Hanging On (26 page)

Behind her, Drew rested his forehead in his hands. “I don’t want to go slow, Sophia. I want to throw you on the bed and hook your knees over my shoulders and not let you go anywhere until you submit to me completely.

What we did tonight was new to me. I’ve never made a woman submit to me before. I’ve had threesomes, but I’ve never…” He broke off, lifting his head to stare deep into her eyes, as if the right words were there somewhere. She began to think she had been wrong about what he was asking.

“When I told her to lick you, she was eager for it. She wanted to taste you, to make you come, but she didn’t submit, not then. I felt it when she did, Sophia. The moment she gave herself over completely—I
felt
it.” She knew the feeling he struggled to describe. The rush of power generated by total submission was an incredible, potent, and unparalleled aphrodisiac. It’s what rendered sexual attraction genderless for Sophia. The person didn’t matter nearly as much as their ability to submit. As profound as the experience had been for Livia, for Sophia’s purposes, it could have been anyone.

“I want that from you. I want that level of trust between us.”
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Sophia wanted that, too. She wanted to have such a profound place in his life. As much as she fought it, he already occupied a profound place in her life. But then, he had already given to her the thing for which he asked.

For the first time in five long, dark years, she saw a glimmer of light, of hope, at the end of the tunnel. It was still so far away, but no longer unreachable. In that moment, some of her scars began to heal.

Drowning in the compelling blue of his eyes, she drifted around the arc of her oval table and settled on his lap. “I want that, too.” The next move was hers. Lifting a trembling hand, she caressed his cheek and temple before spreading her fingers to hold him closer for the whisper of a kiss across his lips.

Passion unfolded low in her body, beating a slow rhythm that traveled through her bloodstream until her entire body shook. She was terrified, but she wanted this intimacy with Drew more than she wanted anything else.

Pushing herself to stand on weak legs, she held a hand out to him. The gravity of the situation reflected in his eyes, and she knew she was right to trust him.

Words she’d never uttered tumbled from her lips. “Make love to me, Drew.”

He rose and crushed her to him. His kiss was rough and demanding. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist so he could carry her down the hall to the bedroom. He set her down gently and lifted the hem of her shirt.

She needed to tell him he misunderstood. She didn’t want a gentle lover, not tonight, not with the intensity of the feelings flowing through her body.

Words wouldn’t form in her head, and nothing but a low moan made it past her lips. With a growl, she pushed him to the bed and tore at his clothes.

That was all it took.

She heard her shirt rip, and she had to help him remove her skirt because he hadn’t unzipped it enough to make it over her hips without shredding skin. Within seconds, they were naked, rolling over the mattress with abandon, each seeking to suck, lick, nip, and flick tender spots on the other.

She bit his pectoral muscles and sucked his fingertips, working her way down his body. He kept pulling her back up to work his way down her body.

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She solved the problem by flipping around to position her saturated pussy over his mouth. He sucked her hard, thrusting fingers into her opening.

Rocking on his face, she leaned down to taste him the way he tasted her.

He was hard. Beads of moisture shimmered from his large oval head. She licked him, swirling her tongue around the tip and dipping into the slight depression leaking precome.

He moaned and bit her clit, bringing her attention back to the sensations mounting inside her. If she didn’t get to work, he was going to taste her orgasm before she accomplished anything with him.

She licked his length and laved his balls with her eager tongue and lips.

He thrust toward her, seeking the heat of her mouth around his cock.

Wrapping her lips around the head, she slid him into her, sucking him deeper and deeper to the same tempo with which he sucked at her. When the tip nudged the back of her throat, she swallowed, drawing him as deep as she could, and then she wrapped her hand around his base to enclose the rest of him.

Her hips pumped, pushing her pussy into his face. She fucked him hard and sucked him even harder. Liquid heat pooled low in her abdomen, drawing muffled moans and cries from deep down.

Then, with a sudden violence, he ripped her from him, tossing her to roll on the bed next to him. She panted, winded and frustrated. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t want to come in your mouth,” he said, panting just as hard.

“Not right now. I want to own you, Sophie.” Sitting up, he leaned closer to her face. “Can you give me that, honey? Can you surrender to me?” Honestly, she didn’t know. One surety remained. His question didn’t make her panic. She didn’t edge away from him. Reaching up, she pulled his face to hers and licked her juices from his lips before capturing him in a searing, demanding kiss. “We’ll see.”

Before she could register a response in his face, he had her bent in half.

Her feet rested on the floor, and her breasts pressed into the coverlet they hadn’t bothered to remove. Drew stood behind her, his fingers spreading the wetness from her pussy to her ass. Each swipe was a little more intimate than the previous.

Kicking her legs further apart, he lifted her hips and positioned himself at her unused entrance. She felt him, soft and hard, pressing against the tight
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muscle there. He wore no condom, and she was okay with that. He had been tested. She knew she was going to need to get on the Pill, and she knew he wasn’t going to have unprotected sex with any of their submissives.

“Relax, Sophie. The stretching is going to hurt at first, but once you’re used to me, it’ll be fine.”

When she prepared her subs for this kind of first experience, she spent several sessions stretching them with different-sized dildos. She knew she was unprepared. She knew it would likely not be pleasant at first. She was prepared to masturbate while he fucked her, knowing it would help train her body to equate the sensation with pleasure. It might take some time, but she would orgasm. She didn’t mention any of this to Drew.

Breathing deeply, she relaxed and pressed into him to let him know she was ready and willing. He pushed, but nothing happened. With a grunt, he lifted her until she knelt on all fours on the bed, and then pushed her head and shoulders to the mattress.

When he pushed again, she exhaled, relaxing enough so that he was able to stretch her. As lubricated as he made her, it still burned. She breathed through it, pressing back until she felt the telltale pop indicating the larger head was inside.

He reached around to caress her clit. “Hard part is over, honey. You did well.”

She wanted to laugh at the way he praised her. Being in the dominant position came too naturally to him. Praise, encouragement, and punishment was an effective training cycle. But she couldn’t laugh. He knew just how to touch her. Before long, she gasped, moving against his hand as he eased himself farther into her.

Then his hips were against her ass, and she knew he was fully inside. He pulled back slowly, moving in and out by inches, increasing the depth of his thrust each time. The palm of his hand scraped against her clit as he pumped several fingers inside her pussy, the thrusts alternating.

Heat like she’d never felt before coiled in her hands and feet, traveling through her bones until her core was on fire. This wondrous fullness claimed her, making her his. As if he sensed the moment of her complete surrender, he went wild. His thrusts came at the same time, deeper and deeper into both holes, filling her like nothing she’d ever known before.

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Sweat trickled down her back and itched between her breasts. She pushed against him, meeting his rhythm. Sobs, desperate pleas for harder and faster tore from her. She came, but he wasn’t close to finished with her.

The orgasm stretched. Her sensitized clit wanted to be left alone, but he didn’t allow her that control.

“Sophie.” He whispered her name reverently, over and over. It became a sob and a howl as he lost control. She came again, screaming and buckling, her knees too watery to hold her up.

Strong fingers dug into the sweaty flesh of her hips as he came with a mighty roar. Hot semen shot into her.

Drew collapsed, his weight pressing her into the mattress. Several minutes passed before he rolled to the side, taking her with him. Their sweaty bodies folded together, and though he separated himself from her, he didn’t let go.

Sophia clung to him, wanting to preserve the closeness they felt. For the first time in her life, she felt part of another person. The oppressive loneliness that was with her all the time lifted, dissolving into the past.

to Drew, she fell asleep.

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Sophia woke feeling warm and safe, utterly sated on a soul-deep level. It was a foreign feeling she really liked.

Drew slept facing her. The bulky muscles of one arm pillowed her head.

His other arm and the leg he twined with hers held her close.

She watched him sleep, seeing past the handsome surface features of his face to find the beauty of the man he was. Now that she knew him, the relentless tenacity, limitless strength, and the generous soul were easy to see.

Sophia loved this man. The terror was still there. The fear he would run from her secrets, disgusted with the dark parts of her soul, was still there.

She tried to push him away because she knew what he could make her feel.

Five years ago, she promised herself she would never be this vulnerable again.

Silently, she resolved that he would never find out about that dark night she wanted to forget. She couldn’t risk losing him.

“Serious thoughts should always wait until after breakfast.” The raw baritone rumbled more from his chest than his mouth. She hadn’t realized he was awake. Heedless of the consequences, she took the plunge. “I love you.”

The smile that curved his lips was utterly cocky. “Those kinds of thoughts don’t have to wait for food.” He planted a sleepy kiss on her lips.

“I love you, too, Sophie.”

His hard-on pressed against her stomach. Glancing down, she raised a brow.

He flexed his fingers around her hip and pressed closer. “I wake up naked with the woman of my dreams in my arms, and she tells me she loves me, and you expect me to
not
be aroused?”

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“We have to go to work,” she protested as his lips found sensitive places on her neck. It was well past time she was up and in the shower.

“Your boss won’t mind if you’re a little late.” He pushed Sophia onto her back and kissed lower. “He isn’t exactly planning to be there early.

Maybe not at all.”

“Client,” she corrected. Her hands explored every part of his body she could reach, putting lie to her protest. “I’m the boss. And Ginny’s my client, not you.” He pressed a finger into her and spread moisture to her clit. She gasped and spread her legs, automatically granting him more access.

“Gin and I are fifty-fifty on everything,” he assured her. Fingers delved deep, eliciting a croaking moan from Sophia. “Besides, she’s late for this reason all the time.”

She lifted her hips, thrusting against his hand. “It’s only my second day on the job.”

“We’ll miss the traffic and get there at the same time we would if we got up now.”

She tried to protest, but he hushed her with the demands of his lips on her body.

A lot later, he made breakfast. Sophia didn’t object to the domesticity of their new situation, but she couldn’t help wondering how long it would last.

She hadn’t been kidding when she told him she would sabotage the relationship. Whether she wanted to be with him or not was irrelevant. The damaged parts of her were all intact. It was a matter of time before the world closed in again, forcing her to push away everything or lose herself completely. But she would enjoy him for now. She would allow herself this short bout of happiness.

Things were much more critical than they had ever been. She actually submitted to Drew. She gave herself entirely over to him, something she hadn’t done with a lover in over five years. She fell in love with him.

Somehow, she would find a way to punish herself for slipping.

Sophia hated the way her feelings vacillated.

Oblivious to the darkness inside Sophia, Drew whistled as he worked his magic at the stove. She had no idea what he was making, but it smelled good.

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“If I give you a shopping list, will you run to the store sometime soon and replenish your food supply?” His dry question pulled her from the shadows.

The contents of the pan on the stove were questionable. She didn’t have much food in the refrigerator, and her cupboards were painfully bare. “I’ve been busy,” she laughed. “And I didn’t know you’d be cooking this morning. I planned to grab a coffee and eat a peanut butter sandwich in the car.”

“Yes, well, if you’d stop breaking up with me, then you could plan your meals better.” Humor suffused his words, but his message was clear. Her attempts to break from him were a source of frustration. “Maybe I’ll stop at the store on my way over tonight. Unless you want to stay at my place. I’m fifteen minutes from the bakery, and my kitchen is fully stocked.”

“Your housekeeper shops for you.” It was a guess, something she would have a housekeeper do if she had one. It would be nice to have a fresh bottle of shampoo appear in her shower when she ran out, or milk in the refrigerator even though she didn’t have a chance to stop by the store.

“Yes, she does. And as soon as she figures out what you like, she’ll shop for you, too.”

Did the fact he asked her to stop by the store put her on par with a housekeeper in his life? She shook away the thought, knowing full well what she was to him. “Ginny said you were going out of town today, and that you’ll be gone until Monday.”

Drew turned slowly, his attention drawn away from the magic on the stovetop to Sophia. He swore. “I forgot.” Her brows shot upward in disbelief. It was an excuse she could buy once, and even feel smug about. But twice? “How could you forget something like this?”

His pale blue eyes were serious when they met hers. “When I’m with you, I can’t seem to remember things that will take me away from you.

Come with me.”

She would have laughed if he hadn’t been so earnest. “I have to work.”

“Call it a business trip. You can be my assistant.” Not sure whether she should be flattered or not, Sophia cocked her head to the side. “Did you just offer to pay me to have sex with you?”

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A blush crept up his neck. “Sorry. Marry me. You’ll never have to worry about work again.”

Her breath caught, but not in a good way. Automatically, her eyes shuttered and the wall slowly crumbling around her was stronger than ever.

Recognizing the signs, he backpedaled. “At least keep Sunday night open? Monday isn’t a firm return date.” She nodded, a mechanical, jerky motion. “Do you travel every week?” Sizzling from the stove captured his attention, part of it, anyway. “No.

The new season of my show premieres in two weeks, so I’m traveling a lot right now to promote it. I guess I do have appearances every week, but only for the next month. Things aren’t usually so hectic.” The flame on the stove died. Drew lifted the pan and used a spatula to remove what turned out to be an incredibly large omelet. Thank goodness he divided it between the two plates. Nobody should eat that many eggs at once.

Sophia busied herself with pouring orange juice, the only thing she had that wasn’t water, into glasses. They sat down together. Omelets were nothing new to her, but she’d never had one that smelled so good. One bite had her mouth watering for more. She didn’t know what he put inside, but it was damn good.

Hunger overrode anything she might have said about his travel schedule. She was going to miss him, but perhaps this was for the best. If she was forced to spend time away from him, then she would have time to process the changes he brought to her life. She’d never been the kind of person who liked change, but now she was manic about her need to keep her routine intact.

Between bites, he watched her eat. “I’m glad I fed you last night.” It was an odd thing to say. “Why?”

Indicating the food on her plate with the wave of his fork, he finished chewing before responding. “This is the first time I’ve seen you eat slow enough to actually taste your food.”

Sophia bristled at this. “I ate your Hawaiian Chicken slowly. And I liked your crepes.”

“You threw up the chicken,” he said with a grimace. “It doesn’t count.”
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The fork dropped from her unsteady fingers. How could he bring that up? Ellen, Jonas, Daniel, and anyone else who witnessed her breakdowns always had the grace to pretend nothing happened. “That wasn’t your fault.”

“No?” He continued, unrelenting in his quest for something she couldn’t give. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what did happen?” Frozen to her chair, she closed her eyes and willed it all away. “This isn’t an appropriate conversation to have over breakfast.”

“I get the feeling you’ll consider this conversation inappropriate whenever I bring it up.” Resentment edged his voice.

How could she close him out after she woke up declaring her love for him? The answer was easy. If he knew about her past, he would look at her in disgust, or worse, pity. She couldn’t handle either of those things from him. She wanted him to look at her and see
her
, not what happened to break her.

His warm, strong hand enclosed the cold fist in her lap. “Sophie, you can tell me anything, honey. I am a good listener.” Something in his tone made her look at him. He knew. No. The acceptance in his eyes was too calm. He couldn’t know. Nobody would betray her secret. There was no way he could find out unless she told him.

Rising, she grabbed her plate with an outward calmness that surprised her. She paused to place a kiss on his cheek. “I’m mentally unstable, Drew. I thought I made that clear.” He would tire of the drama eventually.

She didn’t make it more than a step before his arms wrapped around her from behind. “Bullshit.”

Though she flinched at his quiet statement, her voice remained calm and steady. “There’s still time to cut your losses. I won’t think less of you if you run now. I won’t hold it against you.”

His voice was a hurricane whispering in her ear. “You’re not mentally unstable. Something bad happened to you. I’ll give you that. It’s left deep scars that make you wary of getting close. You had a panic attack Sunday because you’re afraid of your feelings for me. Last night, you turned a corner. This morning, you told me you love me. I know this isn’t easy for you, but I’m not going anywhere. I won’t give up the woman I love just to make things easier for you.”

The entire time he talked, he held her close, his arms strong and tight around her. Curiously, she felt peaceful and safe instead of restrained and

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restricted. She melted against the surety of him. “Still,” she disagreed, “I’m mentally unstable. You’re in over your head.” Laughing, he pressed kisses to her neck. “I’ll be fine, Sophie. I’m not above carting you downstairs and tying you to the bed if you get it in your mind to dump me again. I think I’ve picked up a few skills from you, and I’m sure Jonas and Ellen can enlighten me as to a few more tricks that’ll help you overcome your fear of intimacy.” He made it sound so inviting. She half wished he would do it now. She laughed, chuckling low with a hysterical edge. What kind of a dominatrix looked forward to having the tables turned? When he trained her, Jonas repeatedly insinuated that subs and Doms often experimented with switching roles. It stood to reason that when two Doms entered into a relationship together, this kind of thing was inevitable. Eventually, she would have Drew where she wanted him, but she began to see that he would frequently have her where he wanted her as well.

“If it’s any consolation, I’ll let you call me your girlfriend now.” He greeted her olive branch with an equally quiet laugh. “I never stopped.”

Drew’s estimation of their arrival time at the bakery was a little off. She completely missed rush hour traffic, which was a blessing. Driving east or south in southeastern Michigan during rush hour was something she strove to avoid completely. A simple fifteen-minute drive could easily stretch to forty-five.

She was upstairs, completely buried in sorting out the supply orders and payments, before Drew graced the building with his presence. On the way out the door, he grumbled something about needing to keep extra clothes at her house.

He brought lunch. “You need to keep up your strength.” The page in front of her blurred. She wanted to assure him she wasn’t pregnant, but she had none of the physical proof he would require. She thanked him for the thick, crusty sandwich that had things she didn’t recognize on it. Nothing he’d given her so far had been less than delectable, so she tried it on trust. Delicious flavors burst in her mouth.

Pulling up a chair, he joined her at the lone desk. “My flight is at four. I have to leave right after lunch.”

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With the lift of her brow, she communicated amusement. “This is a short work day for you.”

“Not really.” He shrugged, but looked at her meaningfully. “It’s a long day for both of us. I’m on Leno tonight.” She nodded and made a mental note to watch. Her television hadn’t been getting much attention lately. Between the apparent success of starting her own business and the demands Drew made on her time, Sophia was too busy.

“Will you stay late tonight to make up for coming in late?” That was a question a boss would ask, so she switched modes, shifting from girlfriend to employee with ease. “I can’t. My class starts at six, but I have to be there earlier to prep.”

Prep consisted of participating in the group counseling session. She was there to support the women who came to her for strategies to fight back against the violence in their lives. It was the only place she ever shared her story, and she did it so they would know she was one of them. That confidence strengthened the bond they shared and made it more likely the individual women would complete the training sessions. Still, many of them dropped out after a time or two. That was the reason she made sure to cover several techniques each night.