Forgive Me (Callaway Book 2) (5 page)

"She wouldn't hurt a fly. I'll call them tomorrow then," she told him, slapping his arm playfully.

They spent the next hour going through every room and every repair that needed to be done, and with each item they added, Amanda felt her stress levels climb. There was no way she would ever be able to afford all of this; she'd be lucky if she could manage to fix one thing. When they finished touring the outside of the house, she sat down on the front steps and buried her head in her lap. She was so overwhelmed; she didn't know what to make of her emotions.

"Mandy, it's going to be fine." She heard Drew's voice but it made no difference because no matter how many times he told her that, she knew it wouldn't be.

"No, it's not, Drew. I can't even afford to do one of the things on that list. I'm so broke it's not even funny."

He used his hand to tilt her head up, forcing her to look at him, "Look at me, it's going to be fine. You have me and my brothers, and we're going to get this done, Mandy. I'll talk to the Thompsons, and I'm sure they'll want to help out, too." He sounded so sure of everything that she wanted to hang on to his every word.

"I can't even afford the materials, Drew, that's how broke I am." She knew she sounded defeated, but she didn't care. At that very moment in time, it was exactly how she felt.

"Let's not worry about that, for now." She should push him about what Cole had up his sleeve, but didn't have it in her.

The happiness she felt earlier with Drew was gone. All she could think about was how she was going to come up with the money to fix the house. "This is all just one big disaster. First, my dad dies, leaving me with a mountain of bills. Then I have to move back into the home I grew up in, to find it is all but ruined, and then you have to be even hotter than you were five years ago, and it's not fair."

She felt his hands rubbing circles on her back, and her body and mind calmed down a bit. "Mandy, take a breather. That's it, breathe for me." He didn't acknowledge her comments about him being hotter, but she knew by the amused look on his face that he'd heard every word.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose it like that. I'm just tired."
How much more embarrassing can this night get?

"It's okay. You don't have to be strong all the time, you have me."

Have him. Those two words set her off because she
didn't
have him. She didn't have anybody but herself. "But I don't have you, Drew. We're not together anymore. Hell, we're not even the same people we were five years ago. Looking at you today, working on that fence, I realized how selfish asking you to come with me was. You belong here but me, I don't even know who I am anymore, Drew. I had a great job in the city but no friends, no one in my life. Hell, I've never even had sex because no one was you."

"What?" he asked her, shock lacing his voice.

Oh, no, she couldn't believe she had just said that to him. She covered her face with her hands, hoping she was dreaming because there was no way she could ever look at him after telling him she was still a virgin. "Oh, God, no, no, no, no, no! You need to leave." She couldn't even look at him after blurting that out.

"You're a virgin?" he asked, disbelief in every word.

She jumped to her feet and headed for the door, desperately needing for him to not be there in that moment. "Drew, please, just leave." She wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out.

"Mandy." She heard her name as she closed the door in his face. Then she headed straight for her bedroom, which she would never leave and quite possibly die of embarrassment in.

Drew stood on Amanda's front porch for what seemed like hours after watching her run back inside. His mind was still reeling from what she had told him. She was still a virgin. She was still a virgin because she wanted him. He didn't know what to make of that except to be so freaking happy it should be illegal. The only girl he'd ever love was still untouched; she hadn't been claimed by any other man. She wanted him. He looked down at Tango, who sat on all fours beside him. "She's going to be the death of me."

The dog barked, and Drew laughed. "You're right, I wouldn't have it any other way." The dog barked some more. "She's always going to be mine. It just might take some work to make her see that."

He drove home, despite his better judgment. After Amanda's confession, the last thing he wanted to do was leave her, but he knew better than to push her.

Cole was waiting for him on the front porch when he got home and as much as he would die for his brother, he really didn't feel like getting into it with him.

"I know you don't want to talk to me right now. Hell, I wouldn't want to talk to me either if I were you. I was way out of line earlier, and I'm fucking sorry for what I said. I know how much you gave up when I left, and I want you to know I
am
fucking proud of the man you've become. Dad would be, too." Drew had seen his brother do many things and apologize more times than he could count, but the emotion in Cole's voice as he spoke to him was something he'd never heard before.

"Man, Jamie has made you soft," he told him, trying to hide just how much his words meant to him.

"Shut up." His brother shoved him and they both laughed.

"Amanda is a sore subject for me, and I know I haven't lived up to how you raised me, to how Dad would have raised me, but I'm trying. I want to be better for me and for this family, but most of all, I want to be better for her."

"What really happened between you two?" Cole asked.

Just thinking back to the night where it all went to hell made him uneasy. The memory of her driving away was stamped forever in his head; he would never forget it.

"She liked it here, you know, but she always talked about moving away. She wanted to go to the city and explore life outside of Montana. I always thought it was all talk, something she just dreamed about. On graduation night, she had her truck all packed up and was leaving town. She asked me to go with her, but I couldn't leave." He felt like he was back in time, his heart breaking all over again as he relived the memory he wished he could forget.

"Because I was in Afghanistan." The hurt in Cole's voice was palpable. He knew his brother felt responsible, but the truth of the matter was he could never leave the ranch. It was everything to him.

"You did what you had to do, and I did the same. I couldn't leave, Cole. This place is everything I am. I never wanted to leave. I never wanted anything more. Dad built this place for Mom and for us, and I want my kids to grow up here, to grow up on this land. So she left, and she never came back." He finally understood why she had to leave after talking with her earlier in the evening. He just hoped she had found whatever she went looking for, because he couldn't lose her again.

"Until now…. What are you going to do?"

He didn't hesitate to answer. "Make her fall in love with me again."

Chapter Three

After a night
of tossing and turning, the last thing Drew wanted to do was get out of bed and face the music. He couldn't stop replaying his conversation with Cole from the night before, and as much as he wanted to make Amanda fall back in love with him, he had no clue how to go about it. For a self-advertised ladies' man, he sure as hell wasn't thinking like one when it came to Amanda. She wasn't just some girl he was trying to woo into a one-night stand; she was the one girl he was trying to woo into forever. No matter how hard he tried convincing himself that this wasn't the right thing, that he should let her go, he couldn't do it. After spending time at her place and seeing her, feeling her so close to him, there was no way he could ever let her go. They had something special once, and he would be damned if he would give in without a fight.

When his alarm started beeping, he shut it off and rolled off the bed, ready to get down to work and hopefully have a break from his own thoughts. He walked into the kitchen and smiled at the sight of his mom over the oven, making pancakes, with his brother, John, making coffee. To a lot of people, four grown men living in the same house—well, three since Cole and Jamie had moved into the cabin—was a weird arrangement, but for Drew, it was all he knew. He wouldn't trade his choices for anything in the world. This was where he belonged, where his heart belonged, and there was no denying that type of connection.

"Morning, Mom. How did you sleep?" He walked around the island in the middle of the kitchen and kissed his mom on the cheek.

"Like Sleeping Beauty, honey. How about you? You look like you didn't get much rest." He should have known better than thinking his mom wouldn't see right past him.

"I've had better nights, but I'm fine, Mom. I just have a lot on my mind right now." He prayed like hell that his mom wouldn't push him for more information.

"You want coffee, man?" John's voice was thick with worry, and he hated that they hadn't made things right since their argument. They weren't the kind of family who stayed angry with each other, or the type who didn't clear arguments; that just wasn't how they were.

He walked over to where his brother stood. "Are we good?"

John looked at him, and for a brief second, he thought he was about to tell him to go to hell, but what he said next left him speechless. "We're brothers, Drew. No matter how bad we screw up, no matter what shit happens, we're brothers. We're always good. Nothing is ever going to change that."

"You remind me so much of Dad." And that was the honest truth. John was the one who had inherited their dad's deep soul way of thinking. Almost philosophical-like, there was nothing John couldn't fix using words, and their dad had been the same.

"You all have a little bit of your father in you. John thinks just like he did—deep, emotional but rational. Your father always had an answer for everything, just like you do. Cole inherited your father's sense of responsibility. He takes on so much, cares for this family. Nick has the same free spirit as your father, and the need to run wild and free is part of who he is. Becca's heart is so pure and feels everything so deep, and your father was like that. And you, baby, you inherited his passion for this land. Your father couldn't be torn away from this land, no matter what. It was part of who he was, just like it's part of who you are. But more than that, you all inherited something else from him: your heart. You all love fast and hard, and when your heart belongs to someone, it's theirs forever."

Drew listened to his mom and let her words sink in before speaking up. "I miss him so much, Mom. Sometimes, when I'm working out on the land, I swear I can see him right there beside me, telling me how to fix the fence. Do you think you could ever move on, Mom? Fall in love with another man?"

"Oh, baby, your father was the only man I have ever given myself too, and he is the only man I
could
ever truly give my heart to. When you fall in love with a Callaway man, you never fall out of it. Maybe that's the answer you're looking for."

"Maybe," he answered, but the truth was he really didn't know what he was looking for.

John piped up just then. "I was talking to Abby the other day, and she told me Amanda has been spending her time either at the diner or at home. She thinks she's working herself to the bone trying to forget something. I'm no expert, Drew, but what you two had back in high school was hot and heavy. It was hard and fast, and that kind of love doesn't just go away with time. It just adds to the fire." Sometimes, he hated how smart his brother could be, nothing got past the man.

And there it was, the question he was desperately trying to avoid. Would what they had back then still be there after all this time? He didn't want to go down that road this morning, especially not in front of his mom. He looked at his brother with a smile and turned the tables on him "You were talking to Abby?"

John sighed, and Drew had to bite back a laugh. "That's what you got from that? Selective hearing much?" His brother all but barked at him, and that told him a lot more than any words he could have said.

What was going on between John and Abby?
That
was something he could talk about. "Man, it's not every day your reclusive brother talks about a woman."

"Fuck off, Drew." John shoved him back against the counter, and all Drew could do was laugh. There was definitely something going on there.

"John Callaway, watch that language."

John flipped him the finger, careful not to let their mother see the gesture, before walking toward the woman they all cherished more than anything in this world. "Sorry, Mom."

Drew decided he'd put his brother in the spotlight long enough when his mom gave him a knowing stare that told him to stop avoiding the question. He filled his cup of coffee before sitting down at the kitchen table, where they'd shared more talks, dinners and arguments than he could recall. "I don't want to push her too fast but, man, she shared something with me, and I can't get that out of mind."