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Chapter Forty-Three

Rachel

It was past eleven when the bus finally pulled into Payton. Sheryl Crow was singing “Long Road Home” in my ear, and I left her in there as I walked to Clark’s Bar. Although it’d only been a couple of months, it felt like a really long road home for me. Mama had been the only home I’d ever known. When she died, I’d been lost. The only anchor I could cling to was Mama’s dream for me. But it was different now.

Josh had become my new anchor, and I’d been too blind to see it.

My eyes were wide open now, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get him back.

I paused across the street from Clark’s. The road was empty and quiet. Mid-week traffic was always nonexistent in Payton at that time of night. The air was cool, kissing my skin as I clipped across the road. My boots sounded loud in the quiet air.

Breathing was a challenge as I stopped outside the main door. It’d no doubt be locked already, but I tried the handle anyway. To my relief, it turned and let me in.

“We’re closed,” Josh called over his shoulder.

He was wiping down the bar area. I couldn’t move as I stared at his broad back. That sexy little ponytail stub just above his shoulders made tingles skitter down my spine. I swallowed, unable to respond, frozen by a mixture of fear, longing, and regret.

Josh let out a sharp huff and turned. “Look, I said we were—”

His eyes bulged wide, his blue gaze trying to knock me off my feet.

“Hi, Josh,” I finally managed, my words swallowed up by the clicking of Duke’s claws on the wood. He barked and shot toward me, rising on his back legs and thumping his paws onto my chest.

It was an effort to stay upright, and I was forced to drop my bags and greet him properly. I couldn’t help chuckling as I scratched his ears. “Hey, Dukey.” He dropped down and scampered around my feet, sniffing and snuffling at my boots and luggage, his tail going a mile a minute.

I petted his back with a grin and glanced up at Josh, my smile disintegrating as I took in his hard gaze.

“What are you doing here?” His voice was icy, his eyes narrowing as he stared at my banged-up cheek. Duke sensed the tension right away. His head snapped toward his owner, and he let out a little whimper before trotting away from me and nestling at Josh’s feet.

It wasn’t the dog’s fault, but it hurt like one of Aren’s blows to the face. I clenched my jaw, glancing away from them both and fighting the burn of tears in my eyes.

I wanted to tell Josh I’d come home, but I couldn’t say that word. The way he was glaring at me said I wasn’t welcome…and if he didn’t accept me, then Payton couldn’t be my home after all.

Pressing my lips together, I stared at the floor as if my courage was somehow hiding between the cracks in the wood. It wasn’t. I had to take a breath and force myself to look back up. “I just wanted to explain why I didn’t come back right away…when everything fell to shit.”

His forehead wrinkled with a deep frown. He tucked a stray lock of sandy hair behind his ear and looked away from me. His sigh was heavy. “Listen, I’ve had a really long day and I’ve still got some place I need to be, so can we do this another time?”

“Oh…you’re going out now?” I couldn’t hide my surprise. Josh was such a homebody. He didn’t go out on late-night prowls, which could only mean one thing.

My throat restricted into a tight knot that nearly suffocated me. He’d moved on already. He’d found another woman to warm his bed.

“Yeah, I’ve got…” He shook his head, his pursed lips confirming my assumptions.

My eyes started smarting real bad, and it took all my willpower to throw him a shaky smile. I crossed my arms, all set to tell him that he deserved someone who could make him happy, but I couldn’t manage those words. Instead, I tipped onto the sides of my boots and nodded. “Okay. Well, I can come back.”

I snatched my stuff and turned for the door, frantic to get away as fast as I could, but Josh’s deep voice stopped me.

“Do you have someplace to stay?”

I brushed my hand through the air. “I can find—”

“Sleep upstairs if you want.” My lips parted, and I looked over my shoulder. Then he drove a spear straight through me when he muttered, “I’m gonna be out all night.”

I wanted to get out of there so bad, but I didn’t have any place to sleep. I’d barely caught a wink on that uncomfy bus, and the idea of a real bed brought a small sense of comfort. As much as I wanted to disappear out the door, the logic of spending the next few hours roaming Payton in the dark for a place to sleep versus clomping up the stairs to a familiar bed was an easy battle.

Turning back to face the bar, I gripped my guitar case and forced a tight smile.

“Okay,” I whispered. “Thanks, Josh.”

He didn’t say anything, just nodded and flicked his head toward the stairs. I did as I was told and walked across to them without one glance at Josh. My heart was breaking with every step, but as much as I wanted to ditch Payton and head back to Jody, I couldn’t leave without telling Josh the truth. Even if he had moved on, he deserved to know why I’d let him down so badly.

Chapter Forty-Four

Josh

Rachel was the last person I’d expected to walk through my door that night, and it totally threw me. I didn’t know what to say to her. I couldn’t even think straight. The pale, yellow bruise on her cheek didn’t help with that.

The idea of someone hurting her made me want to kill something. It took all my willpower not to vault the bar and wrap her in my arms, find out every detail before heading to LA to damage whichever weasel laid a finger on her.

I gripped the wheel as I steered my truck into the hospital parking lot. The day had been more than harrowing. First Ness, now Rachel. I didn’t know what to do about either.

The low-lying anger brewing within me was beginning to burn. I wanted to hate Rachel. She had no right waltzing back into my life, not when I was trying to let her go. And Ness, the injustice of the whole situation had me seeing red. She didn’t deserve to be in that hospital bed, broken and shattered. It should be that numbskull Jimmy! She wouldn’t even be in this situation if he had just opened his eyes. I’d spent one evening with her and I could see she was gold. The guy was an idiot!

Thumping the wheel, I shouldered my door open and headed for the post-op unit. I’d said I’d be back, and I had no intention of leaving her again that night.

The nurse who sent me home to freshen up was walking out the door as I stepped in.

“I thought I told you to get some sleep.” Her reprimand was hampered by a grin.

“I can sleep in a chair. How’s she doing?”

Her soft sigh made my heart sink. “We’ve moved her to her own room now. She’s on the second floor, down the end of the corridor. She’s not sleeping well…keeps getting woken by nightmares.”

I closed my eyes, feeling wretched.

The nurse squeezed my arm. “She’ll get through.”

“I hope so.”

“People who love and care about her are on their way, and in the meantime, she’s got you…a stranger with a heart of gold.”

I flicked my hand at the compliment and walked away before my ears started turning red. I didn’t have a gold heart. If anything, it felt black. With a heavy sigh, I slipped into the elevator. I found her room easily. A nurse at the station knew I was coming and led me down there. Ness was sleeping, albeit with a frown on her face, but I didn’t care to wake her.

Slumping quietly into the chair, I rested my head back and closed my eyes. Rachel’s face swam into view immediately. I squeezed my eyes tighter, trying to get rid of it, but I couldn’t. Her battered face didn’t do anything to mar her beauty. Those big eyes of hers still undid my insides, making my stomach rumble with butterflies. She’d always had a power over me, and she probably always would.

All I could hope was that she’d be gone when I got back in the morning, because I didn’t know if I had the strength to kick her out my door. But I didn’t have it in me to forgive her either. So there I was, stuck in an impossible place that I couldn’t run away from.

*****

“Tell me where the fuck she is! I have to see her right now!”

The harsh shouting jerked me from my sleep. I winced at the kink in my neck and rubbed the sore spot as I sat tall and straightened my clothing.

“Jimmy, calm down, man.” Another voice, lower and definitely more in control, wafted down the hallway. “We’re Troy and Jimmy Baker. We’re here to see Vanessa Sloan.”

I rubbed my eyes and brushed the hair off my face.

“I’m sorry, but visiting hours don’t start until eight.” The nurse was obviously annoyed. Her voice was pulled tight and coming out firm and terse.

“I don’t give a shit when they are! I have to see her
now
!”

The nurse on duty mumbled something I couldn’t hear.

I stood and moved to the bed. Ness’s pale face was bunched tight. She was either dreaming or in pain, I couldn’t quite tell, but it was enough for me to want to wake her. Unsure what to do, I cleared my throat and hoped the noise might stir her out of whatever nightmare she was having.

She winced, a small whimper coming from her throat.

It broke my heart and I leaned over her, whispering softly, “Hey, Ness, it’s okay. I can get the nurse for you.”

“Jimmy.” The word slipped out of her cracked lips. Her eyes squeezed tight as she came to.

I gripped the edge of the bed, but forced my voice to come out gentle and even. “You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to.”

“Jimmy,” she repeated the word, her eyes cracking open to look at me. “He’s here?”

“Yeah, he came as soon as he heard. He’s currently fighting with the nurse to get down here.” I pointed behind me as his voice wafted through the door.

“You think I give a rat’s ass about policy!”

“Jimmy, seriously.” The calm one, who I assumed was Troy, had a deep, mellow voice that I guessed was normally quite effective. At that particular moment, it wasn’t doing anything to calm his irate brother.

Ness’s lips rose into a soft, fleeting smile.

I brushed a strand of hair off her cheek. “Do you want to see him?”

“No,” she croaked, “and yes.” Her eyes filled with tears, the brown orbs looking lost and broken. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t want him to be the only person I need right now, but he is.”

I knew that feeling.

Part of me wanted to tell her to be strong. She could make it on her own, but I couldn’t.

Leaning over the bed, I pressed a soft kiss onto her forehead. “I’ll go get him.”

Stepping out of the room, I forced a calm breath as I strode to the nurses’ station. I stopped beside the short, round nurse, who was doing her damn best not to let that cussing rock star through. I eyed him carefully, unable to hide my frown as I scanned him from head to toe. He was wearing skinny jeans and a Ramones T-shirt. His young face was puckered in anger, his locks of hair hidden beneath a gray beanie. The only thing that stopped me from hating him on the spot was the desperate look in his bright blue eyes. He was scared, which could only mean one thing…Ness meant more to him than he’d let on.

I cleared my throat, bringing the argument to an abrupt end. “She wants to see him.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Jimmy glared at me.

I glared right back, annoyed by his punk attitude.

His brother, a towering guy with large arms and an apologetic smile, reached out his hand to me. “Troy Baker.”

“Josh Clark. I’m the guy that found her.”

Jimmy’s lips pinched into a tight line and he looked ready to throw up. Breaths spurted out of his nose, and I swear he was fighting tears.

“For some reason, she wants to see you,” I muttered.

He nodded, ignoring my snarky tone and brushing past me.

“Remember how lucky you are,” I called over my shoulder.

He swiveled back to me, his forehead wrinkled with a frown.

“You don’t deserve her,” I muttered.

Anger flashed across his expression, but nothing came out. Instead, his face folded with a look of agony before he whispered, “I know, but that’s going to change.”

He spun away and near ran for the room. I turned back to his brother, my frown skeptical.

Troy nodded. “Yeah, he’s got his work cut out for him.”

“She’s pretty damaged. Make sure he doesn’t do any more.”

“I’ll do my best.” He reached for my hand again. “Thank you for everything you did for her.”

I gave it another shake. “I wish I could have done more.”

Troy shrugged. “You can’t stop life from happening. People make mistakes. Accidents happen. People get hurt. All we can do is forgive and move forward, right?”

My gaze was sharp as my face bunched into a tight scowl. “She’s lost her hand, not to mention the fact he completely broke her heart. She’s going to have to do some pretty big forgiving.”

“Yeah.” A sad smile swept over Troy’s face. “My brother’s an idiot, and he might never win her over, but I can tell you one thing: he sure as hell is gonna try. All I can hope is that she’ll find it in herself to let him.”

“Why should she?”

Troy let out a long sigh. “Because they’re meant to be together.” His pale eyes hit me, penetrating my very core without even meaning to. “Sometimes it takes losing someone to realize how much you need them.”

My throat felt hot and dry. I couldn’t even squeak out a response.

“No one ever said love was easy, right?” With a firm slap to my shoulder, Troy moved past me and down the hallway. I remained stock-still in my place, the war within me raging into a full-blown storm.