Forty-Four Box Set, Books 1-10 (44) (174 page)

He smiled.

“But I insist that it’s the last freebie. I want you and Paloma to start making the big bucks so you can open that hot chocolate bar you’ve been talking about.”

“Already happening,” he said, walking back over to the counter and fluffing his hair. “We’re starting up a food cart this winter. Or should I say a Cocoa Cart. I put a down payment on one and got the permit for a corner spot downtown. We’re toying with the idea of calling it ‘If It’s Lyle’s, You’ll Love It.’ You know, like the country singer?”

“Except instead of a large band, you have large hair,” I said.

“Oh, yeah. That’s right.”

“Well, that sounds awesome,” I said. “I’ll be sure to stop by all the time.”

Mo came in, we exchanged a few jabs about boyfriends, and the rest of the afternoon drifted by at a good clip.

I signed out, said goodbye, and headed over to Dr. Krowe’s office.

CHAPTER 65

A lot of time had passed since I was a scared seventeen-year-old sitting in his office. All that felt like a lifetime ago, with so many ghosts and killers and visions under the bridge. And yet here I was, back again, still talking about Jesse.

 “Hi, Abby,” Dr. Krowe said as he opened the door.

I headed over to the two leather chairs facing each other by the large window. But as I moved to my usual place, he stopped me, insisting that we switch seats.

“We’re just chatting like old friends today, right?”

I smiled, although I wasn’t so sure.

We talked for a few minutes about the engagement party. I asked him if he was serious about the woman he had brought, and he said he was, but added that he doubted he would ever get married again.

“It’s not for everyone,” he said but then paused, his eyes suddenly growing big. “I mean, not that
you
shouldn’t get married. I’m speaking for myself you understand.”

“I understand,” I said. “My mom would have agreed with you on that for sure. But how does your girlfriend feel about it?”

He shrugged sheepishly.

“Check back with me in a few months.”

I sat back, looking at the herd of deer outside trudging through the trees.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked after the small talk ran its course.

“Do you think you can love two people in the same way at the same time?”

He crossed his legs and rested his chin in his hand.

“Are we talking about romantic love?”

I nodded.

“I think love has many forms, many manifestations,” he said. “There are cultures, both past and present, which embrace the idea of multiple partners for a variety of reasons. Some are under the radar of the law, but they still practice what they believe in secret.”

“No, I don’t mean in terms of religion or the law. I mean in terms of the heart.”

“I’m assuming you’re talking about Ty and…”

I nodded my head slowly, afraid to meet his eyes.

“And Jesse?”

“And Jesse,” I said.

He didn’t judge it, I could tell by the way he was looking at me when I finally looked up. It was comforting to have a friend like that, someone who knew me through and through. And who believed that I saw Jesse’s ghost.

“I slept with Jesse,” I blurted out.

It felt crazy to say the words out loud. It hurt my ears.

“What do you mean?” Dr. Krowe asked.

“In a dream a few nights ago, I slept with him for the first time ever. And it’s left me…” I took in a breath.  “Confused.”

My eyes drifted around the office, staring at the picture of a sailboat up on the wall, and then on the globe in the corner.

“But you say it was in a dream?” he said. “Abby, people have all types of dreams and it doesn’t mean…”

“I guess I don’t know if it was just a dream. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

The words hung in the air like glue and I could feel tears pool up in my eyes. It was at the heart of what was bothering me. What I feared most. That our night together had been real and not a dream. That it was just like everything else I did with Jesse’s ghost. Play basketball, talk at the track, walk through the woods.

 “It
felt
so real. It felt the same as when…”          

I stopped, dropping the sentence and letting it die on the floor. I reached for a tissue, the box still there, always on the table between the chairs. I blew my nose and drew a long breath.

He nodded.

“Was this something you wanted to happen?” he said.

“In the dream or whatever I wanted it very much. But when I woke up, I felt terrible. Guilty. I love Ty. And I never want to hurt him. And it would, if I told him what happened, it would hurt him, Dr. Krowe. In the light of day, it just all feels so wrong. That’s why I need it to be a dream, because I wanted to be with Jesse. I didn’t stop it. So if it’s not a dream, then it means that I cheated on Ty.”

He pushed his glasses up on his face and sat back.

“Well, this is new territory for me,” he said. “Obviously, I’m in no position to comment on whether it was a dream or not. But perhaps it doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean?”

He paused for a moment before continuing.

“Maybe it’s time to analyze your feelings about both Jesse and Ty. That seems to be at the root of it all, regardless of what happened or didn’t happen that night.”

I hadn’t really thought of it that way.

“Well,” I said without hesitating. “I love them both.”

“So it brings us back to your original question about loving two people in the same way at the same time,” he said.

I nodded.

“I think you’ve just answered that.”

“What do you mean?”

“We all have our own set of values that as a result of nature and nurture we develop over the course of our lifetime,” he said. “These values guide us. They reside deep inside and if you stray from them, they’ll let you know about it. That’s when emotions like guilt appear. So if you’re feeling conflicted about being with Jesse, and clearly you are, then that means that somewhere deep inside, you don’t believe that it’s right for you to love two people like that at the same time. It violates your mores.”

“Mores?”

“Your code of living. It doesn’t mean that it’s wrong, you understand, it just means that
you
think it’s wrong.”

I took in a long breath.

“So you’re saying I have to choose between them?” I said slowly.

“No, I think you’re saying that. And in the end, you have to trust yourself.”

“Okay,” I said.

“As hard as it might seem right now, maybe this dream is a good thing. It’s providing you with an arena in which to work out something that perhaps, until now, you’ve refused to face. You’ve thought that you could make it work, having both of them in your life, but the truth may be it isn’t really working at all.”

I sighed again and stared at my ring.

“I think you should welcome this dream, this event, because it has shed light on a deeper problem that’s been bothering you. And it’s given you a chance to finally decide who you want to be with.”

“No easy answers then,” I said.

“Exactly, Abby. But sometimes that’s the best road to be on. Because it’s the true road.”

“Okay,” I said, standing up. “Thanks.”

“Anytime you need to talk, my door is always open.”

I reached over and gave him a hug.

CHAPTER 66

I stopped at the farmer’s market by Drake Park and walked stand to stand, fighting the crowds, thinking about bailing and just going home.

It was packed full of summer people, each in their own world, shuffling around, standing in lines, carrying recyclable bags from Trader Joe’s or Natures, looking at the produce like placid zombies. A couple of scruffy, hairy men were sitting up against a brick wall by the stores, playing guitars and singing Bob Dylan. Kids were everywhere, on bikes and in strollers, laughing and crying. It was a complete zoo.

But I really wanted a bag of fresh peaches so that I could make a couple of cobblers. One for dessert and another for Bob Willis. And I wanted some corn for the grill tonight, and red and yellow peppers for the pizza tomorrow.

I endured, picking up a small jar of ginger pineapple jam as a reward. As I waited in line, my arms full of produce and wishing for the first time in my life that I had one of those bags, I replayed what Dr. Krowe had said. There were no answers or epiphanies, but at least I felt a little better. If nothing else, it was good to get it off my chest. Again.

I paid, walked back to the car, and drove home. When I got into the house, I opened all the windows so the cool air would blow out the stagnation. It was just after five and I was free for the night. I checked my messages. Kate called, saying things were going well. Ty had called too.

“Sorry, babe, but I have to cancel on you tonight. We’ve got an emergency here with the machinery. Looks like I’ll have to pick up a part in Portland. I’m leaving with Marty at three. Call me when you get a chance. I promise to make it up to you tomorrow. Love you.”

I was disappointed, but maybe it was for the best. I agreed with what Dr. Krowe had said about making a decision. But I wasn’t going to make it tonight. Tonight I would watch TV and try not to think about any of it.

I called Ty back but got no answer. He was probably up at the pass without reception. I left a message, telling him I loved him too.

I changed, watered the plants, sorted the mail, and did some quick housework before heading to the kitchen. I decided to go ahead and make one cobbler, for Bob Willis. I brought out the flour, sugar, butter, and cinnamon and sliced the peaches into even pieces. I had a slice, happy with the ripeness.

I mixed everything, cut the butter into the flour, brought it all together before putting it into the oven. I closed the windows and set the alarm while I waited. The timer went off and I took out the cobbler and placed it on a rack to cool.

I had just sat down in front of the television when the phone rang.

CHAPTER 67

“Hi, Abby, Ben Mortimer here. Hey, Thomas Richardson is asking for you. They’re taking him away in the morning and he wanted to see you. Do you think you could stop by?”

I thought about calling Bob Willis and clearing it with him first, but then decided to just go. I covered the cobbler with tin foil, changed, and grabbed my keys.

As I drove down the dark streets, I thought about Ben. I suddenly remembered one of the voices I had heard in one of the visions. The voice belonged to a sad drunk sitting at a bar, crying because a woman had left him. Could it have been Ben? Had his drinking forced Kate to leave him?

The hospital parking lot was almost empty at that hour. The fourth floor was a ghost town, one nurse sitting at the circular desk, busy with paperwork. She didn’t look up when I walked by.

There was no security guard in front of Thomas Richardson’s room and after I opened the door, I saw why. The bed was empty.

“Abby,” I heard softly behind me.

I turned and saw that it was Ben.

“Hi,” I said. “What room is he in?”

“Follow me.”

We walked down the hall, my shoes squeaking on the shiny linoleum, breaking the silence. Ben was in a white coat. He seemed stiff, oddly formal, and quiet. He didn’t say a word until we got to the door at the very end of the corridor. He stopped, pulled out a set of keys, and unlocked it.

“He’s in here?” I said.

“I have to pick something up,” he said. “This is my office. I thought we could talk.”

His energy moved around him in gray circles.

He stepped into the dark room and headed over to a corner desk. He didn’t turn on any lights, but the open blinds let in the moonlight. It looked more like a laboratory than an office. A long steel table ran down the length of the room with several small stations with microscopes, rows of test tubes, computers, and other assorted medical equipment.

“So what is it you do in here?”

He grabbed something, slipped it in his coat pocket, and walked back over to me.

“Oh, Abigail, come, come,” he said, smiling. “These items must seem familiar to you of all people. From our time together on that island?”

His eyes glistened now like a cat as a dark energy poured out from him.

CHAPTER 68

I gasped.

I staggered back, my heart thundering, as fear surged inside me like a hundred-foot tidal wave. I forced air into my lungs, trying to reconcile the words with the face, trying to make sense of the monster standing in front of me. It was Ben, the same hair, the same face, the same body. But the words belonged to someone else.

My arm hit a rack of test tubes and sent it crashing to the floor.

“Careful now,” he said. “We wouldn’t want you to spill blood all over Benjamin’s office. I’ve missed you, Abby. It’s been much too long.”

My gut knew it before my mind. I almost vomited on the spot.

“Oh, my God,” I said, putting my hand over my mouth. “Nathaniel…
It can’t be
.”

He smiled.

“I don’t see why it should come as such a shock. Didn’t you learn anything from our brief time together? When last we met surely you must have sensed that… it was only the beginning. It is always the beginning, Abby. Death is a poor opponent indeed when matched against my will and the passion I feel for my research.”

The room was spinning now and I sucked desperately for air. Black terror swept through me. I wanted to scream, wanted to cry, or yell, or do something other than just stand there staring at him.

But I could do nothing. I was frozen, frozen in fear.

CHAPTER 69

I backed up again, my shoes crushing the glass on the floor.

“I wanted to show you what I’m capable of now,” Nathaniel said. “And to once again invite you to join me, Abby. To work with me, bringing our two worlds together. Help me assume my rightful place in the universe.”