Forever In Love (10 page)

Emily could feel the tears streaming down her face as she ran, not paying any attention to where she was going. Finally, she came to a stop, leaning against a streetlight that sat halfway between her house and…

“No,” Emily said, shaking her head and wiping her cheeks roughly with the back of one hand, “I was
not
running toward Michael’s house. I wasn’t.”

With her family staring at her like that, and with Michael doing crazy things like trying to propose to her, the home that had always felt so safe had become a place to escape from. She’d had to get away.

Gus stood on his hind legs, and she bent down so that he could lick the tears from her cheeks. “What am I going to do?”

“You could start by not running away again.” Emily turned at the sound of her grandmother’s voice. She had been so upset that she hadn’t heard Grams approaching. “Honestly, running after you today was much harder than it was when you were a little girl.”

“Grams, I’m so sorry.”

“Hush now.” Grams gathered Emily close. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“But Michael and I—”

“Didn’t I just tell you that you have nothing to apologize for?” She said it in her
I’m your grandmother, do what you’re told
voice.

Emily found herself a little surprised at just how comforting that voice was. It reminded her of times when she’d been looking after her sisters and one of them had gotten out of hand enough that Emily hadn’t been able to control things. Grams had always stepped in and managed the situation. Just like she obviously intended to do right now.

“Yes, Grams,” Emily said, because it was the only thing she
could
say when her grandmother sounded that certain about something.

“Now,” her grandmother said, moving to Gus and stroking behind his ears, “who’s this little guy?”

“His name is Gus,” Emily said.

Her dog took that as his cue to roll onto his back to have his tummy tickled. Grams obliged, drawing a delighted bark from the dog.

“Where did he come from?”

“Michae—” His name got caught in her throat as all of his words of love, and all of the pleasure she’d found in his arms last night, swirled around and around inside of her. “We found him wandering around at the garden plot. At first I didn’t think it would be possible to keep him.”

“But Michael talked you into it,” Grams guessed. “Because he knew how much you wanted a dog.”

As Emily nodded, Gus moved to sit beside her, and she put a protective hand on his head between his ears. “I know that Paige has allergies, but I was hoping we could figure something out.”

Grams waved that concern away. “Of course Gus can stay. Did you think I was going to ask you to get rid of him?”

Suddenly, Emily felt like a little girl again. Asking her grandmother if she could keep the dog she’d found. Running away because her sisters and father had just seen the man they’d thought of as a brother coming downstairs from Emily’s bedroom.

“Everyone must be so upset with me right now.” Emily sat down, there on the curb, with Gus nuzzling up against her. To her surprise, Grams sat down, too.

“Why would anyone be upset with you?”

“I slept with Michael!” Even saying the words was hard. Hard enough that she had to practically shout to get them out.

“Yes. And?”

That took Emily a little aback. She stared at her grandmother. “Why aren’t you horrified?”

Grams put a warm and very comforting arm around her. “Why do you think your sisters would be at all upset that you slept with Michael?”

Grams might as well have asked Emily why she thought the sky was blue. “Because he’s like a brother to all of them.” Why couldn’t Grams see this? “Because it will ruin things, change things. Because if things go wrong, then they’ll have to choose sides, and it will tear this whole family apart, and they’ll hate me for it.”

“First of all,” her grandmother said in a very gentle voice, “do you seriously believe that any of your sisters could hate you?”

“They said it enough times growing up.”

“That’s because you were always there to do what they
needed
, even if it wasn’t what they always
wanted
. So now I’m going to tell you what
you
need to hear. And, honestly, I think it is exactly what a part of you wants to hear, too.” Her grandmother held her gaze, looking as serious—and as full of love—as she ever had. “Let’s start with the obvious: Your sisters know all about what you and Michael feel for one another, that you love each other deeply. They have for years. They don’t hate you for sleeping with him. They’re
happy
for you, darling.”

“But we were…”

“The two people they loved the most as children. Why wouldn’t they want both of you to be happy?”

Emily swallowed hard. “They’ve really known for years?”

“Of course they have. It wasn’t exactly hard to spot.” Grams smiled again. “Well, for most of us.” She stroked her hand over Emily’s back in a soothing motion as she continued with, “Tell me something. Why did you run here?”

Emily shook her head. “It wasn’t…this wasn’t where I was planning to end up.”

“Where
were
you going then?”

“It’s going to sound stupid,” Emily said, because even in her head it sounded that way. Aloud, it would probably sound far worse.

“I’ve seen you behave in all kinds of ways over the years. I’ve seen you happy and sad. I’ve seen you trying to help people, and I’ve seen you when you’ve gone too far with that. There have been times when I’ve worried that you’ve been overprotective, or too determined to have things your way, or that you haven’t wanted to take the risks you needed to in order to be happy. But I have never, ever thought of you as stupid. So why don’t you try me?”

“I was…” Even with Grams pushing her, it was hard to say it. “I was running toward Michael’s house. Toward him, because that’s what I always do when I’m in trouble. And at the same time, I was running away from him.” She sighed, a sound that seemed to come from way down deep within her soul. “Which is why I’m stuck here now in the middle, with nowhere to go.”

“There are plenty of places you could have gone,” Grams pointed out. “You could have gone into town. You could have gone to the school, or the beach. You could even have gotten on a ferry to Seattle and then taken a plane to…I don’t know, France, or some other exotic destination.”

“Instead,” Emily said, “I’m here, stuck between loving Michael and running away from his love.”

“So you do love him,” Grams said. It wasn’t a question. As she’d said before,
she
already knew the answer to that.

“Yes,” Emily said, and it felt good to finally say it. To finally admit it, both to herself and the woman she respected, and loved, most in the world. “I love him, Grams. I’ve always loved him. I can see that now.”

“But you’ve been telling yourself that you shouldn’t love him. That you
can’t
love him, because what if something goes wrong? What if you get hurt? What if he dies?”

“Grams!”

“I find,” her grandmother said in the face of Emily’s stunned reaction, “that one of the main benefits of getting old is that I can say pretty much anything I want to say. Besides, it needs saying. It’s what you’ve been thinking, after all.”

And, of course, Grams was right. Because just moments after admitting that she loved Michael, all the complications had come flooding back in. Her fears that loving someone wasn’t enough. And that, in the wrong circumstances, loving someone would only make things worse.

“Believe it or not,” Grams said, “I do understand. I lost your grandfather. And I had to watch what happened to my son after Ellen died. What happened to all of you. When Ellen died, it shaped all of you girls in different ways. With Rachel, it made her give up caring about being safe and careful for a while, until she went too far the other way. With Morgan, it drove her away from the island. It put Paige firmly in the dance studio. Even Hanna…she barely remembers her mother, but she remembers everyone trying to shield her from the pain of her passing. And you, Emily.” She pressed a kiss to her forehead. “It taught you that loving someone is dangerous. That it will hurt you.”

“Doesn’t it? Even if people don’t leave you by choice.”

“The thing you need to understand,” her grandmother said, “is that it’s the part where you’re together that matters. I’m not saying that it doesn’t rip your heart out when you lose someone you love, or when they leave. But believe me, it’s better than tearing it out yourself so you won’t ever risk feeling something.”

“But what if—”

Grams held up a hand. “You don’t get a guarantee. That’s not how life—or love—works. And if it did, I’m not sure that either would mean as much.”

Emily thought she could understand that. Even so, the thought of giving in to love while knowing it was the biggest risk in the world was a very difficult idea to wrap her mind around.

“If it helps,” Grams said, “I truly believe that you and Michael have the closest thing to a guarantee I’ve seen. After all, before last night you’d already been together in every way but a romantic one since you were children. Some love affairs, some happily-ever-afters, are just meant to happen. Yes, it’s terrifying at times, as if this alien part of you is going against everything that makes sense. It can feel like you’re falling apart, doing crazy things. It’s this strange, mad feeling. It’s complicated and it’s terrible and it’s selfish all at once, while also somehow managing to be the very, very best thing in the world. But, most of all, it’s worth it, Emily. Believe me on that. Love is always worth it.”

They hugged for a few wonderful moments, a hug swamped with emotion for both of them, and then Grams stood up. “I’m going to head back to the house. You stay here and think for a while. I’ll let everyone know where you are.”

“You want me to stay here?”

“Right here.” Grams nodded. “Unless you can think of a better place to think about that boy of yours?”

“He’s not a boy, Grams.”

“No,” Grams agreed. “He’s not. He’s a fine man, just as you’re a fine woman. And I’m very proud of both of you.”

As Grams walked back to the house, Emily stood up and turned to look at the empty lot behind her. Just that quickly, the memories came rushing at her.

She’d been arguing with Rachel. It was easy to do, with her sister running wild all over the island. And now Rachel had announced that she was leaving to go with Guy to the mainland. It had been an argument to end all arguments. Emily had had to walk out just to keep her cool. She’d stood right here, in the middle of the street, her hands balled into fists, because she couldn’t stay in the house without telling her sister how selfish she was being.

Emily spun around when she felt Michael’s touch on her shoulder. “Even if your father weren’t away, he probably wouldn’t be able to stop Rachel from going.”

“Dad’s useless.” Emily’s flat tone brooked no argument.

But Michael argued anyway. “He’s doing the best he can. And I don’t think your mom would have been able to stop Rachel, either.”

“I’m failing, Michael.” He was the only person Emily could have said this to. The only one she trusted with all of her feelings, both good and bad. “I feel like I’m failing.”

“You’re not failing. You’re doing great. But things with Rachel...it’s just not an easy situation. Not for anyone.”

Michael put his arms around her, then, and she finally let herself cry, knowing he would never tell anyone else that she had stopped being strong for a few moments.

This lot had been empty Emily’s entire life. Now, as Gus pressed up against her leg, she did her best to see the vision that Michael had for it. Those old house plans that she’d thought were long gone had been kept safe by him for years. She tried to imagine how those rough plans could be developed into a real home on this special site.

Could they ever produce something that felt more like a home than the Walker house did?

“Walker Island is just a place,” Morgan insisted, as she set her luggage at the front door, ready for the trip down to the harbor.

Emily looked her sister in the eye, determined to make one last attempt. “It’s home. How could you possibly want to leave?”

“Because there’s nothing here on the island for me,” her sister said. “Because I’ll never become famous just sitting on a lump of rock in the ocean.”

“But we’re your family,” Emily said. “We’re here for you.”

“And you’ll still be my family when I’m in New York.” Morgan shook her head. “Why can’t you understand this, Emily? Grams gets it. I’m going. That’s it.”

As soon as the door closed behind her sister, Michael moved to Emily’s side, and she needed to know. “Why didn’t you help me talk her out of it?”

Michael took her hand in his as he said, “Because people have to do the things that are in their hearts. She’ll be back someday. And, in the meantime, we’ll always be here, ready to welcome her back home when that day comes.”

Emily walked around the empty plot, getting a feel for the trees, the slope, the views. It had been vacant for so long that it was hard to imagine it any other way. It had
always
been that way. She’d wanted to believe that things never changed on the island.

Except, when she really made herself think about it, they always did change, faster and faster all the time.

“You’re going to take over Grams’ dance classes?” Emily asked as Paige strolled past her on the sidewalk, needing to hear her sister say it again because she hadn’t quite believed it the first time.

Paige grinned. “I already have, actually, this whole week.” She looked at her watch. “I’ve got to get going, or I’ll be late. I’ll see you at dinner.”

Emily watched her sister go, hurrying off down the road. She turned to Michael, who had walked up to their usual meeting point just in time to overhear the exchange of words.

“She’s been working toward this for years,” he said without prompting. “You know that she can dance, and dance well.”

“It’s just…when did Paige get old enough to start teaching classes? She’s growing up, Michael, and I didn’t even notice. What if her next step is to go get a part in a dance show and she leaves?”

Growing up and moving on—all her sisters would leave her one day, just as her mother had left, with grief stealing her father away, too.

Michael gently brushed her hair back from her cheek, before sliding his hand down to cover hers. “When Paige does leave, it will be for something or someone special. In the meantime, she’s here with us. Maybe we should do something special for her. This is a big deal.”

“You’re absolutely right. Paige needs to know I’m proud of her. I’m going to make her favorite red velvet cake.”

Emily smiled at the memory of Paige’s stunned expression when she and Michael had presented her with the huge layer cake. She had squealed with delight and had then got on the phone and called her friends, asking them to come over to share it. Michael had been right. It had been a moment to celebrate what Paige was gaining, not mourn the fact that she was growing up.

Emily looked at the plot of land again, comparing it to what she remembered of the house plan. If they turned the house ever so slightly, every window would have a beautiful view.

Could she and Michael do something like that together—build a house and build a life together?

It would be challenging, but given how many other things she and Michael had managed to do between them over the years, maybe building a house wouldn’t be that hard after all.

And maybe risking everything for love wouldn’t be that hard, either.

“Thanks for helping me with my things,” Hanna said.

Emily looked into the back of Michael’s truck. “Are you sure you need to take everything you own to college?”

“I’m going to be away for a while, and there’s no telling what I’ll need, so it’s better if I just take everything, right?”

Michael smiled at that. “There is a lot of stuff here, but then, you’ve never been one to travel light.” He lifted a big box of kitchen utensils into the truck. “You’re lucky Emily and I are here to help. Movers don’t come cheap!”

Hanna laughed and gave them both hugs. “If I make it to ninety, the two of you will still be here. Emily will be baking and bossing everyone around, and you’ll be fixing the kitchen sink and teasing Emily to keep her laughing.”

“I love you,” Emily said as she hugged her sister.

“I love you, Em. And you, too, Michael.” There was a mischievous glint in Hanna’s eyes as she added, “I think it’s fair to say that everyone here loves everyone else.”

“Don’t we have a ferry to catch?” Emily asked, checking her watch.

Michael nodded. “Don’t worry, we’ll make it.”

“All aboard then,” Hanna said. “Hey, did I tell you? I’ve been thinking of dyeing my hair…”

The fact that Emily’s family had known for a long time how much she and Michael were meant to be together was a sobering thought. Had she really been putting her own thoughts and dreams and wishes on the back burner for what now felt like forever?

Michael had been there to help her with practically every big decision she’d ever had to make. He’d been there to help with everything from maintaining the Walker house, to overseeing her sisters’ homework, to encouraging her when she got overwhelmed. He’d been there to help her and support her when each of her sisters had left home. With the exception of Grams and her father, Michael had been the only constant presence in her life.

He’d been by her side even when it seemed things could never go right again…

Emily leaned back against the streetlight, exhausted. After the day she’d just had, she felt entitled to a few minutes on her own. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, Michael was there, the way he always seemed to be when she needed him.

“How are you doing?” Michael asked.

Emily shook her head. He knew how things had been since her mother’s death.

“My dad’s gone off on a school trip. Rachel’s being impossible. Paige is always down at the dance studio. Morgan’s crying about something, and Hanna’s behind on a school project. I’ve tried to help them all, but I can’t. I don’t know how anymore.”

“They’re your sisters, not your children. You’re not supposed to know how.”

She felt Michael slip his hand into hers, the way he always did when she was upset, and that gave her strength and resolve.

“You don’t have to do it all alone. I’m here. Your grandmother is here. You need a break. Why don’t you come over to my house and I’ll make you some s’mores?”

Emily smiled. Maybe a gooey sugary treat was just what she needed.

That, and Michael right here by her side. Just the way he always was when she needed him.

Emily looked at Michael’s house down the street. How many hours had she spent there over the years playing with Lego blocks as kids and doing homework as teens and just talking as adults? He’d been there for her every day of her life. Just having him around made things feel better. But it wasn’t only because he was always so supportive and such a good friend.

It was more than that.

Much more than that.

“I love him,” Emily said, and the dog barked his support. “I know you know. I know everybody knows. I just…I guess I need to keep saying it to myself. Say it out loud. Because I’ve been
not
saying it for a long time. Way too long.”

“Louise asked you to the prom?” Emily asked as she and Michael walked home from school together. She was doing her best to hide her disappointment.

Michael looked at her, then nodded, but it was as if he was expecting Emily to say something in response. He’d been living with them for long enough now that Emily knew when there were things he wasn’t saying. Long enough, too, that Emily knew there were things she couldn’t say.

Things like how she felt about him.

They’d been drifting apart ever since Michael had moved in. But that wasn’t completely true. They’d been moving closer, as friends, but they’d also both been extra careful to keep their distance when they were around her sisters, so much so that they’d built up walls between them. Now, there were certain topics that they avoided, especially who they were or weren’t dating.

Now, with this news about Louise, Emily worried that she was losing him even more. There was a part of her that wanted Michael to decline Louise’s invitation. Because she wanted Michael to go to the prom with her instead. She wanted to ignore all the things they
ought
to do for once and just do the things they
wanted
to do.

“You don’t mind me going with her, do you?” Michael asked.

Forcefully shoving down all her forbidden longings, Emily made herself shrug and say, “Mind? Why would I mind?” Even though her throat ached so much that she almost couldn’t get the words out.

Had that been the start of all these years of stuffing down her true feelings? Was that when she’d first decided that she couldn’t say anything about how she felt about him? Is that when she’d decided that it would hurt her sisters and her family—and herself—too much to make Michael more than just a friend?

She’d met him so long ago, but she could remember with perfect clarity the first time her mom introduced her to Michael.

“Come on, Emily, you’ll enjoy yourself.” Her mother was holding her hand, leading her down the front steps of the house.

“I don’t want to go.” She pulled out of her mother’s grip just as they got to the streetlight, but Ellen Walker didn’t miss a beat as she scooped up Emily and carried her the rest of the way.

“Why don’t you want to go play at the Bennets?” her mother asked. “They’ve got a little boy, Michael, who’s exactly your age.”

“Boys are silly. Can’t I stay home and play with Grams?”

“Your grandmother’s busy,” her mom said. “Besides, you’ll like Michael.”

“You promise?”

“I promise. Now, why don’t you walk the rest of the way?”

Emily stood with her hand in her mother’s in front of the Bennets’ door, waiting for someone to answer. Mrs. Bennet opened the door, smiling down at Emily.

“Hi, you must be Emily.”

“She’s a little shy,” her mom said when Emily didn’t say anything.

“No, I’m not,” Emily insisted. “Boys are just silly.”

Mrs. Bennet laughed at that. “Michael’s in the living room. Come on in, you two.”

“Michael, this is Emily,” Mrs. Bennet said. “Her mother and I thought you might like to play together. I’m sure the two of you are going to be very good friends.”

Michael smiled at Emily as if she was the most beautiful, wonderful thing he’d ever seen...and in that moment, she knew that there was no one else in the world that she would rather be friends with than him.

“Do you want to play?” Michael asked.

Emily reached out to take his hand, and together they ran off into the backyard, already laughing.

And all these years later, Emily could finally see that they’d already been in love with each other, right from that very first moment.