Hiding in Plain Sight (14 page)

Valerie receives this news with haughty indifference. Bella thinks that maybe in this partnership it is Padmini who organizes all the pedestrian details. Just as Aar did when he and Valerie were together.

Bella gets bedding and even a spare pair of pajamas for Valerie, who receives them with the insouciance of someone who can't be bothered. Bella stifles her annoyance—not tonight, she thinks, definitely not tonight.

They say their good nights. Dahaba is the last to go upstairs to bed.

Today Bella does not wake with that lovely open-ended feeling. She wakes with a start and instantly remembers where she is, who is in the house, and what the day ahead holds. She slept fitfully, dimly aware of movement downstairs and up and down the stairs during the night, the sound of the refrigerator opening and water running. Not wanting to intrude, she resisted the urge to go down and see that the food was put away or even to get herself a glass of water. When she slept, she had an exhausting dream in which a man instructed her to sit in one side of an industrial scale while he placed a heap of stones in the other. They repeated the process several times, but somehow no one could tell if the stones were heavier or if she was, or whether the experiment merited the attention they gave it. In the end, she threatened to walk away, no longer caring what might be done to her by way of punishment.

She is too thirsty to stay in bed any longer, so she goes down to get herself a glass of water, soft-footedly cautious. She holds her breath as her right foot touches the creaky lowest step, anxious lest she disturb Padmini on the sofa bed in the living room. But the sofa bed is empty of Padmini.

Now she has a new worry: What will Dahaba think when she discovers that their mother and Padmini are more than business partners? Will she find her mother's “business partner” still so “lovely”? Bella suspects that Salif has a better idea of what is going on. The guest room door is closed, so Bella switches on the kitchen light. She pours herself a glass of water and then notices that there are crumbs all about. Opening the fridge, she sees that someone has helped themselves to a portion of a hamburger, and the uneaten portion is unwrapped and smeared with ketchup, which is also on the refrigerator shelf. Bella uses a wet cloth to wipe off the ketchup and finds the box near the trash bin with a couple of chips in it. She places the uneaten burger in it and returns it to the fridge then, glass of water in hand, calls to one of the security guards at the gate and asks him if they can please get a packet of fresh eggs and sliced bread. She gives him more money than he needs to purchase these two items and then returns to the house more emboldened than before.

She knows that Aar, unlike most Somalis raised in the urban centers in the south of the country, had no issue with male homosexuality and couldn't be bothered about lesbianism. As for herself, while the platitude is true—many of her best friends are gay, and some are in openly gay marriages—she acknowledges that maybe she is not quite as advanced in her attitudes as she likes to think. But with her three lovers, she knows that she lives in a house of glass and cannot afford to throw stones at anyone in a similar position. Many Somalis would think there was something wrong with her, would see her as worse than a whore, because no cash exchanged hands.

Freedoms are a package deal, she thinks, useless unless you value them all. Freedom of expression, freedom of religion, freedom to associate with whom you please—all of these are as important as the right
to education, to food, to clean water. In Africa, gay men and women are seldom open about their sexual preferences. In many countries homosexuality is a crime, and even where it is not, people talk as if it were alien to the culture of the continent, even though, of course, there are gay people in every society everywhere. In South Africa, the most democratic nation on the continent, vigilantes organize “corrective rape” rampages on known lesbians in the absurd belief that such actions will keep women from desiring relations with anyone besides heterosexual men.

There must be a premium placed on truth-telling in a household with children, she thinks. Discretion—being economical with the information you share—is fine. But your actions must match your words, and you must not describe your relationships as other than they are. There are no hiding places from the young for liars. Valerie and Padmini might think they are being discreet, pretending to sleep in separate beds and then coupling quietly behind closed doors. But it was Valerie's decision to cut off contact with Aar and the children for all those years, and it has been Valerie's decision not to speak openly to her children about the choices she has made: “Sisters” and “business partners,” indeed. If you can't stand the heat, as they say, get out of the kitchen.

It doesn't help that Valerie and Bella have never gotten on, even when Valerie was living with Aar. But Bella doesn't want the children to get the impression that her disapproval of Valerie has anything to do with Valerie's being gay. She realizes she has to make this clear. And she must also remind Salif privately that he must show respect for his mother and accept her choices, no matter what he thinks about her behavior.

Bella reads a bit more to kill time, then showers, the hot jets of water waking every pore in her exhausted body. She rubs lotion all over her
skin, combs the kinks out of her hair, and puts on her power suit again. She puts her documents in a special pouch and replaces it in her shoulder bag. At seven, hungry, too anxious to stay in her room alone and needing to collect the eggs and the sliced bread from one of the security guards, Bella goes down and steps out, noticing that the fresh eggs and sliced bread bought from the corner are at the door waiting for her. She will have to remember to give the change he returned as a tip later. Back in the kitchen, she makes breakfast for herself and for anyone else who might turn up.

She notices that someone has been in the kitchen since she was last downstairs because there is a sealed packet of bacon on the windowsill. She thinks that Salif, who is so partial to bacon, has possibly been here. Bella likes to breakfast on Spanish omelets or muesli with berries, plums, raisins, or other dried fruits, with a few dry sliced bananas thrown in. She likes to have tea first, very dark with milk, and coffee afterward, the stronger and darker the better.

She finds eggs in the refrigerator, but they are long past their eat-by date. But there are all kinds of teas, including a number of Kenyan ones and a couple of brands imported from South Africa, and she boils water to make a pot. She finds a packet of muesli and, checking the date, is delighted that it is edible. In the refrigerator is also an open carton of UHT milk, which she puts to her nose. It smells all right, but she has no idea when it was opened or by whom. Just to be on the safe side, she looks in the cupboard and finds another container of milk from Germany that is unopened. A country with so much milk potential importing milk from Europe—that's Africa for you.

But what can she offer Valerie and Padmini for breakfast? The truth is that she doesn't quite think of them as her guests. It's not her fault they missed the meal they were invited for, and she didn't prepare for overnight guests. Searching in the pantry, she discovers cans of tuna,
tomato, and onion. She rummages in the freezer and finds frozen peas and chips of every variety. Relieved that she will be able to feed her guests—or, rather, Salif and Dahaba's guests—she turns to her own breakfast, enjoying her crunchy muesli and mouthfuls of her dark, dark tea. When she has finished, she brews a pot of Kenyan coffee, which is among the best in the world.

Salif is the first to dawdle in, wrapped in a colorful robe with a pair of pajamas under it. Barefoot, he has on a big grin of the sort that prompts you to ask a leading question, and next to it there is a smudge of toothpaste. He kisses Bella good morning and says, “What a night!” Bella can tell that he wants her to ask him to explain himself, but she pretends not to notice.

“Breakfast,” she says, as if it's his name, while she roots in the cupboards.

He points at the bacon on the windowsill.

She asks, “What will you have with it?”

He opens the freezer and takes out a loaf of sliced English-style bread, hard as rock, the type she can't stand after her years in Italy. But she tells herself that it's good for Salif to learn to look after himself. He finds a pan for the bacon and puts it on to fry.

Padmini walks in and greets them both.

Bella asks, “Have you slept well?”

“Yeah, I did,” she says. “And you?”

Again Salif says, “What a night!”

And before they can say anything more, Valerie ambles in. “What's for breakfast?” she says. And then Dahaba arrives, making a beeline for the fridge before she greets anyone. “For my breakfast,” she says, “I am having the leftovers from last night, and I won't share it with any of you. I am starving.”

She gets out the rest of the hamburger and puts it in the microwave
then turns to the others. She greets her mum and Padmini, rubbing cheeks with both. To Bella she says, “You're up and dressed early. Where are you going?”

The whole scene reminds Bella of the movie
The Dirty Dozen,
where the twelve characters straggle in one at time, each speaking his piece.

Valerie says, “Yes, Bella, where are you off to?”

Bella tells her and Padmini what there is for breakfast, but Valerie refuses to be diverted. “Is it something to do with Aar?” she asks. “I've a feeling I must tag along.”

Dahaba, lapsing into Somali, asks Bella if there is any truth to that. Bella tells her patiently that politeness demands she speak a language intelligible to the whole group. Dahaba apologizes to her mother and Padmini, and repeats her question in English.

Valerie is not one for politeness, however. “Why are you shoving me to the side like useless furniture?” she demands of Bella.

“How am I doing that?” says Bella.

“You are trying to keep me from being involved,” she cries, “that is how!”

Salif says, “Mum, you made the choice to disengage yourself from Dad and us many years ago. You can't now accuse anyone else of denying you the right to get involved.”

“I've had enough,” Valerie says, and stands up.

But Salif isn't finished. “And let me add this, for what it's worth, Mum. You haven't asked us anything about Dad, what he was like as a father to us after you left. All you have done is create confusion in my head about the circumstances of his burial, urging me to act without even bothering to ascertain the legal and logistical implications.”

Valerie is at a loss for words. She stands there, looking too shocked to sit, too weak to remain standing. Padmini says, “What's all this about?” Finally, Valerie, her face pale, pulls out a chair and sits. Dahaba
takes her hands. “Salif doesn't mean to make a monkey out of you, Mum,” she says in an attempt to placate her mother. “He is just like that sometimes. You know he loves you more than he can say.”

Bella plates the omelets and waits for the kerfuffle to die down. Placing a plate in front of Padmini and another in front of Valerie, she says, “Please. Here. Eat.”

Valerie hesitates, but Padmini starts to eat heartily. Bella slips out of the kitchen at last and goes upstairs, patting Valerie on the shoulder as she passes. She comes back downstairs with her bag and the keys.

“What's in the bag, Auntie Bella?” says sharp-eyed Dahaba.

“Not much,” Bella says. She lets Dahaba lift the bag to see how light it is.

“Are you going shopping, Auntie?” Salif asks.

Bella looks at Valerie and Padmini. “I'd offer you a ride,” she says, “but I have to get going now.”

“For your appointment, right?” Dahaba asks.

Bella says to Padmini and Valerie, “Please allow me to treat you to a taxi back, as your host.” She opens her wallet and puts several bills on the table in front of Padmini.

Valerie's nose twitches, and she hesitates. But Padmini takes the money, thanking Bella effusively for her offer and her hospitality in general. She apologizes for all the inconvenience they have caused.

Bella says, “Don't worry yourself. I am glad that you came in the end. I'll let Dahaba and Salif speak for themselves, but I can tell you that I enjoyed the visit.”

“But we haven't even had a chance to talk about Aar,” protests Valerie. “I have so many questions.”

Bella thinks, why won't this madwoman let go? But she only says reassuringly, “It's still early days, and there are many things I am only just beginning to understand. I shall share what I know as I know it.”

Of course, she thinks, she won't share everything. She will tell each of them what they need to know, what is appropriate for them to know.

More quietly, Valerie says, “You won't even tell us where you are headed and whom you are meeting dressed up like that?”

Salif, looking mischievous, says, “You're out of line, Mum. What if she is meeting a lover?”

“Darling, don't be daft,” says Valerie.

“What's daft about meeting a lover?”

“It's not the right time of day!” Valerie exclaims.

“There's a right and wrong time of day?” says Salif.

Even Dahaba has had enough. “For the love of heaven, Mum, who are you to demand total transparency? How about telling us what you and Padmini were up to last night?”

Valerie's eyes narrow into slits. “What are you on about, silly girl?”

But Dahaba sails out of the kitchen in a fit of pique, leaving them all on tenterhooks. “Ask Salif,” she says in parting. “He knows.” Then she runs up the stairs, and they hear the door to her bedroom slam shut.

Valerie turns to Salif. “What is Dahaba on about?”

“I don't wish to get involved,” he says in Somali.

Bella shakes her head in disapproval, reminding him to repeat in English what he has just said in Somali to his mother and Padmini. When he does, Valerie's eyes widen in shock.

Bella, looking away from Valerie, reprimands him for not remembering what his father taught him: to be forever polite and remain considerate toward adults—“More so now to your mother,” she stresses.

Like the good boy he is, he apologizes to his mother.

It is obvious to everyone that things have got off to a bad start between Valerie and the children, and that it is time she made amends and spent quality time with Dahaba and Salif to set matters on a safer course. Bella asks Valerie, “What are your plans for the day? Maybe
you would like to spend more time with Salif and Dahaba.” And then before Valerie has reacted, Bella says to the children, “What about you? Wouldn't you wish to see your mum and Auntie Padmini for a longer time? They live in a continent you've never been to. Wouldn't you want to know more about their lives in India, what young people of your age are up to in the subcontinent, maybe even plan to visit one day?”