Forty-Four Box Set, Books 1-10 (44) (2 page)

“How are you getting around?”

“Pretty good,” I said.

“And soccer?”

“I make a good mascot,” I said, trying to laugh casually afterwards. “It’s just not happening this year.”

Initially Coach Wilson and the team were excited that I would be back. That was, until they saw me run. Or rather my horrible zombie interpretation of it. I’ll never forget the look on the coach’s face when he realized that his Olympic Development player really was gone, along with the team’s shot at the state title. Now I mostly sat on the bench during the games.

“That’s tough,” Dr. Mortimer said, looking guilty.

“Naw, I do okay. Really. I don’t even care about it anymore.”

We stared at the TV, which was still on and muted. I flipped the station back to the news because I knew Kate would have a cow if she walked out and it wasn’t on. The weather guy was in the middle of his forecast, predicting heavy snow.

“It looks like you’ve been working a lot,” I finally said.

“Yeah. It was hard last night,” he said, leaning back. “Heart attack and a kid mauled by a dog.”

“That’s terrible,” I said.

He took another swallow from the bottle.

“How about your classes? Any progress?”

“They’re okay,” I said. “I still have problems remembering things for tests and stuff, but the teachers are giving me a pass, at least for now. That and a few volunteers who help me study.”

Truthfully, my grades were in the gutter and I knew it didn’t matter what the teachers thought or did because there was no way I’d be going to college next year.

“I know we’ve talked about this before, Abby, but it takes time for drowning victims to fully recover. It hasn’t really been that long.”

I didn’t like the word victim. I wasn’t a victim. I was an idiot. I was the one who walked out onto that ice. 

“Yeah,” I said.

Dr. Mortimer had told me the story at least a dozen times and I was always amazed that I didn’t remember any of it.

Last winter I fell through the ice at a lake and when the rescue squad brought me in to St. Charles, I was clinically dead. No pulse, no breathing. They tried to resuscitate me with no luck. They “called it,” and told Kate she could stay for a little while with me to say goodbye. She was by my bedside, crying, when something happened.

I woke up from death.

Kate saw my eyes open and she screamed.

I knew Dr. Mortimer carried around a heavy guilt over it. He was sure that the icy water must have shut down my system, making it appear like I was dead when in fact I was in a deep hibernation, similar to what happens to animals. And he missed it.

Kate never believed that though. She told me she was there, that she had held my frozen hand and had desperately tried to hear my heartbeat while she sat next to me. She was positive that I was dead.

“I’m just saying you’re still getting better,” Dr. Mortimer said. “You have no idea what kinds of things you’ll be able to do a year from now. Your healing is a process, that’s all I mean.”

He cleared his throat. He always got so serious when he talked about my recovery. He took it very personally, probably because he almost buried me alive.

“I guess we’ll see what happens,” I said. “So is the kid okay, the one attacked by the dog?”

“Twenty stitches across his face. I’m afraid it’s going to leave a scar.”

I was relieved to see Kate walk out.

“Oh, Dr. Mortimer! I didn’t know you were here,” she said warmly, slipping her phone into her pocket.

He stood up and they hugged. The room lit up.

Although I came back from death, I didn’t come back the same.

The biggest change was that I no longer saw colors, that everything in my world was now in blacks, whites, and grays. I was also super sensitive to the emotions of other people. If they were happy, they had kind of a glow around them. A light surrounded Dr. Mortimer whenever Kate walked into the room. That’s how I knew he was in love with her.

“So good to see you. How’s everything?” she asked.

“Great, really great,” he said.

She walked to the door and pulled on her boots.

“Where are you going?” I said, glancing out the window at the snow.

“The police found a body over by the Old Mill. They think it’s a suicide and I need to check it out.”

I sighed. I wanted her to stay and have dinner because I knew that Matt would be arriving soon. When it came to dinner, Matt was like the postman.

“Couldn’t you just call one of your contacts or something?” I said.

“Well, I could. But I need to be there,” she said.

“Can I come?” I asked.

“Nope.”

“Probably a good idea to stay out of this weather, in your humble doctor’s opinion,” Dr. Mortimer said, grabbing his coat off the rack. “I’ve got to get going too.”

I walked over to the door.

“Abby seems to be doing well, right?” Kate asked, studying me like I was in a glass case at a museum.

I hated when people did that, but I was getting used to it. It happened all the time at school.

“Yeah, she seems good,” he said.

A cold gust of air blew snow inside as Kate opened the door.

“Bye, Abby. I’ll call if it looks like I’ll be very late. Leave the lights on.”

“Bye,” I said.

I gave Dr. Mortimer a quick hug.

“Take care, Abby,” he said, following my sister outside.

I watched from the window as he opened her car door. I could tell he was trying to linger, but Kate was all business. That’s how she was when stories came up and there was even a small chance to advance her career. She wasn’t going to be stuck in Bend, Oregon her whole life. She had CNN and New York on her mind and was determined to find the story that would catapult her toward national success.

I locked the door and watched as she drove off, leaving the doctor in the street with snow swirling around him.

CHAPTER 2

Going back to school was actually harder than dying.

I didn’t want to go back. After the accident, in my junior year, I had a tutor who came out to the house every day and I was content at home where I didn’t have to deal with people. I was thinking of doing that again for my senior year or even dropping out.

“Just get it over with,” Jesse said. “Everybody misses you. Come back. You need to start living again.”

Jesse and I had been best friends since fourth grade when we were in Mrs. Turner’s class and were paired up for a science experiment on buoyancy.

“The tutor says she’ll keep coming to the house,” I said.

“You can’t be hiding in here the rest of your life. It’s time to face your fears.”

That was true. I knew I would never really want to go back to school and it had nothing to do with the academics. I didn’t want to show all those kids the new me. I was pretty sure how it would all play out, too. Everybody would be real nice for the first couple weeks, but then the gossip would start. Girl gossip is always the worst. Riley and Olivia had already stopped calling and dropping by and I was sure the rest of my so-called friends would do the same. Me showing up to school as the walking ghost of what I used to be wasn’t going to help my social life any.

But Jesse was right. I couldn’t hide in the house forever.

The first few days of my senior year were great. There were painted posters in the hallways that said “Welcome Back, Abby Craig!” and the kids and teachers were excited to see me. But it wasn’t long until I was pushed to the outside of my circle of friends. It was subtle, but I could tell. They said hello and everything, but then hurriedly walked by. Being dead had changed me. I thought I could hide it somehow, but I couldn’t.

Most didn’t ask too many questions and I was grateful for that. 

“Abigail,” Mrs. Baylock said as we sat at a table in the library. She was one of the volunteers who helped me. Her son Robbie played the trumpet in the marching band. I was working on an algebra problem.

“Did you see anything?” she whispered.

“See anything?” I said, wondering if she was talking about the dance assembly that morning.

I looked up and saw how nervous she was. Her eyes were wild behind her jeweled-frame glasses.

“Like, you know, Jesus? Or a light? Or a tunnel of some sort?  Did you see anything like that?”

I sighed and put down my pencil. I wasn’t going to tell her that there was only darkness, a terrible black so deep that it sucked my breath away just thinking about it.

She seemed disappointed in my silence and wasn’t going to let it go.

“Why do you suppose you were brought back?” she asked.

“What?”

Suddenly she lunged across the table and squeezed my arm. I looked at her in horror, at the terrible desperation consuming her face.

“Please, let go,” I begged. My mouth was bone dry. “Please.”

“My husband needs help. Your help. I know he’s going to Hell. I keep telling him, warning him. Can you talk to him? Please, talk to him, Abigail!”

My head was spinning as I stood. I couldn’t breathe, everything was fading except those crazy eyes that darted back and forth.

“I can’t help you,” I said, finally breaking free from her grasp and backing away.

“The Devil must have done this, Abigail!” she hissed. “You’re the Devil’s work! I’ll pray for you, evil child!”

I started running. Out of the library, down the corridor, and into a bathroom stall. I locked the door behind me. My heart thundered in my chest and my face was prickly hot. I tried to calm down, tried to catch my breath.

I don’t know how long I was in there before the school counselor found me and took me back to her office. Bells had rung and the school was empty. I didn’t mention what had happened, and she just assumed that I was having trouble adjusting to school.

A few days later Kate had a talk with me.

“Dr. Mortimer called me today and said he thinks it’s time for you to take the next step in your rehab.”

“What?” I said. “What does that mean?”

“Well, he thinks you’re making good progress but that things would move even faster if you started seeing, ah, someone.”

She seemed strangely nervous.

“Seeing someone?” I said, feeling more than a little confused. “What’s he talking about? You mean like dating?”

“No, like a, well, a psychiatrist,” she said. “He knows someone who’s supposed to be really good. It might help you get some of your memories back, which would help you move on.”

I could tell by her voice that she expected me to put up a fight. I knew the counselor had probably called her and one thing had led to another. They were all conspiring behind my back. I had a right to be mad if I wanted to be.

But it didn’t hit me that way. A lot of people already thought I was a freak or crazy anyway. So it wasn’t like I had to worry about my reputation if somebody found out or anything. And I wasn’t sure it would help, but on the other hand I felt like I didn’t have anything to lose.

“Okay,” was all I said.

And that’s how I started seeing Dr. Krowe.

CHAPTER 3

“Hey, Craigers,” Jesse said as he walked up to me.

I was standing by my locker, pretending to look for a book, buying some time. Amanda and her friends were down by the doors and I was hoping they would head out so I wouldn’t have to pass them. I was relieved to see him walk up.

“Hey, Jesse,” I said.

He adjusted his hat. For the eight years I had known him, I only had seen Jesse without a baseball cap a few times. One of those times was when he stood over my hospital bed. I hadn’t even recognized him then.

“Let’s get a burger,” he said.

“Can’t. Have a shrink appointment. Want me to drop you somewhere?”

At least I was still able to drive, which came in handy since Jesse smashed up his car last year. He was a real speed demon and apparently his dad knew that too because the car was still not fixed.

He tipped his hat up and sighed.

“C’mon. You have half an hour. I’ll eat fast.”

I shrugged. I was usually a little late anyway and I was hungry.

“All right, but let’s get going.”

I wrapped my arm in his as we walked down the hall, past the girls and whispers. Jesse was the only friend I had left these days, but that was okay.

Snow covered the streets and the cars in the parking lot. Everything was bright white. The weatherman had been on a roll.

“Good ‘boarding weather,” he said as he got into my Jeep. “Maybe we should ditch school tomorrow and head up to the mountain.”

“It’s not even open yet,” I said. It was too early to even think about snowboarding up at Mt. Bachelor. “There are still some leaves on the trees!”

“Oh, we could find our own hills. Think out of the box,” he said.

“All right, maybe,” I said.

He fiddled with the radio and found Metallica and blasted it. Jesse loved heavy metal. He got that from his dad, who owned a garage at the edge of town and listened to that music as he fixed Harleys. Jesse worked with him in the summers and after school sometimes.

I put the Jeep into four-wheel drive and made it out of the parking lot.

“How you feeling today, anyway?” he asked as I slowly drove on the slick streets.

Driving in the snow always made me a little nervous.

“Good, why?” I asked.

“I don’t know. You look kinda pale and sad,” he said, doing a Lars Ulrich drum solo with his hands on his long, skinny legs.

“I’m fine,” I said.

We pulled into the lot.

A warm fire was raging in the center of Pilot Butte
Drive-In
. There were already kids from school at some of the tables. I waved as I walked by and grabbed a booth close to the flames while Jesse ordered.

“You want to sit with us?” Tina asked.

“No, thanks. We’re good over here.”

She shrugged. Jesse soon followed and sat down with his food.

“You sure you don’t want anything?” he said.

“Just your fries,” I said. “As usual.”

We talked about basketball for a while, about how the team was looking this year. Jesse was a starting forward and their star player.