Hour of Mischief (10 page)

“Hold up a second.” I said. “Why didn’t you tell me this? You told me that the Elder gods wanted to wipe out the human realms as revenge.”

“No, I said that’s what the other gods
thought
they were doing,” he replied dismissively.

“You still could have let me in on that detail,” I grumbled. What else had he not told me? I didn’t trust the guy, but he had to tell me all the essential information, right? He needed me as his speaker, after all.

“Well, I thought the imminent destruction of
all
humanity would be a better motivation,” Itazura said. “And really, humans won’t be that much better off with the elder gods in charge. A lot of them will still die.”

“Then why not tell me that in the
first
place?” I asked.

“One thing you’ll learn about my brother is that he loves to keep secrets and feed false information.” Laetatia glared at the god. “Even if they did turn the human realms to their side. . . . It’s unlikely they’d gain enough worshipers. They’ll get stronger, but not strong enough to take on
our
realm.”

“They’ll find other ways,” Itazura insisted.

“You seem sure. Why?”

“I just am.”

Laetatia studied her drink. “Let’s say you’re correct and spreading the word about the apocalypse is the right thing to do. You’ve still taken a huge risk making this damn pact.”

“Wait,
he’s
taken a huge risk?” I asked.

“Maybe I have, but I had to do
something
,” Itazura said. “Risk or not, it’s better than sitting around and watching the destruction of the human realms.”

“Hey, why is he the one taking the risk?” I asked.

“You shouldn’t have–”

“Hello! Gods, the lowly human has a question!” I called. Another bolt of pain shot through my head upon shouting. “Ow . . . damn drinks.”

“Ask then,” Laetatia said. “I think you deserve a few straight answers, seeing as this fool probably hasn’t given you any.”

“I like you much better than him,” I said. “I want to know why
he’s
the one taking the risk. I thought I was the only one in peril here. I’m the one putting my neck on the line. And if I break the pact I die.”

“True, you’ve taken a risk,” Laetatia said. “A risk that makes you almost as idiotic as Itazura.”

“Hey!” we said in unison.

“But Itazura is in danger as well. When a God makes a pact with a human, they surrender a fraction of their powers. If the pact is prematurely broken, as in the human dies, that power is lost. Itazura wouldn’t have enough power left to govern mischief. He would lose his place as one of the twelve.
That
is why we rarely make pacts with humans.” She nodded to me. “As long as he remains connected to you, he retains his powers. But he needs you now more than he cares to admit.”

I stared at her. “He’s actually . . . risking his status as a god to seek my help?”

“Yes.” Laetatia glared at Itazura. “Which is an especially stupid decision considering our position. If he loses his power, we lose one of the twelve. Without one of the twelve, the clock cannot function properly. It means only fifty-five seconds in a minute, fifty-five minutes in an hour and twenty-two hours in a day. Complete chaos. Without the balance of the twelve we will be weakened and the elder gods are all the more likely to seize control of Memoria.”

“Wow, he sounds incredibly stupid when you put it that way,” I said through gritted teeth. Itazura started whistling and wandered toward the private bar.

“He does,” Laetatia agreed. “And I forgot to mention that if our enemies get wind of this pact, they will focus all of their energy on one thing.” She looked back at me. “Trying to kill you. Because you are now the key to crippling the gods.”

I blinked, opened my mouth to speak, and then closed it again. My tongue had gone suddenly very dry as Laetatia’s words cycled through my head like a broken clock that wouldn’t stop chiming. I had known this would be dangerous. But not this dangerous. Not suicidal dangerous. That miserable bastard!

After several long moments of silence, I held up a finger. “Can you give me one moment please?”

Laetatia nodded. I stood, strode over to Itazura, who actually had the gall to pour himself a drink during this revelation, and punched him as hard as I could. With my left arm of course.

His glass shattered as it hit the floor and he stumbled away from me. “Ow! Damn it all, little thief. Stop doing that!” he said.

“No, I think she has every right,” Laetatia said. “You’ve made her the most wanted girl in the eight realms of Memoria.”

“You son of a bitch,” I said. “You don’t think you could have warned me about that little detail before you made a pact with me? I already knew my life was in danger but
this
. This is . . . this is. . . .” I swayed on the spot as the alcohol started to take hold again. “Damn you,” I mumbled.

Itazura caught me before I could face plant, but that didn’t make me loathe him any less. I continued to curse him as he dragged me back over to the couch and draped me over the soft, velvety surface. But the cushion beneath my cheek made sleep sound more inviting than any amount of damning.

“You have to understand why I did this,” Itazura said in a low voice to Laetatia. “The human said it herself. Both of us need humans. We can’t just let this happen. And this whole ‘standing our ground’ plan might not work. I would have argued the point myself, but after Father and Mother forbid me from speaking about the apocalypse, I didn’t have a lot of choices”

“Yes, clearly seeking the help of a human
child
was the next logical option.”

“She’s more than a child Laetatia. Trust me. I think. . . .” Itazura paused. “I think she has a better chance of surviving the elder gods than others.”

I wanted to ask what he meant but I didn’t have the energy. My head was about as clear as the tap water of the slums.

“I don’t care how smart or talented you think she is. She’s still a human.”

“Just get on my side, Lae. That’s all I need,” Itazura pleaded. “If a few of us spread the word then–”

“One of us or several of us, it doesn’t matter. Mother and Father won’t be any less angry. And the uppity ones like Amontillado and Cheveyo won’t be pleased either.”

“Does it matter what they think? The clock is ticking Laetatia. Even if what I said isn’t true, which it is, we have to think about our own domains. They aren’t affected like we are if the human realms are sent straight to the abyss.”

Laetatia sighed. The ice in her glass clinked as she swirled the last bit of liquor around. “Yes. I must admit your human friend can make a pretty good argument in her half drunken state.”

She nodded at me. “I
do
need humans almost as much as you do. Kind of sad to admit but it’s true.” She tipped her head back and drained her glass. “But I’m not willing to split the blame for this half and half with you, because there’s a whole lot of blame to be had. If you want me to take this risk with you, then you have to get someone else on our side. Win over one other god. Then I’ll spread the word.” She looked at me. “I promise.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, trying to push myself off the couch but failing miserably. The alcohol in my system
really
wanted me to sleep. “My gods, this couch is comfortable.”

Laetatia chuckled. “I believe you’ve worn your human out, Itazura.”

“I did no such thing. It was her idea to challenge you.”

“Well, if nothing else you are bold,” Laetatia stood. “I need another drink. I’ll let you two take this room for tonight. Sleep off the alcohol before you try anything too strenuous. If you have a wicked hangover when you wake up, which you will, come to me for my personal remedy.” She opened the door and started to leave, but leaned back in before she disappeared. “What’s your name, human? I don’t believe I ever caught it.”

“Janet,” I said.

“Janet.” Laetatia winked. “Well, I enjoyed our little drinking game, Janet.”

“You’re more impulsive than I thought,” Itazura said when the door had closed.

“And you’re even more of a bastard,” I said into the pillow.

Itazura sighed. “You should get some rest, little thief.”

“What, do you think if I sleep I’ll forget everything I heard tonight?”

“I wouldn’t mind it,” Itazura joked, but when I didn’t laugh, he sighed. “To tell you the truth–”

“Stop the clock. The God of Bastards is telling the truth?”

“Quiet, little thief,” Itazura said. “To tell you the truth, I knew you weren’t desperate enough to become the elder gods most wanted. I had to trick you to get you to make the pact. That was always my intention. I could apologize, but I don’t regret not telling you.”

“Why me?” I asked, my eyelids growing heavy as I spoke. “Why not anyone else? A more advanced thief, a good speaker, or a skilled fighter. Why me?”

“You are a talented thief,” Itazura said slowly.

“You’re the one who says I keep damning up heists. So why me?”

Itazura was silent for a long while, fiddling with one of the gold pocket watches in his jacket.

“Why me?” I tried to sit up, but I fell immediately back onto the soft cushions.

“Sleep, Janet.” Itazura sighed. “We can discuss these things later. Just sleep.”

“It doesn’t matter if we discuss them now or later,” I said bitterly. “You’ll never give me a straight answer.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

Itazura chuckled. “I’m the God of Mischief, little human. I live on catching people by surprise, and messing with their expectations. Much like you. Now sleep. And if you remember your questions in the morning, then you can ask them.”

“I hate you.”

“You’ve made that quite clear. Now shut up.”

In spite of myself, I obeyed. But I blame my crippling exhaustion and drunkenness. I went to sleep that night to the muffled sound of drunken bar songs and the breath of the wind as it wafted through the open window and lulled me into darkness.

aetatia was right about the splitting headache. As soon as I opened my eyes, I wanted to die. Anything to get rid of the excruciating pain engulfing my head.

“Damn it all.
Why
did I decide that was a good idea?” I muttered.

“I don’t know,” Itazura said. He stood next to the private bar, pouring a drink. “I personally thought you were insane. But I enjoyed watching your poorly planned game.”

“Bite me,” I muttered, throwing a pillow over my face. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“Oh, it did,” Itazura said. “I’m not going to deny that. Now you just have to convince one other God to spread the word. Once you do, we’ll have two gods on our side. The word will spread quickly and once the human realms understand their situation and start making a ruckus, I’ll break the pact and free your friends.”

“You make it sound so easy,” I said, peering out from behind my pillow. “What happens if the elder gods or their allies find out about our pact?”

“Things get a bit more complicated.”

I groaned, chucking the pillow at him. He dodged. “Well, I hope you have a plan accounting for things getting more complicated because I don’t think I have the skill required to fight off a god, elder or minor, as amazing as I am.”