Heroes, Rogues, & Lovers: Testosterone and Behavior (27 page)

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Authors: James McBride Dabbs,Mary Godwin Dabbs

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BOOK: Heroes, Rogues, & Lovers: Testosterone and Behavior
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women explains some of these rare cases of reverse abuse. I have been unable to find any information about the testosterone levels of women who abuse men, and I assume that no research on that subject has been done. I would also like to find out whether high-testosterone women, like high-testosterone men, tend to have trouble with close relationships. I suspect they do, because testosterone generally affects men and women in similar ways.
The conclusion of all this is that high-testosterone men are built for dominance, and dominance is a risk factor in marriage. Marriage to a high-testosterone man may work out, but there are many ways it can go wrong. Good fighters do not usually make good husbands. We know this from the veterans studies, where high-testosterone men were preferred by wartime field commanders
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but tended to treat their wives badly. When high-testosterone men are intent on dominating their wives, they put their marriages at risk. John Gottman, a University of Washington psychologist who has studied marriage for twenty years, says that in most successful marriages, the husbands and wives share power.
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Sharing power may be as hard for a rhinoceros as pulling a carriage.
Why Do Good Women Marry Rascals?
To be fair, we'll also consider why good men sometimes marry rambunctious women, but first we'll consider the question people ask more often. "Why do good women marry rascals?" is among the big questions of life, questions such as "Why do bad things happen to good people?" and ''Why is there evil in the world?" It's common knowledge that some women want rhinos for their carriages when horses would do better, but why? Maybe it's the appeal of strength and energy. We admire strong characters, whether they are sports heroes, politicians, businessmen, professional people, or film stars. We gain reflected glory from their presence, and we would like to have them among our acquaintances, but if tabloid headlines are to be believed, we should think twice about marrying many of them. Construction workers, though rarely famous, are strong and energetic, and they have a reputation for being ardent but not so faithful lovers. Animal, from the
Geraldo
show, had plenty of girlfriends. Michelle explained how she met him:
 
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"He was working on the main street, and I would drive by and watch him working with no shirt on, and I'd say 'Hi,' and I'd bring him his little sugar treats when he'd need them in the afternoon. And two weeks from that he finally asked me out."
Mike Roseberry knows many women who, like Michelle, find construction workers attractive. Women who are offended by wolf whistles find it hard to understand why so many women stop by Mike's construction sites and leave their telephone numbers, but they may admire macho men less blatantly. I have a woman friend who would have never considered leaving her phone number at a construction site, but as a teenager, if she had found herself near a movie set where Charlton Heston was working, she might have given at least a fleeting thought to leaving it there. Not too long ago, when she had been happily married for more than thirty years, she waited in a long line for a glimpse of that charismatic screen idol of her youth. Actors as well as fighters, on screen or in real life, tend to have testosterone levels that make them poor marriage risks, but they have no trouble getting attention from admiring women. Women often find men with intensity and passion thrilling, but when it comes to marriage, sensible women know those qualities have to be put on the scale and balanced against reliability and sensitivity.
When women are concerned about how much stability is needed to balance the characteristics associated with high testosterone, they can blame their cavewomen's genes, which date back to the time when the mates and offspring of good hunters and fighters had the best chances for survival. To be successful, cavewomen had to have resources and protection for their young, and so in courtship and mating, they favored dominant and powerful suitors who were likely to provide what was needed. "Cavewoman" values persist today. Maturity is associated with dominance, and modern women generally prefer men a year or two older than themselves. Money is associated with power, and a study of ten thousand people in thirty-seven countries showed that women want men with "good financial prospects."
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Although financial success is not positively correlated with testosterone, cavewomen genes do not necessarily distinguish between animal vigor and financial potential. Nevertheless, the energy that goes along with testosterone
 
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does contribute to gumption and initiative, useful assets appreciated by modern men and women as well as by their ancestors. Research shows that men with moderate levels of testosterone have plenty of gumption and initiative, and, when it comes to pursuing both mates and careers, they do well in contemporary society.
In Shakespeare's play, the beautiful Desdemona fell in love with Othello, a great warrior who was old and not very handsome. His enemies said he had bewitched her, but he said she was won by the battles he had fought. He said, "She lov'd me for the dangers I had pass'd . . . this is the only witchcraft I have used."
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Men try to impress women and other men. Traditional courtship lets men display their strength and skill, and it gives women a chance to decide whether they like this strength and skill. Both sexes play the game, with men showing off and women cheering them on.
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Sometimes the roles are reversed. A few years ago Mary and I paid several visits to a recently divorced man who was living with his mother on an isolated farm. Visiting him gave us an opportunity to watch women show off like courting peacocks. Some of the women had traveled long distances to visit, and while they were visiting, they demonstrated various skills. One woman helped him with a carpentry project that involved using his radial arm saw. All the women brought things they had made themselves, not only the usual pies and cookies, but hand-crafted leather goods, including a wallet and a belt. The belt came with a hand-made silver buckle. One woman brought salt-free banana bread for his mother, who had a heart condition. Mary said, "They're auditioning. He's twenty-nine, heterosexual, and single. News like that travels fast, even in the boondocks." He did not stay single long. He married the woman who baked the salt-free banana bread, which turned out to be ironic because she couldn't get along with her new mother-in-law, and the marriage didn't last.
Among birds, as with people, the usual pattern of males courting females is occasionally reversed. This happens in the red-necked phalarope, a small wader that nests on the ground in the Arctic tundra. In this species, males build the nests and incubate the eggs, and females make no contribution beyond laying eggs. In this species females have bright plumage and males have dull plumage, and females fight each other for the opportunity to have males mate with them. This behavior
 
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follows the rule that whichever sex within a species contributes the most scarce and valuable reproductive resourceshere building the nest and caring for the eggswill be courted by the other sex.
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The women of the Samburu tribe in East Africa think men should do the courting. Women take advantage of the traditional Samburu belief that God gave them all the cows in the world. In recent history they felt they had the right to take cows from others, and cattle raids were a respected activity. Cattle raids are less common today, but tradition is strong, and girls are attracted to boys who have stolen at least one cow. At tribal dances, the custom has been for girls to make fun of boys who have never stolen a cow, and then the boys take up the challenge. A Samburu man described how he felt watching a beautiful girl sing about the cattle thefts of another man:
"You are standing there at the dance, and a girl starts to sing. She raises her chin high and you see her throat. And then you want to go and steal some cattle for yourself. You start to shiver [a Samburu sign of manliness]. You leave the dance and stride into the night, afraid of nothing and only conscious of the fact that you are going to steal a cow."
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Like the Brazilian women mentioned in Chapter 4, who mocked the Italian men for their losing soccer team, the Samburu girls expect men to be manly and win. Life in prehistoric times was rough, and it still is rough in many places in the world where physical danger is close. In those places, it is important to women to have mates who will protect them from danger. In rough places, tough men do well. In places that are not so rough, tough men and the women come together in, among other places, honky-tonks, where men and sometimes women get into bar fights. Mike Roseberry told me an easy way to get a guy to fight in a bar is to insult his wife or girlfriend. The woman being defended may know that she provides a ready excuse for a fight, but that knowledge is balanced by the hope that her guy will protect her if she falls into real danger. Women want to be more than sex objects for men to fight over, but they also want men who will protect them. When fighting and winning a face-to-face confrontation is needed, a high-testosterone mate is most likely to do what needs to be done.
 
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Some cultures develop a romance of violence. The women of the Yanomamo tribe in the Amazon, who are often injured by their mates, romanticize violence and believe it shows passion. They say that women without scars have weak or inattentive mates, and the women proudly show off their scars to each other. The Yanomamo do not distinguish between passion and violence, and the women accept violence as a normal part of passion. Perhaps the women are also trying to justify in their own minds an unhappy life, but their attraction to the men is very deep. A Yanomamo woman who married an anthropologist and moved to Boston finally left her husband and returned to her tribe in the Amazon. She tried to take her daughter back to the jungle with her, so the daughter could find and marry a proper man there.
The question "Why do good women marry rascals?" is partly answered by the fact that rascals are likely to have positive traits, at least when viewed from an evolutionary perspective. The energy of testosterone is attractive, despite its less civilized side. The question is also partly answered by the saying that birds of a feather flock together, and some women who marry rascals are rascals themselves. A long line of research shows that similar people are attracted to each other. They can be similar in age, race, background, religion, politics, height, personality, or almost any other characteristic.
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Sociologist Richard Udry, of the Carolina Population Center, found a low but statistically significant correlation between the testosterone levels of husbands and wives.
43
Both Animal and Michelle on the
Geraldo
show acted like high-testosterone individuals. They were at ease with violence, and they often fought. Michelle said, "We get into it. We go out drinking, and I start drinking a Jack Daniel's or tequila, or whatever, and we get stupid, end up going at each other." They try not to fight in front of the children, and the fights are brief. Michelle said, "We usually do it outside the bar, or outside our house." When a violent woman and a violent man decide they like each other, one can hardly expect a peaceful relationship.
Courtship, or the Only Wheel in Town
A man traveling in the Old West arrived at the train station in a small town. He stepped out and spoke to another man standing nearby, who looked like a gambler:

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