GO LONG (7 page)

When the time came, I would inform my parents that they were grandparents. Yes, I'd been stupid and swept away in the moment. A guy like Kyle could do that to you.

But I was done making mistakes. From here on out, everything was going to be deliberate. I had another person to think about. My baby. And I loved it already. I had to think ahead, plan to put us in the best circumstances from here on out. Not under my parents' roof. Not trapped in a dead-end job. Not scraping by and going without. Not just surviving.

We were going to be thriving.

The first thing I needed to do, was apply for a transfer to one of our remote campuses. Or another school altogether. Maybe Washington State. Or a semester abroad.

I almost smiled to myself. One semester was not enough time.

Two
semesters abroad.

My hand wandered to my stomach and I closed my eyes.

The size of a jellybean and I was already feeling protective. I had already bought prenatal vitamins and ginger tea. I might not be ready, but I
was
willing.
 

I was going to do this.

As soon as the game was over I told mom I wanted to go home and rest. I was tired and hungry. I'd watched Kyle play with a sense of awe. He was incredible. A true athlete. When football was played well it was almost like watching a ballet, only with big hunky guys. But as soon as the game was over, I was gone.

I told myself I would never see him again.

I told myself, this was goodbye.

I just didn't expect it to hurt this much.

Chapter Ten

Kyle
 

I stood at the bar, surrounded by people. The whole team was here. Well, first strings anyway. And me.

Celebrating.

Haha. Yeah, well I wasn't really in the mood. But I was more than happy to drink.

I downed my bourbon and another drink magically appeared in front of me. We drank for free here, which was dangerous for some of the guys. I never lost control but tonight I really wanted to lose myself in oblivion.

A pretty blond sidled up to me. She'd been making eyes at me all night. I guess she got tired of waiting for to me to react.

"Hey. I'm Lindsay."

I barely glanced at her. She was attractive, but she didn't hold a candle to Belinda. Plus, I didn't like the way she was spilling out of her tank top.

Or her thick lipgloss. Or the heavy makeup on her eyes.

Hell, I didn't like one Goddamn thing about her.

I heaved a sigh.

"I'm not in the mood."

She gave me a hostile look and tossed her hair.

"The mood for what?"

"Whatever it is you are offering me."

"Wow, you must think you are hot shit don't you?"

"Not really. Like I said, I'm just not in the mood."

She tucked something into my jacket pocket.

"Fine. Just remember you have this. If you ever are in the mood."

I ignored her and started talking to a player on my other side. I wasn't usually rude to girls, no matter how trashy they were. Hell, sometimes I liked trashy. Or I used to. Before Belinda clipped my wings.
 

"You met Lindsay, eh?"

I glanced at Ben, one of the wide receivers. He was the one who scored that first touchdown tonight. A bunch of them actually.

"She gets around?"

"Oh yeah. But only if you are winning."

I grunted.
 

"I'm not interested."

"Got a girl, huh?"

I nodded.

"She's hot?"

"She is a pain in the ass."

He laughed and slapped my back.

"Well from what I've heard, Lindsay is well worth it."

"What, you never hit that?"

"Hell no. I'm married. My wife isn't exactly the understanding type."

Ben held up his left hand and wiggled it. It was funny, but my first thought wasn't surprise that a junior in college was married. It was envy.

"How long have you been married?"

"One year of marital fucking bliss. She's the love of my life dude. No mistake about that."

I lifted my drink to toast him and we clinked glasses.

"Congrats, man."

I tipped my drink back and swallowed. I hadn't ever thought about getting married before. But right now, knowing that Belinda was waiting at home for me... that she was mine, for reals? Well, fuck.
 

That sounded real fucking nice.

Better than nice.

It sounded like a Goddamn miracle.

He slapped my back again. I almost choked on my drink. Ben was
strong.

"You're next dude."

"Why do you say that?"

"Trust me, I can just tell."

I smiled grimly. I had to get the girl to actually go out with me before any of that. Go out with me and lay down with me.

But maybe... if I played my cards right... if things didn't go to hell the way they usually did... I might just put a ring on it.

I smiled and pushed away my drink, ordering a coffee. I had somewhere to be. And I needed to be sober for it.

Belinda

I bent over my computer, staring at the list of available transfers. This late in the semester, there weren't many. I was lucky there was anything open to be honest. I was going to have to apply to everything and just pray.

There was a program in London that was full. The one in Sweden appeared to still be accepting applications. I chewed my lip. That might be
too
far. Then again, Sweden did sound nice.

I gave up and spent an hour sending notes to the heads of all the remote locations. Washington was still the most appealing with it's environmental forestry program and remote setting. Although, being pregnant in the middle of a redwood forest might have its disadvantages.

Never mind actually giving birth.

I was trying not to think about that part just yet.

I got up and made myself a cup of roobios tea. Supposedly it was good for the baby. And since I couldn't have any coffee or caffeinated tea, I had to find a substitute. Actually, the more I read, the more things I had to worry about.

For example, I needed extra B vitamins because I was vegan.

Then there was mercury in fish (which I didn't eat) and lead in the water and BPA in plastic bottles and containers, never mind watching out for food poisoning! Also off limits was heavy lifting now or getting too hot or letting my pulse get too fast.

The list went on and on.

I'd downloaded a bunch of pregnancy books to my e-reader. I spent every spare moment reading and learning everything I could. It was password protected so no one had to know what was on there. I'd even put my prenatal vitamins into an empty bottle of vitamin C.

I felt like a spy on a top secret mission. But the mission was just looking out for a person who didn't even exist yet, outside of my body. It didn't matter though. This was the most important thing I'd done in my life, and I was going to do the best I could no matter what.

At the moment, I had decided that no one was
ever
going to know about this baby, unless I decided they should. Not until it was too late. And even then, only my parents had to know. I planned to tell them over the phone. Or email.

Surprise! You're grandparents!

I sighed. That was not going to go over well. Maybe if they hadn't been so strict I would have told them. But as it was...

PING

I pulled out my phone, expecting to see another text from Kyle. Every day, I got another note from him. This one was different.

This one said something that made my heart race and my throat dry.

I'm outside.

I sat straight up in my chair. If my dad saw him...

PING

Come on Bellie.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing bright green sweatpants and an ancient see through t-shirt that had been washed one thousand times. I groaned, running my hands through my hair. It was an unstyled mess, pulled back in a plain headband and loose over my shoulders.

Why did I care what I looked like anyway?

But I did.

A pebble hit my window. Argh! Dammit Kyle... I grabbed a sweatshirt and zipped it up to cover my chest. Then I ran a tube of lipgloss over my lips. I pulled the hood down over my messy hair.

Sad, but it would have to do.

Another pebble.

I'm coming damn you!

I put on my sneakers and tiptoed through the house to the front door. It was late so my parents were in bed. I thanked the lord for small favors as I reached for the doorknob. I was almost outside when I heard the floor creak behind me.

"Where are you going young lady?"

I turned quickly, coming face to face with my dad.

"I needed- some air!"

He just stared at me.

"It's not good for a girl your age to be alone outside in the middle of the night."

"I'm just going for a walk around the block, dad."

"Can't sleep? I'll make you some hot milk."

"Milk?"

He knew I didn't drink milk.

"Almost milk then."

He cocked his eyebrow and I lost patience. I wasn't a kid. I was
having a kid.

"I'm not twelve dad. I don't need your permission to take a walk!"

Then I slammed the door in his surprised face.

Chapter Eleven

Kyle

I bent low, hunched over behind the hedges of a house twenty feet from her front door. I felt ridiculous but it was also kind of hot, sneaking around this way. I just hoped nobody saw me and called the police.

That would not go over well with Coach. No, not at all.

I saw her the moment she stepped outside. I practically ate her up with my eyes. She was in her pajamas. I realize I must have woken her up. She looked sleepy, cozy, casual.

Adorable.

"Over here!"

She turned her head sharply, walking nonchalantly my way. For a minute I thought she did see me and then she paused, staring right past me, as if I wasn't there.

"Hiding in the bushes?"

Her voice was mocking as she kept walking, ignoring me completely. I jogged to catch up with her, staring down at her stunning profile. I wanted to scoop her up and run away with her. But she gave me a look that was anything but encouraging.

"My dad is watching so you better be quick."

There was something different about her tonight. She was fired up. Full of piss and vinegar.

I liked it.

"Hey."

She glanced at me, her eyes cool.

"You have exactly seven minutes."

"Seven?"

"Less if I decide to walk faster. Or if my dad decides to come looking for me."

"Maybe we should take a different route..."

She smirked.

"Finally, he gets it. Yeah, sure come on."

She turned at the next corner, leading us across the street towards another similarly charming block. All the houses around here were old and beautiful. Nothing like the town I'd grown up in. We didn't have colonials, or tudors or capes. Just modular homes and trailer parks, with a few old farmhouses and crumbling victorians here and there. This neighborhood was well kept, with pristine paint jobs and landscaping. Nothing too grand, but very pretty.

It almost looked like small town America, the kind you would see in a movie. But it wasn't. It was an upper middle-class neighborhood in California. Definitely
not
like the rest of America. Not what I'd seen so far anyway.

We didn't have a juice bar on every block back home in Virginia that was for sure.

"When can I see you?"

"You are seeing me right now."

"You know what I mean..."

She stopped walking and finally looked at me. I could see she was tired. Pent up. Angry about something. But also resigned.

"No Kyle, what do you mean?"

"I mean, I want to be alone with you."

"Sex. You mean sex."

I stared at her. She wasn't making it easy to woo her. Either that or I really, really sucked at it. And I didn't suck at anything.

To hell with it.

"Yes. I'm talking about sex. I want to fuck you. I want you so bad I can hardly think about anything else. I can't concentrate on anything."

"Except football."

I nodded.

"That's the only time I can't feel it."

"What?"

"It's like a gnawing feeling. Like I'm hungry."

I felt stupid trying to put my feelings into words. This was definitely new territory for me and I didn't like feeling so lost. I forged ahead, determined to convince her.

"But it's not for food. It's for you."

She stared at me, confused. Her huge eyes were searching. Then she shook her head.

"I don't understand. There are a thousand girls who would be with you in a heartbeat Kyle. Especially after that last game."

I shrugged.

"I know. But I don't want them. I want you."

"Well, I'm not available."

She sighed.

"It's nothing to do with you, okay? You seem like a nice guy-"

I had been feeling sad before. But suddenly I was pissed off. Really, really pissed.

First she blew me off. Now she was calling me nice? That was a low blow.

"I'm not nice dammit!"

I grabbed her, yanking her against me. Then I kissed her hard, practically inhaling her lips. I forced her mouth open and my tongue dove inside, swooping and twirling against hers. I was trying to punish her. Convince her to be mine.

It took me about a minute to realize she was kissing me back. I had won. She wanted me too.

I moaned and reached down, hauling her hips against my hard on.

She reached her arms up, clasping them around my neck. I was so fucking relieved and horny at the same time that I almost shouted. Of course, we were in the middle of the street at one in the fucking morning so...

Not a great idea.

I looked around, seeing my car parked another block from here. I lifted her up and carried her away, ignoring her protests.

I lifted my hand, planting it on her ass and giving it a big squeeze.

She'd called me a caveman before. I was about to show her how caveman I could be.

Belinda

"Kyle! What are you doing?"

I was upside down, slung over his shoulder like a sack of grain. It was humiliating. But even worse, it was making me nauseous.