay?”

My career? Sure, I can always find another job. My heart? Probably not.
But Shiloh forced a smile. “Tell you what. If you want to know how everything unfolds, come back to the set tomorrow afternoon. That’ll give me time to rework the challenge, or at least stage it where the non-masochists can exit gracefully and set up the next stage. I won’t ask you to do anything that even begins to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I know the amount of work that goes into setting up the scenes and arranging the cameras. Plus, you have to write up at least a few lines for Georgia. Can you pull off a change this late in the game?”

“Worst case we delay taping until the next day.” No, worst case was the show was scrapped altogether, but she refused to even consider that option. “Let me talk to Victor and Mal, but we’ll go over everything after lunch tomorrow. Hopefully we can get something taped in the evening and not fall too far behind.”

“Good luck, and remember, he does love you, Shiloh. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

Which only made the thought of losing him all the more painful.

“Ms. Holmes is here to see you, sir.”

Victor pressed the intercom button and said, “Send her straight in,” to his secretary. He’d hoped to drag her away from work early tonight, but she hadn’t been in her office, and then he’d made the mistake of stopping by his own before going upstairs. If he didn’t show up in the next half hour, Léon would be thoroughly insulted.

Shiloh stepped inside and the ground fell out from beneath his feet. She was pale, tense, and couldn’t meet his gaze. Instead of stepping into his arms eagerly, she hesitated close to the door.

As though she’s afraid of me.

His stomach felt as heavy and cold as though he’d swallowed his weight in lead. He’d seen the morning-after remorse hit a Dominant countless times, not just himself. Take a date home, show them a good time, a really good time, and then in the morning, they suddenly began thinking about exactly what happened. In the heat of the moment, the scene was hot and acceptable, but later, in the cold of the dawn, some submissives were suddenly horrified by what they’d done. Maybe they were ashamed of exactly how far they’d let the Dominant go. Or maybe they were just afraid.

He schooled his face to the calm, disinterested mask of the CEO, even while inside he panicked and thought very hard about throwing her over his shoulder and rushing her upstairs to his bed before she could escape.

It’s too soon for me to feel this afraid of losing her. Isn’t it?

His hand trembled as he tightened his ponytail.

“I need to speak to you as my producer and boss, not as my Master.”

He breathed in deeply and held it several seconds. “All right.”

She raised her gaze to his face and his heart slammed against his ribcage. Tears gleamed in her eyes, her lips trembled, and that was the end of his careful attempt as disinterest. He drew her into his arms, tucking her tightly against him. “What is it, baby?”

“I need to tell you something about the show, and I’m afraid…” His heart thudded so hard he almost groaned out loud. “You might fire me.”

Cautious relief slowed his heartbeat down a bit. She didn’t jerk away from him. She wasn’t afraid of him in particular, and he didn’t get the impression that she’d changed her mind after what had happened on the show. No, something else was bothering her, and the relief almost had him sinking to the floor on his knees and praising the Lord.

He kept his arm around her but drew her over to sit before his desk. Sitting on the edge of his desk, he planted both hands on the arms of her chair and leaned down to kiss her. Her mouth trembled beneath his and he felt her breath hitch in her throat. “Why would I fire the one brilliant woman who brought the perfect show to me?”

Who made me face the darkness inside and showed me the light on the other side? Who isn’t afraid of me—when I am?

“I have a private blog that I’ve been keeping for months. It’s always been a habit of mine to keep a journal. It just helps me figure stuff out.” She searched his eyes, begging him to understand. “I started it right after I met you. I know it was stupid to put it on the internet, but carrying around a diary made me feel like a horny teenager.”

“Hmm,” he murmured against her cheek. “I was feeling rather like a horny teenager myself today.”

“I swear that I never mentioned you or the company by name. I never gave details that would help anyone figure out who either of us are. Mostly, it was stupid stuff, like I saw you on the way to my office one morning, so I had to stop off at the bathroom and…”

She ducked her head, her shoulders tight, so he could very well imagine what she’d done. “So you had to get yourself off before you could face me? And then you wrote about it in this blog?”

“Yes,” she whispered, tightening her shoulders even more, making herself as small as possible. Out of fear, or guilt? “I’m sorry.”

He dropped his mouth lower to her ear. “Dare I hope that you occasionally used the same dirty words that you whispered in my ear last night?”

A small moan escaped and goose bumps jumped up on her arms. “Yes. Sometimes. I just never thought anyone would find out, and what if they did? How could they know it was me or you?”

“What did you name this dirty little blog?”

“
V’s Gift
.”

Ah. He’d wondered how she’d chosen that name for the show. “So you’re afraid that with the show coming out that some very clever Dallas viewer may track it down? And then somehow figure out who you are, or who I am?”

“Someone has.” She lifted her chin, her eyes hard. “Someone threatened to tell you and ensure I was fired for breaking my confidentiality agreement, unless I let him win top sub.”

Victor knew exactly who’d threatened her. He sat back and blew out his breath. “Damn. Mal is going to be heartbroken. She loves that scrawny little runt.”

Shiloh made a small noise, and he smiled at the disgruntled look on her face. “Here I thought you might not believe me, but you don’t sound surprised.”

“I suspected that Andy was my mole that caused us to scrap
Internet Secrets
. I just didn’t have any proof.” Scowling, he leaned back down close. “And I will always believe you, baby.”

“You don’t think I’m capable of lying to you? Not that I will, but—”

“You’re capable,” he agreed, nibbling at her lips. “And I’m more than capable of making you tell me the truth, no matter how awful you think it might be.”

The last of the tension eased from her shoulders. Leaning into his embrace, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I swear on your crop that I will never lie to you. I never mentioned you, VCONN, my real name or the name of our show on the blog. Just all sorts of inappropriate fantasies I’ve been having about my boss and an unnamed reality show I created to…how did you put it? Lure myself into your clutches.”

“I should still punish you.”

She hummed out a low sigh against his cheek. “Yes, please do.”

“You’re incorrigible. I thought I would punish you by having you read some of these inappropriate fantasies to me out loud.”

“I can do that.” Her arms tightened around his neck. “Andy might be a prick but I don’t know that he was leaking show details. What are you going to do?”

Gently, he stood, removing himself from her embrace. “Let’s continue this conversation upstairs, if you’re free for dinner?”

She stood, too, one hip cocked daringly, her chin up and high, her eyes bright and confident. “I already told you, if you’re asking, I’m free.”

Turning back to his desk, he made himself keep the tone of the conversation light. “Then I’m asking you to spend the night with me.” What he really wanted to do was clamp his collar on her neck, his ring on her finger, his name on hers and drag her away somewhere just the two of them.

Before she can change her mind like Kimberly did.

“Let me run home and get a change of clothes for tomorrow so I don’t have to rush off like I did this morning.”

He nodded and forced a smile. “I’ll see you in an hour, then?”

Shiloh headed for the door. “We have another issue brewing on our hands too, so I need to rethink tomorrow’s taping. I’ll bring all my notes and storyboards. Maybe you’ll have a brilliant idea.”

“The first trailers are running on VCONN tonight too.”

“Then it’s too late for your mole to leak the show’s details—we’re going to be baring it all ourselves.” She paused, her eyes sparkling mischievously. “You did call and warn your mom, right?”

Victor groaned. “I’ll call Mama right now. God help me.”

Chapter Fourteen

With a glass of wine at hand, her belly full of delicious French food and the sexiest man alive ensconced beside her on a cozy leather couch, Shiloh thought she’d died and gone to heaven. He’d even flicked the switch so the gas fireplace cast a lovely intimate glow in the room.

“All we really need to do is delay the punishment round for the finale,” Victor said. “Then we can eliminate Kimberly and any other submissive not interested in the pain round.”

“So we need a new challenge that portrays the lifestyle in a positive manner and with which someone like Kimberly would be comfortable. In the end, most of our viewers are going to be happier with a scene like that too, right? So we’ve done bondage, and we’re going to do punishment. What else?”

“That’s obvious.” She turned in his arms so she could search his face. “Service.”

“Remember, this has to be clean enough for TV.”