Hardwired (The Hardwired Series) (Volume 1) (19 page)

“You can feel everything now, can’t you, baby?”

As he said the words, an acute awareness of everywhere our bodies met shot through me. His big cock rooting inside me, his fingers, playing the notes of my desire like a song he knew so well. I trembled, losing my mind with every passing moment.

“You were right. I’m going to make you want things you never knew you wanted.”

He left my clit to leverage my hips, shoving himself deeper. A small, helpless cry escaped me as I felt myself unraveling around him.

“You’re going to want me to hold you down and fuck you hard. To take control of your body.”

“Blake, please…oh, God.”

“You want it right now, don’t you?”

“Yes. Now. All of you.” I spasmed uncontrollably around him, his words spurring my gnawing hunger.

He released me then and flipped me to my back, covering my body with his own. He lunged into me with powerful thrusts that carried us up the bed and drove me straight into a heart-pounding orgasm that shot through me like lightning, a blinding white heat. I sobbed his name and raked my fingers down his back, steeling myself at his shoulder as the fire in me exploded around us.

“You have me, Erica.”

He shuddered to his own climax, pinning my hips to the bed with the force of his last growling thrust. We lay there for several minutes, tangled in each other, tied together by the experience, while relief and waves of sheer bliss rushed over me. He traced my face with his fingertips, almost reverently, his eyes never leaving mine. Physically and emotionally I’d never felt more connected to another person. No one could ever make me feel this way. So stripped, so raw.

He pressed petal-soft kisses on my swollen lips, whispering adorations in my ear until I fell asleep in his arms.

I awoke a few hours later. The day was dawning and Blake’s arms had me firmly tucked next to him, preventing any remote thoughts I might have had about escaping. I turned slightly to look at him, but when I moved, his arm tightened around my waist. His face was relaxed and peaceful. I smiled. I was right where I wanted to be. I draped my arm over his, holding him closer to me as I tried to fall back to sleep.

Suddenly Blake’s phone rang from his pants on the floor. After a few rings he stirred and rolled off the bed to retrieve it.

“What’s wrong?” he said.

An odd way to start a conversation.

“Where are you?” he continued, pressing the phone to his shoulder as he reached for his clothes on the floor. “Okay, I’ll be there in ten.”

He ended the call and finished dressing, seemingly forgetting that I was there.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

He paused and looked over to me, his face lined with concern. What the hell could be going so wrong that he had to walk out on us this very second?

“I’m sorry. I have to take care of something. I shouldn’t be too long.”

“Can I come with you?”

“No, just pack up. I’ll drive you back to Boston when I get back.”

“I can’t leave. I have a meeting tomorrow,” I said, glancing at the clock. “Today actually.”

“With who?”

“I’m having brunch with Isaac Perry.”

“Reschedule it,” he ordered without hesitation. “I’m getting you out of here tonight.”

“Blake, what the fuck is going on?” I crossed my arms defensively, a little insecure that I was still completely naked while he wasn’t.

“I can’t explain right now.”

“Forget it. I’m staying here.” I marched over to my bags to find some clothes.

“Trust me, we’re getting out of here,” he said. His jaw was set in that familiar uncompromising line. “I’ll explain everything when I get back, I promise.”

I gauged his expression, wishing I could believe him. He bridged the distance between us and made my decision for me with a kiss that had me wishing we had ten more minutes together.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said, and then rushed out the door.

Showered and dutifully packed, I cursed myself for letting Blake talk me into blowing off my meeting. I eventually fell asleep again waiting for him. Hours later he sat next to me on the bed, nudging me awake.

“Time to go, baby,” he said, his voice quiet and tender.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, shaking off the cobwebs.

“Come on, let’s talk in the car.” He stood and grabbed my packed bags. I did a quick inventory of all my things and followed him out.

I bid a silent farewell as we headed north out of the city, realizing I hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to Alli. I’d call later, much later when she and Heath had a chance to sleep off what was undoubtedly a late night for them.

“Are you going to enlighten me?” I finally asked.

Blake tightened his grip on the wheel.

“Who called you last night?”

“Alli.”

I frowned, curious why she even had Blake’s number. My mind juggled the possibilities, but there just wasn’t enough to go on.

“Why would she be calling you?”

“I’m sure Alli didn’t tell you this, for obvious reasons, but Heath has something of a drug problem. I thought he was clean, but he’s relapsed.”

I blew out my breath, absorbing the shock of this news. My mind sped up, connecting all the dots. Everything added up. His strung out look the other morning, the late nights, and an undercurrent of distrust that I couldn’t shake when I was around him.

“What kind of drugs?”

“Cocaine mostly.”

“Alli,” I whispered, covering my mouth with a shaky hand. How she could be with him under these circumstances? This was serious. What if Alli were involved with drugs now too, because of him? This would explain her being out of touch, and the weight loss that, though subtle, was still noticeable to me.

“Alli’s not using with him,” he said, as if reading my mind.

“How do you know?”

“I believe her. After years of dealing with Heath, my bullshit meter is pretty well honed. She’s clean.”

I nodded, relieved and feeling suddenly sorry for Blake. How long had he been dealing with this? Cleaning up Heath’s messes?

“What happened tonight?”

“He got into a fight at the club. They called the cops, and they found drugs on him. Same old story.”

“So now what?”

“They’ll keep him overnight. I already arranged to have him bailed out, then I’ll have to get him into rehab so he can avoid jail time again.”

Again?
“Where will he go?”

“I’m thinking about getting him out of New York. Coke, models, and clubs. You can’t have one without the other two apparently, and he just can’t shake the club scene.”

I tried to digest everything, fitting the pieces together like a puzzle. I hated that I’d been in the dark for so long. How long had Alli known and kept this from me? First Sophia and now this. In a matter of weeks there were so many secrets between us. Maybe she wasn’t blatantly lying to me, but she was keeping the truth from me, which felt like the same thing.

“Is that how you met Sophia?” I asked, hesitant to suggest her involvement, but unable to resist.

“I met her through Heath, yes.”

I stared at him, watching him decide whether to share more.

“I guess you could say she was in his entourage. We were seeing each other off and on, and she hooked up with Heath while I was away.”

“She slept with him?”

“I don’t know. Neither of them would admit to it, but I didn’t realize either of them had a problem until I crashed one of their parties at the condo.”

“What did you do?”

“I sent them off to rehab. Threatened to cut them both off until they got clean. I broke it off with Sophia when she ended the program. She didn’t take it well, but I agreed to help her start fresh.”

“That’s why you invested in her business.”

A fleeting look of surprise crossed his face. He was probably willing to do anything to keep her clean, knowing the breakup would send her into a tailspin. Did he love her?

“Yes, but the relationship ends there.” He took his eyes off the road for a moment to meet mine.

“I believe you,” I said. As much as I enjoyed looking into his eyes, I wanted them on the road right now.

“Good.”

“What’s Alli supposed to do now?”

“She can stay at the condo as long as she needs to, obviously.”

“But, their relationship? I mean...” I’d never seen Alli like this, so in love. But could I really support a relationship with Heath when he had so many issues? Serious issues. Billionaire brother or not, he was trouble, and the thought of her being tied to him in any way was disconcerting.

“She needs to figure it out, but I don’t want you involved,” Blake said, a note of resolve in his voice.

“What does that mean exactly?”

“That means I don’t want you anywhere near Heath or his circle of friends until he’s been clean for a very long time. And that includes Alli.”

“Are you telling me I can’t see her?” I bristled at the suggestion.

“If Alli decides to stay with him, that’s her choice, but I won’t have you anywhere near it.”

My anger bubbled to the surface and I stewed, trying to come with a way to win the argument. I needed my coffee.

While I pouted on the far edge of my seat, trying to gain as much distance from him as the car would allow, he exited the highway and parked in front of a quaint diner a mile down the road. He powered off the car, stepped out, and circled to open my door for me.

When I got out, he caged me with his arms, leaning me into the car and bringing our bodies too close for how angry I was with him.

“I need you to understand,” he said.

“Understand what? Your sick need to control everything and everyone around you?”

“Have you ever known someone with an addiction?”

I tightened my arms around my chest and looked past him to the highway and the cars speeding by. He was going to try to convince me that controlling my life was somehow acceptable, I knew it. “No,” I admitted.

“Good. I don’t want you to.”

“You can’t tell me who to have in my life. You said you weren’t interested in dominating me that way.”

“I never said that, and secondly, this is different.”

“Great.” I shivered, chilled by the idea that deep down Blake really wanted to, maybe needed to, control me—an expectation that seemed to root itself further into our relationship with every passing second.

“Erica, stop.”

“Stop what?” I shouted. “I’ve never had to answer to anyone, and I’m sure as hell not answering to you. So stick that in your fucking dominant pipe and smoke it.”

I moved to leave but he didn’t budge, trapping me.

“Erica…”

“Don’t
Erica
me—”

He groaned and shoved his hands through his hair, giving us the smallest separation. I glared at him, but when I met his eyes, they were tired, storming with emotion, pleading with me without words.

“I love you, and I’m going to do whatever I need to do to protect you. Do you understand?”

My heart slammed in my chest.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
His words couldn’t have hit me any harder. Every girl dreams of hearing those three little words.
Every girl but me
. My palms prickled with heat and became damp. I rubbed them nervously on my jeans as the silence grew between us.

“Heath has ripped our family apart with this. My parents worry every day about what they did wrong and I’m trying everything I can to set him straight again, praying something will work before he kills himself one day.”

I relaxed a little, grateful that he’d spoken, but I was nowhere close to making sense of the emotions rioting through me.

I needed coffee, or sleep. Mainly I needed to be somewhere outside of Blake’s bubble of earth-shattering sex and emotional intensity. I was fucked up enough without all of that. I shook my head, trying to focus on the argument I was determined to win.

He’d thrown me a curve ball, but somehow we needed to find a middle ground, though I worried that Blake wasn’t used to negotiating middle ground much when he wasn’t with me. I took a deep breath and placed my hands on his chest. His heartbeat quickened, mimicking my own.

“Blake, Alli is my best friend, and if she’s going to stick this out with Heath, I need to be there to support her, the same way I’ll support you.”

For a split second, he looked lost. His expression changed again and he straightened. “I don’t need support, Erica. I’m used to dealing with this. I just don’t want you getting hurt. I couldn’t bear it.”

My anger faded into an overwhelming desire to take the pain away, to help him fix this mess. “Listen to me. You can’t play master of the universe and refuse help from the people who care about you.”

Blake covered my hands with his own, squeezed them slightly, then threaded his fingers with mine and led us toward the diner.

I went willingly, accepting that we were agreeing to disagree for the moment.

The buzzing wouldn’t stop. I hid under the covers, clinging to sleep and wishing Alli would answer the goddamn door.

Oh shit
. My eyes shot open and I sat up straight. I was back at my own apartment. I jumped up to answer the intercom by the door, seeing no signs of Sid other than the general mess he left in his wake.

“Hey, baby girl,” the voice sang through the speaker.

I smiled. “Come on up, Marie,” I said and buzzed her in. I opened the door and set to making coffee, glancing at the clock on the stove. I had missed lunch along with most of the afternoon. My stomach grumbled.
Coffee first
. Marie joined me a few minutes later, looking fresh in a floral maxi dress, the bright colors contrasting with her enviable skin tone.

“Wow, nice place.” She surveyed the main living area, which now looked a lot less empty since the furniture had arrived. Sid had assembled everything while I was away, which I hadn’t been able to thank him for yet. Soon though. We were probably on the same schedule for once.

“Thanks, I’m loving it,” I said. “Coffee?”

“Water’s fine.” She hopped up on a stool by the counter and dropped her purse and a shopping bag to the floor.

“You look like hell, Erica. Is everything all right?”

I sighed, feeling as haggard as I probably looked. “Long night and long story. I’ll spare you the details,” I said, willing the coffee to drip faster. I needed a few extra minutes to wake up and figure out my current reality before I could even think about talking about it. “What’s new? Any updates with Richard?”