For the Love of a Soldier (36 page)

Her cheeks flamed. After all they had done she shouldn’t be embarrassed. But it was disconcerting to awake to a naked, gorgeous man in bed with her. He watched her with a knowing look and for the first time in her life, Alex understood what that look meant.

She had surrendered everything.

They had made love not once, but twice. She had awakened earlier to the feel of his hands roaming over her body and his mouth cajoling her response. Her heart had taken flight and her body soon followed. Garrett made her feel more alive than she had ever been. Her body had been asleep, and Garrett’s touch had awakened it, turning her body into an instrument that only his touch knew the notes to make sing.

She would never be the same.

A shiver of fear slid over her. She had lost her head, her heart, and her innocence to this man. What more could he take from her that she could give?

She feared it was her soul.

“Good morning.” He brushed a strand of hair from her face and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

She caught sight of the bedside clock. The hour was early, near dawn. Relief flooded her. Once she garnered her courage, she could escape to her bedchamber without anyone knowing what had transpired. Except for she and Garrett. She would never forget. His touch was branded on her body. She would always relive the way his lips…

Her eyes snapped to Garrett’s when she heard his rumble of laughter.

“You’re thinking again.” Grinning, he shook his head. “I don’t approve of it so early in the morning, but if it’s a habit of yours, we’ll have to ensure your thoughts are about me.”

His hand cupping the back of her head, he leaned forward and thoroughly kissed her. She laid her hand against his bare chest but hadn’t the strength to push him away. The morning had yet to fully awaken, so why rush the day?

He drew back and scattered featherlight kisses along her cheeks, lowering his head to press his lips to a sensitive spot on her neck. Tipping her head back, she sighed.

Garrett smiled against her skin. “That’s better. We’ll have to make sure we wake up every morning like this. I don’t know if we’ll ever leave this room because I can’t get enough of you. Cook can send up our meals. I’ll make sure she sends peaches, lots of peaches because you know they are my favorite.”

His mouth slid down to the curve of her breast and her breath caught as he aroused a pliant peak.

“Kit and Brandon might worry.” She finally managed to find her voice in a halfhearted protest.

“I’ll have Stewart get rid of them and the boys. They were useful during the courtship, but now we’ll lock ourselves in here and make our own babies. You like children, so we’ll have a couple. A girl and a boy. One of each.”

“What?” Alex’s eyes flew open.

“All right, four, but no more.” His lips slid down her stomach and he spoke between kisses. “We’ll name our firstborn Arundel. He’ll demand to be called Wellington. Our next child will be a girl who is a practical, independent blue-eyed beauty who will climb trees and keep Wellington in line. She’ll be—”

Alex came alive and frantically shoved at Garrett, scrambling from his arms to flee the bed, nearly tripping in her flight. She scooped up her nightgown and held it to her, a cold chill seizing her.

Courtship? Babies? He was talking madness. Talking about a future that could never be.

Garrett sat up, swung his legs over the bed, and started to rise. “Alex, what—”

“Stop!” A hand shot out to ward him off. “Don’t come any closer. You don’t understand.” She blinked at the rush of tears blurring her vision, struggling to hold herself together. “I can’t. We can’t.” She shook her head frantically, her unbound hair hiding her face as she edged to the door. “You don’t understand.”

Garrett stared at her in his quiet manner. His lips pressed into a firm line and his eyes hardened. After a moment, he slowly rose to his feet.

She averted her gaze from his naked body, but her heart thundered. She never should have touched him.

He deserved more than what she could offer.

“What don’t I understand? Why don’t you explain? What exactly does all
this
”—his hand shot to the bed—“mean to you?”

“Everything! It means everything to me and let that be enough!” The tears she fought streamed down her cheeks and she swiped at them. “It’s not about us. It’s about me. I’ve given you all I can. There is no future for us because I can’t be what you want. What you deserve. I’m not free to be so. I…I belong to another.”

“What? Like hell you do!” Garrett exploded. “You belong to me!”

A cry escaped Alex and she backed away as he advanced on her, his expression thunderous. She sucked in a ragged breath and struggled to explain. “My uncle betrothed me to another. He made sure to give the illusion of it being consummated—”

“It damn well wasn’t,” Garrett swore. “Don’t take me for a fool. I know a virgin when I lie with one. You—”

“It doesn’t matter!” she cried, her eyes beseeching him to listen to her, to understand. “My uncle ensured I’d be ruined if I refused his betrothal agreement. And he succeeded. It wasn’t consummated, but the man spent the night in my room. Should I break my betrothal for another, my uncle vowed to spread word of my ruin.”

“Alex, it doesn’t matter. I love you, and I don’t give a damn what your uncle has done.”

She blinked at his words, her heart near bursting with the joy of them before the burdens she carried snuffed out the
spark of light. She looked away, shaking her head. “You don’t understand. It’s too late. My uncle has other men to testify that they lay with me as well. And…I can’t…” She closed her eyes.

“They lie!” Garrett barked. “I know it and you know it, so nothing they say can touch us. Alex, you—”

“No! I can’t! You still don’t understand.” Sobs broke from her.

“Then by God make me!” He held up his hands. “For I’ll be damned if I’ll give you up based on the lies and slanders of another!”

“You have to!” She cried and recoiled at the stricken look on his face. She needed to be merciful and end this for both their sakes. Clutching her nightgown, she pressed her fists to her heart to hold its broken pieces together. Exhausted, it took all her strength to speak. “I’m not like you, Garrett. You’re a soldier. You’re used to having shots taken at you. I’m not. And…my father, he…he was a notorious philanderer.”

She forced herself to finish, blinking furiously at the tears streaming down her cheeks. “And I hated him for it. I abhorred the parade of ladies, maids, and governesses whom he used and discarded like worn cravats. His reputation cut a wide swath and was hard earned, but by God, it won’t be mine! I won’t let it be. I can’t! You can’t ask that of me. No one can.” Her voice shook on her words.

She sighed and softened her tone as she beseeched Garrett to understand the finality of their situation. “More important, it’s not just me who will be ruined by my uncle’s accusations. My scandal touches my cousins. My ruin is their ruin. I can’t do that to them. My parents neglected to think of the consequences their behavior had on my life, forcing me to leave my school, friends I loved, and forfeit any thoughts of a Season. I won’t do that to my cousins. I won’t link their ruin to mine. Don’t ask me to.”

She blindly groped for the door behind her, whipped it open, and fled.

She locked the door behind her, collapsed against it, and crumpled to a boneless heap on the floor. Her cries tore from her as Garrett pounded the door, bellowing her name. She couldn’t open it. She hadn’t the strength.

It was too late for them.

It had always been too late.

“A
LEX!
D
AMN IT
, open this bloody door!” Garrett hurled his body at the cursed barrier, but the thick oak would not give. He slammed his fist against it. He wanted to kill someone and he knew damn well who. Alex’s conniving, manipulative bastard of an uncle.

He would die.

And it wouldn’t be pretty. Alex’s sobs drifting through the door were like added punctures to his already bleeding heart. He yanked at the doorknob, cursing it and his bruised fists.

Stepping away, he dragged his hands through his hair, pacing the room. This was not over. Alex was his and she damn well knew it. She wouldn’t be crying her heart out for a loss she didn’t mourn. She loved him even though she hadn’t said the words that he had bellowed like an idiot in the midst of his world crashing down around him. He closed his eyes, blew out a breath, and stood still.

This courtship had wreaked havoc on his sanity. Christ. But he had spoken true.

He loved Alex and he refused to give her up.

Alex did not believe she had the strength to fight for what she wanted, but he believed otherwise. She had mettle. He wouldn’t have fallen in love with her if she weren’t a fighter.

But she was afraid. Her uncle had threatened her, and her father had humiliated her. It was a formidable combination. Together he and Alex could overcome both. Once he killed her uncle, the odds were on their side.

He stomped to his wardrobe and began yanking out clothes. He needed to get dressed, pack a few items, and drag Brandon’s lazy arse out of bed. The man could make himself useful by helping bury the body. He’d take a few men with him for his protection, but with murder on his mind, anyone daring to confront him now wouldn’t survive the day.

When he returned, he’d tell Alex he loved her in normal decibels, get her to admit she loved him, inform her they were marrying, and then they’d start making those damn babies.

He stormed from the room and down the hall. It was a good thing a man only got married once in his life, for he didn’t think he could go through this again.

But Alex was worth it.

She was worth everything
.

A
LEX
grabbed a fresh nightgown and tossed it on, dragging herself into bed. She curled into a ball until she drifted into an exhausted sleep. A persistent banging had her jerking awake and blinking in confusion. She thought the noise was the pulsating throb in her head until she realized someone was knocking on her door and heard Kit calling her name. Sitting up, she pulled the sheets to her and answered. Despite her fervent desire to disappear, she felt compelled to face Kit and explain herself. She was done running and hiding.

Kit entered, took one look at her, crossed to the windows, and threw open the curtains.

Alex recoiled from the sunlight that streamed into the room. Groaning, she slid back under the covers and shielded her face beneath her arm.

“Here’s a sight. What in the world happened last night? I awoke to Garrett bellowing Brandon’s name. The next thing I know, the two idiots have packed their bags and ridden off to murder your uncle.”

Alex shot up in bed, horrified.

Kit waved her concerns away. “They won’t be killing anyone.
I warned them I refused to raise my boys under the shadow of their father and uncle swinging from nooses at Newgate.”

Alex collapsed back into her pillows and closed her eyes. She felt the bed dip as Kit sat beside her.

“Alex, honey, what is it?” She asked gently, all levity gone. What on earth happened last night that has Garrett swearing murder and my normally rational husband vowing to dispense with the body?”

Alex flung her arms around Kit, burying her face in her shoulder. She thought she had cried herself dry, but there were more tears to be wrung from her yet.

After a few minutes, Kit eased back and handed her a handkerchief. She waited for her to dry her eyes before she prodded. “Alex, talk to me; perhaps I can help.”

Alex brushed a strand of hair from her face and struggled to decide where to begin. She supposed it began with her father, so she started there. Sighing, she told Kit of her father’s philandering ways, his gambling debts, and her mother’s devotion to her father in spite of all his faults. Lastly, she confided her determination to never be beholden to another.

It was this goal that had led her to rejecting all offers for her hand and had motivated her to accept Garrett’s mercenary arrangement. Then her voice broke. “It was easy for me to dismiss my suitors, for none of them were like Garrett.”