Hunter Derby: (Show Circuit Series -- Book 3) (24 page)

Yet she still couldn’t bring herself to tell him.

She began to think about just getting in her car and leaving and then texting him and Linda from the road. She knew it would be so wrong, like breaking up with someone over text, but it would be easier that way.

She’d tell him that of course she’d still ride Gidget in Derby Finals. John could keep Gidget in shape and bring her down to Kentucky. Grant hadn’t said anything about her only riding his horses in the final.

Zoe still hadn’t told John when he came back to the tent with his jaw set. She hadn’t really ever seen him angry before but she could still tell this was high-level pissed off.

“What the hell?” he said. “You weren’t even going to tell me?”

“About Grant’s horses?” she said.

“Yes, about Grant’s horses.”

“Who told you?”

“What does it matter?”

“I can still ride Gidget,” she said.

“You think I still want you to ride my mare?”

Suddenly it was
my mare
.

“I guess I thought you would, yeah.”

“You have no idea how the real world works,” John said. “You may be the most gifted hunter rider I’ve ever seen but you need some lessons on how to treat people and how to treat yourself too.”

“What, I’m not supposed to take this job? Take this opportunity? Do you know how amazing his horses are? I could be first, second, and third at Derby Finals. Seriously, I could.”

Zoe knew she sounded arrogant but she wanted to make John understand she couldn’t pass this up.

“I never said you’re not supposed to take this job.” John raised his hands and shook them at her, as if he needed to demonstrate just how frustrated he was. “But you’re supposed to talk to me about it. We have a partnership going. Maybe we didn’t put it in writing but we were just talking about plans for Kentucky, and you didn’t say anything. You lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie. I just—”

“Please—” John said, stopping her.

“I didn’t know how to tell you. I was trying to figure it out. Would you have said I should take the job?”

“I would have asked you what you thought about it, about what you wanted to do. We would have talked about it. That’s what grown people do.”

Grown people did not take off and text, which Zoe felt certain she would have done if John hadn’t found out.

“Can we talk about it now?” she tried.

“What’s there to talk about? You’ve already made up your mind. When are you leaving?”

Zoe grimaced. “Um, like in the next few days.”

“You’re serious?”

“He needs me to start riding.”

“Okay, great,” John said. “Then apparently everything’s all set.”

“Wait, but do you still want me to ride Gidget at Derby Finals if I can?”

John was pensive for a moment. He stared at the ground and only after a few beats raised his eyes to look at her again. “No, I don’t want you to ride her.”

“Are you going to ride her?”

“What do you care?”

“I think she’s a great horse and it would be a shame if she didn’t show at Derby Finals.”

“I think you should just get in your car and take off right now. Why wait a few days to leave? What I do with my horses has nothing to do with you anymore.”

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” Zoe said. “I mean, I’m riding his horses for a few months. It’s not like we can’t have anything to do with each other ever again.”

“It’s how you went about it. You apparently aren’t capable of thinking things through, or considering other people’s lives besides your own. And sometimes you’re pretty downright shitty about that too.”

Zoe knew she’d done things the wrong way but it felt like John was being a little too harsh.

She narrowed her eyes. “Did you ever think maybe you have a little problem? Did you ever think maybe there’s another reason why you never got further as a junior than your parents not having tons of money or your sister’s CP?

“Maybe you’re scared of putting yourself out there? If you wanted to win the Medal Finals so freaking badly you would have found a trainer and done what it took to get rides. That’s what the good, hungry kids do. It’s easier for you to blame it on the mediocre horse and everyone else using shortcuts.
Oh, I don’t use draw reins or over-school my horses . . .”

Zoe expected a huge reaction but John just shook his head. “Good luck at Derby Finals. I hope you win. And don’t forget to tell Linda. And maybe give Molly a call and let her know you won’t be at any of her lessons or coming over to watch movies. Or do you want me to tell her for you?”

“I’ll tell her,” Zoe said. “Maybe I’ll see you at Derby Finals. Or maybe I won’t?” She raised her eyebrows, taunting him.

John waved her away with his hand, like she wasn’t even worth bothering with, and headed out of the tent.

Zoe didn’t cry. She was pissed. Her body was filled with so much anger that she was shaking as she packed up all her stuff from the barn. She threw open tack trunks, grabbing pairs of gloves, sticky spray, hairnets, water bottle, boot-cleaning kit, phone charger; everything that was hers. She dumped it all in her car and texted Linda to find out where she was.

Linda was at the jumper ring. Zoe couldn’t handle telling her there and possibly causing a scene so she waited till she came back to the tent. Luckily, John hadn’t returned from wherever he’d gone.

“What’s up?” Linda said with concern at seeing Zoe’s anguished face.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard through the horse show grapevine but you know how Lindsay broke her leg . . .”

“Yeah?”

“Grant called me and asked me to fill in for her, for Derby Finals, and for the next few months.”

“Oh, honey, that’s quite a compliment to your riding.”

“I know. I think I need to take it.” Zoe was cringing inside that she’d already accepted the position. John was right, goddamn it. She should have told Grant she needed time to think about things and asked him to at least give her time to help Linda find someone to replace her.

“Definitely,” Linda said. “It’s a great opportunity for you.”

“But what are you going to do?”

“We’ll manage,” Linda said.

“How?”

“I’m sure John’ll ride some for me until I can find someone, and I’m going to get on the horn and find someone. There are plenty of people out there looking for work. When does Grant need you?”

Zoe gritted her teeth. “As soon as possible.”

Linda nodded. She understood how things worked in this business. She didn’t expect office protocol of giving two weeks notice in a situation like this, with a big finals coming up.

“I’m so sorry to leave you hanging like this but I don’t know what else to do. I can call around and ask some people . . . see if I can get you a good rider.”

“I think we both know all the same people,” Linda said. Zoe could sense the disappointment in her voice. But at least she wasn’t as upset as John. “What about John? Did you tell him yet?”

“Yeah, um, he’s bullshit at me.”

“Are you still showing Gidget at Derby Finals?”

“He doesn’t want me to anymore.”

“Wow, he was that upset?”

“He kind of found out from someone else before I had the chance to tell him.”

Linda straightened her shirt over her baby bump, pulling it down a little. “That’s not good.”

“No, it wasn’t. I also think there was something between us so that’s all mixed up with it.”

Linda brightened. “You two? I told you he’d be good for you.”

“Nothing happened. Nothing. Like nothing. Which is pretty crazy for me, as you know.”

Linda gave a kind of painful smile where she pulled her lips back and pressed her teeth together—half-smile, half-wince. “Maybe that means it was actually real?”

“Well, whatever it was, it’s not now. It’s done, over.”

“Really? You sure?”

Zoe thought about the mega-fight she and John had just had, the mean things they’d said to each other. “Yup, I’m pretty sure.”

“Are you sure this is the right thing to do . . . I mean I know Grant’s got Three Wishes and all but . . . John’s a good guy. This is temporary, whereas something with John . . .”

Linda trailed off but Zoe knew what she meant.

“Even if I wasn’t sure about what I was doing, I just burned the bridge with John. In fact, I think I blew up the entire surrounding area near the bridge. Decimated it. And I already told Grant yes and if I renege on that . . .”

“Okay,” Linda said. “If your mind’s set then come here.”

She hugged Zoe tight, rocking slightly back and forth as she did. Zoe didn’t want to press too hard for fear of somehow hurting the baby. “I’m sorry to do this to you. Such bad timing.”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “It’ll be fine.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

“I’m leaving to go ride for Grant Day,” she’d told her. “To take over for Lindsay.”

“Yeah, Linda told me,” Dakota said flatly.

“I know she’ll find someone good to replace me, and it’s not forever with Grant. I mean maybe I’ll be back,” she said, even though she doubted it. The point was to use riding for Grant to get her another job riding and showing.

“Great,” Dakota said, giving her an unabashedly fake smile. “Drive carefully.”

The last person she had to break the news to before she left wasn’t a person. It was Gidget. She’d gone around and planted kisses on all the horses first, Logan and Midway and even cocksure Plato.

She found herself in front of Gidget’s stall door. The mare had her butt to the door and didn’t budge, swing her head, or even flick an ear when Zoe called to her. Zoe opened the door and went to the back of the stall. “That’s okay, I’ll come to you,” she said.

When she was standing in front of her she whispered, “I’m leaving for a while, girlfriend.”

Gidget finally glanced at her and then turned away again, flattening her ears.

“You’re going places,” Zoe told her. “You’ve got what it takes but you already know that. You’ve got it all figured out, unlike the rest of us.”

Zoe desperately wanted to hug her, to press her cheek against her coat, like she did as a child with all the horses at her mother’s farm on those sad, lonely nights.

“I’m doing it—I’m hugging you,” she said. “Bite me if you want.”

Instead Gidget let out a big sigh.

“See, a little affection isn’t so bad.” As she left, Gidget actually watched her go. “You just think I have a banana somewhere that I’m not giving you,” Zoe said, her voice choking up. She hated leaving Gidget, maybe even more than she hated leaving Linda or John. She also hated leaving Molly, especially without saying good-bye.

“Stop looking at me,” Zoe said. “Put your ears back. Look mean.” But for once, Gidget wouldn’t and it nearly broke Zoe’s heart.

It took a few hours to get back to Bedford. Zoe had planned to spend the night, pack up her stuff, and leave early the next morning. But sitting in her sad apartment, she made the impulsive decision to pack up immediately and start driving. She’d drive as far as she could, maybe drive all night. If she got too tired she could find a hotel.

It didn’t take her long to pack, which was depressing in itself. Some people had so much stuff, so many things, that they felt weighed down by the clutter. Those people dreamed of purging all the useless stuff, and lightening their load.

But Zoe’s life was the opposite. She owned nothing of substance besides her clothes and her two saddles. It felt disheartening to realize your life fit into the back of your car. As she threw her last bag in, she wondered if she’d ever have a house of her own.

Then came the monotonous hours of highway, with quick stops to use disgusting side-of-the-road gas station bathrooms and buy caffeinated beverages and junk snacks. The worst thing when you’ve got too much on your mind is to be in a car for hours by yourself.

The large green signs that loomed overhead and the minutes slowly passing on the dashboard clock were the only signs of progress. Radio stations came in and out of tune; more country stations cropped up the further south she traveled.

Somewhere along the way, when it wasn’t yet too late, she called Hannah and was thrilled when she actually picked up.

“How’s Vermont?” Hannah asked.

“I left actually. Grant called me because Lindsay broke her femur and she has pins in it and shit so she’s out for months. I’m doing her horses at Derby Finals.”

“Three Wishes? You’re riding
Three Wishes
?”

“I know, right?”

“That is so awesome,” Hannah said. “It’s just what you wanted!”

Zoe was quiet on the other end and Hannah added, “Isn’t it? What am I missing here?”

“I had to pick up and leave Linda rider-less and John too. Linda understood or she pretended to anyway, but John didn’t. And, I don’t know, there was something between us. And now he hates me.”

“Hates you?”

“I didn’t tell him right away and then he found out from someone else that I was leaving.”

Hannah made a sucking-in-her-breath sound.

“Yeah,” Zoe said. “It got ugly.”

“Maybe he’ll get over it? Give it time. Plus, this job is only temporary, right? After Lindsay comes back, you’ll go back there?”

“I don’t know. That’s too far off to know, and by that time it’ll be Florida and John doesn’t go to Florida. I think this is a case of it just not being the right time. You know when that happens, you like someone and maybe he likes you and you could have had something good but the timing just sucks.”

“Yeah,” Hannah said, rueful. “I know all about that.”

Zoe realized she’d been being selfish—only talking about herself. “How’s it going there? Are you getting over him?”

“I guess so,” Hannah said. “I read somewhere that it takes twice as long as the relationship to get over someone so that means I’ve got like another year to go.”

“If it took twice as long as you dated someone to get over them, then no one would ever get over anybody,” Zoe pointed out.

“Well, I guess you can be with someone else but still not be over your ex.”

Zoe sighed. “Oh my God, you’re overthinking all of this. This is just like you. Are you going out with friends? Hooking up with anyone?”