Hate Me Today (Save Me #3) (8 page)

Jason

“You are by far the biggest fucking asshole I have ever met. How dare you walk into a conversation that’s half over and just assume you know that the hell you are talking about.” Mandi rounds the table, her palms pressing against the top as she leans into me, barely even breathing between words. “Not only did you completely just wreck whatever the hell nice streak you had going but you missed the fact that Vincent is Vanessa’s older brother. Her brother that’s been in a psychiatric hospital for a few years because he’s schizophrenic and her parents didn’t want to deal with him. Do you think she’s
OK with the fact that she got hurt the other night? No! But you know what’s bugging her even more is the fact that it was you that saved her and she’s just been waiting for you to use it against her. I guess you just did though didn’t you.”

She leaves me stunned and speechless when she turns abruptly and rushes out the door.
Devon looks at me and shakes his head sadly before standing and following Mandi out.

“Man, I knew you were an asshole but that took the cake
,” Jack talks without looking at me. “I thought I was a dick.”

I want to rush out, find Vanessa and apologize but I can’t seem to make myself move. I just sit at this crappy table and replay what just happened while I wait for the waitress I just screwed in the storage room to come get my credit card so I can pay.
Even though I feel like I should apologize, I know that it was probably a good idea for her to realize that I’m still an asshole. Letting anyone get close to me only ends in disaster.

“I need a drink,” I say to no one while I make my way out of the restaurant and back to the bus.

Since sound check is already done for the day I expect to find everyone on the bus waiting to get ready to go on, but it’s empty when I get there. I rummage through my bunk until I find what I’m looking for. I crack the top, press the glass bottle against my lips and suck down half the bottle in one drink. The Wild Turkey burns as I gulp it down. I make a mental note to grab more before we hit the road because this is my last bottle.

Someone bangs against the side of the bus making me jump and almost drop the bottle in my hand.

“Hey, jackass!” Devon yells, “you’re gonna be late.”

I look down at my watch and can’t believe how late it’s gotten. I recap the bottle and toss it on my bunk, knowing that I’ll be crawling back in there as soon as we get done here. I can’t wait to be home so I can sleep in my own damn bed instead of this cramped box with everyone else.

By the time I make it to the dressing room everyone is ready to go and just waiting for me to get ready so we can go on stage. I peel my shirt over my head replacing it with a clean one. Vanessa won’t look at me but she laughs at something Mandi says to her.

Over the past few weeks I can’t help but wonder if I was wrong about her. Maybe I hate her for all the wrong reasons. Maybe it’s just because I’m an asshole or because I’m always drinking but Vanessa is nothing like I thought she was. She’s always going out of her way to help someone and is nice to everyone, including me. I can’t stop thinking about it the entire walk to the stage but have to push it from my mind when we’re introduced.

Vanessa’s on fire the entire time we’re on stage, letting everyone see and feel the emotions she has going on throughout each song. The crowd loves it, I hate it. I hate it even more when we get to that damn "Hate Me Today" song she wrote. Mainly because I know it’s about me and everything I’ve said and done to her.

When Vanessa pulled me into singing covers with her at the concert a few weeks ago I never thought it would have gone over as well as it has. We’re selling out every show and pulling people that aren’t usually into country music to our shows.

“So by now you guys know about the little switch we do at our shows now." The crowd starts screaming before Vanessa even gets through talking. They know what’s coming.

I step up to the mic but before I can say anything I’m cut off by the opening c
hords to "Just Like You" by Three Days Grace and Vanessa pushing me out of the way. She steps up to my mic instead of hers and sings the entire song there.

I can’t lie, the cocky attitude is kinda hot and she rocks it the entire show.

Jason

My phone vibrates against my arm, waking me up from the first deep sleep I’ve had since this tour started. It always takes me a few weeks to get back in the groove I need to sleep while moving. Grabbing my phone I check the caller ID but don’t recognize the number so I ignore it. Anyone worth talking to is in my phone already or will leave me a message.

Dropping it back down to my chest I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep but as soon as I am almost there the fucker rings again. 3:27 am. Seriously
, I’ve only been asleep for an hour and a half and stupid people are calling my ass and waking me up.

“What!” I growl out as low as I can. No need to wake everyone else up because of some dumbass calling me.

“Is this Jason Jackson?” The voice on the other end of the line is low and timid as she asks the dumbest question in the world right now. Who else would be answering my phone?

“It’s three thirty in the goddamn morning
. I’ll be Ron-fuckin’-Jeremy if you just tell me what you want and leave me the hell alone!”

“I’m sorry
, Mr. Jackson.” Mr. Jackson? Really? When did I become my father?

“Who is this and what do you want?” I bite out.

“Mr. Jackson, my name is Amelia Maxus. I’m a nurse at Nashville General.” She pauses to take a deep breath and the only thing I can think is that something happened to Abby or Tuesday again. My mind comes to a halt when she speaks again. “Is your brother Carter Jackson?”

I shoot straight up, forgetting that I’m in the small bunk and smack my head off the bed above me. I groan and press my hand against my head. “Yes…”

“Mr. Jackson, I’m afraid there has been an accident.” I start to freak out. I haven’t felt this helpless, well… ever. All the worst possibilities run through my head before she even has a chance to tell me what happened.

“Wh-” I can’t even finish choking up what I was trying to say as I bite the inside of my cheek. Thankfully she gets what I need and tells me.

“Your brother attempted to commit suicide a few hours ago.”

The bottom drops out of my world, sending my mind spiraling and it feels like my heart is going to explode out through my ribs. What the hell happened? Why didn’t he call me? I can’t even string two words together let alone catch my breath but she continues anyway. One word catches my attention and grounds me, even if it’s only a bit. Attempted. Attempted means he didn’t succeed.

“We had to pump his stomach. He overdosed on Xanax and you were listed as his only emergency contact. Is there any way you can get here?” Her nervous voice has disappeared and before I even know what I am doing I’m up and throwing shit in a duffle bag.

“I
, uh…” I clear my throat and try to keep myself from throwing up so I can speak. “I’ll be there as soon as I can but I’m not in town so I’m not sure how long it will take me.” I know we aren’t far off of home but even knowing we are headed back isn’t good enough for me. I need to be there now.

She gives me the number for the hospital and tells me she will call me back with any updates before I get there and to call if I needed anything.
I pace the short hall in the bus as quietly as I can as I try to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.

I come to a standstill with my hand on the send button for Abby when I notice Vanessa at the table in the dark. Her legs are pulled up into her chest, arms wrapped around them and her head resting on her knees as she stares blankly out the window at the passing headlights.

As soon as she realizes she isn’t alone anymore she stares at me, her eyes assessing everything from the duffle bag by my feet to the scared shitless face I’m probably wearing right now.

“What’s wrong?” She whispers and I don’t hear any of the usual sarcastic tone she usually uses with me. In fact she sounds… worried? No fucking way.

I don’t even know how to answer her. My responses to her are usually some sort of insult even though we’ve been in sort of a truce until the end of the tour, but just the look on her face and the pounding in my chest tells me that this isn’t the time for my usual bullshit. Not like my mind could even come up with an insult right now towards her anyway.

“Carter,” I choke out.

She shakes her head, her eyes narrowing in confusion. Of course she doesn’t know what you’re talking about, you asshole. I never talk to her about anything important and Carter is one of the most important things in my life.

I take a deep breath and look down at my hands which are shaking worse than I have ever seen before and look back to her. She follows my gaze and her eyebrows draw together as she climbs out of the booth and steps toward me. Her hands hesitantly wrap around mine and she pulls my phone away and sets it on the table before grabbing my hand again.

She looks up at me as she tightens her grip on my fingers. “Who is Carter?”

“My brother,” I mumble.

Vanessa nods and one of her hands slides up and rests on my forearm. The heat of her skin on mine calms me for some reason. There is no room inside me for the pent up anger I hold against her right now.

“Brother,” she nods, “
OK. What happened?”

I take a deep breath and stare at her. Her whiskey brown eyes feel like they’re seeing into my damn soul and it scares the hell out of me.

“He- he tried to-” I blow out a shaky breath and when I finally say the words; my voice cracks, showing just how weak I really am right now. “Tried to commit suicide.”

The words finally tumble out of my mouth and I break. Everything that has happened over the last few years, hell, throughout my life, comes crashing down on me and in the first time in as long as I can remember
, tears roll out of my eyes and stream silently down my face.

First
, all of the shit Abby went through. Then Alex died. Then Tuesday gets kidnapped and all her shit. Now my brother. My eighteen year old brother tries to commit suicide. Why the hell would he do something like this? Why the hell wouldn’t he talk to me about this shit? My body falls to the couch and Vanessa gets dragged along with me, managing to stop before she falls on top of me. Her thighs rest against my knees and when I look up she’s staring down at me like she actually cares. I can't take it. She shouldn’t be looking at me like that after all the shit I have put her through. I’ve been such an ass to her that thinking back it makes me sick. My head hangs in shame as I remember everything I’ve done to her and all the times I haven’t been there for Carter because of this job. The job that I love.

I jump when Vanessa’s fingers run through my hair, her fingernails scraping slightly against my scalp as she strokes back and forth. She pulls me closer until my head rests against her stomach.

“Who were you trying to call?” she whispers as she steps back to grab my phone off the table. When she’s back close enough for me to touch I reach out and pull her back to me. Resting my head back where it was and wrapping my fingers around the back of her thighs. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I know I should stop, push her away, but I can’t. She stiffens for a second before dragging her hand back through my hair again.

“Who were you calling at this hour?” she asks again.

“Abby,” I say gruffly against her stomach. “Gotta get back. I need to be there.”

“I know,” she whispers sadly.

Before I know it Vanessa has called Abby and told her what was going on before finding out how much longer until we would hit Nashville, all while she never stops touching me. What I heard didn’t please me at all. Three hours of not knowing what was going on, of feeling helpless, of not knowing what was going to happen. My fingers grip into the back of her thighs, pulling her tighter into me after she sets my phone back down. I move my head slightly and the edge of her shirt lifts, exposing a sliver of skin. Without thinking I press my lips against her stomach. Her fingers still and I feel self-conscious about what I just did.

“Don’t stop,” I beg, “please don’t stop.”

Her touching me is the only thing keeping my mind here; keeping me from falling into a place I don’t ever want to be again. Which is weird because usually I hate being touched.

Vanessa’s hands move down to my neck and she lifts my face until I’m looking at her. “What do you need? Just tell me.”

Without thinking I lift her by her thighs and pull her so she is straddling my lap. She grips my shoulders to keep from falling until I have her where I want her and her fingers finally find their way back into my hair. My cock starts to harden when her ass settles against my lap.

Staring at me she speaks softly. “I can’t do the whole hate sex thing again, Jason. I can’t spend tonight doing this and wake up tomorrow not knowing what you’re going to do to make me regret it. I can't handle you hating me anymore and not knowing why.”

I pull her mouth to mine, sucking gently on her lip before letting my head drop back and allowing myself to forget everything that is happening right now and just admire Vanessa as she slides her hands through her hair. How the hell did I not notice how fucking beautiful she was before? Oh that’s right. I was too busy fucking hating her. And where did that get me? Nowhere worth being is where. I look at her, hating that I can see the sadness etched across her face every time a car passes us. Knowing that I’m the reason for it. I tuck a loose strand of hair back behind her ear before saying the only thing in my head that doesn’t involve Carter. All I want to do is get lost in her. Bury myself so deep inside her that nothing else matters. I want to keep myself there until we hit Nashville and the real world comes crashing back down on me.

“I couldn’t hate you right now even if I wanted to.”