Foul Play (Whithall University Book 1) (12 page)

I’m shaking so badly that I drop my keys on the floor before getting a chance to open the door to the flat. That’s when the first sob breaks free.

My body is sore, I’m tired and the need to wash him away is becoming too much.

“Now,’’ Cole barks and I hear a scuffle behind me.

“Willow, you’re going to regret this,’’ Logan shouts, sounding distant. Cole must have thrown him out into the stairwell.

My body is locked up tight, my chest heaving, not wanting to bed down to retrieve my keys. It hurt too much walking up the stairs, I don’t want to imagine what it will feel like bending down for my keys.

I don’t have to worry, I feel Cole step close, bending down to pick up my keys. Although my body flinches at him being close, I can’t help but feel a sudden calmness having him near. I feel safe for the first time since I woke up this morning.

Holding his hand out he goes to hand me back the keys, but when I go to grab them my hands are visibly shaking.

“Here, let me,’’ he says softly and opens the door me.

“Thank you,’’ I whisper, stepping inside and taking the keys from him.

I feel so ashamed. He knows. He must have heard our argument and I can’t bear to even look at him.

What must he think of me?

“What happened Low? Are you okay?’’

His voice. Fuck, that voice. It’s so soothing, so deep and the way ‘Low’ rolls off his tongue undoes me, a strangled sob tearing painfully from my throat.

I look up, hating that his face is filled with pity and concern. I don’t deserve it. I don’t. I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. My heart and body are telling me one thing, but there’s still a place inside me that doesn’t believe that this has happened.

Not to me, and not because of Logan.

“I’m fine. I need to go,’’ I rush out, slamming the door in his face.

Being weak isn’t something I’m used to feeling. I’m a strong person, tough, secure in my own body that I never actually considered being weak as an option.

But as I walk down the hall on unsteady legs, heading straight for the bathroom Allie and I share, I find out what feeling weak is really like. It’s a struggle; it’s an unseen pain that has me feeling fragile and powerless. Especially knowing that there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I don’t know how.

Turning the taps onto the hottest temperature I slowly peel my clothes off me, hating that every ache, every pain is just another slap in the face.

Hearing Logan’s words reverberate through my head, ‘
who will believe you’
, ‘
you begged for it’
. It all comes flooding in, echoing over and over. I step into the shower, trying to drown out his voice. I’m suddenly aware of how dirty I am, how soiled and filthy I am and I grab the cloth, squirting half a tub of shower gel on it before scrubbing at my skin until it’s red raw, not caring that I’m sore or that I’m hurting . I just need to wash him away, get him off me. It almost causes a frustrated scream to boil out.

By the time I’ve washed the shampoo out of my hair I’m sitting in the tub, the water now cold spraying over me. Everything just keeps going round and round in my head and I keep thinking of what I could have done differently, wishing I could go back and tell myself to go home the minute I first said I wanted to.

I fight the memories, trying to figure out the last thing I remember apart from waking up this morning and the only thing that is clear to me is the second bottle of beer Logan handed me. After that everything is a blur. It’s like my mind has been erased or it’s suppressing bad memories, trying to keep me safe emotionally.

Or you could have been drugged.

As soon as the thought pops up in my head I scream out loud. How could I be so stupid? He raped me. I know he raped me. He must have put something in my drink. It’s the only explanation and now I’ve just scrubbed my body raw, washing away any evidence.

A frustrated sob escapes my mouth as I pull at my hair, angry at myself. Slowly I get out of the shower making sure to avoid the clothes I had on last night. I’m sure the police will need them for evidence.

You need to check if you were drunk or drugged first and if you were in fact raped.

My jumbled thoughts aren’t doing me any favours; it’s just making everything worse, everything around me to spin out of control. The pain throbbing between my legs is still stinging and I found spots of blood on the cloth when I washed myself. I’m unsure how I managed to get through it without throwing up.

My bedroom is cold when I enter, a shiver running over my damp body. Needing to get to the hospital and quick I grab on some fresh clothes, quickly towel drying my hair without bothering to brush it.

I feel like I’m on auto pilot, my only mission is to get to my destination. And with that I grab a plastic bag and fly down the hall to the bathroom, shoving last night’s clothes and shoes in the bag. Needing my keys to the car I move as quickly as my body will let me down to the front room, sighing with relief when I find them straight away. My body is shaking, and not only because I’m only wearing jogging bottoms and a thin t-shirt, but because I’m scared brainless.

My mind is screaming at me to call Allie and I know I should, but I can’t. If I call her then its real, it really happened and there’s no going back. I’ve never wanted to turn back time so badly in my life. Maybe if I just stayed, or God, actually went out with Alec last night when he asked then none of this would have happened.

My eyes are blurry with tears when I come to the decision to not bother Allie and go at this alone. She’s at work finally enjoying herself without me at her side. She has new friends. She doesn’t need to be worried about me. She’d want to be here for me which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s also not a good thing. I won’t let her waste her time spending every waking moment with me and that’s what she’ll do. She won’t want to leave me.

My eyes are fixated on the floor when I open the door to leave, so I don’t see someone standing there until I bump into a hard body.

“Nooo,’’ I squeal, flinching as I hold my hands up.

“Hey, it’s me,’’ Cole soothes looking at me with concern. “Fuck! Wait there.’’

Dazed and confused I watch him let himself back into his apartment and for some reason I listen to him and wait, not really knowing why. He walks back out a few seconds later holding a hoody. I stand there shocked, dazed, and unmoving. He must read me because he gently pushes the hoody over my head before helping me put my limp arms through. It smells good and normally I’d ravel it in, but all I can do is take comfort in it. It’s the only thing that so far has managed to comfort me.

“Where are we going?’’ he rumbles and I notice he’s holding my hand gently in his.

Glancing up at him he flinches and I can only imagine what he sees when he looks at me. I feel dead inside, like everything I knew was a lie.

“Hospital,’’ I tell him hoarsely. I don’t even flinch when he says ‘we’ I just want to get there and the state I’m in I’ll probably wrap my car around a tree.

“Keys,’’ he demands, his jaw clenched, like he’s fighting a war with himself.

Handing them over with my free hand he takes them. I’m actually relieved when he doesn’t let go of my hand, needing the strength his presence gives me. It’s selfish of me to make him have to deal with this, to deal with me, but if I was going to find strength from somewhere to get through this, what better person to get it from than the strongest person I’ve ever known.

Cole doesn’t ask me any questions on the hour drive to the hospital. He respected my silence, not pushing for answers or much of anything really.

We ended up taking his car which I didn’t question or ask why he bothered to take my keys if he was taking his car. I was actually glad we did, the car smelled like him, it was comforting. As soon as I got in my whole body relaxed, going limp within a second. So I strapped myself in and wrapped my arms around myself, curling my knees up to my chest, making the most of the safety.

Pulling up at the hospital Cole drives around until he can find the closest car parking space to the entrance and I’m so grateful. I’m unsure whether my body would hold up if I had to walk any further.

“Thank you,’’ I whisper, reaching for the door handle.

“Can I come in with you?’’ he asks softly, shocking me.

“Why?’’ I ask, wondering why he’d event want to. He must have better things to do than babysit me.

Maybe he doesn’t know why I’m here.

“Please?’’ he asks roughly, looking pained.

My eyes water, but no tears fall as I look into his eyes. “Okay,’’ I whisper, secretly needing someone with me. I might not have admitted it at the flat but now that I’m here I wish I had called Allie. The only thing stopping me from calling her now is that I don’t want her to hurt or see me like this.

I don’t know what’s going to happen when I walk through those doors, I just know I’m glad I’ll no longer be doing it alone.

Getting out of the car Cole meets me around the front, his expression sheepish, like he’s feeling guilty over something and needs to get it off his chest.

“What?’’ I ask, eyeing him warily.

“I...Fuck. I text my mum before we came. I wasn’t sure what was going on so I just said that I was bringing you to see her and that it’s important.”

On wobbly legs I take a step back as his words hit me. I would have tripped over had it not been for Cole and his quick reflexes catching me under my arms, causing me to cry out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Fuck. I’m fucking this up. I just didn’t know what else to do,’’ he panics, locking his fingers together on the top of his head.

Everything is okay,
I breathe.

His mum knows. So what. Isn’t it better that it’s someone I kind of know, someone I already know I can trust?

Look where trusting someone got you.

Shaking the unwanted thoughts from my mind I look up at Cole with a soft expression. I know he didn’t tell his mum to be a gossip or to hurt me; he was just trying to help. I won’t lie. The idea of Jackie knowing scares me. What if she doesn’t want me around her daughter anymore? Or tells me to get lost and to stay away from her son?

You’re being stupid Willow.

“It’s fine. You just surprised me. Will she help me?’’ my voice hoarse with emotion, my eyes watering once again.

“Yes Willow. She will help you, I promise,’’ he tells me brokenly, looking unsure of what to do. He reaches for my hand again, his eyes silently checking its okay with me. When I don’t flinch or step back he takes it as a good sign, taking my hand in his and leading me towards the entrance. I see Jackie straight away wearing her blue scrubs, a worried expression on her face when she looks between me and her son.

“What’s happened?’’ she whispers, looking around to make sure no one can hear her.

“I need you to help me,’’ I plead.

She looks at her son again and from the corner of my eye I notice he bows his head not answering. “How? What’s wrong?’’ she asks gently.

“I need a blood test,’’ I whisper, finding it hard to tell her the rest.

“Blood test?’’ she asks, seeming more confused.

Looking at her through watery eyes, I tell her everything I can’t say through one look. I see the moment she gets it because her eyes sadden and she pulls me gently away from Cole and into the hospital.

“Let’s get you a room and you can tell me everything,’’ she soothes, and numbly I follow, giving her control.

I’m surprised when she steers us into a private room on the first floor of the hospital.

“Take a seat,’’ she tells me softly and I move to the bed, sitting down on the edge, clutching the carrier bag with my clothes inside to my chest. “Do you want to give us some privacy?’’

When I find she’s talking to Cole and not me, I panic. I need him here. I need him for support. Just until I get this out.

“No, please don’t leave me, not yet,’’ I beg, my eyes pleading with his. He looks over to his mum with troubled eyes, still looking unsure.

“It’s fine. Take a seat,’’ his mum nods, and I sag in relief. “I know this is hard for you Willow, but I need you to tell me what happened, okay?’’

I nod, my hands shaking and I have to put the bag to the side before I tear into it. “I don’t remember anything; not really, it’s more like experiencing flashes of emotions, but ones I don’t remember having.

“He was my best friend,’’ I cry, tears falling helplessly down my face. “We’ve been friends since we were babies,’’ I shake my head, going off topic, but I need her to understand I’m not some stupid party girl that takes risks, puts her life in danger. I’ve always been cautious, I was raised that way. But I never felt threatened by Logan, not once.

“It’s okay; take your time,’’ Jackie soothes.

Taking in a few steady breaths does nothing to calm my rapid beating heart. It takes me a few minutes to try catch my breath, keeping my eyes closed tightly as I struggle to get my breathing under control.

“He invited me to his house party. I’d had an argument with my boyfriend so I wasn’t really feeling up to it, but I still went. I’m so stupid. If I had just stayed in...’’ I breathe.

“It’s not your fault,’’ Cole’s deep voice rumbles and I hear him move right before the bed shifts, his hand stroking gently up and down my back. “You can do this.’’

“I went, but like I said, I wasn’t feeling up to it. I’d finished my first drink when I told him I was going, but he managed to talk me into staying for an hour and having one more drink. I don’t remember anything. Not really. I don’t know what’s real or what’s not.

“Then I woke up this morning,’’ I choke out, a sob tearing from my throat as I remember how sore and confused I was. I’d never been so petrified in my life. “I remember thinking about how much I had drank the night before because my head was hurting so bad and my mouth was dry and heavy. Then it was like everything hit me at once. I had a hand on my bare breast, my body completely naked and I was sore all over. I panicked, jumping from the bed. There was blood on the sheets,’’ I gag, knowing that it came from me and the reason I feel like someone has taken a razor blade between my legs.

Cole’s entire posture stiffens, a dangerous energy filling the air around us. His mum looks at me with encouragement, a soft, sad expression on her face. It makes me feel worse.

“He was supposed to be my friend. I was so confused. I trusted him, I had no reason not to. He’s only ever looked out for me. But the more he told me I begged for it, that I wanted it, the more I knew he was lying. I’ve never seen him like that. Not once. How could he do this to me? What did I do? And why don’t I remember?’’ I cry, looking to her, my eyes pleading for answers.

“Firstly, this is not your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. Secondly, I can see you’ve showered,’’ she comments.

“I couldn’t stand him on me anymore,’’ I cry, wiping at my tears. “I didn’t even know what I was doing until it was too late.’’

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s fine,’’ she hushes me, stroking her fingers through my damp hair. “We have a sexual assault forensic examiner on duty. With your permission we can do a rape kit. I’m not qualified to do the kit, but I can assist if you’d like.’’