Harold Pinter Plays 2 (28 page)

WALTER.
They’re a lot of villains, the lot of them.

ANNIE.
They don’t care for the old.

MILLY.
Still, you’ve still got plenty of energy left in you, Mr Solto.

SOLTO.
Plenty of what?

MILLY.
Energy.

SOLTO.
Energy? You should have seen me in the outback, in Australia. I was the man who opened up the Northern Territory for them out there.

MILLY.
It’s a wonder you never got married, Mr Solto.

SOLTO.
I’ve always been a lone wolf. The first time I was seduced, I said to myself, Solto, watch your step, mind how
you go, go so far but no further. If they want to seduce you, let them seduce you, but marry them? Out of the question.

WALTER.
Where was that, in Australia or Greece?

SOLTO.
Australia.

WALTER.
How did you get to Australia from Greece?

SOLTO.
By sea. How do you think? I worked my passage. And what a trip. I was only a pubescent. I killed a man with my own hands, a six-foot-ten Lascar from Madagascar.

ANNIE.
From Madagascar?

SOLTO.
Sure. A Lascar.

MILLY.
Alaska?

SOLTO.
Madagascar.

Pause.

WALTER.
It’s happened before.

SOLTO.
And it’ll happen again.

MILLY.
Have another piece of swiss roll, Mr Solto.

ANNIE.
I bet you some woman could have made you a good wife.

SOLTO.
If I wanted to get married, I could clinch it tomorrow – like that! But I’m like Wally; I’m a lone wolf.

WALTER.
How’s the scrap business, Mr Solto?

SOLTO.
Ssshh! That’s the same question the tax inspector asked me. I told him I retired years ago. He says to me, Why don’t you fill out your income tax returns? Why don’t you fill out all the forms we send you? I said, I got no income tax to declare, that’s why. You’re the only man in the district who won’t fill out his forms, he says, you want to go to prison? Prison, I said, a man like me, a clean-living old man like me, a man who discovered Don Bradman, it’s a national disgrace! Fill out your forms, he says, there’ll be no trouble. Listen! I said if you want me to fill out these forms, if you want me to go through all that clerical work, all right, pay me a small sum, pay me for my trouble. Pay me to do it. Otherwise fill them out yourself, leave me alone. Three hundred and fifty-five nicker? They got a fat chance.

ANNIE.
A good wife wouldn’t have done you no harm. She’d fill out your forms – for you.

SOLTO.
That’s what I’m afraid of.

MILLY.
Have a custard tart, Mr Solto.

ANNIE.
He’s still got a good appetite.

SOLTO.
I’ve been saving it up since I last come here.

WALTER.
Why, when were you last here, Mr Solto?

MILLY.
It was just after you went inside.

SOLTO.
I brought round some daffodils.

ANNIE.
Nine months ago, he remembers.

SOLTO.
How’re they doing?

ANNIE.
What?

SOLTO.
The daffodils.

ANNIE.
Oh, they died.

SOLTO.
Go on. (
Eats.
)

WALTER.
So you don’t know about the lodger?

SOLTO.
Lodger?

WALTER.
Yes, we’ve got a lodger now.

MILLY.
She’s a school teacher.

SOLTO.
A school teacher, eh? Hmm. Where does she sleep? On the put-u-up?

WALTER.
My aunts gave her my room.

MILLY.
Come on. Annie, help me clear the table.

SOLTO.
The lady who first seduced me, in Australia – she kicked her own husband out and gave me his room. I bumped into him years later making a speech at Marble Arch. It wasn’t a bad speech, it so happens.

MILLY
(
stacking
plates
).
Why don’t you lend Wally a few pound, Mr Solto?

SOLTO.
Me?

ANNIE.
Yes, why don’t you?

MILLY.
You could help to set him up.

SOLTO.
Why don’t you go to the Prisoners Help Society. They’ll give you a loan. I mean, you’ve done two stretches, you must have a few good references.

WALTER.
You wouldn’t miss two hundred quid.

SOLTO.
Two hundred here, three fifty-five there – what do you think I am, a bank manager?

MILLY.
You can’t take it with you, Mr Solto.

WALTER.
He wants to be the richest man in the cemetery.

ANNIE.
It won’t do you much good where you’re going, Mr Solto.

SOLTO.
Who’s going anywhere?

MILLY.
Come on, Annabel.

ANNIE.
There’s one rock cake left, Mr Solto.

SOLTO.
I’ll tell you what, Annie. Keep the rock cake.

MILLY.
Annabel.

ANNIE
and
MILLY
go
out
with
plates.

SOLTO.
I wish I could give you a helping hand, Wally. Honest. But things are very tight. I had six cross doubles the other day. Three came home. Number four developed rheumatism at the last hurdle. I went without food for two days.

WALTER.
I could do with a lift up. I’m thinking of going straight.

SOLTO.
Why? You getting tired of a life of crime?

WALTER.
I’m not good enough. I get caught too many times. I’m not clever enough.

SOLTO.
You’re still on the post-office books?

WALTER.
Yes.

SOLTO.
It’s a mug’s game. I’ve told you before. If you want to be a forger you’ve got to have a gift. It’s got to come from the heart.

WALTER.
I’m not a good enough forger.

SOLTO.
You’re a terrible forger.

WALTER.
That’s why I’m always getting caught.

SOLTO.
I’m a better forger than you any day. And I don’t forge.

WALTER.
I haven’t got the gift.

SOLTO.
A forger’s got to love his work. You don’t love your work, that’s your trouble, Walter.

WALTER.
If you lent me two hundred quid I could go straight.

SOLTO.
I’m an old-age pensioner, Wally. What are you talking about?

WALTER.
If only I could get my room back! I could get settled in, I could think, about things!

SOLTO.
Why, who’s this school teacher, then? What’s the game?

WALTER
(
casually
).
Listen, I want to show you something.

SOLTO.
What?

WALTER.
This photo.

SOLTO.
Who’s this?

WALTER.
A girl … I want to find.

SOLTO.
Who is she?

WALTER.
That’s what I want to find out.

SOLTO.
We were just talking about forging, about your room, about the school teacher. What’s this got to do with it?

WALTER.
This is a club, isn’t it, in the photo?

SOLTO.
Sure.

WALTER.
And that girl’s a hostess, isn’t she?

SOLTO.
Sure.

WALTER.
Can you locate her?

SOLTO.
Me?

Pause.

WALTER.
Do you know any of these men – these men with her?

SOLTO.
O-oh, one of them… looks familiar.

WALTER.
Find that girl for me. It’s important. As a favour. You’re the only man I know who could find her. You know these clubs.

SOLTO.
Do you know the girl?

Pause.

WALTER.
No.

SOLTO.
Well, where’d you get hold of the photo?

WALTER.
I got hold of it.

SOLTO.
What have you done? Fallen in love with a photo?

WALTER.
Sure. That’s right.

SOLTO.
Yes … A very attractive girl. A lovely girl. All right, Wally. I’ll try to find her for you.

WALTER.
Thanks.

Front
door
slams.

Footsteps
up
the
stairs.

SOLTO.
Who’s that?

WALTER.
That’s our lodger. The school teacher.

Fade
out.

Fade
in.

MILLY.
I don’t want the milk hot, I want it cold.

ANNIE.
It is cold.

MILLY.
I thought you warmed it up.

ANNIE.
I did. The time I got up here it’s gone cold.

MILLY.
You should have kept it in the pan. If you’d brought it up in the pan it would have still been hot.

ANNIE.
I thought you said you didn’t want it hot.

MILLY.
I don’t want it hot.

ANNIE.
Well, that’s why I’m saying it’s cold.

MILLY.
I know that. But if I had wanted it hot. That’s all I’m saying. (
She
sips
the
milk
.)
It could be colder.

ANNIE.
Do you want a piece of anchovy or a doughnut.

MILLY.
I’ll have the anchovy. What are you going to have?

ANNIE.
I’m going downstairs, to have a doughnut.

MILLY.
You can have this one.

ANNIE.
No, I’ve got one downstairs. You can have it after the anchovy.

MILLY.
Why don’t you have the anchovy?

ANNIE.
You know what I wouldn’t mind? I wouldn’t mind a few pilchards.

MILLY.
Herring. A nice bit of herring, that’s what I could do with.

ANNIE.
A few pilchards with a drop of vinegar. And a plate of chocolate mousse to go after it.

MILLY.
Chocolate mousse?

ANNIE.
Don’t you remember when we had chocolate mousse at Clacton?

MILLY.
Chocolate mousse wouldn’t go with herrings.

ANNIE.
I’m not having herrings. I’m having pilchards.

Noise
of
steps
upstairs.

Listen.

ANNIE
turns
the
door-handle,
listens.

WALTER
knocks
on
S
ALLY’
S
door.

SALLY.
Yes?

WALTER.
It’s me.

SALLY.
Just a moment. Come in.

Door
opens.

WALTER.
How are you?

SALLY.
I’m fine.

Door
closes.

ANNIE.
He’s in.

MILLY.
What do you mean, he’s in?

ANNIE.
He’s gone in.

MILLLY.
Gone in where, Annie?

ANNIE.
Into her room.

MILLY.
His room.

ANNIE.
His room.

MILLY.
He’s gone in?

ANNIE.
Yes.

MILLY.
Is she in there?

ANNIE.
Yes.

MILLY.
So he’s in there with her.

ANNIE.
Yes.

MILLY.
Go out and have a listen.

ANNIE
goes
out
of
the
door
and
down
the
landing
to
SALLY’S
door, where she stops
.