Homo Avatarius: ( Your Consciousness is an Alien ) (3 page)

It was the sound of a small set of armor and footsteps that discouraged me. Suddenly, a little monster jumped on me and hugged me. It was my little brother, Tuluy, the young prince, greeting me with his childish excitement.

“
My brother…you scared us a lot. You’ve been unconscious for days, and I’ve listened to stories of your battle many times.”

I removed his helmet (which was significantly bigger than his head) and tussled his pitch-black hair.

“
Tell me! Tell me a real story from a real hero!” he said, now jumping around me excitedly. “But tell me from the beginning!”

“
Alright! I will. I promise. But first, let me have a rest. When both of us are watching the stars, I’ll tell you everything by the warmth of the fire, I promise. Meanwhile, you can tell me what happened while I was asleep.”

My brother bounced as he dragged me, not letting go of my hand.

“
At night, we stayed beside the battlefield,” he said. “There were sounds of jackals and wolves all night long; five hundred sacks of ears were collected. The sky was full of vultures in the morning, and it was always dark. Father said that he didn’t want any prisoners. There were a few anyway, and they ended up in pits. Before the corpses began to stink, we packed up the tents and set off. We rode with Uncle Hazar for two days without stopping. There were no trees. It was all plain and green.”

He continued. “All the villages we passed by were empty. We plundered as many supplies and spoils from the villages as possible, and we set fire to each place just before we left. In the distance, we saw the villagers trying to run away. Uncle Hazar sent the cavalry to kill them and plunder their supplies.”

Tuluy saw me gazing on the walls of the fortress. “We’ve been here for two days,” he said. “Such an enormous fortress, isn’t it? They say it is the only one of its kind in the world. It’s as tall as twenty men. On the first day, we carried out a small attack to test its shooting range. Their archers are weak, but there are machines on the towers that shoot arrows so big, you wouldn’t believe it. Thick spears as tall as two men! They’re so strong, they can even kill a man with their wind.”

“
Then...then...,” Tuluy went on excitedly, “Father sent a messenger and told them if they surrendered, he wouldn’t kill anyone. He had the white tent pitched near the door of the fortress where everyone could see. But, as you know, when the tent becomes black, there is no forgiveness. Our soldiers are already digging to find the enemy’s water supply. Father said if we don’t run into difficulty, we can poison it.”

“
How long would a fortress without an army stand anyway, brother?” he asked. “Do you think people would come for help? This fortress has never fallen and has never been defeated. We might be here for months. No one has dared to lay a siege for such a long time, not since the time of the father’s great grandfather.”

“
How can these people live in such a closed place without moving in the wide plains—without changing places?” he asked. “How can they find fresh pasture without searching? If you stay in the same place, your enemies can find you. You can’t even run away. You can’t take those big houses and big walls with you. When you run away, you leave everything behind, right, brother? Can you believe that they don’t even have tents? Everything is made of stone. They don’t move. They are so strange, aren’t they? They live so differently. There must be no wind behind those walls; they must not be able to breathe.”

Half-listening to my brother and without interrupting his monologue, I walked toward the tent of the Khan accompanied by the awed gazes of others. All who saw us lowered their heads in greeting, but I looked at no one and pretended to give all my attention to my brother.

My elder brother, Ögheday, came out of the tent and headed toward me. When the future Khan stood in front of me, he put his hand on my shoulder and asked me with a timid and insincere voice, “Brother, how are you?”

“
As you see,” I said, slowly slipping away from the hand on my shoulder.

“
I’m really sorry about the wolf,” he said. “I know how precious it was to you.”

He seemed sincere when he said it, but he must have known that what he had just said would be the beginning of his end. Tuluy came closer to me and held my hand tight, discouraging me from retaliating.

Staring at Ogheday, my hand unconsciously moved toward the piece of fur on my waist. I stopped myself, lifted my head, and moved toward the door of the tent.

On the far side of the giant tent, my father sat in the middle of a few commanders who were deep in discussion. However, when I entered, they stopped talking and turned my way, and my father stood up and headed toward me, his face bright.

My father hugged me tight, something he hadn’t done in a long time. He didn’t say anything, but his gesture still meant a lot. I hesitantly brought my hands up to return his embrace and we stayed like that for a while. When we pulled away, my father sent everyone away with his sharp gaze.

We were alone, and it was calm inside except for the sound of the wind whipping against the tent. My father silently took his place, and I quickly sat down beside him.

He caressed the bandaged wound on his leg as he spoke. “I’ve seen many wars,” he said. “I’ve fought countless battles. I’ve been close to death many times, but this is the first time that I truly believed I would die.”

I began to reply, but he gently silenced me and continued. “Maybe not the first time. Still, I was about to send regrets of what I’ve done to the Tengri. It is said that I am only scared of dogs, you know, but I think this time, I was also scared of death.”

His smile was sincere as he talked, but still, he watched me. He realized that anything he said about dogs might be misunderstood. When he got a forced smile from me, he went on.

“
I’m truly sorry for your wolf sacrificing itself for me like that. His warmth and closeness when he jumped on my back gave me strength. I suddenly rediscovered my confidence among my enemies. But…I suppose we don’t want to reopen that wound. We both know that the tie between the two of us is beyond our blood and beyond words. You are one of the rare people that I trust on the battlefield.”

“
Father, there is no need to explain. You are the ruler of everything between two seas. That includes our lives. I know you don’t love me, and I accept that. But I also know you respect me. This is enough for me. You have more important duties than defining the fate of the Mongolian nation. I believe there is something beyond our nation’s glory, although I can’t say for sure what it is. I don’t know whether even history will know…”

After a short period of silence, I stared at him and continued. “Since I was born, I’ve been with you, whether you wanted it that way or not, but I feel that in the near future, our paths will separate, and for the first time, I will ask you for something.”

I realized that as I spoke, I had turned my eyes to the ground, and my hand had moved involuntarily to the fur under my belt.

My father remained still but looked slightly confused. “Except for the throne, you can ask for whatever you want,” he said in a sharp, confident voice. “Including my life.”

“
No matter what people say,” he continued, “my thoughts will not change. You are the eldest son of Börte, the only woman that I love, and I know you as my son. There is nothing else. But, like everyone else, I also know you are different, and you are a guest among us. I understand that there are things beyond my mind that are only known by Tengri, and I accept it. I am responsible for those who live on this Earth. The rest is beyond me.”

“
There are a thousand nations, a thousand religions,” he went on. “Even the Chinese, on whose doorstep we stand, have a religion, and I stand at the same distance from all of them. I do not understand them, but I do not believe they are an obstacle. I kill someone if I have to, but I don’t decide to which God his soul goes.”

“
Father, that is not the issue. Just know that I am with you, and I am in your service. But no matter what, when the right time comes—if it comes—help me. Do not refuse me. That’s my only wish.”

“
My son, consider it granted,” he replied.

I hadn’t heard the word “son” for a long time. I didn’t want to prolong the conversation or get emotional, so I stood up, said farewell, and rapidly exited the tent.

…

The siege was long. From time to time, we made weak attempts to attack, but mostly we waited. We, the wolves, waited in ambush with patience and caution; they, the ones on the peak of civilization, waited with fear and impatience. As time passed, they ran low on supplies and hope. Sometimes, we also lost hope, but we kept waiting as the despair of those locked inside the walls increased. They ran out of water, and we received news that they had begun to kill each other for rainwater. They ran out of supplies, and cannibalism became a common practice. The worst was the morning: an increasing number of people decided not to endure hopelessness and did not to want to become food for others, so they let themselves fall from the walls. Sometimes soldiers, sometimes civilians. No matter. All fell at the same speed.

The tent at the door of the fortress had now been black for a long time, and, for those in despair, it was an incubus. Death would be upon those who couldn’t get help from the outside. But how much pain awaited them was uncertain.

One evening, just before sundown, hundreds of young women in white dresses appeared along the top of the walls of the fortress. They stood in silence for a moment and then, in what resembled a ritual, let themselves fall. We didn’t understand the meaning and I confess we weren’t affected much. We merely watched as the white gowns fluttered in the air and piled like bloody broken snow on the grass below.

…

The seasons changed and the horses were sent to faraway meadows to pasture. The soldiers and those who weren’t used to living in the same place for a long time were restless and tired of waiting. We were ready to leave and move on as soon as possible. Finally, the little emperor of the civilization behind the walls surrendered the fortress and accepted our terms.

My father accepted ownership of the fortress on condition that the emperor and his followers left. Beijing had fallen. The greatest civilization was at our feet. We wouldn’t kill anyone. We would only plunder and tax the locals. At night, the emperor and his inner circle left the fortress with a caravan under our escort. The soldiers threw their weapons over the walls, an activity that lasted all night. In the morning, the doors were wide open.

When we entered the fortress, we saw enormously complex paths, passages, tunnels, overlapping houses, and a lot of vehicles and buildings that we didn’t understand. The channels had obviously been full of water, and now were dry lakes. The stifled air, the crowds, and the smell of rotting carcasses was suffocating. I couldn’t stay there for long. However, others plundered with passion for two days and nights, exacting their revenge for the long wait they had endured.

…

After growing bored with harvesting spoils, everyone gathered, and we prepared to set off again. On the morning of our departure, my father made a surprising announcement.

“
Money and spoils. What are these? They were too late. The black tent had been raised. Raze everything to the ground. Sever every head. Not even a single cat shall stay alive.”

The soldiers executed the orders without question. It took two days to end the lives of those in the fortress. No one escaped, and there were no witnesses. The streets filled with corpses, and the empty channels overflowed with blood. When we left, over half a million were dead.

Cuci

When does a man know that he exists? How long is he aware of that existence? I think the answer is always the same: You exist from the time you notice your first moment. Your brain doesn’t belong to you before you experience your first moment, and you don’t own yourself. In order to have individuality, you must have your own memories.

My first memory is from when I was three years old. I was running in the meadow near our tent among high grasses, falling down, touching the earth with my hands and face, and rolling over and over and turning my face toward the sky. As I lay on my back, I could see the deep blue sky and the brightness of the sun on the horizon. Not even a single cloud was in the sky, the grasses around me waved with the wind, and I could hear the
whinnies
and
mehs
of the horses and sheep. When I straightened up and reached for my hat, now fallen from my head, I saw the bright yellow and black eyes of a creature as thick as my fingers.

The thing I remember most is the terror as the creature slithered by and I screamed. Suddenly, I felt a warm breath on my neck, and then I was being dragged. I felt the warm fur as this new creature dragged me all the way to the door of our tent. It set me down and I saw its deep blue eyes as the female wolf appeared right in front of my face. It came closer and smelled my tummy and neck many times. After walking around me twice, it disappeared until it returned with my hat.