Girl in the Shadows (19 page)

twenty-five

Still spooked from my mother’s latest abrupt appearance and disappearance, I tracked Dez to his bunk later that evening, after he was done for the day. I needed one person to understand.

No, I needed
Dez
to.

Hitting the ground wasn’t the only thing the net saved me from. It was the thing that saved me from losing my job. While Thurston was no longer a fan of this particular escape, he agreed to let me continue opening for Raleigh. I had a couple of days off, though, due to back bruising and Thurston wanting to make sure I didn’t have any hidden injuries.

It was going to be a relief to tell Dez the truth; I’d almost forgotten how to, and in so short a time. Maybe using magic did change me.

When I reached the semi, Dez was flat on his back in bed, worrying one of my gold prop coins in his fingers. He tossed it up into the air, caught it, and rolled it between his knuckles, then repeated.

I stood there for a long moment, searching for words and coming up with none. I wondered if it might be better off just leaving . . .

“Yes?” he said.

“How’d you know I was here?”

“Your shadow. You’re looming.”

I decided to take the fact that he hadn’t told me to leave as an invitation to stay. I eased into the sleeping compartment, overheated from the day’s sun, and sat at the end of the bunk. “I need to tell you something.”

“What is it? Some ethical argument about why risking your life is okay? I seem to remember you saying that it wasn’t. But that’s what you’ve been doing.”

I’d never seen him quite like this.

“No,” I said. “I came to say you’re right. And to explain. Why I thought it was okay.”

He sat up, his expression one of disbelief. “You made me light that rope on fire, and then I stood there watching you struggle. If I hadn’t . . .”

My throat went dry as I remembered. If he hadn’t been there and called for the net, I wouldn’t be sitting here. I’d be lucky if I were conscious. Calling for magic and having it not show had been terrifying . . . Mom’s lesson had been harsh. She’d made her point that I couldn’t count on being safe here. But that didn’t mean I agreed with her conclusion that I had to go. I couldn’t.

No, I
wouldn’t
.

“I owe you an explanation,” I said.

“This should be good.”

I remembered how I’d worried about his black eye, knowing that weird creep had given it to him. Observing as I hung in midair about to fall would’ve been worse for him. No wonder he was so mad.

I probably shouldn’t have been telling him anything I was about to. But “probably shouldn’t” wasn’t stopping me much lately.

I cared for him, and he cared for me. I had to make this right.

“Moira?” he said, a note of exasperation in his tone.

“I learned magic in secret because I didn’t feel like I had a choice. My father . . . he caught me once when I was twelve and flipped out. Said women can’t be magicians. When I tried to show him this summer, he still wouldn’t listen. You’ve heard of the Mysterious Mitchell, Master Magician?”

“
That’s
your dad? You must be loaded.”

“He’s a powerful guy, hard to disagree with. So that’s why I’m here, the fake name, all of it. I’m doing this whether he wants me to or not.”

“You don’t have to risk your life.”

“That’s not the whole story,” I said. “You told me once you believe in the kind of thing I’m about to tell you. Though I sort of thought you were joking.”

“What kind of thing?” He tilted his head.

“In the Garcias’ coin, that magic is possible.”

He said nothing.

“That’s what I came here for tonight: to tell you I can do magic. Just since I got to the Cirque. It’s all new. I barely know what I’m doing, but I’m definitely using it,” I said, babbling. “And by
it
, I mean magic. Actual magic. Which shouldn’t even exist.”

He raised a hand, like he was warding me off. “You shouldn’t be telling me this.”

I was semi-surprised I hadn’t gotten a
What are you talking about?
But not entirely. “No kidding,” I said. There was no going back now. “But how can I not? I don’t want to lose you. Not over this—I feel like I have to tell someone, and I trust you.”

“Even though I told you not to.”

I nodded.

“You can do magic,” he said. “Like what?”

“Mostly, I, um, transform things. I can prove it, if you’re willing to believe me.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re going to do magic right now?”

I shook my head and fished in my pocket. “You remember the day you had your heart pain? I was a little mad at you, and apparently my magic decided to lash out at you.”

“
You
made my heart go crazy like that?”

I unfolded my palm and showed him the heart-shaped penny. “This is the penny you gave me. It looked like this, um, after the event happened.”

“It’s a heart,” he said, dumbfounded.

“I think maybe it’s yours? A version of it.” “In for a penny, in for a pound,” as the saying went. “I was worried after that, well, that I . . . that I might hurt you. It’s part of the reason I tried to keep my distance. Not very successfully.”

He blinked at the heart-shaped penny. And said nothing.

How had I not guessed he wouldn’t take this in stride? It would be too much for anyone. I dropped the copper heart and buried my head in my hands. “Oh God, this is a disaster. You think I’m a total freak. Kill me now.”

And then he . . .

He laughed.

I heard it, and my head came up. He was doubled over. Laughing. “It’s just . . . magic. You can do magic. And I . . . I had no idea.”

I wanted to punch him.

Maybe he could see that in my face, because he sobered up fast.

“I don’t think you’re a freak,” he said. “I missed you.”

He leaned forward, reaching out for me. I met him halfway, and we kissed, soft and sweet. He smelled like Dez with a faint hint of sweat. My brain gave up. I would have told him anything. I would have forgiven him anything.

We parted.

He pulled me further into the compartment, and we sat facing each other. “This magic, though,” he said, “you mentioned that you haven’t had it long. Does anyone else know about it?”

“Magic is inherited, I guess. I had never met my mom, but she showed up at our show in Saint Louis. The woman with bright-red hair and a snake tattoo—did you see her again today?”

“She was there today?” His surprise was plain.

“She probably didn’t want you to see her. She, um, stopped me from using my magic at the beginning of the escape today.”

“Why would she do that?” Dez demanded. “You were almost hurt.”

“She told me to stop doing my escapes before . . .” Might as well go all in, even if it meant breaking my promise to my mother. “She’s a member of something called the Praestigae. Have you ever heard of it? Them, I mean.”

He looked at me like this was too much to take in. So far, he’d taken everything in relative stride, but I was afraid he’d say yes or that he’d tell me to get out.

“Never,” he said.

“Apparently, there’s only so much magic everyone has, and she’s almost out. She’s the one who needs that coin. But I think there are more people looking for it, not just her.”

“Hmm,” he said, frowning. “Why doesn’t she want you to do escapes?”

“The only-so-much-magic thing, and that I barely know how to use mine. It tends to show up during escapes, and she wants me to be careful. I thought I had it all under control, but then . . . the other day . . .”

“And today?”

“Yeah,” I said, “but only because she kept me from using it.”

“I still don’t get why she would do that.”

“Probably just because she told me not to, that it wasn’t safe. That I had to be careful. She doesn’t want any of the Praestigae to know about me.”

Dez shook his head. “Moira, she’s right. You can’t keep doing these ‘illusions’ if they’re dangerous.”

I straightened my spine. “I can and I will. I just have to learn how to control my magic better, be more careful for now. I’m not going to give up on my career. Not for anybody. This summer is my chance to be a magician . . . So will you still be my assistant?”

He considered it for a long moment, and I wasn’t at all confident that he’d agree.

“On one condition,” he said. “That you find a trick where I never have to watch you almost break your neck again.”

Thank God he said yes.
“I know just the thing. It’ll take a few days to put together, though.”

I didn’t elaborate. I kissed him instead.

I woke up feeling hot and sweaty and . . . wonderful. Dez was wrapped around me. That was the wonderful part. The less wonderful part was that the sliding door was still open, potentially revealing us to the view of any random passersby.

This was a pressing problem, because what had ripped me from sleep was a whole lot of sounds, and now that my eyes were open, they saw bright sunshine. Everyone would be awake and moving around out there. I heard guys calling to each other, and a couple of women laughing in a distance that was not that distant.

No one was staring in at us, at least. I attempted movement, and Dez held me tighter. “No,” he said. “I’m having the best dream.”

I turned over, still on my side, to face him. Somehow I managed this without tossing him off the tiny cot and onto the small length of floor. I wore one of his T-shirts, and he was without one. We’d fallen asleep before things had progressed too far, but we’d gone far enough.

“Oh,” he said, eyes opening, “it’s not a dream.”

“Good morning, flirt,” I said.

He kissed the tip of my nose. “It was a good night too.”

“I should get going,” I said.

“We have shows later,” he said. “Things to do.”

His face angled closer, and I blurted out in horror, “My breath is terrible, I’m guessing.”

He pressed a quick, soft kiss to the corner of my mouth. “So’s mine, I’m guessing. See you later?”

“Safe bet.”

I knew I had a stupid grin plastered across my face. He knew I had magic, and he didn’t care. He hadn’t called me crazy or a freak. I breathed easier, having told him the truth.

I extracted my limbs from his as gracefully as I could—not very, as it turned out—and slid to the end of the bed, preparing to face the outside world. I pulled my jeans and sneakers on. But before I could quite make it the rest of the way into the daylight, his hand lightly grabbed the back of my shirt. I mean, his shirt.

“Moira? I’m glad you told me. But you probably shouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“No kidding. Agreed.”

He let me go. I completed my exit, feet hitting the ground.

Annnnd so, of course, the first person I saw was Brandon, grinning at me. How could Dez’s grins be so charming and Brandon’s so mocking?

“Morning,” I said.

“Guess you found him. Walk of shame!” he hooted.

“I have nothing to be ashamed of,” I countered, waltzing past him.

“Hope you didn’t forget your panties,” he called out.

I stopped, glaring at him, and my palms heated. I could feel anger roiling on the horizon, like kindling waiting for me to add flame. Now that I could call my magic and have it respond, it seemed I’d have to be careful not to use it accidentally.

Dez emerged from the trailer. “Do you want me to punch him for that?”

I breathed deep, willing the magic away, and put on a weak smile, relieved that it had worked. “You might hurt your hand.”

“I’m only not because you said so.”

What I’d meant about the lack of shame was true. So what if we hadn’t really spent the night together in that way? I wouldn’t have felt any different if we had. That was antiquated nonsense, making girls feel cheap for having sex, when everyone pretended like it was perfectly fine and the most natural thing in the world for boys.

My mother was right about one thing, though. I would have to be careful with my magic in a world with this many things to be angry about.

twenty-six

Raleigh’s backstage area was empty when I arrived the next night.

I had used my Thurston-mandated days off to order the extra supplies for the new illusion I’d mentioned to Dez. Now I intended to poke for a little more detail on Dad’s fascination with magic objects. I needed to have a talk with him, but I wanted more context first.

I could hear Raleigh onstage. He was at Marie Laveau number three, the granddaughter, in his patter. I sat down in the assistant’s chair to wait for him. His spare hat was propped over the corner of the mirror, and there were a few small pots of men’s makeup along the top, to prevent shine and accentuate the eyes. His assistant’s robe was balled up on top of it.

The crowd erupted into applause, and Marie came back through the curtain. “You,” she said, and shrugged. “Don’t mind me. He’s signing autographs.” She reached behind me and plucked up her robe, throwing it on. Then she left.

Raleigh would appear any second. I started to get nervous.

Here I’d thought Dad was as transparent as it got, father of the year aside from his not supporting my dream. Would I be happy to know more about the secrets he’d kept from me, or would I wish I was still in the dark?

Raleigh breezed in off the stage, humming under his breath. It must have been a good show. Caliban sat on his left forearm.

“Hey,” I said.

“Wasn’t expecting you tonight.” He reached up with his other hand to loosen the bow tie at his neck, and I frowned, recognizing its black-and-white stripes.

That was the bow tie he’d tossed back at Dita the night she was on distraction detail.

“Did Dita give that to you as a present after?” I hadn’t realized they were that friendly.

Raleigh paused midstep. “Moira,” he said. And then, “It’s not what you think.”

“I’m just curious where you got it,” I said.

But his reaction made me pause. What did he think I was asking him?

Hold up a second,
I thought. Was it possible that Raleigh had been the culprit behind the note? “Did it come out of her drawer backstage?”

Why would he be wearing it if so, though? This whole situation had become unexpectedly bizarre. I waited for his perfectly logical alternate explanation. There had to be one.

Raleigh gestured with his hand so that Caliban jumped over onto the dressing table. He took off his top hat. “Don’t blow this up. I’m . . . mostly . . . working on this for your dad.”

“Working on what?”

“You know how he is. He wants that magic coin. I was the one who told him about it—that was why I came out to Vegas. I owed it to him to tip him off.”

This was not the explanation I’d hoped for. “Raleigh, I never knew Dad had a collection of magic stuff. Not of stuff he thought was real magic. Not until you mentioned it.”

“Crap.”

“Yeah.” I watched his face so I could catch any glimmer of a reaction. “Do you know about the Praestigae too?”

“The what?” Raleigh frowned. “Sounds like some of the gibberish he’s sent me looking for, but I don’t know that one.” He didn’t look like he’d ever heard the word before. No hint of familiarity. “Look, your dad probably didn’t want you to know he believes in this mystical junk. I don’t. I just pick it up for him when he asks. He pays me well for it.”

“I really wish you hadn’t been the one to leave that note.” I had to tell. There was no guarantee Dad would hand over the coin to my mom. I couldn’t risk him hiding it away.

Nan Maroni would take care of this, though, if I tipped her off. “Raleigh, I’m truly sorry . . . I promised Nan Maroni I’d tell her if anyone was after the coin. She got me a job here.”

“Craagh,”
the crow said.

“Fine.” Raleigh shrugged, still seeming unconcerned by my finding out he was involved in this. “But I can only talk if Thurston’s there. And I have to feed this beast first.”

Requesting that the boss attend his confession was a surprise, but not one I could deny without seeming suspicious myself.

“So I’ll meet you at Thurston’s trailer after the show then, with Nan,” I said, hoping she’d agree to come. “I’ll get his assistant a note saying that we need to see him.”

Raleigh nodded.

Nan wasn’t going to like this. Not any more than I did, if for entirely different reasons. Guilt spiked in me. Raleigh was a friend.

But even after that stunt my mother pulled, this was her life on the line. And I’d be lying if I said knowing Dad was part of it didn’t make it worse, another giant reminder of the secrets he’d kept from me.

Dez and Brandon still shared a phone, and I had no idea which one of them would get the text I sent. So I worded it carefully
: Have to go to a meeting with Raleigh. In touch later. Brandon, tell Dez if this is you.

Before I could call up a new text for Thurston’s assistant, a reply buzzed:
Sweet. Will tell him
.

Brandon.

I sent the production assistant a message for Thurston, asking that he meet us and adding that she should treat it as confidential.

Nan and I neared Thurston’s trailer. The door stood open, so it looked like he’d be waiting. Hopefully, with Raleigh.

“Sorry I volunteered you to be here,” I said, praying that she took my motivations at face value. That Raleigh did too.

“It’s my own fault. You just did what I told you.” She threw her shoulders back a fraction. She had a wide-legged pantsuit with a flowing top that played up her regal elder angle. “I can help with Thurston. Just follow my lead.”

Nan didn’t bother pausing to knock or call out; she just glided up the steps into the RV, and I followed. Raleigh sat on the couch in the living room area. He’d ditched his coat and rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt. The bow tie was gone.

He nodded to me. Brief. Nervous.

“Evening, ladies,” Thurston said. “I just got here. This magician with a hangdog expression was waiting for me. So I’m curious about the purpose of our meeting . . . But first, can I get you anything?” The question was for Nan.

“Nothing but a chair,” she said.

Thurston hopped to the kitchen and brought one back, setting it across from Raleigh. I took the seat beside him.

“Why are we here?” Thurston asked, bringing over a second chair for himself. “This inquiring mind wants to know.”

Nan nodded to me.

“You’re not going to like this,” I said.

“Then it sounds like I definitely need to hear it,” Thurston said.

“Okay, well . . . Raleigh was the one who left that note in Dita’s backstage dressing table,” I said. “He’s looking for the coin.”

Thurston wore a look of shock, but it didn’t last long. His eyes narrowed on Raleigh. “Explain.”

“I will,” Raleigh said. “When you brought me here this summer and told me the story, I agreed to take your extra assignment to find it. I may have also talked to the person I’ve done this kind of ‘finders, keepers’ for in the past . . .”

“Keep going,” Thurston said.

“I don’t like failure,” Raleigh said. “You asked me to find out if this coin was real, if it had powers. But without directly asking anyone. So that’s what I’ve been—”

“Thurston,” Nan said. “
You
are behind this?”

Thurston stood. “I asked Raleigh to quietly pay attention to rumors and try to find it. I did not tell him to scare anyone or to cross any lines.” He zeroed in on Raleigh. “In fact, I told you the opposite. Did you forget?”

“There were more rumors,” Raleigh said. “And I thought someone else might be getting close to finding it. I did what I thought you’d want.”

“But you didn’t ask me,” Thurston said, “or I’d have told you not to.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “And on that day. Poor Dita.” He stopped. “Did you leave the note in here too?”

“No, that wasn’t me,” Raleigh said. “It just gave me the idea. The break-ins that night weren’t me either. I’m telling you, there are other people looking for the coin.”

“Who?” Nan asked.

“I don’t know. They’re better at hiding their identities than I am, clearly.” Raleigh looked disgusted with himself and then glanced at me.

I got the message loud and clear. He could have told them I was my father’s daughter right away. He hadn’t, though. And unlike Raleigh, I knew who the others after the coin were. Or I thought I did. Maybe I’d bought them more time.

It didn’t make me feel better about selling out a friend.

“I suppose I should thank you,” Thurston said.

“For?” Raleigh asked. “I haven’t found anything.”

“For making this straightforward,” Thurston said. “I’ll give you severance pay to cover the entire summer, and the assignment. But you’re fired.”

“What?”
Raleigh and I said at the same time. “That’s not fair,” Raleigh went on. “I was doing what you asked.”

“No, you weren’t. I can’t keep you on after finding out about it, even if I wanted to. It wouldn’t be fair to everyone else. My stars—my friends—expect me to protect them. I’d fire myself for contributing to this, if I could.”

“But now that we’re clear, it’s good,” Raleigh tried.

The former CEO in Thurston was in full effect. He might as well have been wearing a business suit instead of a ringmaster’s tuxedo. “No. And it’s effective immediately.”

Raleigh wasn’t willing to give up. “But you can’t do this. There’s another show tonight.”

Thurston looked at me for a long moment.

I hadn’t meant to get Raleigh
fired
. “I don’t think Raleigh meant to scare Dita,” I said. “Maybe you should think this through some more.”

Raleigh cut in. “Don’t be ridiculous. She’s not ready.”

Thurston ignored him. “You’re promoted to head magician, Moira. Also effective immediately.”

Raleigh’s jaw worked. Mine dropped open. It was the showcase I’d wanted, but not like this. My mother definitely wouldn’t like me being even more in the spotlight or the things I’d have to do to stay there.

“Huh, Pixie, guess everything worked out just right,” Raleigh said. “Congratulations.”

“I never wanted this.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, standing. “I’ll just be going, then.”

I wanted to follow him. Apologize for . . . something, for him leaving and for me taking his place. To appeal to his better nature about not outing me to Dad in retaliation. I also wanted to know why he’d taken the bow tie and then worn it.

But Nan gave me a slight shake of her head, and I stayed put.

“Thank you for bringing this to me,” Thurston said. “Why did you come as well?” he asked Nan. Then he pulled out his phone. “Just a second—I better alert Jane.”

He called his assistant and explained that Raleigh would be leaving, and to pay him for the remainder of the season. He added that Moira Miracle had been promoted, and asked for a poster to be produced to put up outside the tent.

“You won’t spread the word about this, will you?” I said, unable to stay quiet. “Ruin his career? I’ve known Raleigh for years. He’s a good guy.”

“I won’t. I played too much of a part in it.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Is this day over yet?”

“Thurston,” Nan said. Her voice was firm. “You shouldn’t be getting mixed up with this idea of magic. I was under the impression that you thought it was all fantasy, wild tales.”

Thurston’s eyes flicked between me and her. “You’re comfortable talking about this in front of Moira?”

“I am,” Nan said.

I hoped that didn’t pique his interest in me. I had no idea how she was planning to play this.

“I didn’t buy any of it. I thought Roman Garcia was a bitter old man, who wrote me letters about things
he
believed. But I didn’t put any stock in them.” Thurston angled his body toward Nan. “But then, over the summer, I thought back over last season and some conversations I had with Jules and Remy. And I started watching videos of her performances. Jules had it, didn’t she? That coin? That’s part of what I interrupted after that last show of the season, something to do with it. It
is
magic, isn’t it? That’s why you asked the two of them what they’d done, after the break-ins.”

Nan was very still. I waited to see how she’d respond.

“I thought you didn’t believe the stories about me.” She gathered her hands in her lap and looked straight at him.

“I don’t . . . other than that you were poorly treated.”

“The coin is part of those stories. I’d rather you not believe in it either.”

The two of them stared at each other.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, truly,” Thurston said. “But I think I do believe.”

“So this is all about your boundless curiosity.” Nan’s eyes flicked to me and back onto Thurston. “Okay, then, while I hate to say this in front of an employee . . . who obviously I would not speak in front of if there was
anything
to this . . .”

She paused, but neither Thurston nor I could have mistaken the pause as a place for us to jump in. I could see how radiant she must have been as a performer as she called up her full authority. How arresting it was when she spoke again, like this was a performance.

“You are a fool.”

I couldn’t speak for Thurston, but I hadn’t expected that. He shifted in his chair.

She continued, majestic in making her case. “Magic is for the superstitious. For people who believe in ghosts and fate and things that go bump in the night. For people who want a reason to fear others. So I could read the cards? So my mother could? Somehow we became people to fear. It does disappoint me you would be one of those people, but it disappoints me more that you would put your people at risk. People like Dita Garcia. Like my family. What happened last season was all about people searching for that coin. Your joining the hunt will only make more people want it. So you are not just a fool, you are a dangerous fool. Will you stop?”