Hollowed (43 page)

She isn't phased for a second. Her teeth gnash inches from my face as I brace an arm against her throat to keep her at bay. Fingers and nails bury into my hair, my skin, twisting and tearing and bruising. Just as I get a leg between us and think I might be able to kick her off, her forehead slams into mine, sending the back of my skull cracking against the floor.

Everything swims and flows around me. Just like the night on the river, those watery shades of black and grey where nothing has a definite shape and I don't know which way is up. The difference being this time it doesn't last as long
.
I can make out Noah standing a few feet away, finally with gun in hand.

His face is so pale. How much blood has he lost?
H
e's coughing and I realize how much smoke has filled the room from the fire across the street. It
might or might not kill me
, but it can kill him.

And I see Ruby, still leaning over me, pinning me to the floor like a cat trapping a bird. She grins wide.
Who is this girl I thought was the sun and stars? The sister I waited and searched for all those years?

"
I want you to take a good, long look at her, Noah. You said you saved her be
cause she
'
s different than me. But w
hy don
'
t you try asking her if she
'
s killed anyone yet?
"

My heart plummets through the floor. What I wouldn
'
t give to fade into the smoke and disappear. I can
'
t bear to look at him. The one thing I never wanted him to know. The one lie I would have told for the rest of my life just to keep him near and it lasted all of a few days. He did always say I was a terrible liar.

I can
'
t stop the way my voice cracks.
"
It was an accident
...
Joel pushed me and I—
"

"
Kill or be killed, Briar. Isn
'
t that it?
"

"
That
'
s
not
..."

"
It is.
"
She leans down, her face an inch from my own.
"
Are there excuses for murder? Is it okay to take a life?
"

Can
'
t stop shivering. If I say
yes
, I
'
ve proven myself no better than her. My vision blurs.

"
No
," I whisper. "
No, it
'
s never okay.
"

I feel the heat of a few tears escaping down my cheeks. The smoke is getting thicker, making it difficult to breathe, burning my nose.

"Turn around and leave," Ruby instructs
Noah
. "Get the hell out of here, leave her with me, and you just might survive to see my pretty face again." She's all smiles. I wonder what she even hopes to gain from all this anymore. If there
is
anything left. Or if she's running on whatever maniacal thought comes to mind at any given minute.

Noah's blood is so thick in the air, mingling with the smoke and the dust and winter air for a dizzying concoction. The fire must be spreading because the room has become bathed in reds and oranges, lighting up Ruby's face in hellfire hues.

I wait for him to take her advice and leave.
H
e doesn't.

His gun goes off. Ruby's body jerks and shudders at the impact, a bullet burying itself between her ribs. Ruby snarls and shrieks and descends on me even as Noah fires again. And I know as she goes for my throat, she fully intends on killing me.
Sisters
or not. She doesn't care. Maybe she never did.

How I managed to get the knife from my belt loop, I don't know. But as Ruby's mouth stops inches from my neck,
I bury it deep into her chest, and
the heat of her blood washes down the hilt, down my hands and arms.
A
ll she can do is stare at me in muted shock.
And all I can do is shake and whimper. Because there isn't anything that can undo what I just did.

Noah doesn't fire again
.
I hear him coughing fiercely from the smoke, hear him trying to make his way to me. I just stare up at Ruby as she stares down at me, trying to figure me out.

"Briar. We're sisters..."

Her face blurs. The tears sting slipping out of my eyes, burning the grooves she scratched into my skin. I told myself I never wanted to kill anyone ever again. I told myself I wanted to protect Ruby, to keep her close once I had her back again.
I n
ever
wanted
to let anything come between us. But when the one who ruined all of that is her? Does it justify anything? Am I still a
murderer
all the same?

Ruby goes limp on top of me, like she doesn't have the energy to even pull away, only to stare into my eyes like she sees and knows everything in the last few seconds of her life.

I don't know what to say, so I touch a hand to her face and say nothing.

I want to stay
here
and hold her and there isn't time. Already
, Ruby
'
s
skin is icy to the touch and I can hear sirens in the distance. Noah pulls her off of me and I know it would be stupid to look at her, but I can't help it.

Rolling to all-fours, I bend and press a kiss to her forehead, her cheeks, smoothing her hair back.
Only when I get to my feet do I see where
I stabbed her in the heart. Or rather, the spot where her heart used to be. Even though she's dead, the enchantment is eating away at her ravenously
.

"What will be left?"

"Nothing," Noah murmurs. "In
a few hours
, there will be nothing left."

Nothing.

Nothing of my sister.

Nothing to attest she was never murdered all those years ago, that she was murdered here, tonight, by her own
sibling
.

Oh, God. I'm going to be sick.

The sirens are so close now. I have to find Oliver.

We escape through the window just in time to avoid the fire trucks and squad cars spinning around the corner. Noah leads me between buildings and back streets, and it takes me a minute to realize we're heading for the park. Even when
we get there
, we run until
Noah
can't run anymore.

He slumps down onto a bench, doubling over and coughing, choking in fresh air. My own lungs are itchy and sore, but they're already healing and the discomfort is fading. The wound on his neck seems to have stopped bleeding; it's dark and tacky-looking on his skin now, soaking his shirt,
but
I think he's going to be okay.

I dig out Cole's phone that he gave to me before he left
, worried my old one had sustained too much damage to be reliable, and
he figured
I needed one more than he did
. I hope he was right. He's probably on his way back to us now.

I d
on't even have to call
Oliver
. There's a text waiting for me from
him
:
Where are you???

Kind of glad I'm so exhausted because it means I don't have the energy to cry. I text back
Park
before dropping onto the bench beside Noah, staring off at nothing in particular.

It's all over. Done. Ended. Finished.

So why don't I feel any better?

Noah's coughing finally subsides and he leans back, eyes closed. As much as I want to reach for him, I'm not sure it would
comfort either of us
. So I don't and I just continue staring out over the park.

After what feels like hours, he slowly pushes to his feet. "You really killed someone?"

I don't have it in me to panic. He knows I did it and he knows I kept it from him. What does it matter now?

"Yeah." As he steps into my line of view, I don't have a choice but to look up at him. "You going to kill me now?"

How can it be that this is what we've built up to? If I could go back to the day we met and warm myself that this is how things would end... Yeah, I'd probably think future-me was crazy and have myself committed.

Noah stares down at the gun in his hands, running his thumb along the metal. There's no fire in his gaze, though. Nothing like the night we ran into each other here what feels like a lifetime ago. I want t
o ask him if he hates me, if looking at me disgusts him.

But
,
frankly? I think I've had enough hard truths for one night. Not sure I could stomach another.

Noah doesn't even get as far as pointing the gun at me. He slips it into the holster at his back with a
weak
shrug, looking away. "I'm out of bullets."

Do I laugh or cry? Both seem like too much effort. "If you say so, cowboy."

I could swear I spot the hint of a smile tugging at his tired lips. "But next time," he says, turning away. "Next time you won't be so lucky."

With the way he says it, with the way he turns from me, I realize he's about to leave. Funny, I didn't think anything could muster energy from me at this point, but I'm on my feet before I know what I'm doing, heart pounding.

"Noah
...
"

"Your friends will be here soon. I think you can handle the dark by yourself for awhile
, now that the monsters are gone
.
I need to investigate and make sure there aren't any other new vampires running around, courtesy of Joel.
"

Part of me wonders if he would stay if I asked.
I think he would. Which makes another
part of me wonder why I'm not asking
if I
'
m so sure
. Not because him being here doesn't make me feel better, or because I love him any less. No, I think it's pretty obvious I love him more than I ever admitted even to myself.

What do you do when you love someone so much and things are broken?

It's something I would have asked
Sherry
, once upon a time. Maybe Daniel would have an answer. I love Noah, but I'm not so sure I'm ready to forgive him yet. And I don't think he's ready to completely see beyond
what
I am to
who
I am.

"Hey, cowboy."

Noah stops, turns, watches me.

I touch his face, gazing up at him. Refamiliarizing and losing myself in his eyes. When I lean up and kiss him, his lips are soft and yielding under mine. Like he
'
s soaking it all up even if he
'
s not allowing himself to kiss back.
When I pull back, i
t takes everything I have left inside of me to smile for him.

"Goodnight, Noah."

Everything I've always wanted him to know. Everything I was never able to say. And I'm sorry for that. I'm so, so sorry. I want to be able to tell him someday, when
and if
he's ready, when
and if
I'm ready.

My own little code:
I love you so much it makes me crazy.

Noah's expression softens and takes me back to a hundred different nights on my front porch and a hundred different goodbyes. He wets his lips, hands in his pockets, like he knows exactly what I'm trying to say and taking it all in. Trying to shoulder the weight of it.

"Goodnight, Briar."

He leaves.
I try to tell myself it
'
s for the best.

Thirty minutes later, Oliver and Fred find me. Fred bounds over like an excited blood-covered puppy, grinning from ear to ear. One eye is swollen shut and I can't even begin to count the number of cuts and bite-marks covering his body.

Oliver doesn't look much better, but he still holds his head high and
moves
with an air of indifference, like this is any other walk through the park on any other day. The only thing that suggests otherwise is the tired look of relief I see in his eyes when I stand up to greet them, and the simple way he says, "There you are."

"Here I am." So relieved to see him that all I can do is throw my arms around his neck, and relish the way he actually hugs me back, squeezing tight. When I pull back, Fred is watching us with a pout on his face.