Authors: Bill James
Him: | âLooking for anything special, sir?' |
Me: | âJust enjoying the general spread and feel of the place.' |
Him: | âBut something in particular?' |
Me: | âI can forget it all when I spend an hour here.' |
Him: | âSure, but what in particular?' |
Me: | âI can shut off from all the rest of it for a while. An interlude of therapy.' |
Him: | âThe rest of it?' |
Me: | âThe usual run of things.' |
Him: | âWhat's the usual run of things for you then, sir, if I may?' |
Me: | âGeneral.' |
Him: | âWhich aspect?' |
Me: | âUrban.' |
Him: | âWhere exactly? |
Me: | âYes, urban.' |
Him: | âBeen before? It interests you?' |
Me: | âThis place, quite famous in its way.' |
Him: | âWhich way would you say that is, sir?' |
Me: | âIf you're staff I quite envy you your working conditions.' |
Him: | âYes, I'm staff.' |
Me: | âWhich side do you specialize in? The sheds and so on?' |
Him: | âAre you a shed person?' |
Me: | âI thought you were probably staff. Security?' |
Him: | âThe mowers? Have you got a big lawn where you live?' |
Me: | âI've always fancied charging around on one of those buggy models.' |
Him: | âHave you got a big lawn where you live? Are you local?' |
Me: | âUrban. That's why I need to come out occasionally to this sort of setting.' |
Him: | âA bit of a trek, is it?' |
Me: | âWorth it.' |
Him: | âWhere from exactly?' |
Me: | âIt's certainly my aim to get a place one day with a good expanse of lawn. If looked after well, it can become one of the main attractions of a property. That's widely recognized, by estate agents, and so on. “Maintained, mature gardens to rear.”' |
Him: | âWhen you said “Security” â why did you say “Security?”' |
Me: | âA lot of valuable machinery here. And the sundials â beautifully made. They called you down, did they?' |
Him: | âWho?' |
Me: | âThe two sentries on the gate, like the cherubim in Genesis , keeping Adam out of Eden after the Fall.' |
Him: | âYou go to church? Where would that be?' |
Me: | âMost know that tale.' |
Him: | âCalled me down from where?' |
Me: | âUpstairs. Offices?' |
Him: | âWhy would they call me down?' |
Me: | âAs Security. Maybe I hung about the expensive mowers too long, without buying. They might think I was casing. I'm sorry if I caused a scare.' |
Him: | âCasing what?' |
Me: | âThe showroom and the machines in it.' |
Him: | âI wondered if we should have a name and address, so we could send you brochures re special offers, that kind of thing.' |
Me: | âDo you mean about garden stuff?' |
Him: | âNaturally, garden stuff. What else from a Gardens Solutions centre? Your details to be added to our records, and treated as totally confidential data. Without obligation.' |
Me: | âI'm very much on the move these days.' |
Him: | âFrom where to where?' |
Me: | âIndeterminate. Some wouldn't like these continual changes. But they seem to suit me.' |
Him: | âWhy is that?' |
Me: | âOh, yes, people say to me, “How can you put up with all these constant upheavals?” But I reply: “I don't see them as such. I see them as progress. We'll be lying still a long time eventually.”' |
Him: | âDo they say a name?' |
Me: | âWho?' |
Him: | âThe people who ask “How can you put up with all these constant upheavals?”' |
Me: | âWhich name?' |
Him: | âWhen they ask, “How can you put up with all these constant upheavals?” Do they say . . . “all these constant upheavals”, and then your name, such as “all these constant upheavals, Frank or Len?”' |
Me: | âI don't think I know anyone called Frank or Len.' |
Him: | âNo, that's not the point, is it, I meant . . . oh, let's move on? Which people say that to you?' |
Me: | âWhat?' |
Him: | âAbout the upheavals.' |
Me: | âFriends and so on.' |
Him: | âWhich friends and so on? Are they local?' |
Me: | âLocal in which sense?' |
Him: | âWhat do you mean, “in which sense?”' |
Me: | âLocal to here or local to where I live.' |
Him: | âYou don't live locally then â locally to here?' |
Me: | âVarious.' |
Him: | âVarious what?' |
Me: | âVarious friends who say “How can you put upâ?”' |
Him: | âBut they all say, “How can you put up with these constant upheavals?” do they?' |
Me: | âMany.' |
Him: | âThese are obviously people with your well-being at heart.' |
Me: | âOh, certainly.' |
Him: | âWhere do you meet with them?' |
Me: | âBump into them in the street, that sort of thing.' |
Him: | âWhich street?' |
Me: | âVary various.' |
Him: | âAnd as soon as you bump into one of them, he or she says: “How can you put up with these constant upheavals?” Does he or she?' |
Me: | âNot as soon as, because at that point they wouldn't know. Only when I've told them I'm living somewhere different now.' |
Him: | âDifferent from what?' |
Me: | âDifferent from where I was last time.' |
Him: | âWhere was that?' |
Me: | âIt would depend.' |
Him: | âDepend on what?' |
Me: | âOn when I bumped into him or her. Things could have changed more than once if I hadn't seen them for quite a while.' |
Him: | âSomeone was telling me the other day about an old television series called What's My Line? ' |
Me: | âA lot of those early programme had quality, perhaps to some degree lost now.' |
Him: | âA panel had to guess someone's job. They could ask certain questions, but not come straight out with, “What's your job?”' |
Me: | âThat would have killed the show because there'd be nothing left to wonder about.' |
Him: | âIf I had to guess your job I'd say Press.' |
Me: | âAnd I suppose I was guessing your job, when I said “Security”. The executives who created that What's My Line? programme must have cleverly realized how much folk liked puzzling about others' occupations.' |
Him: | âThe press can be very intrusive sometimes.' |
Me: | âI've heard that. They did for President Nixon, didn't they? Doorstepping people. There's a film about it on the movie channel now and then. Robert Redford.' |
Him: | âThe press â always after the sensational. Their reporters will lurk and spy. We, ordinary members of the public, need protection from that, I think you'll agree. And if the protection is not offered by the authorities, we have to protect ourselves.' |
Me: | âPeople say “No comment”, I believe. That's quite a rejection.' |
Him: | âI don't suggest the press should be banned.' |
Me: | âMost would agree it has a role. It goes right back in our history. Dispatches from the Crimean War in the Times. William Russell.' |
Him: | âThe press can give useful reviews of books and music â that kind of thing.' |
Me: | âYou're into the arts and literature, are you?' |
Him: | âI don't always agree with what they say.' |
Me: | âYou're entitled to differ.' |
Him: | âIt would be a dull lookout if we all thought the same.' |
Me: | âAn element of debate brings vigour.' |
Him: | â“Live and let live” is one of my guiding rules, within reason' |
Me: | âPlus, colour pictures more and more now.' |
Him: | âWhere?' |
Me: | âThe press. Sport, for instance.' |
Him: | âOr the finance columns can be useful.' |
Me: | âTrue.' |
Him: | âYou have an undoubted right to walk about here between the hours of nine a.m. and five thirty p.m. That can't be gainsaid.' |
Me: | âThis would be part of the “Live and let live” theme.' |
Him: | âAn open door.' |
Me: | âNot to upstairs in the showroom and admin block.' |
Him: | âI've really enjoyed this conversation.' |
Me: | âYes.' |
Him: | âI'll keep an eye open for you.' |
Me: | âWhere?' |
Him: | âI feel I owe you that.' |
I left. |