Grown-up (12 page)

Sam was flustered again, but he chuckled. “Sorry. Happily married man here.”

“Tsk. The good ones are always taken.” The waiter winked and lumbered away.

After he was gone, Sam took a minute to sip his beer and fuss with his napkin. Then he finally looked at Austin. “I’d really like you to come manage my retail store for me.”

Austin could only gape. As Sam waited silently, Austin fumbled to find words. “But I’m…. But… I don’t….”

“You’re perfect for the job, Ozzy. You know my furniture, and you know how to sell. You’ve already given us several fantastic tips. And now that you’ve taken on a mantle of responsibility, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather hire. I can pay you a generous wage plus a nice benefits package, and Ben’s set up a good retirement plan for all our employees.”

Austin had already started dreaming about all the plans he could implement if he was in charge of a store, but the mention of Ben sent him crashing to the ground. “I’d love to, Dad. But I can’t.”

“Why not? If it’s loyalty to your current boss, I’m sure you’re not completely irreplaceable. And you can give her several weeks to find someone else.”

“It’s not…. Tabby would be okay with it. She’d be happy for me.”

“Then what is it, kiddo? Don’t want to work with the old man?”

“Jeez, Dad.” Austin sighed. “I think it’d be great to work with you, actually.”

Sam tilted his head. “Then…?”

“It’s Ben.”

“Ah.” Sam drank more beer, while Austin wished there was a magic remedy for uncomfortable conversations—one that wouldn’t preclude him driving home sober.

“Ozzy, I don’t interfere in your personal life. You’re a grown man. And I certainly don’t stick my nose into employees’ business. But Ben… he’s special. I don’t know if he told you anything about his history….”

“He did,” Austin said solemnly. “And he also told me how much he looks up to you.”

“He’s a truly fine young man. One of the best I’ve ever known.” Sam squirmed slightly in his seat. “Would you care to tell me what happened between you two?”

Austin would
not
care to, but he knew he should. Finding the words wasn’t easy, though, and he spent a long time staring at nothing while he gathered his thoughts. In the meantime, their food arrived. He absently grabbed an onion ring, but it was so hot he dropped it again.

Sam was a patient man. He took a few bites of his sandwich, then dredged one of his onion rings in ketchup before nibbling it gingerly. He didn’t urge Austin to hurry.

“I never paid much attention to Ben before,” Austin said at last. “But then I asked him to help me grow up, right? And the more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. He’s not flashy. But he’s smart and funny and just… I liked spending time with him.”

“Ozzy, do you realize— Never mind. Go on.”

“We became friends, Dad. Then I had this idea that maybe he’d enjoy loosening up just a little, just for one night. Not that there’s anything wrong with how he is, but sometimes I think he’s sad that he missed out on being a kid. We went to a club, and that was all right. But when we got back to his place….” Austin squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t been stuck in a conversation with his father about sex since his teens, and he wasn’t happy sitting through a similar experience right now.

“You slept with him,” Sam supplied helpfully.

“Yeah. ’Cause I think he’d been monkish for a while and I figured he was due for a little casual sex. Only… by then it wasn’t feeling so casual for me. You know?”

“You really care about him,” said Sam. He patted Austin’s hand.

But the comfort didn’t reduce Austin’s misery. “I did. I do. Which I realized that night, because I was in the midst of an epiphany plague. So after we slept together, I sort of backed off. I acted like the whole thing was no big deal. I didn’t want… I’ve never felt like this about anyone, Dad, and I couldn’t face getting my heart stomped on.”

Sam frowned. “Do you really think Ben would do that to you?”

“Not on purpose, no. He’s way too nice for that shit. But just knowing he doesn’t want what I do… that was really hard. Maybe I should have just walked away right then. I don’t know. But I tried to just be buddies again. And he said he couldn’t handle it. He stopped answering my texts.”

Now Sam was the one who seemed to be weighing his words carefully. He put down his sandwich and wiped his fingers on a paper napkin. He asked quietly, “Do you know why he couldn’t handle it?”

“Because I’m a slut and it grossed him out. Or because I didn’t exactly send him flowers the day after. Maybe both.”

Sam shook his head and released a long sigh. “I may be betraying a confidence, but I think this is the right thing to do. Austin, Ben has had a crush on you since you were teenagers.”

“I…. What?”

“Every time you were in the factory, I’d catch him mooning over you. I told him he should strike up a conversation with you, but he refused. He kept telling me you were way out of his league. And he made me promise not to say a word about it to you.”

“He did?” Austin couldn’t have been more astonished if Sam had informed him Ben was one of Sigourney Weaver’s aliens. True, until recently Austin had paid Ben little attention, but he certainly hadn’t gotten any attraction vibe from him. Hell, he hadn’t even figured out Ben was gay.

“Then he met Paul, and I was happy for him at first. But Paul… he’s not a bad guy, but I don’t think he ever truly understood Ben. He certainly didn’t get why Ben so badly needs stability and safety. But when they broke up, Ben was devastated.”

“Shit.” Austin had never met Paul and didn’t have any idea where the guy was, but he had an intense urge to find him and beat the crap out of him. What kind of bastard would hurt Benny?

Oh. Austin’s kind of bastard.

He sniffed. “So now you know why I can’t work for you. Ben loves his job, and the last thing he needs is to see me every day.”

Sam surprised him with a smile. “Not so long ago, it never would have occurred to you to think about the impact of your decisions on someone else. You’d have been so excited over good pay that you’d never have considered Ben.”

“Great. I’m a grown-up. It sucks, Dad.”

“Sometimes it does,” Sam said with a chuckle. “And remember, sometimes even adults make poor decisions.”

They both ate in silence for a while. Just one table over, two big men sat side by side, holding hands, ignoring their food, and staring starry-eyed at each other.

“Can I give you a piece of advice?” Sam asked after he finished his beer. “Or are you too old for that?”

“I’ll take whatever advice I can get.”

“Good. Son, part of being a grown-up is being honest with people you care for, even when it hurts. Do you think it was easy for me when I told your mother I was gay? She handled it remarkably well, but that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And I wished I’d done it years earlier. Go talk to Ben. Tell him how you truly feel. If you don’t, I think you’ll regret it.”

Austin thought about that for a few moments, then smiled. “You just want to make sure you have a really good store manager.”

“That would be a nice benefit.”

After they finished their meals and the waiter flirted with Sam a bit more, Austin drove them back to his apartment. He parked next to Sam’s truck. “Want to come in? Rob’s probably run out of alien movies by now.”

“No, I better get home before Bill gets into trouble.” Sam grabbed Austin into a hug. “I’m proud of you, kiddo. And I think it’ll all turn out fine.”

Austin wasn’t nearly as certain. But he knew his dad loved and trusted him, and those were mighty fine things indeed.

Chapter Ten

A
USTIN
DIDN
’
T
talk to Ben right away. At first he wasn’t sure he was brave enough to do it at all, and then he couldn’t decide where and how. Call him? Write? Ambush him at home or at work? Austin might have been irresponsible until recently, but life had sure been a lot easier.

He did nothing for a couple of days—except obsess over his father’s words every waking minute. He knew the clock was ticking on Sam hiring a manager, and if Austin didn’t step up to the plate, the job would go to somebody else. The issue of Ben aside, the more Austin thought about Sam’s job offer, the more he wanted it. He liked Gifted, but to run his own shop? That would be amazing.

He was distracted at work, which Tabby noticed. “Everything okay, Austin?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I just have a little drama going on in my life right now.”

She smiled and handed him a pink-and-green stuffed platypus. “Go cuddle with this for a few minutes.”

The platypus didn’t solve any of his problems, but it was very soft.

He tried working off his anxiety by spending all his free time in the gym, which didn’t calm him but did make him sore. Three evenings after speaking with Sam, Austin limped into the kitchen and stared into the fridge, willing something appetizing to appear. When nothing did, he grabbed a half-empty jar of peanut butter, a spoon, and a glass of water, and he sat at the table.

“Seriously, dude?” Kyle said as soon as he entered the room. His waxed chest glistened and bulged, and as usual, he wore nothing but a pair of teeny-tiny shorts, but Austin wasn’t interested.

“It’s my peanut butter,” Austin said.

“That crap is full of sodium and sat fat. And I bet that brand’s got sugar and emulsifiers too. You want some protein? I can make you a shake. I’m having protein powder with chia and banana.”

“That’s nice of you, Kyle, but no, thanks.” Austin stuck the spoon into the jar and pushed the jar away. “I should probably just go to bed.”

“You don’t wanna skip meals, dude. Not good for you.”

Austin crossed his arms on the table and dropped his face into them. He heard Kyle opening and closing cabinets and drawers, and after a few minutes, the blender whirred. Kyle stood near the table to drink his smoothie. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

“Life.” The table muffled Austin’s voice.

“You just gotta kick life’s ass before it kicks yours.” Although Austin couldn’t see him, Kyle was undoubtedly flexing something.

“I think it already kicked me.”

Kyle gave him a friendly wallop on the shoulder. “So kick it back, dude.”

Yeah. Okay. He could do that.

A
USTIN
HAD
to work at Gifted the following morning. His body made it on time but his brain was far away. When Tabby caught him hugging the platypus again, she confronted him. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to concentrate.” He reached for a box of wind-up robots that needed sorting, but she caught his arm.

“Austin.”

He exhaled noisily. “I think I’m in love and I’ve never been in love before. And I don’t know how he feels about me. He might hate me. He might think I’m a total skank. But still I have to go face him and lay it all out there, just hand him my heart on a platter, because I am a goddamn grown-up.”

“Junior high was easier, wasn’t it? You’d get your best friend to pass your crush a note. ‘Tabby likes you. Do you like her?’ With little yes and no checkboxes.”

He laughed. “Will you pass a note to Ben for me?”

“I’m not sure that’s the best approach.”

“No, probably not.”

She scrunched up her mouth and twitched her head toward the door. “Go. Profess your undying devotion. Make him swoon.”

“But I’m supposed to—”

“Love trumps robots. Go.”

He didn’t exactly run home to get his car, and he didn’t exactly burn rubber driving to Sam’s. He might have taken a somewhat roundabout route. But he did drive to Sam’s and he parked near the door, where he could see several men building the new storefront. He didn’t stop to watch them, though. He took a deep breath and marched inside.

Sam and Ben stood inside the office, conferring over something on Ben’s computer screen. Sam gave Austin a tiny smile, but Ben looked like he’d just caught his testicles in a mousetrap.

“I’d really like to talk to you, Ben,” Austin said, hoping he sounded less chickenshit than he felt. “Please.”

Ben glanced at Sam—who stared studiously at the ceiling—and then back at Austin. He nodded once.

The constriction around Austin’s heart loosened a nanometer or two. “How about if we take a walk?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Sam gave Austin an approving look behind Ben’s back.

It wasn’t the best neighborhood for strolling. There weren’t any sidewalks, and the pavement was cracked and rutted from truck traffic. No cafes to sit at, and the scenery was uninspiring. But admiring the views hadn’t been the point of this stroll.

“Sam offered me a job,” Austin blurted as they walked by a place that manufactured expensive hipster bicycles.

Ben swerved around a pothole. “I know. He told me last week that he planned to.”

“What did you say?”

“That you’ll make an excellent manager.”

“I…. Oh.” Austin hopped over a railroad track. “But if I came to work for Sam….”

“I can find another job.”

Austin grabbed his arm and brought them both to a halt. “No!” he said, horrified. “That place is your home!”

“But you’re Sam’s son,” Ben said, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Jesus, Ben. I won’t do that to you. If you really can’t stand to work with me, I’ll tell Sam no. He can find someone else.”

Ben looked at him now, and he had that expression again, the one Austin couldn’t read. “You’d do that?”

“Of course.”

“Why?” Ben demanded, lifting his chin.

“Because—” A panel truck turned the corner and headed toward them. Standing in the middle of a narrow street probably wasn’t the best idea. Still grasping Ben’s arm, Austin dragged him up against a brick building with peeling gray paint. He collected his thoughts while the truck rumbled by.

“Because you love that place and I’m not sure Sam could run it without you. Because you’ve earned that job. Because… because I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

For a brief moment, Ben’s face crumpled. But then he firmed his jaw and narrowed his eyes. “What
do
you want, Austin? Because I’ve given you all the help I can about growing up. And whatever else you want from me, I can’t give you.”